Chapter 1

ONE

So the craziest thing about being pledge master for the Lassiter chapter of Alpha Tau was that I'd never even wanted to be in a fraternity. Like, at all.

Insert record scratch here and cut back to three years ago. Let me set the scene: the Hill family home. The living room. Interior. Night. The cat has got into my mom's crochet basket and dragged strings of wool everywhere, like one of those whiteboards in a movie about a serial killer where bits of bright thread connect all the photographs. I'm looking at the carpet wondering which series of deaths our cat might be investigating, and meanwhile my dad has turned down the TV to signal that this is a Serious Talk and he is Imparting Wisdom. That's the scene; now, the dialogue:

I groaned and flopped back against the couch. "Jesus Christ, Dad, I don't want to be some fucking dudebro snapback-wearing Scumbag Steve douchebag, you know?"

"I understood some of that sentence," Dad said, but he didn't sound too sure. He sighed. "Listen, Monty Tate's son is in Alpha Tau, and he speaks very highly of them."

"Monty," I said. "Dad, you're legit taking life advice off someone unironically called Monty. Let that sink in for a minute."

Dad reached for the remote control. "Just think about it, Casey. If only because it's the best accommodation available on campus."

And so, when I went to Lassiter, I thought about it. I thought about how I likely wouldn't fit in with the guys from Alpha Tau. I thought about how most of them were from the southern part of the state with its old money and older attitudes—and proud of it—whereas I was from the part that wished really, really hard it was on the other side of the Potomac. I'd grown up in Arlington, a Democrat stronghold since forever, with liberal-as-fuck parents who believed in crazy shit like equal rights and science, and Dad actually thought I'd have anything in common with a bunch of southern Virginians? I didn't know what would be worse: frat boys, good old boys, or whatever the fuck happened when you mixed those two together. But I'd promised my dad I'd think about it, and so I turned up to that first party in rush week, prepared to hate every second of it.

And those Alpha Tau fuckers had the audacity to be nothing like I'd expected.

Like, they had been, once. Of course they had been. This was Virginia. But somewhere along the way, things had changed.

"Hey," a guy had said that first night, slapping me on the back. "You a freshman? My name's Marshall. Grab a drink. Hang around. Get to know us."

It had been weird, friendly, and not at all like I was expecting. Wasn't I supposed to be hazed in the basement and then accidentally die of alcohol poisoning? But, in the first shock of the evening, it turned out that Alpha Tau didn't just pay lip service to all that "no hazing" stuff. They actually meant it. And so I'd hung around, and it hadn't taken long to figure out they were a decent bunch of guys. Turned out they actually meant all the stuff about being inclusive too.

Over the course of the week, I'd found myself coming back a second time, and when they'd invited me, a third. And when they'd extended a bid, I'd surprised even myself by accepting. And I got super interested in the fraternity history stuff that my big brother quizzed me on, because by knowing that history—the stories of the guys who'd come before me—it was like I could see how Alpha Tau had transformed itself; this microcosm of society that every instinct in me told me should have stayed frozen because a fraternity was usually the last place anything changed. But because past brothers had pushed, Alpha Tau had shifted a little here, a little there, and each tiny step, however hard fought, had laid the path for who they were today. And that felt like something really important.

Something I could be a part of.

Okay, so it hadn't been like an instant realization. It had taken a while and a shitload of reflection on both my behavior and that of the past brothers, but eventually I'd figured out exactly what sort of Alpha Tau I wanted to be. I wanted to be one who pushed. So when I was offered the position of pledge master after the previous guy transferred, I grabbed the chance with both hands, and I'd been doing it ever since.

And I tried to remember that this was important and meaningful and that I was shaping the future as I stapled celebrity names to elastic headbands so tonight's freshmen could play dumb guessing games to get to know each other. And so we could get to know them too, see how they interacted, and figure out if they'd be a good fit when we offered bids.

Rush week was mad busy. Not only did we have to host three parties, but we had to compete with every other house on Fraternity Row, all of whom were doing the same thing. During rush week, Fraternity Row was bursting at the seams with freshmen wandering from party to party, wide-eyed, drunker than they should have been, and just about as dumb as you'd expect a bunch of freshmen to be. It was chaos, but I liked it.

"Casey?" Trey Montgomery, our chapter president, stuck his head around my door, where I was spread out between my bed and Marty's with my rush week craft project. "Have you got a minute?"

He looked serious. Trey often looked serious, but today his brows were tugging together a little, making a tiny divot in his forehead. He usually only wore that expression around exam time. It was Trey's first year as chapter president though, so I wasn't surprised he was feeling a bit stressed about it.

"Yeah," I said, sweeping a bunch of pens and cardboard aside. "Come on in. You might want to sit on my bed, not Marty's. I can't promise that Marty's washed his sheets this year yet."

Trey very sensibly sat on my bed.

"So, what's the deal, prez?"

"Oh, the deal is that ‘prez' is not becoming a thing," Trey said. "At all."

I mock-saluted him. "Aye, aye, captain."

He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, we've got two legacies coming to the party tonight."

"Yeah," I said. "Sawyer McClintock and Ethan Brooks. I know the deal. Their dads are Alpha Taus, so we extend a bid."

"I also want you to extend a bid to Briar Pendelton."

I turned a marker over in my hand. "I don't know that name."

"You wouldn't," Trey said. "He's not a legacy. But we're extending him a bid anyway."

I narrowed my eyes at that. "Why?"

Trey glanced at the door and lowered his voice. "Because my father knows someone who asked if we'd give Briar special consideration. And my dad wouldn't ask unless he had a good reason. He said Briar had a rough time last year at Harvey."

"Wait, he's not even a freshman?"

"Sophomore," Trey confirmed. "This is his first year at Lassiter though."

"Okay," I said. "What if he's not a good fit?"

"Twenty years ago, hell, ten years ago, I wouldn't have been a good fit," Trey said and raised his eyebrows.

"Which is bullshit," I said. "And you know I don't defend that shit. I'm not asking if this guy is Black or if he's queer or if he's Muslim or Jewish or whatever the fuck else used to mean he'd never get offered a bid at Alpha Tau. I'm asking what happens if he's not a good fit personally. Like he's a douchebag or something."

"I don't think he's gonna be a douchebag," Trey said. "But if you tell me you don't think it'll work out, then I'll take that under advisement."

That was fair enough, I guessed. And it wasn't like Trey was the sort of guy who'd use his power as president to force us to take on a pledge who wasn't right for Alpha Tau. But shit, I had enough issues with places being put aside for legacies and other potential pledges losing out because of it that I didn't like the idea of another one of this year's spots already being spoken for.

"Fine," I said. "I'll keep an open mind."

"That's all I'm asking," Trey said, when we both knew that he was actually asking a hell of a lot more than that. I hoped I could trust Trey's judgment on this, and I hoped that Briar Pendelton, whoever the hell he was, would be worth it.

By 8:00 p.m.,the party was in full swing. It wasn't a huge party, and some of the rushees looked pretty disappointed when they arrived to discover they hadn't landed in a pit of drunken depravity that all those college movies from the eighties had promised. But this was a meet and greet. It was light on the beer and heavy on the "So, tell me about yourself and what you can bring to Alpha Tau."

It was easy to pick the legacies. There was a looseness to their posture and an ease in their gestures that said they knew they were just going through the motions and their place was secure. Sawyer McClintock seemed like a good bro though, so that was something. Ethan Brooks hadn't even bothered to turn up on time.

Most of the rushees present were visibly eager to please, standing ramrod straight, shoulders back as they surreptitiously patted their hair into place and buttoned and unbuttoned their blazers nervously. I had the feeling that if I'd taken them out back and showed them the agility course Marty had set up for his dog, they would have jumped through those hoops without a second thought, just to secure their spot.

Most of them.

Not this one kid, though. I noticed him right away when he arrived slightly after everyone else, shoulders hunched and hoodie pulled up over his head, jet-black hair peeking out the edges. He looked as though he'd rather be anywhere else in the world than here. Instead of introducing himself, he slunk off to a chair in the corner of the room and turtled into it, long legs encased in black skinny jeans curled up under him and head bowed as he picked at a black-painted fingernail. No, this kid wasn't out to impress anyone, which begged the question. What was he doing here anyway?

It wasn't easy to get a place in Alpha Tau, and while part of me was almost offended that this guy didn't think we were worth making an effort for, a bigger part of me was intrigued. The elegant shape of the fingernails in question pointed to a manicure, which suggested that this wasn't just some kid who'd stolen his sister's polish in an effort to be edgy.

I threw a glance at Trey, who raised an eyebrow and wandered over.

"Who's that?" I asked quietly.

He didn't need to ask who I meant. "That's Briar. Why don't you go see if he wants a drink or something, say hi?"

"Sure, because he's obviously dying for interaction," I muttered.

Trey gave me an unimpressed look.

"Fine," I said with a sigh. I went through to the kitchen and grabbed a can of soda and took it over to Briar, who seemed entirely focused on petting Marty's dog, Squirrel.

"Hey."

His head jerked up rapidly, and he stared at me. His hood fell back as he did so, revealing a face that belonged on one of my grandma's porcelain dolls. The pale skin was in stark contrast to Briar's ink-black hair, and long dark lashes swept over his cheeks as he blinked at me. He was cute as hell. I found myself entranced by the soft pink of his lips and the curve of his Cupid's bow, and if I hadn't known before that I sometimes found guys attractive, I sure as hell knew it now.

And then he opened his mouth, and his tone was sharp. "I'm allowed to pet the dog. A guy told me I could." His gaze hardened to a glare, even though I hadn't said a word about Squirrel.

I raised an eyebrow. "A guy?"

He waved a hand. "Blond. Loud shirt. Fashion sense of a homeless clown."

I bit my lip in an effort not to laugh. "That'd be Marty. Squirrel's his dog. I'm Casey, the social chair." I held the soda out to him.

He regarded me warily before taking it. "Thanks." He didn't offer his name in return and went back to petting Squirrel.

"Have you visited any of the other fraternities?" I asked. Trey had told me to keep an open mind, so here I was, extending the hand of friendship and all that good bullshit.

"Nope," Briar said, not bothering to look my way.

I stood there a moment longer, but it seemed that Briar either had no interest in getting to know me better, or he'd reached his quota of social interaction for the night, so I left him alone. If this was how he acted when he was meant to be impressing me, no wonder he'd had a hard time at Harvey.

I did the rounds for a while to meet the other hopefuls, and there were a couple of guys that I could tell would fit right in. I made a mental note of their names, knowing that Trey was doing the same and that we'd sit down at the end of the week and decide who we were extending invitations to.

My gaze drifted over to Briar, who was still curled up in the armchair, although he seemed to have relaxed some. On impulse, I picked up a bowl of pretzels and took them over to him.

He looked at the bowl and wrinkled his nose. "No, thanks."

"They're not for you," I said. "They're for Squirrel. He loves them."

At the mention of his name, Squirrel's ears shot up and his tail thumped out a fast tattoo against the hardwood floor.

Briar gave me a cautious smile and took the bowl, and I waited to see if he had anything else to say, but all his attention was on feeding snacks to the dog.

To be fair, Squirrel was hella cute.

I went back to my duties as social chair, my gaze settling on a guy with sandy-colored slicked-back hair who was settled on the couch, manspreading and chugging a beer. I sat opposite him. "Hey. You're Ethan Brooks, right?"

He crumpled his can one-handed and belched, then grinned at me like he'd done something clever. "Yeah, that's me. And you're Casey, social chair and pledge master, and the guy I'd be trying to impress if I wasn't a legacy." He elbowed the tall, nervous-looking redhead who was wedged next to him. "Sucks to be you, huh, trying to get a spot?"

The redhead pulled away, biting his bottom lip, and I felt a wave of sympathy for him. I gave him an easy smile. "Hey. I didn't catch your name yet?'

"Charlie," he half whispered. "Charlie Mercer."

"Nice to meet you, Charlie," I said. "I'm Casey Hill. Social chair." I gestured to where Briar was sitting, Squirrel at his feet. The dog's gaze was fixed on the pretzels. "Have you met Squirrel yet? He loves pets and pretzels."

I was giving the guy an out, and from his grateful smile he knew it. He shuffled over to Briar and stood there awkwardly for a moment before saying something too quiet for me to hear and leaning down to pet Squirrel.

"Thanks, man," Ethan said. He laughed loudly. "That guy could not take a hint. He was stuck to me like a wet Kleenex. Also, pretty sure he's here on a scholarship."

He said it like it was a dirty word.

"No problem," I said, though it hadn't been for his benefit. Dude was radiating heavy douchebag vibes. "So, what are you looking forward to most about being an Alpha Tau?"

Ethan cracked open another beer and laughed again. "Not living in a fucking dorm room."

I mean, it wasn't a wrong answer. Who'd want to live in the dorms when they could live at Alpha Tau? This place was hella nice. But it annoyed me that Ethan didn't even try and feed me some bullshit about brotherhood and community service and making connections that would stay with him long after he'd graduated. Like, I knew he was an entitled asshole, and he knew he was an entitled asshole, but shouldn't he have at least tried to make a better first impression? I guess it pissed me off the most that he didn't think I was even worth the bother.

We had room for ten bids this year, and this goddamn asshole had to be one of them. If I had my way, Charlie would be another, just on principle. The yin to balance Ethan's yang, or something like that. The anti-douche.

"Okay, man," I said. "I'll catch you around."

I headed over to Charlie and Briar. They were talking. Charlie was kneeling on the floor, giving Squirrel all the right sort of scritches, and Briar had uncurled and was leaning forward. He was smiling too, which... come on? Seriously? I'd been nice, and I hadn't gotten a smile.

"Hey, you guys," I said, and Charlie straightened. "Nah, don't get up. You've got important Squirrel-feeding duties. I just came over to have a chat with you."

Briar shot me a suspicious look, and Charlie gave me a slightly anxious one.

"So, what is it about Alpha Tau that makes you want to join?" I asked.

"Um," Charlie said. "Like, the prelaw thing, obviously, but also because you guys are inclusive?" He ended it like a question.

"Yeah, we try," I said. "That important to you?"

"Um," he said again. "I'm gay, so, um, yeah."

"That's cool, man," I said. "That's not an issue here." I was aware that Briar was staring at me warily, but I kept my gaze on Charlie and flashed him a grin. "Hell, half the chapter executive is gay or bi. Like, if you guys get in, make sure you always knock before going into Trey and Scout's room, is all I'm sayin'."

Charlie let out a huff of laughter and then tried to swallow it, as though hewasn't sure he should find that funny or not.

"Seriously," I said. "This isn't your granddaddy's frat. All we care about is whether or not you'll be a good brother, and that's got nothing to do with your sexuality."

"Wow," Charlie said and blinked at me.

"So this is the part where you tell me why you think you'd be a good brother," I said. "You're here on an academic scholarship, right?"

"Yeah." Charlie bit his lip as he petted Squirrel absently. Good with dogs; that'd get him Marty's vote. His hand brushed against Briar's as Briar reached down to join in the Squirrel love, and both of them shared an awkward smile before Charlie glanced back at me. "I like the idea of a support system. Like, being with guys who will all look out for each other and who have the same academic goals. But that goes both ways, I get it. Like, I don't just want to be helped. I want to help too. I don't know if I can because I don't know anything yet, but anyhow, sorry, that sounds really lame."

"Nah," I said. "Sounds like you get it. What about you, Briar?"

He stared at me like a spotlit raccoon. "Um, yeah. What Charlie said."

I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to elaborate on that.

"Um," he said again. "Also, I already took the LSAT?"

"Whoa, seriously? What'd you get?"

"Uh," he said and blinked. "160."

"That's awesome! Man, half the guys here don't even look at that until their sophomore year at least. Looks like we've got two academic overachievers right here."

Charlie beamed, and Briar gave me a faint smile.

"Hey, don't forget to try to socialize a bit tonight, okay?" I said. "Smart is good, but it's not everything. I'll catch up with you guys later on."

And I headed back to the other hopeful freshmen, already mentally starting a list that had both Charlie Mercer and Briar Pendelton on it. Because they were both obviously smart, and they both obviously needed help coming out of their shells. And also, since Ethan Brooks was also on the list, I really, really needed to stack this year's deck with some non-assholes.

The more, the better.