CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 27

Cynthia

I still can’t consume anything in large amounts.

Lydia explains it as my wolf’s unwillingness to stay. Her meaning cannot be more clear, but the thing is that I want to fight back. Especially when she brings Riya to see me. Riya is at that age where she understands something is wrong but thinks she can fix me with a hug. Her presence does make my animal restless, though. After Riya’s visit, I’m able to keep some soup down.

Lydia looks triumphant over that.

Nobody else comes to see me, but I know they come when I’m asleep. Maya and Tony’s scent is always in my room. And Lydia? She is always around.

I don’t know why her presence clears this fog in my head, but when she’s around, I feel like I can think, like some of the hopelessness within me fades away. She’s determined and fierce when she’s around me, and there are times when I feel she’s going to reach inside me and give my wolf a few smacks. My animal is both scared and in awe of the force of nature she is.

"This is the first time you’re seeing a healer in action," Lydia beams at me when I confess my thoughts to her. "We don’t just heal superficial wounds. We do so much more. My presence is a source of comfort for your animals as well."

I’ve become much less lethargic, and it’s one of those days that Maya drops by when I’m awake.

I’m startled to see her, but seeing the way she’s struggling to walk, most of my anger changes to concern. "You should be home in bed."

Her lips press together as if she’s on the verge of tears, but she shuffles inside the room and, with some difficulty, pulls up a chair. "How’re you feeling? Lydia said you’re eating now?"

She has circles under her eyes, and her pallor isn’t looking so good. When I had been in my seventh month of pregnancy, Maya had refused to let me lift a finger. She was always fussing over me. I had always thought I would do the same. It also looks like she needs it. I don’t have any anger to throw her way. She looks like hell warmed over.

"Go home, Maya," I say firmly.

Tears spill from her eyes. "I didn’t mean for all of this to happen, Cynthia! I swear to you."

"I know." I feel uncomfortable seeing her sitting here so heavily pregnant and clearly not well and sobbing. "I get it. Just go home and rest."

"No." She shakes her head. "I just want to talk to you first. You don’t know how long I’ve been trying to summon up the courage to say something to you or just come in when you’re awake. I just need to tell you the truth. I can’t bear it if you hate me."

"I don’t hate you––"

"You do!" she bursts out, sobbing. "I know you do! And you’re in this position because I was a horrible friend."

At any other time, I would have agreed with her, but her state is alarming me. "I really don’t. And it’s fine. I’m not mad at you."

"I didn’t know that Tony was in touch with Adam until the night you gave birth," Maya weeps. "I was so angry with him. I thought he had betrayed you. And that’s when I found out that Adam had asked him to take you out of Seattle, to take you away and keep you safe. I was going to tell you, but Tony said it was the only way to keep you safe from Adam’s enemies. Ever since he learned of your blood debt, he became ruthless, Cynthia. He spent these past couple of years getting rid of anyone he considered a threat to you. He also had to stabilize himself as Alpha. He had to make sure that he was feared to such an extent that nobody, not even his enemies, would dream of touching you or Riya."

She rubs her hands over her face. "When you broke the blood debt and I came to Detroit with you, Jonathan turned his rage on Tony. He figured out that Tony knew something, and he beat him black and blue. Tony still didn’t tell him anything. It was Adam who rescued Tony before Tony joined us here. He had told Tony that you weren’t to lack anything. The apartment you live in, he had it transferred to your name. He wanted you to have security above everything else. He emphasized that you needed to enjoy your freedom and feel secure in your environment. I knew he meant well and I knew I should tell you. But each time I tried to, I kept thinking about how happy you were. We became a family here, and I let myself be lulled into this false hope that things would always remain like this. I should have said something to you. I know I should have, and I’m sorry. But I do love you, and so does Tony. He’s been so broken up about this whole situation. We didn’t mean to push you to this state. If we had suspected things would go this wrong, we both would have told you long ago. We wouldn’t have kept it from you."

Her words drip with sincerity, and I can tell she’s been beating herself up for a while now.

"It’s okay."

Forgiveness is not easy. It’s a bitter pill to swallow because it means that I have to choose between my anger, hurt, and pride, and my relationship with Maya.

When she looks up at me, I give her a small smile. "It’s fine. I’m trying to make my peace with it, but I don’t want it to be at the expense of your health. Please go home now and look after yourself. Tell Tony to come pick you up."

Maya looks away, nervousness in her eyes. "He’s outside. He’s been wanting to talk to you for days but––"

"I’ll see him."

How long can I stay angry? I’m upset that they deceived me, that they helped Adam manipulate me into thinking I’m free. But they also loved me. Tony was there for me on my lowest days and he helped me through them. I have questions for him. And the truth is, I don’t want to lose either of them. It’s going to take time, but I want to move past this. Right now, the future is uncertain, but I don’t want my wolf to give up.

Maya hesitantly approaches me to give me a hug, and I don’t stop her. However, the warmth and unflinching trust between us is no longer there, and we can both feel it.

Her eyes are wet when she pulls back, and I wish I could say something reassuring, but there is a ball of hardness in my heart.

I’m afraid to trust her.

It’s harder to see Tony enter the room. Unlike Maya, he’s not crying nor does he touch me. He sits down on the two-seater, his eyes on me. We sit in silence for a few minutes, almost as if he’s summoning the courage to speak.

"You look better."

My relationship with Tony is different than the one I have with Maya.

I watch him, wishing the ice in my heart would thaw out, but I look at Tony with mistrust and doubt. I want to go back to the old days before Adam came here, but my wishing will not change what has happened.

"I don’t feel better," I say slowly. "You and Maya were part of my pack. And now, once again, I’m alone."

"That’s not true––"

"When I was young," I interrupt, "I told you I was going to run away. I had everything planned. But you told Jonathon about the secret I had confided in you, didn’t you? I realized then that you would never be on my side. But I thought things were different now."

"Cynthia," Tony’s voice is tense, "are you asking me if it was me who told Jonathon that night?"

I don’t reply, and he rests his forearms on his thighs, his head bowed. "You were a child. You didn’t realize the ramifications of running away. You know what would have happened if you had left Jonathon’s side. You would have died. I tried to convince you not to go through with it, but you were too young. You didn’t understand."

He’s right. I wouldn’t have understood. But the price I paid for dreaming about my freedom was a heavy one.

I don’t know what to say now. My emotions are so complicated. There’s hate and anger, there’s grief, and there’s also pain and love. I don’t know which emotion to give priority to.

"I know you have questions, Cynthia," Tony says. "There are things that only Adam can tell you, but I’ll tell you what I can. That night when you came to Maya’s and I went to fetch Lydia, I went to Adam’s first. I was hoping the whole thing was a misunderstanding. I needed to figure out what the situation actually was before I took any step that would separate the two of you. But when the truth came out and Adam asked me to take you away, there was no other recourse."

"What could have been so bad that you had to manipulate me and keep me in the dark for four years?" I ask tightly. "You broke my trust in you."

"I know." Tony lowers his head. "And I knew that the day you found out, you would not want anything to do with me, but if you had known what was going on, you would not have wanted to leave Adam’s side, and getting you away from there was necessary."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

Tony grimaces, and my fingers dig into the sheet covering me. "What happened, Tony?"

He runs his fingers through his hair. "I can’t tell you everything because I wanted it to be need-to-know only, so I know the gist of what was going on. But none of this was meant to hurt you, Cynthia. I admit that we should have told you–I should have told you, but this was the first time I saw you so happy after more than two decades. I didn’t have it in me to take that away from you. I convinced myself that when Adam finally told you the truth, it wouldn’t be so bad. I know I was fooling myself. Maya was pissed when she found out as well. She didn’t talk to me for months after. She wanted me to tell you, but I had to make her promise not to do anything that would impact your life. You had the baby and you were still struggling."

I suddenly recall sensing something off between Maya and him after Riya was born. I remember asking Maya at one point, and she had acted strange, almost nervous. I had let it go back then. Perhaps I shouldn’t have.

"Tell me what you do know," I ask.

He looks regretful but begins to talk.

And as the minutes go by and he keeps speaking, my hand clenches over my empty womb, tension and fear creating a mixed set of emotions within me.

What has been going on this whole time?

****

I’m not ready to see Adam until I feel more sturdy.

I’m not ready to face him for a multitude of reasons. A few of those reasons are anger toward him, shame, and resentment towards myself. I let my wolf fade. I walked away from my daughter. I was weak. After constantly telling myself that I’m strong, that I’m a survivor, I acted weak. Lydia has tried to tell me that this was not my fault, that even our animals can be pushed to breaking point, but I can’t help but blame myself. I should have remained stronger. However, all this is not going to change what’s happened. What matters is how I move forward.

My wolf whimpers as I pick up my phone. Tony brought it for me.

"Shut up," I growl under my breath.

My animal still isn’t ready to get back up. It would be easier to handle if it was due to sheer stubbornness. However, this is different. It’s weighed down by a heavy sadness. I don’t know how to snap it out of this state. As a result, my body is still rejecting most foods.

"Stop moping," I mutter. "What’s done is done. Moping isn’t going to fix anything."

It just closes its eyes and whines.

"Bitch," I say sourly.

It huffs.

I look down at my phone, my thoughts uncertain. I have to message Adam, but my fingers won’t move. After what Tony told me, I want to hear what Adam has to say, but the human part of me that feels humiliated at being treated like a fool doesn’t want to reach out.

"Just do it," I tell myself, but my fingers won’t move.

I’ll do it later on once I’m feeling more myself. I don’t want him around me when I’m so vulnerable.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I don’t have to wait long to see him. I wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly thirsty, and my hand reaches out only to knock the glass to the floor. However, I don’t hear it crash to the ground.

Opening my eyes fully, I come face to face with Adam, who looks like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

I stare at him, shocked for a full minute. He’s lost weight, a lot of it, and he looks exhausted.

When he immediately moves to the door, I grab him by the back of his shirt, growling, "Where do you think you’re going?"

He goes still, and I realize what I’ve just done. However, my fingers refuse to let go, and he stays like that, his back to me, frozen on the spot.

After a moment, he says, “I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“I’m not your biggest fan right now,” I respond, my voice tense, “but I have questions, and apparently, you have all the answers, so take a damn seat and let’s talk.”

Adam hesitantly sits down on the two-seater, and I switch on the lamp. If I thought he looked bad in the dark, he looks so much worse in the light.

“Is this how you’re looking around my kid?” I demand. “Like some emaciated corpse?”

“Our kid,” he corrects, almost automatically, and my upper lip curls. He immediately shuts up.

I stare at him for a few seconds. “What were you doing here?”

He looks uncomfortable, unable to meet my gaze. “I wanted to see how you were doing. Tony hasn’t been letting me visit, and neither has Lydia.”

“I see.”

“How are you doing?” he asks.

“Wonderful.” My voice is dry. “Not at all like somebody yanked the fucking rug from under my feet.”

I’m not one to use curse words, but I’m not very happy right now, either.

He lowers his gaze. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” I demand. “That’s all you’ve got to say? I was happy, Adam. I was doing fine without you. So why the hell did you have to come here and ruin everything?”

My words are cruel, and I know they are, but a part of me wants him to feel a measure of the pain I’m feeling.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is dull, and I want to throw something at him because the wealth of misery in his voice makes my heart ache.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” He looks up at me.

“That Jonathon found out you having given me the mating mark.”

Adam freezes.