Chapter 19 - Hector

For days, I couldn't stop thinking about the way Faye looked in the living room of her brother's house. Her face was flat. Her eyes were round in shock. Her energy was jagged like she was getting ready to go into defense mode. When she marched to the back of the house and curtly told Kylie and Fred to leave, I was surprised.

Though she had rudely told her friends off, she came back with a sunny smile and took my hand, saying that she wanted to go back to her house. She kissed her parents goodbye, hugged her brother, and then tugged me out of the house like her friends weren't totally aghast at her behavior.

This isn't like her , I thought. What if she's changed?

What if we're not really mates?

I wasn't even sure where the thought came from. Perhaps it was her persistent doubts that had put the idea into my brain. She planted a seed with her actions that couldn't be dug up from the earth. While I didn't want to water the plant, I didn't want to ignore it either. It could be an invasive species of weed that I wouldn't be able to get rid of so easily. And at the same time, it could be something that leads to a better path. I was torn between what I should do and what I wanted to do.

So, I kept on trudging. I walked her home. I helped her upstairs and tucked her into bed. The rest of the afternoon had passed without much activity, and I left her sleeping to head to Adrian's condo. My walk was a blur. I couldn't even remember how I had reached the front door and knocked. The fact that I managed it at all was wild.

The door opened, shedding firelight onto the porch. Adrian squinted at me. "You alright, Hector?"

I drifted past him and sat on his rustic couch. Without a word, he closed the door and poured me a cup of tea. When he handed it to me, he touched my chin, making me look up at him the way he'd always done as my alpha. "What's wrong?"

I laughed while lifting the teacup to my lips. "What makes you think something is wrong?"

He gestured to the window. "Ah, so I was hallucinating you walking in here like a ghoul, eh?"

He wasn't my alpha anymore. I shouldn't have been prone to seeking him out. I should have been sitting with my thoughts and handling it by myself—like a man.

But I was so lost. I needed someone to help me. I needed him to tell me what to do.

"What if Faye and I aren't really mates? I'm asking if it, uh… affects my position as alpha or something. Just business talk."

Adrian hummed thoughtfully and sat back in his seat, the leather creaking under him. Behind him was the fireplace and a large portrait of his family, and then smaller pictures here and there on the mantle and on the wall of everyone in the pack.

A recent picture of Faye was placed up next to one of me. I smiled at it. Adrian always had a soft heart and a strong mind. And right now, in his aged face, I could see he could read me like a book.

He knew exactly why I asked that question. Still, he didn't question my spoken motives. He simply gave me a calm nod and threaded his fingers together under his chin.

Worry snuck into his features, making me feel a little bit of dread. "If you're not really mates, then the pack will reject Faye."

I hissed.

Adrian continued, "She'll be sent into the woods to live as an unmated marked woman. Your true mate will have to perform the mating ritual with you to ensure that she is marked and that you don't lose your status."

I frowned. "Is she really just a status maker for me?"

"No, that's not the case. And you know, that's not the case. But this pack does see things differently."

I shook my head. "I can't reject Faye, not again."

"Then you better pray that you're true mates."

"I don't want to lose her again."

He smiled brightly. "Then I suppose you should try to do things to ensure her stay."

I thought about a few days prior in Cliff's house. I thought about her parents talking in the kitchen, how innocuous everything seemed. It was normal. It was the way things should have been all along. But something was up with Faye. It had been all over her face.

I focused on Adrian, who was looking at me with a knowing grin. "You're losing touch with her."

I scoffed. "No." I rubbed my shoulder. "Not exactly."

"You two aren't talking. I can tell.

I waved off the observation. "I don't know about you, old man, but my eyes and ears work just fine."

"Then you'd notice that she's been withdrawing from you."

I stood up and walked to the window, staring out at the starry sky overlooking our pack. There were a few street lamps, but not so much that it would detract from the gorgeous view of the cosmos.

I rested my hand on the glass. "I don't know how you can tell things like that."

I heard the leather seat squeak again. I think he was adjusting his position, maybe even crossing his legs the way he did when he got really serious about a topic. "You two take daily walks. She usually touches your shoulder. She hangs on to you. But the past few days, she has only barely touched your elbow. She doesn't look at you. Her smile is too bright for her face."

I didn't look at him. Instead, I cocked my ear in his direction because I was interested in hearing more about these observations he was making.

"I can tell that your energy isn't doing so well," he added. "You are dowsed with a terrible sadness, something that you can't shake. Too many doubts to speak of."

I closed my eyes. Fuck me.

"If you really want to be sure she's your mate, you should perform the mating match ritual as soon as possible."

My eyelids popped open as I turned to face him. "What's that?"

"It's really quite simple. Any hired witch can perform it."

I arched my right brow in his direction. "Could Faye perform the ritual?"

He pursed his lower lip in deep thought as he looked up at the ceiling. And then he relaxed his features. "No, it needs to be a third party who's never been part of this pack."

"Alright. And then what?"

"Each eligible name is added to a stone pot and stirred with boiling water. Turmeric, rosemary, and lemon balm are then added. Two rose petals are added as well to the boiling concoction which must stay on high boil for two hours. After that, the two petals will surface with the names of the appropriate mates. Again, it's very simple."

I clicked my tongue once. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." He snapped his fingers. "If you can be patient enough to wait."

If I had to reject Faye, then she would be left to a horrible fate while I was given a pampering. She would probably get eaten alive by those demons out there. My crushing grip almost broke my teacup. "I don't understand how this pack can treat women like they can just be replaced."

Adrian didn't make a sound. I continued staring, trying to piece together the things I had learned ever since I was a child. I'd always been taught to put myself first. I never noticed that the girls and women were told to stand aside. I didn't like it.

It made me sick to my stomach to think of Faye getting treated so differently. I'd become so fond of her, so attached that I couldn't imagine a world where she and I didn't exist together. The thought of her loss made me ache in a way that was completely unfamiliar, a grief that I never ever wanted to know.

"There's so much darkness in our rituals," I told him. "Why can't we do better?"

He gave me a soft smile. "That's why I'm confident in you being our alpha. You'll make so many big changes. I believe in you, Hector." He touched my shoulder in a fatherly way, bringing tears to my eyes instantly. "It's alright. You can cry."

I let the tears fall freely. "Thank you for always being a father to me."

Adrian smiled warmly. "And thank you for always being a good son."

***

On my way home, the dreadful feeling got worse. It coiled in my gut like a serpent with poisonous skin. It rattled around in my solar plexus, slithering into my lower parts and then my legs, making them shaky. I didn't like thinking about it as a snake, but no other image came to mind except that, and it felt like I had been infected with something, a terrible fear that I'd never experienced in my life.

Loss. Grief . These were the things that I knew from my parents abandoning me. I didn't want to know that abandonment again, not with my mate, not with the woman who I knew to be my mate. I had done so much to keep her. I wasn't about to lose her now.

The feeling was so awful that I could feel it creeping into my chest, the anxiety of the entire situation. I could even hear myself crying about it, the tears staining my face and drying in the cool nightly breeze.

I wiped my cheeks.

They were already dry.

That wasn't the sound of me crying. That was someone else.

The closer I got to the house, the louder the crying grew until there were heart-wrenching sobs coming from the backyard. I jogged up to the porch, where Faye was wrapped up in a fluffy pink blanket on the chair. Her face was shoved in her hands. I could tell that she had been crying for quite a while now.

I had been selfish to run off to Adrian's house to get advice but what other choice did I have? It wasn't like I could wake her up and take her with me. I didn't want to disturb her sleep. She'd been so nauseous lately. She hadn't been feeling well, and she'd been throwing up every morning.

I darted up the steps and took her into my arms. She gasped from the shock, but when she realized who I was, she threw herself into my arms, clawing at my shirt, yanking at the fabric, trying to dig her way into my chest cavity. I'd never seen her so frantic.

"Hey, what's going on?" I rubbed her arms, trying to keep her warm. She was shivering so hard that it seemed like she was going to be sick again. Hot tears soaked my neck as she buried her face there. She stumbled over syllables and choked on sobs. It was hard to understand her.

A few minutes went by, and then she started to calm down, her sobs turning into shuttering hiccups that gave way to soft coos. Eventually, she was quiet, but every so often, she would sniffle. I could hear the sobs waiting to come back.

I rubbed her arm. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

She curled up into a more comfortable position on my lap. Now that I was sitting in the chair that she was in, it was easier to hold her. She perched her lips at my ear so that she didn't have to speak very loudly. "I've never really told you about my powers, have I?"

"It's not something that's ever come up in casual conversation."

Not even the slightest chuckle came from her. "I can predict the future."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I have these weird dreams. I can predict when things are going to happen."

I ran my fingers through her hair. "Tell me more about it."

"It's kind of weird because they come in like some kind of riddle or a nonsensical dream sequence. But I can always tell that they're real because I can feel them."

"Is that why you were crying?"

She sniffled. "It was something that I was afraid of happening, but I know that it's going to happen now. So, I'm just trying to come to grips with it."

"Come to grips with what?"

"In my dream, the entire pack rejected me. Every single person, including you. Nobody wanted me around."

I hugged her tight. "That's simply not true. You know everybody loves you. You know that I…"

She gripped the front of my shirt. "I don't know that because the dream told me otherwise."

Tell her you love her . "Well, can't your dreams be wrong?"

She scoffed. "Of course, you would say something like that. You're just downplaying the inevitable."

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm just trying to be a little more logical here. Everything has been fine. I don't understand why you would have a dream that says that I'm going to reject you again."

"Everything has been fine?" She snorted. "We've been encountering demons at every turn. Is that fine to you?"

I growled. " No , but I'm saying your mindset is going to affect the outcome. It just sounds like you're afraid of the worst. It's like you're not even trying."

She shivered so hard that she nearly fell from my lap. Then, she burrowed her face into my chest with a sob. "Great, more toxic positivity."

"It's not toxic to be positive, Faye Lynne."

She laughed bitterly. "And it's not toxic to be afraid, Hector. "I am afraid. Aren't you?"

I tried to run my fingers through her hair again, but she pushed my hand away. I didn't want to stand up and put her down, and I also didn't want to stay close if she didn't want me to stay close.

I was confused. The doubt grew from a seed into a sprout.

Still, there was one more way to be sure.

"There's a ritual we can do to find out the truth."

She laughed. "I already know the truth. Doing anything about it is kind of pointless."

"I don't think it's pointless, Faye. I wish you wouldn't say things like that. You really make me depressed."

She sighed as she slid off my lap. "Sorry for being realistic. I'll try not to be as depressed anymore."

I stood up and drifted after her, walking into the house, making sure that the blanket she kept wrapped around her shoulders didn't get caught on the door. I followed her upstairs where I made sure she was comfortable. Even though we were in the middle of arguing, I felt like I had to take care of her. I couldn't leave her side. There was no way I could keep doing that.

I tucked the blanket around her and then fluffed the pillows. I grabbed another blanket, seeing as she was shivering again. "It's a simple ritual. We just need to find a witch to do it."

She lifted her head. "And if we aren't mates, I get rejected?

I shook my head. "We'll figure all of that out later. Let's just try to get a witch first."

"I am sitting right here."

"Adrian said it has to be a third party."

She propped herself on her elbows. "When did you talk to Adrian?"

I climbed into bed next to her and wrapped my arm around her stomach, feeling a strong sense that I needed to protect her belly. "Earlier. You were asleep."

"Why didn't you take me with you?"

I closed my eyes and rested my head on her chest to feel her breathing. Such a calm sense of connection came over me then. I didn't want to ever lose this kind of position with her, but I didn't want her to be led into a life where she wouldn't be happy. "Because you were asleep."

"Next time, wake me up. I like being part of meetings."

"Yes, Cherry Pie. I'll make sure to do that. Next time."

No, I couldn't lose her. That wasn't an option. What was I supposed to do as her alpha?

What was I supposed to do as her mate ?