Chapter 26 - Mia

There's a party in full swing all around me, but I can't focus. People are dancing and laughing and celebrating my return, but my mind is elsewhere. I've been back in Stardust Hollow for a week, and every day has been exactly like this. There's a constant parade of visitors. Everyone wants to see me, the lost girl who was returned to her family. They bring gifts and food and tell stories about how happy they are to have me home.

Now, everybody is outside Alpha Ram's house, eating and drinking and enjoying the festivities. A huge bonfire burns in the center of the backyard, the flames illuminating the night sky. I'm standing off the side on my own, watching everything.

My sister and my brother are out in the crowd somewhere. When I first got back, my sister wouldn't leave my side. She stuck to me like glue, making sure I had everything I needed. But once the rest of the pack found out I was here, the excitement grew, and the visitors kept coming.

It should be a dream come true. I should be overjoyed, but I'm not. Every time the door opens, I hope and pray it's Evan. I wait and watch the door, waiting for him to burst in and take me back home.

But he never does.

Callie has been my saving grace, helping me get settled back in and making sure everyone understands that I'm still trying to readjust. She's been my rock, and I'm so thankful for her. If it wasn't for her, I would've lost my mind by now.

Which is ironic, considering she's the one who dragged me here to begin with. Just before I got to Evan and the others as they were fighting, Callie caught up with me. She literally knocked me out to keep me from getting to my husband, and the next thing I knew, I was lying in the bed in my sister's guest bedroom.

It hasn't exactly been an easy transition since. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and every time someone mentions Evan, I break down. It hurts too much. He's not here. He didn't come for me. Why didn't he come for me? Evan is not the type to just give up, and yet he's been absent. He hasn't tried to contact me at all. No notes, no calls, not even a single letter. It's like the last couple of months were a fever dream and never really happened.

"Mia," a voice calls, bringing me back to reality. Callie is standing next to me, her hand on my shoulder, a worried look on her face. "Are you okay?"

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. The truth is, no, I'm not okay. I'm anything but okay. How can I be okay when the love of my life just gave me up and walked away?

"I'm fine," I whisper, even though it's a lie.

She hands me a Solo cup filled to the rim with beer, which I gladly take. She's been keeping me well-supplied with alcohol, and I'm grateful for that. It's the only thing that numbs the pain and makes me forget. I take a big gulp of the cold beverage, and as the heat spreads through my stomach, a tiny bit of tension eases from my shoulders.

"It really is going to get better," she assures me. "You're home. Everything is as it should be."

That's the problem, I think. While everyone seems so pleased to have me here, some things are exactly the same as they were when I left. Back in Green Lake, I had a purpose; hell, I had a few of them. Here, there's no shortage of food, no orphans, no problems at all, it seems. And while that's fantastic for the pack, it leaves me with nothing. No way to fill my days and nights, no way to feel useful, no way to keep my mind occupied.

Callie doesn't know what I'm thinking. She doesn't know that my life is falling apart because the man I love decided that I'm not worth fighting for. She doesn't know that every minute of every day, I wonder if he's okay, or if he's eating, or if he's thinking about me. She doesn't know how badly my heart hurts.

All she sees is a girl who was taken, and now she's home. That's the story. The truth is far more complicated.

I take another long drink from the cup, hoping to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"Come on," she says, giving me a little push. "Dance with me."

I hesitate, but then she takes the cup and puts it down on a nearby table, and before I can protest, she pulls me into the middle of the crowd. A song I haven't heard in a long time comes on, and a few other people join us. Callie and I hold hands and twirl each other around, and for the moment, I let myself go and get lost in the music. It reminds me of that day in Green Lake at Shawna's pool party. Only this time, there's no Evan here to get jealous.

No, not this time. This time, there's no Evan at all.

A new song starts playing, this one a lot faster. Everyone gets more excited, and the dancing gets a little bit wilder, so I excuse myself and go back to my corner. It isn't long before the next visitor comes along. Ram's wife, Holly, approaches me with a friendly smile on her face.

"It's wonderful to see you again, Mia," she says, giving me a big hug. "We've missed you. I've been worried about you, sweetie."

I don't mention that she's never even met me before today. Instead, I offer her a fake smile and just say, "Thank you."

"Listen," she begins, and I can already feel a lecture coming on, "I know that you went through a terrible ordeal, and you must feel so confused and lost. But I can promise you that you'll be all right. Ram and the others went through great lengths to get you back. I hope you realize they wouldn't have done that if you weren't important to us. To them."

I'm not so sure that's true. Ram and Evan have such a complicated history, and they both have egos bigger than the state of Texas. After Evan's pack attacked ours last year, I think Ram was just looking for a reason to strike back. My kidnapping was the perfect excuse.

Of course, I don't tell Holly this, either. Instead, I just say, "Yes, ma'am. I understand."

Looking satisfied with my response, she adds, "I don't think that marriage was legal, either. I only mention it because I believe there's a young man over there who has been eyeing you. He's a very nice boy. Not bad to look at, either, don't you agree?"

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. I have no intention of getting set up with some random shifter. She nods to our right, but I don't even look. My marriage might not be real to her, and admittedly, it wasn't to me at first. But at some point, it became something meaningful. Something defining. The thought of being with anyone else makes me feel sick.

"I'm sorry," I say, backing away. "I'm not feeling very well. I think I'll head home. I'm tired."

"Wait, Mia. I didn't mean to─"

Before she can argue anymore, I'm gone. I duck and weave my way through the crowd, avoiding the hands that reach for me. Once I'm free, I sprint up the road back to Ava's house. When I get there, the house is empty, which means Ava and her husband are still at the party. I'm sure once they realize I'm gone, they'll come here looking for me, but I need some time to myself.

I go straight up the stairs to my room, locking the door behind me, and then I crawl into bed. It's not that I'm ungrateful that the pack put themselves at risk to come for me, but being back here makes me miss Green Lake. It makes me miss the people. It makes me miss... Evan.

I try to fight the tears, but the more I struggle, the harder they fall. So, I stop fighting and just let them go.

I miss Evan.

I miss our life together.

I miss the way he looked at me and the way he held me. I miss the way he talked to me and the way he made love to me. My life here feels wrong. Everything about it is wrong. I want to be with Evan.

But he obviously doesn't want me.

Now that I think about it, he's probably glad to be rid of me. He told me on multiple occasions how he never cared about the idea of getting married. That the only reason he married me was to save his pack from the curse.

And the curse is gone.

Of course, he doesn't want to be married anymore. He doesn't have any reason to fight for me when he has already gotten what he set out for.

He's free.

But I'm not. I'm trapped. Trapped with the memory of him and the family I almost had.

Somehow, I'm going to have to find a way to move on. To move past Evan Woods and the life I thought we would share. It's going to hurt, and it's not going to be easy, but it's something that I have to do. I have no choice. It's either learn to live without him, or spend the rest of my life missing him and wondering what could have been.

As much as it kills me, I have to let him go.