Chapter 12

Sophia Hope

For a moment, it feels like my ears are ringing.

I stare at Noah, stunned.

"Deliberately isolated?" I repeat numbly.

It's a rare punishment. You have to be a traitor for that to happen. It is one of the harshest punishments that exist within packs and definitely not something that fits what I did. I killed those boys in self-defense. The head of the orphanage knew it. Alpha Black knew it.

And he still chose to do this to me?

If my wolf weren't latent, I wouldn't have survived the isolation for more than a year. It would have been a slow, cruel death.

Noah must see the shock on my face because he grabs my arm. "Sophia?"

I look up at him, my voice quivering. "They were going to rape me. Those boys at the orphanage, they wanted to violate me. The Director knew the truth. Your father knew the truth. Why did he do this to me?"

Noah has a helpless look on his face. "I wish I could tell you. I don't know. I didn't even know where you were sent till a few months ago, when I finally got all the details from my father. Believe me, Sophia, I had asked him before. I interrogated the orphanage Director at the time. She told me that the boys had attacked you, unprovoked. I tried talking to my father, but he just told me to stay out of it. That's one of the reasons why I'm here now. To make sure you're okay."

It's not like I trusted Alpha Black to begin with, but to experience this sort of betrayal from the one person who was supposed to protect me, even if he hated me, is a hard pill to swallow.

I look at Noah. My body feels cold. "Nobody here would so much as touch my hand." My voice is uneven as I recall the day I arrived in Oakrest. "I was scared, traumatized, and the pack security led me to my apartment and told me to stay there. I didn't eat for days. The money I was told I would receive never appeared for the first few months. One of my human neighbors gave me food out of pity. Wouldn't it have been better if your father had simply executed me?"

Noah shakes his head. "I can't answer for the wrongs you've faced because of my father, Sophia. But I can promise you, you won't face any further injustice."

"How can I believe that?"

He smiles at me, his hands coming to settle on my shoulders. "You have my word. I won't let anybody hurt you again." Pulling me to his side, he wraps one arm around my waist. "You will never lack affection, physical or emotional. I will make sure of it."

My wolf is silent inside of me, not responding at all to Noah's touch.

As we begin walking toward the beach again, I am unable to enjoy myself. My mind is still struggling to wrap around this new information. No matter how much Alpha Black loathed me, to do that to me was insanity. He gave me a cruel death sentence for nothing more than defending myself.

And then there is the fact that nobody even questioned it. Nobody asked why a teenager was given such a harsh punishment.

How am I supposed to reconcile with that? I don't think I ever will. My resolve to escape this pack and this Alliance is hardening.

However, I am good at masking my emotions, so I don't let Noah see the hurt and anger burning inside me. We arrive at the beach; there is a human family there, the children building sandcastles while the parents prepare a barbecue. The water is too cold to enter, and both of us are fully clothed with no bathing suits anyway, so we just take off our shoes and walk along the shoreline, letting the waves tickle our feet. I listen to Noah talk about the college he went to, the degree he got, what he's been up to since we last saw each other, and while I can muster up some happiness for him, it also makes me angry that I never got to experience any of that. I don't think I've ever truly hated anybody till today. My hatred for Noah's father is now a festering boil within me.

Perhaps in his love for his father, Noah sees things that aren't there, but I know Alpha Black has a vicious nature. I don't believe he loved my mother. And I don't believe he and my mother were friends. There must have been something else going on there. What the reason was for my mother giving birth in his house, I may never know. But his hatred for me is obvious now.

Even if Alex continues to reject me as his fated mate, I will take him up on his offer to sponsor the Wily Vixen. I want to leave this place as soon as I can.

Noah and I end up having lunch at a small pizzeria that has recently opened. The food is said to be delicious, but I can barely taste the pizza. The sensation in my mouth is bitter, as are my feelings. My wolf paces inside my mind, anxious and agitated. By the end of the meal, Noah seems to be in the mood to get something sweet for dessert, and I feel like I have no choice but to pretend I am of the same mind.

After we pick out some custard buns at the bakery, I wait outside for Noah to finish paying. Across the street, I see a familiar face.

Alex is standing in front of the post office, watching me. There's unrestrained fury in his eyes when the door behind me opens and Noah walks out to join me. Alex is about to take a step forward, but one of his friends sees us and, realizing his intent, puts his hand on Alex's shoulder, stopping him.

Noah follows my gaze. "Friends of yours?"

Slowly, I shake my head. "No."

By the time I get home, my heart feels icy cold. I remove the plank from the floorboard and take out the money box I keep in there. Counting the cash yet again, as if I didn't just do it yesterday, I confirm that I'm going to need a lot more. My mental calculations tell me that if I stay and fight for Mathew, I am going to have to stick with him for one to two more years.

But if I take Alex up on his offer, I'll only need a maximum of six months to collect the necessary funds.

I need to buy my freedom.

Revealing my identity to Alex might not turn out in my favor. There's a very high possibility of that. But if he rejects me completely, and I don't let emotion come into it, we may be able to form a business relationship. From the way he was talking, he wants to know the Wily Vixen's identity as a condition to doing the deal. And right now, I'm desperate enough to agree to that. Putting on my running shoes, I grab a jacket and head back outside, my mind made up.

When I reach the motel, one of Alex's companions is standing in the lobby, talking to somebody on his phone. When he sees me, his eyes widen, and he immediately ends the call and approaches me. "Sophia, right?"

"Is Alex here?"

He shakes his head. "Not at the moment. I'm Jared, by the way."

"Do you know where I can find Alex?"

Jared looks a little uncertain. "This may not be the best time. I can tell him you came by."

He doesn't seem very surprised to see me, and I'm assuming he probably knows the link between Alex and me. But I can't find it in myself to care.

"I need to talk to him. It's urgent. Where is he?"

"He's at the Dancing Bear," Jared replies hesitantly. "But I really don't think you should go over there right now."

I know it's rude for me to turn my back on him and leave, but I do exactly that. I'm a woman on a mission tonight.

The bar is across the street, and I see Alex sitting by the window. I can't see who he's with, but he's talking to somebody. Walking inside, I make my way over to him and put my hand on the table. "I need to talk to you."

His eyes widen when he sees me, and then I hear someone clear her throat. "Who are you?"

It's a female's voice, and when I look at the woman, I feel a surge of sharp, ugly emotion rising within me. I know exactly what this feeling is.

Jealousy.

"Who are you?" I echo back at her.

She raises her brow arrogantly. "Julia. Alex's fiancée. Now, perhaps you should tell me who you are and why you are demanding to talk to my future mate."

Everything inside me goes still as I straighten up and stare at her. She's beautiful. A curvy figure, delicate features, full lips…I can see why he went for her. And it also explains why he's been so eager to reject me. My wolf howls in anger and pain, but I ignore it.

Fiancée.

The word keeps ringing in my head.

I turn to look at Alex's tense expression.

"I see." My voice is carefully blank. "You're engaged. Congratulations."

It takes him a few seconds to speak, and when he does, his voice is rough. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

My hand goes into my pocket where I kept his business card, and I crush it in my fist. Pasting a smile on my face, I say, "It's no longer important. Enjoy your dinner."

I walk out of the bar with my head held high. As I walk past the alley, I take out the card and toss it in the trash. I don't stop walking. I don't know which direction I'm heading in, but it's not home. I don't want to go back to my apartment just yet.

His fiancée.

She's stunning. Elegant, beautiful, graceful. She's more than I could ever be. No wonder he never wanted me. He already has Julia.

And I can't even hold a candle to her. I would bet my ass she has a fancy education and a good job and knows how to carry herself. Meanwhile, I have a high school education and work as a bartender. In my free time, I'm a cage fighter, not that Alex knows that. Oh, and I'm also a murderer. Can't forget that little tidbit.

Hysterical laughter bubbles out of my throat, as do tears from my eyes.

"Of course she's perfect!" I laugh at myself, my heart feeling like it's being ripped out of my chest. "Of course."

It's dark out when I realize I'm back at the beach. I walk across the sand, wondering if this rejection will ever stop hurting. I could never measure up to Julia. We didn't even exchange any significant words and I can tell she's a perfect match for Alex.

What did Elsa say? That there are no types when it comes to fated mates? She's wrong. There is. I am definitely not Alex's type. He's engaged to that woman. And I'm just in the way.

I kick off my shoes and toss aside my jacket, coming to sit at the edge of the water, which moves around me. It's quite cold, but I don't care. I just stare out into the vast ocean, my soul so tired that I wish I could put it to rest for a while. Just for a few minutes, I want to feel like nothing is wrong in my world.

Why am I even here? My Alpha sent me to this place as a death sentence. My pack does not want me. And my fated mate doesn't, either.

So, why am I here? I shouldn't be here. I should be…

My eyes gaze at the dark ocean. Alex shouldn't have saved me. He should've let me go. Suddenly, everything seems meaningless. My arms around my knees, I let the tears come, not even bothering to wipe them away. What would be the point? Who am I supposed to go to now? Elsa? Drew? Rita?

They can't fix any of this. And neither can I.

What was I planning to do? Talk to Alex and demand to know why he was rejecting me? Was I hoping that I could make him see reason and he would suddenly accept me? Was I also hoping that he would sponsor me so I could make the money to buy my freedom from the Alliance?

Now that I think about it, that is exactly what I was hoping.

Elsa was right. I am immature. I'm too idealistic. Even with everything I have gone through, I keep thinking things will turn out in my favor. They never do.

Isn't it about time I accept the fact that some people simply aren't meant to have an easy way of it?

Fated mate or not, I was never meant to be with Alex. But I wanted him to choose me. For once in my life, I wanted somebody to choose me, and that is why I have been so upset this whole time. I was foolish. Why on earth would he have chosen somebody like me?

It's getting colder, but I don't want to move. The water keeps flowing over my legs, and I welcome the biting cold.

"So, what now, Sophia?" I ask myself tiredly. "What's your next move?"

I will have to stay away from Alex at all costs. That is the only way through this that I can see. But on the other hand, I could accept his sponsorship offer and demand that my identity not be revealed.

There's nothing for me in this town. I don't know if there's anything for me anywhere else in the world, but I don't think I can stay here anymore. I simply don't want to.

I wish I would stop crying. These tears are so useless. But my wolf is mourning. It's curled up in a ball inside me, whimpering. I don't know what to say to give it strength. I don't even know what to say to myself to make my heart hurt any less.

I wish I had never met Alex. All my problems started from the moment I met him.

I rest my head on my arms, closing my eyes.

I need to think long and hard about what my next step should be. I also have to move past this entire situation. Alex was never meant for me. I need to grow up. I need to prioritize what is important to me.

But even as I think about all these things, my heart is still heavy. My body feeling like it's tied down with stones, I sigh and lie down on the beach, staring up at the sky. I don't have the strength to move to a drier spot in the sand. I stare at the sky, at the stars twinkling in a distant galaxy. Lifting my hand, I pretend to catch one of them.

Life would be so much easier if I were up there, away from all the worries of this world.

Curling up in a ball, I close my eyes. I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want silence and peace.

*** **

When I wake up, I'm no longer cold, but I'm still at the beach. For a few seconds, I don't understand what's going on, and then I realize there's something heavy on top of me—a blanket, perhaps. When I open my eyes, I realize it's a jacket. And my head is on somebody's lap. I immediately look up, and the tiny flicker of hope that was starting to kindle within me dies.

It's Noah.

His arms are crossed over his chest, his eyes closed and head lowered. His back is leaning against the brick wall that borders the beach. He must have carried me here at some point during the night, putting his jacket over me to protect me from the cold. When I reach out to touch his hand, I feel how chilly it is.

How long has he been out here like this? I look around and realize that the sun is rising.

I begin to move, taking the jacket off so I can cover him with it, but he immediately wakes up. His first action is to stop me.

"Keep it on," he says calmly. "It's cold out."

"I know," I reply, feeling awful. "Your hands are freezing."

He smiles at me. "I don't really feel it."

I give him a disbelieving look. "Liar."

He holds out his hands to me. "Why don't you warm them up for me, then?"

I take his hands between mine, and I can feel him watching me. When I glance at him, his cheeks are red, and he can't seem to stop smiling.

Does he really care about me this much? Why? There's nothing I can offer him. My own fated mate doesn't think I'm worth anything. Why does Noah? I can't bring him any benefit. I'm not even as educated as he is. He deserves someone like Julia.

Noah suddenly takes his hands away from mine and presses his finger to my forehead. "Whatever you're thinking, don't."

"Why were you out here?" I ask him, adjusting my position so I'm sitting next to him.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He reaches over and tightens the jacket around my shoulders, covering my chest to keep me warm. "It was midnight when I found you. You could have gotten sick, sleeping in the water like that. Or you could've drowned."

I look toward the ocean. The idea doesn't seem very unappealing. But I don't say that to Noah.

"I just felt like sleeping under the stars."

I can tell he doesn't believe me. His hand cups my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin, his voice gentle. "You mean, you wanted to cry under the stars?"

I avert my gaze.

"Who broke your heart, Sophia?"

"Nobody. I was just thinking."

I see regret in his eyes when I look at him. "Was it because of the conversation we had earlier?"

I wish I could say yes, but he looked after me all night long, and the last thing I want is for him to feel guilty for no reason.

"It was a tough day," I say, resting my arms on my knees.

Noah puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in to his chest. There's nothing romantic about the gesture, and I sense that he's merely offering comfort in the form of physical affection.

"Whatever it is, Sophia, I'm confident you can work through it. And if you need my help, I'm right here."

I look up at him, my eyes searching his for something. I don't know what. My heart is beating slowly, painfully. "Why are you doing all this for me? You apologized, and I forgave you. Why are you wasting your time with me, Noah?"

"I don't think being with you is a waste of time. I enjoy spending time with you and looking after you."

I scoff, wanting to believe him but scared to do so. "Impossible." I fall silent, feeling hollow. After a moment, I add, "I can't give you anything. I have nothing."

"There is one thing you can give me," Noah replies quietly before pressing his finger on my chest, right where my heart is. "You could give me this."

"You want my organs?" I ask abruptly because the alternative is absurd.

His lips twitch, and he bursts into laughter. His laugh is so infectious that I have to cover my mouth so I don't follow suit.

"Sometimes you say the most ridiculous things, Sophia." He grins, still chuckling. "I don't want your organs. I have my own. What I want is your heart."

He's still laughing, and I feel silly. "I didn't mean—"

"Oh yes, you did." He waggles his finger at me. "Don't even think of denying it."

I bury my face in my hands, completely embarrassed.

Noah laughs again. "You have to be the densest woman I've ever met. It's one of the most appealing things about you."

He pulls my hands away from my face, forcing me to look at him. "One of the reasons I came here was to apologize to you. I never thought I would fall for you. I'm not asking for an answer right now. I will never push you, Sophia. But I want you to think about it, and I will wait till you're ready."

My heart is pounding in my chest. I'm not physically attracted to him, but knowing someone cares about me this much invokes a different sort of emotion in me. I'm scared to believe it, but he appears to be sincere.

"What do you even like about me?"

It's an immature question, a childish one, but Noah smiles. "I like a lot of things about you, Sophia. I like how uncomplicated you are. I like your smile, the way your eyes sparkle. I also love how big your heart is. I could go on."

"Alright!" I say quickly, flustered. "I think that's enough."

He chuckles. "I like how you become shy so quickly."

I let out a shaky breath. "I don't know what you're looking for in me, Noah, or what I can even offer you. I've never been with anybody before."

He presses his lips against my temple, and I can feel my wolf turn its face away. "Like I said, you can take as much time as you need. Now, come on. Let's go get some breakfast."

He gets to his feet and holds out his hand. I hesitate.

I have no one.

I have nothing.

I'm so tired of being lonely.

Ignoring my wolf's reluctance, I reach out and take Noah's hand.

We head into town to one of the cafés that is usually open at this time and order some eggs and steak. As I sit across from Noah, eating my breakfast, it suddenly hits me that I've never had a meal with someone before. How crazy is that? Unless you count coffee with Rita, I have never shared a single meal with another person. I've always eaten alone.

Punishment by isolation.

Just how many things have I missed out on over the years?

I savor the moment, but my wolf is upset by this new development. It wants its mate.

But Alex doesn't want us , I tell it silently, and I can't force him to. He has someone he loves. He doesn't think we are worthy of him. But someone else does.

It sinks into a deeper depression. I don't know what to do. In time, my wolf will get over this. Perhaps once the fated mate bond lessens in intensity, it will be easier for my beast to let go of Alex.

Noah is in the mood to talk. I answer his questions to the best of my ability, but I'm not entirely present for the conversation.

"I have to go to the security office after this," he tells me as he puts his fork down, his plate wiped clean. "I've increased patrols in the woods, but no sign of the black wolf. I want to be sure, though. I think we're going to do one more run in the woods to check."

The idea of running freely in the woods in my wolf sounds wonderful. I've never experienced a shift, but I can imagine how liberating it must be.

"And I have to get to the bar for work," I say, glancing at the large clock on the wall. "I told Elsa I'd head in early today and help her set up."

Noah sees me out and all the way to the Dancing Bear, even though his destination is on the opposite side of town. He lingers at the entrance, smiling at me. "Do think about what we discussed. I'm in no real hurry, but I am eager to hear your answer."

I watch him walk away from me, my heart racing. It would be so easy to give him the answer he wants. But would that be fair to him? As soon as the thought strikes me, I wonder when the last time was that someone was fair to me.

Noah says he has feelings for me. Maybe I will fall in love with him eventually. I owe it to myself to try, don't I? I know for a fact that if I turn him down, I will never meet anyone else who will treat me with so much affection.

Opening the door, I walk in and see Elsa staring at me from behind the bar, her face white. "What were you doing with Noah?"

"We had breakfast together," I tell her, grabbing a chair off the table closest to me and setting it on the floor.

"What about Alex?"

I take a deep breath, then turn to look at my boss. "You wanted me to confront Alex right? Well, I didn't need to. He's engaged, Elsa. He has a beautiful fiancée. And I am no match for her. That's why he rejected me; he already has somebody in his heart. She was here with him last night."

When Elsa's lips part, I hold up my hand, stopping her before she can speak. "Don't ask me if I'm sure. He was sitting right across from her when she told me she was his fiancée, and he didn't deny it. How much more confirmation do I need?"

"And where does Noah come into the middle of all this?"

I meet her gaze squarely. "Noah says he cares about me. He's been courting me. You can't expect me to wait for Alex my whole life, can you? He doesn't want me, and I don't want to beg for his affection."

"But Alex is—"

"How many more times do I have to say it, Elsa?!" I shout, suddenly distraught. "Alex does not want me! How many times do you want me to have to hear myself say it? He doesn't want me, but somebody else does. Somebody else does care about me. Why can't I choose that person? Why do I have to wait around for the one who is constantly hurting me with his inability to tell me the truth?"

To my surprise, Elsa picks up a bottle of tequila from behind the bar, pours herself a shot, and throws it back. When she looks at me again, her expression is distressed. "I don't think you should be with Noah."

I study her, my heart shrinking in my chest. "Because I'm not good enough to be the Alpha Successor's mate?"

"That's not what I said."

"You don't have to say it, Elsa." I laugh bitterly. "It's written all over your face. And the thing is, I don't disagree. I'm not good enough to be his mate. But he's showing me affection. I've never had that before. I want to be loved, Elsa."

"I have a bad feeling about Noah!" she says abruptly. "It's not about whether you are good enough for him or not. I just don't think this is the best idea."

"Why the hell not?!"

My body tenses, and I can see Elsa struggle to say something, but then it becomes evident she has nothing more to tell me.

"Why can't you just be happy for me?" I persist, feeling upset now. "Unless you think I don't deserve to be happy?"

"How can you say that?!" Elsa replies furiously. "Of course I want you to be happy. But not with Noah. You should be happy with the person who is meant for you!"

I want to rip my hair out at this point. "The person who is meant for me does not want me, Elsa. Am I supposed to crawl to him on my knees and beg him to take me? Is that what you're asking me to do? Because that's what it sounds like from what I'm hearing!"

Elsa's face turns pale, and she whispers, "Of course not."

"Why can't you just be thankful that I'm trying to move on?" I plead. "What is it about Noah that you don't like?"

"He's dangerous," she says tightly. "Noah Black is a very dangerous individual."