Chapter 11

Sophia Hope

I always thought I was a smart person. Level-headed. But I'm beginning to realize that when it comes to Alex Stone, my brain doesn't function the way it should. It's almost as if I can't think straight or use logic where he's concerned.

As I finish cleaning up and putting everything away, my body is simply moving on autopilot. My mind is blank, and I'm scared to let myself feel any emotion because I know what it would be.

Pain.

Hurt.

Humiliation.

Alex wanted to prove a point, and he proved it.

I'm starving by the time I reach my apartment, but I don't have any desire to eat. I just drag myself to bed, pulling the covers over my head and not even bothering to change out of my work clothes.

Why?

I curl onto my side in a fetal position, hiding from the world under my blanket.

Why is he doing this to me? Why can't he leave me alone?

I haven't done anything to him. So, why is he punishing me like this?

Stuffing my fist in my mouth, I finally let myself feel the storm of emotions that has been building up inside me. It's one thing to despise me or think I'm not good enough. But to toy with me as if I don't have feelings?

The sobs that spill out of me are wretched sounds, muffled by my fist. My heart is broken.

I don't know when I fall asleep, but when I wake up, the sun is shining into my eyes through the open curtains, and there is a loud, consistent, banging coming from my front door. My face and eyes feeling swollen, I stumble to my feet and make my way over to the door. I unlock it and see Elsa standing outside.

I stare at her, not knowing what to say, too tired and broken to ask her what she wants. Turning around again, I just walk back into my apartment, heading toward my bedroom.

"Not so fast." Elsa grabs me by the back of my shirt, stopping me in my tracks. "Couch. Now."

"It's too early for a lecture," I complain, my throat raspy.

However, I'm not used to disobeying this terrifying woman, and I sit down in the armchair, folding my legs underneath me. Rubbing my hands over my face, I wonder what she wants. It's very rare for her to show up at my apartment like this. When I look up, she's in the kitchen.

"Did I forget to lock up?" I ask slowly, my head not entirely there.

"No."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"Not yet."

Sighing, I bury my head in my hands. I can hear Elsa moving around in the kitchen. I don't even care to ask what she's doing in there. Right now, I find it hard to care about anything.

I stay where I am, but I want to go back to bed. I don't want to face the world today. My bed would be the most comfortable space for me at the moment—and the safest.

When I hear a soft thud in front of me, I lift my head and see a piping hot cup of coffee on the coffee table.

Elsa sits down on the three-seater couch adjacent to my chair, her own cup in her hand.

"Drink," she orders.

Can she really tell me what to do in my own apartment? I wonder hazily. I'm not stupid enough to ask that, though; I don't want to get my ass handed to me.

I sip the coffee, and the hot liquid wakes me up a little bit more.

My eyes remain focused on the coffee table. I'm not ready to initiate a conversation just yet. It seems that Elsa is of the same mind.

We drink in silence for a couple of minutes. Then I hear her put her cup down, and I know she's looking at me. Warily, I set down my own cup and meet her gaze. "So, why are you here?"

"I went to the bar early this morning." Elsa is wearing an uneasy expression. "I was going through the security footage from yesterday when I saw something from last night."

I freeze.

She must've seen the panic on my face because she immediately says, "I just want to know if you're okay."

"Okay?" The word sounds funny on my tongue as I deflate. "I don't think I've been okay for the last couple of weeks."

Not since I first laid eyes on Alex Stone.

Elsa's tone is serious. "Is that man harassing you?"

I shake my head. "I wouldn't call it harassment per se."

"Are you sure?" my boss demands. "Because if he is, Sophia, I can ban him from the Dancing Bear."

"Really?" I study her, not sure if she means it or not. "He and his companions eat a lot, you know. Banning them would mean losing money. And I know how much you like money."

She lets out a dry chuckle. "That's one way to put it, but if one of my people is being harassed, I'm not going to sit around and watch it happen."

I want to say that he is harassing me, but is he really? I just want him to stay away from me, and this would be an ideal way to make that happen. But it's not as if I'm in the bar around the clock; he'd find other ways of running into me if that's what he wants to do. I can't escape this man—not even in the cage fighting arena. And even though I tried to run away the other night, I simply don't have enough money yet.

"It doesn't matter what you do," I tell Elsa. "You can't get rid of him."

I run my fingers through my hair wearily.

Elsa leans forward. "Do you want to tell me what's going on? You're always on edge around him. It's not like I haven't noticed your interactions."

I could lie to her, but what would be the point?

"Alex Stone is my fated mate," I admit quietly. At Elsa's sharp intake of breath, I add, "He doesn't want me, though. Apparently, I'm not his type. But he also doesn't seem to want anybody else paying attention to me, so he is hell-bent on making my life miserable. So, that's what's been going on."

Elsa's face is pale, and I wonder why she looks more worried than I feel.

"Are you—?"

I cut her off. "Yes, I'm sure."

She gets to her feet and makes as if she's about to leave, but then she stops and turns to look at me again. "He rejected you?"

"Yes."

"Then, why did he kiss you?"

My very core feels like a block of ice, and self-deprecating laughter spills out of me. "Because Noah got me a box of tarts."

Elsa goes still. "What?"

"He dropped off a little box of tarts for me, and Alex saw it. We had words, and then…" I gesture with my hand. "You saw what happened. He had a good time and then immediately regretted touching the latent shifter who's simply not good enough for him."

Elsa stares at me for a moment, and then she covers the distance between us and slaps me upside the head.

"Ow!" I glare at her, rubbing the stinging spot. "What was that for?!"

"Stop being so dramatic," she scolds me. "Has Alex called you latent or said any of those things?"

"No," I mutter, still smarting from the slap.

"Then stop making assumptions."

I glower at her. "He told me I'm not his type! You want me to ask him for an entire essay on what that means?"

"If need be, yes," Elsa replies calmly. "You shouldn't think you know everything that's going on in someone's head. Sometimes you have to fight to get what is rightfully yours. You are each other's fated mates. That is not a small matter. If he says you're not his type, you need to ask him what the hell that means. Don't just start assuming the worst. It's very easy to hurt your own feelings, Sophia. It's the easiest thing in the world. And it's even easier to wallow in self-pity rather than do something about the situation. If you two have been created for each other, then there's no denying you're his type. You are his type in every way. You two were born to complement each other."

She's starting to make me feel foolish. But my tone is bitter when I ask, "Then why did he run away after he kissed me?"

Elsa sits on the edge of the coffee table, facing me. Her voice is steady. "I don't know. But you need to ask him. Before you do anything, before you make any decision, you have to be sure the two of you are on the same page. Misunderstandings happen. And the minute they occur, they complicate everything. My understanding of the fated mate bond is that it's not easy to reject. I may not be one of your kind, but I've traveled the world, Sophia. I know a thing or two. There is no such thing as ‘type' when it comes to fated mates. Fated mates are tied to each other, and there has to be something very drastic for one to reject the other."

I clench my teeth, absorbing her words. "He told me he doesn't want me, Elsa. You want me to beg for his affection?"

"I don't expect you to beg for anything," my boss tells me. "But I expect you to fight to get what's rightfully yours. Like I said, it's easy to keep everything inside and cry over it. Or you can do something about it. Life is too short to whine about problems that can be solved. Ask him. You've been through enough in life that you have the balls to go up to him and demand an answer that makes sense. And once you get that answer, if you think it's something you can work through, that's great. And if you can't, then we'll do something about it."

"We?" I ask hesitantly.

She gives me a warm smile, reaching out and putting her hands on mine. "Yes, we. Did you think I would let you go through this alone? Have I ever let you go through anything alone?"

I shake my head mutely, not trusting myself to speak. She's right. Elsa has been a constant in my life. Not only her, but Drew and Rita, as well. I'm so afraid of trusting people that I always overlook the ones who are willing to be a part of my life. I was wrong: I'm not entirely alone. I do have people who care about me.

"You should've come to me the moment all of this started," Elsa reminds me. "You're young, Sophia. And I know that things haven't been easy for you and that you've had to grow up quickly, but you've also been sheltered in this town. There are a lot of things you don't know. It's okay to ask for help sometimes—or even advice."

I swallow. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for? All I'm saying is that you don't have to go through every tough moment by yourself. I know you're upset right now, but we'll get through this. And as far as your being a latent wolf shifter is concerned, you have other qualities that make you special. I have known you long enough to know the kind of person you are. Alex Stone would be lucky to have you in his life."

I wipe my eyes, her words like a balm on my soul. "Do you really mean that?"

She lets out a small laugh, then pulls me into her arms for a hug. "Sometimes you're like a child. Of course I mean that. And whatever happens, I'm right here."

As I feel Elsa's warmth, some of the tension fades from my body. She's right. I can deal with this. I should simply go up to him and ask. At least then I'll be able to move on. It might be easier said than done, but I don't want to shy away from my problems. There's no point in hiding when I can have it over and done with.

"You have the day off today, so just rest." She pulls away from me and looks me in the eye. "And tomorrow, go deal with your man. Give him a kick in the ass if he needs it."

Elsa gets to her feet, and I glance at the clock, suddenly remembering that Noah said he would pick me up this afternoon.

"I don't think I have time to rest. Noah's going to pick me up in an hour."

"Noah?" Elsa frowns "Where are you going with him?"

I shrug. "I don't know."

Once again, I see that uneasy look in Elsa's eyes, but she doesn't say anything. Nodding slowly, she murmurs, "I'll leave you to it, then." She goes to the door but pauses, her hand on the knob, her voice low. "Just be careful."

Before I can ask her what she means, she opens the door and leaves.

Careful of what?

I don't have time to ponder what she means, so I drain the rest of my coffee and head to the bathroom to get ready. Elsa's words have given me some of my confidence back. She's right: I always have been somebody who tackles problems headfirst. Only when Alex showed up did I start acting out of character. I can't afford to be weak. It's better that I confront him about what he wants and what his intentions are. If he doesn't want to be with me, he needs to give me a reason as to why, a reason I can understand. And then he needs to stay away from me. He can't have his cake and eat it, too.

Feeling more bolstered, I shake off the last dredges of misery that had been clinging to me. After taking a quick shower, I finish getting dressed just in time to hear a knock on my front door.

"Be right there!"

Putting my wet hair up in a bun, I grab my wallet and phone and stuff them into the back pocket of my jeans. As I expected, Noah is on the landing. Compared to my simple blue shirt and jeans, he looks quite dressed up in a navy blue suit.

I look down at my clothes. "Do I need to change?"

He smiles at me, his handsome face lighting up. "You look perfect."

His new, changed behavior makes me wonder sometimes whether the Noah I remember was just a bad dream. The person standing before me is sweet and gentle, and it's hard to reconcile him with the cruel boy from my memories.

"So, where are we going?" I ask as I follow him out of the building.

"I wanted to check out the beach." He glances at me. "It's been a long time since I've been to one. And then, I thought we could grab lunch."

I speak without thinking. "A walk on the beach and lunch? That sounds like a date."

He gives me a careful look. "Would you mind if it were?"

Would I?

I don't know where Alex and I stand, but it sure seems like there's no relationship to speak of at the moment.

"Maybe not a date just yet," I murmur.

Noah accepts this quite easily. "Just two friends spending some time together, then."

"Are we going in your car?" I ask, seeing the Mustang that I know belongs to him parked outside.

He shakes his head. "I thought it might be nicer to walk. The weather is so lovely."

October is fading away, and the icy winds are getting warmer. Not everybody likes the gray skies of springtime here, but I do. I'm pleasantly surprised that Noah feels the same way.

As we begin walking, I glance at him. He's so easy-going, and he's also incredibly handsome. The only problem is that his presence doesn't make butterflies flutter in my stomach. Not the way being near Alex does. With Noah, now that my suspiciousness has faded away, I feel a sort of comfort. A quiet calm.

But there's no attraction.

When Alex is close to me, it feels like I'll combust. His mere touch burns my skin with desire. Even if I dislike him, I can't deny that the attraction between us is growing at an exponential rate. When he ambushed me in the hall by the kitchen at the arena, I felt the hardness in his pants pressed against me, and it made me want to whimper in need.

I wish Noah did the same for me. He's clearly interested in me, for whatever reason. If I could reciprocate, I'm starting to think I would.

Noah takes my feelings into consideration. He's pushy, but not in an uncomfortable way. My opinion matters to him.

We walk along the road that leads to the beach, and he asks, "What do you do in your free time?"

I shrug one shoulder. "I don't have a hobby as such. I usually go for a walk or come to the beach."

He grins at me. "You need to have a hobby. Walks can only take you so far in life."

His smile is so infectious that my own lips curve in response. "Maybe I should take up knitting."

He laughs at that. "I can't imagine you having the patience to knit."

"I think I've become plenty patient in this town. Besides, knitting is one of the only things to do around here. I'm not the strongest of swimmers, so I don't think I should be doing any water-related activities. The ocean may just sweep me away."

It very nearly did.

My thoughts return to Alex. If he hadn't saved me that day, I would probably be lying somewhere at the bottom of the sea. I still don't understand. If he doesn't want me, it would have been easier for him to let me die. But not only did he save me, he was furious that I had put myself in that position, as if it mattered to him whether I lived or died.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not good at reading people's emotions. Maybe the problem lies with me. And then I remind myself that Alex can be quite a jerk when he wants to.

"How about magic?"

I blink, confused by the sudden change of subject. "What about magic?"

Noah glances at me. "Why don't you take on magic as a hobby?"

I give him a surprised look. "I'm a wolf shifter. Shifters can't do magic."

"They can if they have an affinity for it," he informs me.

That takes me aback. "Really?"

"You know the Central Alliance? The white wolves have an affinity for magic. That's one of the reasons they don't interact or engage with the South and North Alliances. Both the South and the North crave power, and they have a history of killing white wolves because they know that shifters with magic are inherently more powerful."

"But I'm not from the Central Alliance," I point out. "I doubt I have an affinity for magic."

Noah's hands are in his pockets as he strolls alongside me. "I'm not saying you have it; I'm saying you can check to see if you do. The fact that the Central Alliance has wolves with an affinity for magic doesn't mean this ability is limited to only them. There have been a few wolves in the other two Alliances who have shown magical abilities. Young children. One of our neighboring packs has a girl with an affinity for magic. The Alpha recruited a witch to teach the child. Of course, her ability is nowhere close to what a white wolf can do, but it's interesting to note that you have something in common with that girl. Her wolf is also latent."

My eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

"I wouldn't joke about such a matter," he says. "It's a possibility that the affinity is linked to the inability to shift. If you want to give it a try, I can get a witch to help you. But only if you're interested. You can take up knitting if you prefer."

His light joke makes me smile faintly, but hope springs within me. "If I end up having an affinity for magic, do you think the pack would finally accept me?"

It might seem that I have no self-respect, which would be understandable considering how I've been treated by the pack. But at the end of the day, I am a wolf shifter. My identity is my pack. Living in packs is important for shifters because it fulfills our need for physical and emotional connections. The fact that I have survived without those things for so many years is a testament to my strength. However, if I don't have to live without them, I don't want to.

Being accepted by your pack is a different sort of love. Wolf shifters thrive on touch, affection, and trust. This is why Rita goes into town at least once every week or two to interact with other pack members. Physical affection is crucial for the animal. Drew doesn't go on pack runs anymore, but I do know that he runs with a few of his old friends, the ones who stood by him.

If I ever got the opportunity to be accepted by my pack, I would take it in a heartbeat. My beast needs it.

Noah gives me a sympathetic look. "They should. With magic, you would no longer be the weakest pack member."

"Then, I would like to learn," I say fiercely.

He's quiet for a moment, and then he asks, "Would you be able to forgive those who turned their backs on you?"

I lower my head to look down at the path in front of me. "I think so. I'm only twenty-five, Noah. I have my whole life ahead of me. As time goes by, I'm going to start going insane without my pack. The only other option would be for me to go rogue."

Noah slows down, and his voice is careful. "Is that something you're considering?"

I immediately close my eyes in regret.

Me and my big mouth.

"Not right now. It's not like that's what I would want to resort to. But I have to do something to survive, don't I? I'm guessing you wouldn't have a very high opinion of me if I'd be willing to forgive all the cruelty I've faced just to be part of the pack here."

He comes to a halt and turns to face me. "I was one of those people who was cruel to you, remember? I just don't like the idea of you forgiving those who mistreated you and looked down on you unless they offer you an apology. They don't deserve your forgiveness otherwise. Even if you're doing it for yourself, I believe forgiveness has to be earned."

I can see his point, but then again, Noah has always been surrounded by the pack, beloved as the Alpha's son. He doesn't understand the stark loneliness that pierces you when you're rejected from your own pack, the deafening isolation of it. Physical touch and affection are extremely lacking in my life. Even though Drew and Rita give me an occasional hug, it's nothing like what I should be enjoying from the pack.

Before my wolf woke up, it was easier to live like this. But ever since it awakened and became vocal, I've started feeling the lack of these things in my life. And I know I'm going to reach a breaking point soon. That was one of the reasons why I was so desperate to leave this pack. If I could shift, it would be a different story. Once I buy my freedom, the Alpha will have no choice but to sever the pack bond with me. It's a painful process, but it would mean that I am no longer part of this pack. Or any pack.

"I don't think going rogue is the answer," Noah murmurs. "It's not easy to survive without a pack."

"I know. But I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this. It's not as if a lot of people are downright cruel to me, but there is a general hostility that I can sense. You haven't been through it, Noah, so you can't possibly understand."

"You're right," he says after a moment. "I can't understand. You're the one who has experienced all this."

He begins walking again, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. "I wish my father had been more understanding. Deliberately isolating you here as punishment is far too cruel—and it's for far too long. You were so young. And none of what happened was your fault to begin with."

I stop him so I can look him in the eye. "What? What're you talking about? What do you mean, deliberately isolating me?"

Noah studies me, his brows knitting together in confusion. "That was your punishment, Sophia. That's why you were sent here. To separate you from the entire pack. That's the reason why nobody has accepted you, even though you've lived here for so long and it's such a small town. You are isolated on the Alpha's orders."