Prologue - Lila

Two years ago

“I’m leaving for training tomorrow,” Miles, my older brother, informs me over a mouthful of porridge.

“Training?” I mull with a frown, tilting my head to one side as I regard my brother’s nonchalant shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, lifting his bowl and scrapes the sides with his spoon. He’s so focused on getting every last drop of his breakfast out that he doesn’t look up at me until he’s satisfied that his bowl is squeaky clean.

It’s his third bowl this morning.

“Ah.” He swallows contentedly, a smile spreading across his face as he sets his bowl down. He reaches over the antique kitchen table to warmly touch my shoulder. “Thanks, little sis,” he offers with a broad grin. “I’m sure gonna miss you spoiling me while I’m gone.”

The frown knotting my brows deepens. “Gone? What are you talking about?”

Miles draws back his hand and frowns back at me. “Did you not pay attention to the meeting this week?”

I can feel the heat crawl across my cheeks as I blush when reminded about the pack meeting this past Sunday.

It’s not that I hadn't been paying attention. I tried very hard to hear Alpha Silas Lycoan’s words as he addressed the Blood Moon Pack. But all his announcements were lost to my ears when all I could hear was the dissonant ringing that began the moment the Alpha’s son walked into the pack den.

Flynn Lycoan.

The thought of his name alone sends a surge of awareness from the base of my spine to my nape, where the fine hairs prickle with the attention I should have redirected at the meeting on Sunday. Shrugging to dismiss the thought of the Alpha’s son, I slap my forehead to feign ignorance while I devise a believable alibi.

It’s not like I can be honest with my brother and tell him that Flynn’s presence on Sunday unsettled me so much that I’ve had to hide behind the four walls of our cabin all week. I called in sick at the pack center, relinquishing my chores with a promise to work double shifts next week.

After all, it could only be a sort of sickness that has me swooning over Flynn Lycoan when I should hate his guts for all the suffering I’ve faced at his hands. Calling in sick has at least allowed me to steer clear of him and rearrange my thoughts so that I would stop imagining a reality in which the Alpha’s son saw me as more than just Blood Moon’s worthless Omega.

“Sunday’s meeting?” I click my tongue. “Of course! Val and I were—”

“Lost in a world of your own?” Miles chuckles lightly when he interjects, shaking his head. Luckily, my brother already knows that when my best friend and I are together, the world around us can easily fade into a blur. That’s why we’d been given different schedules to perform our pack chores at the center.

The pack center coordinator could never stand us being in the same room at any given moment.

“Yes,” I giggle. “I didn’t know about you leaving.”

Miles sighs, his blue, radiant eyes turning soft as he stares at me contemplatively. “I am leaving,” he concedes. “All the soldiers in our pack are leaving tomorrow evening.”

“What for?” I ask.

“Special ops,” Miles says sullenly with a dismissive shrug. “Pack rules, ya know?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t been dreaming of this!” I snort, playfully slapping Miles’s shoulder.

Ever since he connected with his inner wolf and received the ability to shift into wolf form, Miles has been voicing his excitement about the special ops training that takes a handful of male werewolf soldiers to the Ouachita Mountains. It’s a longstanding Blood Moon tradition, which takes place a few years before the current Alpha is set to retire. It’s meant to prepare the male who’s next in line for the Alpha title, along with the soldiers he chooses to help protect the pack during his leadership.

Miles relents with a terse smile. “My only concern is leaving you behind to fend for yourself.”

“Me? Pfft,” I blow a breath through puckered lips, rolling my eyes as I turn my face so my older brother won’t see the disappointment in my eyes. “I’ll be just fine.”

“Are you sure, Lila?”

Inwardly gathering my composure, I nod and offer Miles a reassuring smile as I reach for his hands. After my conflicted feelings on Sunday, I’ve been too focused on the Alpha’s son to realize that my brother would be leaving soon.

That only means that I’ll be on my own, and I haven’t had time to mentally prepare myself for the challenges that will pose.

“Don’t worry about me, Miles,” I encourage, giving his hands a gentle squeeze with my stout fingers. “I have Valerie to keep me company while you’re gone.”

Miles chuckles. “That’s not what I’m concerned about, Lila. We both know how the others can be.”

Or how Flynn Lycoan can be, I think to myself, though I don’t say the words. Right now, I’m grateful for being wolf-less and not sharing the mind link that would allow Miles to hear my thoughts about the Alpha’s son, who happens to be his best friend; if Miles knew that I’d borne the brunt of Flynn’s cruelty for years, that probably wouldn't be the case.

I just can't imagine breaking his heart like that, not when Flynn is the closest thing to a brother he’ll ever have.

Not when Miles is stuck being the older brother of the pack’s only wolf-less, low-ranking Omega.

Me.

“I can handle them,” I boast, tilting my chin pridefully so he doesn’t catch on. “I am a big girl now. It’s time I learned how to defend myself.”

“You’re right,” Miles nods, lips curling into a proud smile. “You’ll be twenty-five soon, it’s about time you learned how to stand up for yourself.” He glances at the grandfather clock in the corner and sighs. “I should get going. The others are waiting for me.”

Plastering a huge, forced smile on my face, I see my brother out of our small cottage. Secluded in the confines of the forest, it’s the only sanctuary I have that’s far away from the rest of the pack. As I watch Miles shift into wolf form near the entrance of the clearing, I sigh with a heavy heart, staring forlornly through the wooden-framed kitchen window.

My shoulders drop with the weight of not being able to fulfill my duties in the werewolf pack I was born into. Unlike everyone else, I didn’t receive the ability to shift into wolf form on my eighteenth birthday.

It’s been seven years of pure hell for me. At every turn, I’m belittled for my fate—a fate decreed by the Moon Goddess Herself. One I’ve spent countless nights questioning, wondering why I’m different, and praying that the Moon Goddess gives me an answer. I even discovered a ritual in the Grime—a book of rituals I found in the Blood Moon’s library—that supposedly appeases the Moon Goddess enough to get a clear answer from Her.

That’s what I’d been doing on Sunday night before the pack meeting was called. It was a full moon, and the ritual called for a blood sacrifice of an animal with a silver blade. I’d found a stray hare hopping around the backyard of our cabin, dug up a hole two feet deep, then slit its throat with a blade that glistened under the full moon’s light, chanting the ancient incantation in German.

I’d followed each step meticulously, but the Moon Goddess has remained silent. Defeatedly sighing, I turn my attention to the dishes in the sink, scrubbing vigorously at each plate as tears pool in my eyes and blur my vision.

This is how I spend my days—cooking and cleaning in the quiet cabin that’s void of a mother’s love while my brother spends his time training beside the Alpha’s son without a father’s applause. Because we’ve had each other, we’ve hardly suffered the absence of our parents.

Until now, when I’m faced with the daunting reality that my brother will be gone soon. Wiping the back of my hand across my cheek where a stray tear has rolled down, I sniff and try getting it together.

It’s not like I have a choice.

“Lila!”

I’m suddenly torn from my sulking when a familiar, cheery voice bursts through my thoughts, just as my best friend bursts through the front door. With a bubbling smile and a spring in her step, Valerie rushes forward and flings her arms around my neck.

The relief that washes me over me douses my sorrow as her embrace warms me up. I’ve learned to count my blessings despite the many reasons I have to remain in a state of victimhood, and Valerie’s friendship is one of the things I’m most grateful for, the reason for the smile that tugs my lips right now, even if I can’t hug her back with my soapy hands.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you, Val,” I sigh as I pull back and grab a towel to dry my hands.

Valerie’s eyes light up. “I know Miles is leaving tomorrow, and I sensed that you needed to be comforted.”

“Sensed?” I scoff, rolling my eyes. “It’s not like that’s possible.” Of course she wouldn’t “sense” my feelings—not when I’m without a wolf.

“Oh, Lila…” Valerie whispers apologetically, her eyes saddening as she places a hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re my best friend.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I’m just feeling a lil’ sensitive, that’s all.”

“Understandably so,” she concedes. “Have you heard anything from the Moon Goddess yet?”

I can’t help but laugh at how absurd her question is. “You make it sound as if She’s a phone call away,” I snort, flinging the towel on the counter as I reach for a clean glass. “Perhaps the Moon Goddess has completely abandoned me. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Don’t give up hope, Lila. Maybe you’ve just gotta try harder,” Valerie offers with hope laced on her tongue.

I’ve heard that hopeful tone before—for seven years, to be precise. All I can do is sigh wistfully, knowing that there’s no light at the end of this dark tunnel of my fate.

I am a wolf-less werewolf, born to the Hargis family of werewolves in the Blood Moon Pack of Zafra. I am the black sheep of my family, and it’s not just the sheep’s clothing I wear. Beneath the ample layers of vulnerable flesh and cellulite, I’m not hiding a wolf.

I’m as weak and worthless as any ordinary human.

“Try harder?” I lament, taking a sip of earthly spring water that flows through our taps. “It wasn’t so hard for everyone else to receive their wolves. You, Miles…everyone in the pack connected with their inner wolves on their eighteenth birthdays. I’ve surpassed the timeframe of hanging on to hope. I don’t see why I need to try harder.”

“Because your brother is leaving, Lila,” Valerie reminds me, her stern tone startling me into a gasp. She ignores my reaction and proceeds to scold me. “You were born from two werewolves. You can’t remain wolf-less forever. It’s impossible.”

“What do you suggest I do, huh?” I snap back at my best friend. “The ritual I found in the Grime was pointless. The Moon Goddess doesn’t want to speak to me, let alone gift me with a wolf.”

Valerie sighs, silently following me into the living room where I pick up the broom and begin sweeping. Without warning, she grabs the wooden handle of the cleaning tool and huffs.

“Show the Moon Goddess that you’re determined and capable of connecting with your inner wolf,” Valerie declares sternly, clutching the broom with both hands as she glares at me with contempt. “Get out of your head, go out there”—she nods toward the front door—“and show the Moon Goddess that you won’t take no for an answer.”

“It’s not like she’d given me a definitive 'no,'” I protest. I haven’t received any sign from the Moon Goddess that She accepted my blood sacrifice of the rabbit.

“Lila!” Valerie aims the tip of the broom handle between my eyes.

Despite how ridiculous she looks right now, wielding a broom like a weapon against me, I can’t help but relent.

Truthfully, I’m tired of constantly feeling weak around the members of the pack. If only I could connect with my inner wolf, I wouldn’t dread being alone. Without Miles for Goddess-knows how long, I have to do whatever I can to protect myself.

“Fine,” I concur, straightening my shoulders and nodding. “I’ll do whatever it takes to connect with my inner wolf.”

“That’s my girl!” Valerie proudly declares as she drops the broom and slips her arm through mine. She leads me through the door, proudly marching into the woods.

I don’t have to ask where we’re headed as we cross the marshes behind the Hargis cottage. The path leading to the willow weeping over the small body of water in the clearing south of Zafra is a road less traveled, forged only by our footsteps ever since we were children, sneaking out here whenever the other Blood Moon wolves were nowhere to be seen.

The crystal water that pools in the earth’s natural indent glistens with a golden hue across the surface, my fingertips tingling with the sudden urge to dive right in. The pond is only full in spring, when the sun isn’t scorching enough to lap up the rainfall, creating the perfect pool for us to swim in. Valerie removes her arm from mine and then turns to face me.

“I’ve formulated a plan,” she begins, propping her hands on her waist as if she’s about to lecture me. “You’ll have to quiet your mind and—” Valerie sighs then, lifting a hand to defeatedly slap her forehead. “I almost forgot…I have kitchen duties,” she says apologetically. “Dorothy will have my neck if I’m late again.”

I grit my teeth in recognition of her fear. “Go ahead, Val. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble because of me.”

“Come on,” she nods her head in the direction of the woods. “I’ll walk you home.”

I glance at the shimmering surface of the body of water, its gentle ripples beckoning me to stay back and take a moment to be by myself. I shake my head, offering Valerie a smile.

“You go on, Val. I think I’m gonna stay here for a little while.”

“You sure?” she perks up a brow. “I mean, will you be okay?”

I chuckle nervously, taking a look around to scan my surroundings. The vast empty space of the clearing feels safe enough for me to be outside by myself. Though I’m fearful of being ridiculed by the members of the Blood Moon Pack, I see no danger right now.

I’m free to be my wolf-less self for now.

“I’ll be fine,” I assure my best friend. “I just need some time alone.”

“I promise we’ll pick up where we’ve left off. I think my plan will work this time.”

“I can’t wait to hear all about this great plan,” I admit, because truthfully, I know I need to find a way to uncover my inner wolf. For the sake of my own preservation in this pack, where being the wolf-less, overweight Omega has caused more suffering than sympathy for my condition.

Valerie winks before turning and disappearing through the woods, leaving me all by myself on the outskirts of Zafra’s picturesque forest. I sigh as I turn my attention to the serene body of water, hitching up my skirt to squat at the edge.

Taking a deep breath, I soak up the scent of trees and earth as I dip my hand into the water. The temperature is cool enough to douse the worries I have about Miles going away.

My only consolation is that Flynn Lycoan, the future Alpha of Blood Moon, will be gone, too. After facing the brutality of his vicious taunts for many years, I can only hope and pray that his departure will mean better pastures ahead with my current standing in the pack.

It’s only because the others have heard him mock me that they’ve joined in on his smear campaign. It’s a wonder that my brother hasn’t caught wind of how Flynn treats me.

Or that my heart hasn’t caught wind of it, either.

I scoff under my breath, the foolishness of my long-standing crush on Flynn being the bane of my existence. Perhaps it’s because I’m a female werewolf who innately senses the imposing presence of the male future leader. That’s the only explanation I have for feeling drawn to Flynn despite how horribly he treats me.

It doesn’t help that Flynn is the most broodingly handsome male in the pack. It’s not like I can help being attracted to him. I’m a female, and the other females our age swoon and worship the ground he walks on. I might not fit in because of my condition and because I’m not as stunning as a runway model, but at least I can say that I share the sentiments of the other females in the pack.

I open my eyes and stare at my reflection on the iridescent surface of the water that acts as a mirror, my fingertips causing a ripple effect that’s almost hypnotizing. My long locks of blonde waves billow out to one side with the gentle breeze, a wind that carries over the sweet scent of jasmine flowers. I frown when I recall that those flowers only exist on the north side of Rosette Valley. I’m about to tear my gaze from my mirror of water when I see Flynn’s face reflected next to mine.

Shrieking in surprise, my attempt to stand up quickly has me losing my footing. I hold my breath instinctively, quick reflexes preparing to plunge into the pool as I shut my eyelids.

But the plunge doesn’t happen. Instead, a pair of strong hands capture my arms and pull me to stand. Hands that burn like fire through each layer of my flesh, igniting the blood in my veins and piercing my eardrums with a faint ringing that has me snapping my eyes open, my heart skipping a beat when I meet the intruding depths of Flynn Lycoan’s amber eyes.

The same dissonant ringing I heard the other night at the pack meeting, after completing the blood sacrifice to connect with the Moon Goddess. It’s here now, resounding in my eardrums as goosebumps pebble across the flesh of my forearms and my heart begins to race.

Flynn’s eyes turn to swirls of golden pools, drawing me in and immersing me in the distinct scent of flowers that don’t bloom close enough to spread their fragrance in the air. He doesn’t release my arms, a frown growing on his face that reflects my own confusion.

Am I dreaming? Or do his eyes really flit to my lips for a fleeting second before he captures my gaze again, a stare so hypnotizing that the ringing in my ears turns into a tiny voice that begins to chant a single word in my mind—a word that makes absolutely no sense, given our circumstances? A word that doesn’t stop reverberating in my mind, even when I search the sharp features of Flynn’s face for a way to disprove it. But tracing his sharp jawline, mapping the way his plump lips remain parted, and noticing the gentle sway of dark tresses falling down his forehead only serves to make the voice louder in my head.

“Lila…?” Flynn hesitates, his usually raspy, deep male voice nothing more than a whisper.

“M-mate….” The word skitters off my tongue, joining the chanting in my mind and ringing in my ears. It’s a word that means everything and nothing at the same time. Everything, because my heart pulls forward as if reaching out to Flynn. Nothing, because of his horrified frown and gasp when he abruptly releases his grip on my arms.

“What did you just—?” Flynn’s question is cut off by the sudden appearance of a group of female Blood Moon wolves.

The group I didn’t hear approaching, too caught up in my trance-like state. A trance that I suddenly snap out of the moment I hear Cynthia’s voice.

“Oh, look what we have here…”

The last thing I need right now is to be cornered by the Delta’s daughter, who slides her arm through Flynn’s as he remains glowering at me with disbelieving, accusing eyes.

I should run, I think, eyes flitting across our surroundings before my vision is pulled back to Flynn as if it’s being controlled by a rubber band. He hasn’t stopped glaring, a look of deep disgust on his face as his nostrils flare.

“Did you just call Flynn your mate?” Cynthia chuckles sadistically, her group of lackeys joining in on the chorus of amused laughter.

My heart pounds, only now it’s because I’m fearful of what comes next. Out here, in broad daylight, there aren’t any shadows I can stick to. Not after what just happened, and the word I spoke aloud.

What have I done?

Cynthia hangs on to a stunned Flynn, caressing his arm as she looks at me with a revolted glint in her eyes. “What a joke, Omega,” she spits the word as if it’s bitter on her tongue. “You don’t even have a wolf. How dare you think you could ever be Flynn’s mate?”

“Looking like that, too,” Gloria, one of Cynthia’s minions, chimes in with a click of her tongue. “Maybe you should try cardio instead of chasing after Flynn.”

Another round of ruthless laughter fills the air, a shiver of sheer panic coursing down my spine. I turn my eyes on Flynn, hoping, praying that he silences them.

I couldn’t have imagined the softness I just saw in his eyes—a stark contrast to his usual behavior around me—but when he murmured my name earlier, I could have sworn it wasn’t as cruel as he always is.

Flynn gulps, turning his face to Cynthia when she cups his cheek.

“I hope the Omega wasn’t bothering you, honey. She seems awfully misguided, don’t you think?”

Flynn nods as he turns back to me, a menacing glint in his eyes now, as if he’s just been bewitched by Cynthia’s presence. Gone is any trace of compassion I thought I sensed, making me realize that I can’t trust my senses at all. Without a wolf, I’m disconnected from any intuition I would have had.

That’s why I made a grave error, calling Flynn my mate.

“Misguided?” Flynn scoffs derisively, shaking his head. “More like crazy. Do you think I’d ever wanna be with a worthless Omega? Please!” he chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“Of course. She’s just a fat piece of nothing. A baby elephant!” Cynthia giggles.

I coil into myself, shoulders curling as I hang my head in an attempt to shut their voices out. I’ve faced them so much over the years—especially Cynthia—but their bullying doesn’t cease to sting where it hurts the most. The Delta’s daughter had once been a friend, until she received her wolf and realized that I was handicapped in that department.

Ever since my eighteenth birthday, I’ve been packing on weight as if my metabolism is non-existent. It’s only added to my low standing in the pack, where even the Alpha’s son laughs at the joke.

“Baby elephant, huh?” he quips through a laugh, turning rueful eyes on me. “I suppose you are considered a baby, since you haven’t reached werewolf puberty yet.”

A round of horrendous laughter fills the air around us, but it isn’t as petrifying as the ringing in my ears that hasn’t subsided. It’s that electric pulse that thrums in my head that has me lifting my head to look at Flynn with disappointment filling my chest.

The others can laugh and dig at me all they want; it’s not like I haven’t heard it all before. “Baby elephant” is the least brutal of their taunts, while his adding fuel to the fire is worse than I thought it would be.

My heart races at the speed of light as I frown at Flynn in particular. The tips of my fingers tingle with a sudden urge to reach out and question why he’s making fun of me.

I know why, but my heart feels restless. Unexplainably so. I know I shouldn’t have spoken that word out loud when I’ll never be fit for the Alpha’s son. I shouldn’t be feeling drawn toward him, like a magnetic pull is compelling me to take a treacherous step forward that threatens my steadiness.

I purse my lips, unable to say another word that might get me into more trouble, and not brave enough to stand against the future leader of the Blood Moon Pack. The consequences of speaking against the Alpha’s son might be as terrible as getting cursed by the pack’s leader.

Cynthia steps forward, towering over me like a hot flame licking at my already dampened spirits. “You might be in love with Flynn, baby elephant. But everyone knows that I’ll be the next Luna of Blood Moon. Don’t you forget that,” Cynthia grates out as she stabs a finger in the center of my chest.

I gulp hard, flicking my eyes over at Flynn in a last-ditch attempt to validate what I thought I felt for him, what I thought I sensed. Instead, he comes over and places his arm over Cynthia’s shoulder.

I shouldn’t be feeling this way, jealousy coursing through my veins as Flynn gazes at her, sending acrid bile rising in my throat.

“When I return from special ops training,” he begins telling Cynthia before turning his disdainful eyes back on me, “no one will ever be mistaken again.” He plants a kiss on the top of her head, his eyes never leaving mine. “When I become Alpha, I will make you my mate and Luna of this pack.”

The ringing in my ears becomes painful, slicing through my eardrums just as my heart feels as if it’s being squeezed in my chest—squeezed so tightly, then released to beat unsteadily as if it’s about to thud right out of my chest. The pull forward is strong, and it makes no sense that I feel this way.

I shouldn’t feel anything for Flynn Lycoan, not when he’s out here belittling me. I shouldn’t feel anything for the Alpha’s son when I know that I’m just a lowly Omega without a wolf.

I’ve never felt this way before, a deep, inner compulsion blurring my vision and setting my pulse alight. The words I feel compelled to say in my defense dangle on the tip of my tongue, against my better judgment, but still present enough to have me questioning my sanity.

I open my mouth, a tiny squeak leaving my lips as I bite back the intense urge to tell him how I really feel. I've had enough mockery for one day, and I just want to hide and never see the light of day again.

It’s the tiny squeak that has them laughing at me again, Flynn scoffing as he glares at me.

“Whatever you think you feel, Omega,” he spits as if my rank is poisonous on his tongue, “I will have you know that you’re delusional. You’re nothing to me, and you never will be.” Flynn lifts a finger and points it in my face. “Just to be clear, I, Flynn Lycoan, reject you, Lila Hargis, as anything to me.”

Those words cut deeper than anything I’ve ever heard; not just to my ears, but the pain slices through my chest as if Flynn Lycoan just stabbed me through the heart.

The weight of his clear rejection momentarily freezes me in place, the rest of the group joining in to mock me about my thoughtless confession.

“Who does she think she is?”

“Has she taken a look in the mirror lately?”

“An Omega claiming to be the future Alpha’s mate? What a joke?”

This time, the ringing in my ears is all their mockery, the jabs they make now that they have more reason to make fun of me. I see Flynn for what he truly is, the trance finally wearing off so that I can see clearly.

I can’t take it anymore. I just made the biggest fool of myself while Flynn Lycoan, my brother’s best friend and future Alpha of Blood Moon, glares at me contemptuously, his lips quivering with disgust.

Not only am I the pack’s overweight, wolf-less Omega, but I have just been publicly rejected by the pack's future alpha.

My life is doomed, and all I can do is run away in a fit of tears while the taunts of the pack follow me into my cabin, even after I’ve thrown myself on my bed to sob into my pillow.