Chapter 30

I stare at the ceiling as I lie on the bed. There's nothing else to be looked at when it is quiet here.

Melzul is somewhere by my side. He seems to think that I may fall into pieces at any time and he has to keep watching.

I sigh. "I'm fine."

He shakes his head. I'm not looking at him, but the bed shifts as he moves. "No, you aren't. But it's okay to be stressed about it."

I sigh again. Maybe I can be honest with him. "I don't feel okay at all."

"I don't mean to be mean, but when there are only the two of us here, I think I can tell you this."

That... I'm the worst being ever? That I can't seem to do a thing without it going wrong?

He is quiet, seemingly watching for my reaction. I hate it. He should just keep talking. I'm always the one wanting him to shut up, but for now, I need him to talk.

I'm curious, but not curious enough to ask him to talk. I'm not giving him such satisfaction.

He pats my shoulder. "You know I love you and see how hard you work to make sure everyone's fine, but... The world won't end if you aren't there and if you don't work as hard."

What did he just say?

I'm about to argue with him when he hushes me. He continues, "I know, I know. You've been trying your best, and you've done a lot for them. I'm not taking that away. Maybe all I'm trying to say is that you deserve more kindness than you've been giving yourself."

I blink, not sure whether I should trust him. He sounds reasonable, but I'm not sure about that.

It is probably a bit too wild to imagine everything will crash and burn just because I'm not there. Maybe that's... thinking a bit too highly of myself. But at the same time, I can't make myself sit around and not try something.

I get up and off the bed. I'm not falling asleep, anyway.

Melzul hisses at me at once. "Where're you going?"

"Nowhere. I just have to get out of bed." I walk from one end of the room to the other. "I don't know what I want to do."

"I've told you. We'll sleep through the night and we'll figure it out tomorrow."

"No, that's not what I want to do." There's a nudge in my stomach and something that keeps bugging me, but I can't figure out what that is.

"Stop."

"No!" If I don't keep moving or do something, I'll go insane.

"Hey!" I yelp when Melzul grabs me from behind. "What are you doing?"

"That's what I meant to ask you. What are you doing? It's okay to let others make their decision. Imagine, if it's just you, if you weren't the leader of this village and no one has ever told you to take care of everyone, what would you be doing instead? What if you were just like the others here, working on the settlement, hoping for a payout from the company?"

I take a breath as his warmth wraps around me and nudges my mind elsewhere. I don't even know what I was worried about, but I can't get that off my head.

Melzul strokes my stomach. "Focus on my question."

That... What would I do if I were one of the villagers?

He asks, "Now that you've been working without getting paid, and far away from everyone you know, you have a chance to go home, are you going home?"

I sigh. I understand his point. "I don't know."

He lets out a soft grunt. Maybe he'd think I should be better at making up my mind, but...

I say, "I'd love to go back there. I can always find another job. And since we're abandoned, I won't feel sorry to sell off all the machinery and things here, which will be worth something for all the work we put in. But... I think I like this place too. There's just us, and we are pretty happy working as a team."

"So... Are you worried that many of them will leave and things won't be the same anymore?"

I take a breath when tears fall before they give a warning. Melzul kisses the back of my neck, still holding me close to him.

I gasp. Maybe that's what bugs me... "I think so... If I go home with Vikul, I'll lose everything here. But if I stay, I'll lose what's back there, not to mention if a lot of us are leaving, it won't be the same here anymore and I'll lose that too. It feels like..."

He turns me around and gathers me closer to his chest.

I sob even harder, leaning into him. "It feels like there's no right decision to be made. Now that Vikul knows we are here, we aren't stranded, so I can technically travel between home and here, but it is different."

He grabs me off the floor and puts me on the bed. "Here, rest on the bed first."

He joins me after he adjusts the pillow and makes sure my head's on it the right way before he joins me by my side. I roll around to hug him. I need something to do with my hands before I start doing dumb things with them. "What would you do if you were me?"

I wish it were easier. But... It may be easier if I know what the others are going to do, but... what if they are waiting to see what everyone will do too?

He lets out a soft sigh as he strokes my back. Maybe he is thinking about that too. For him, as long as he stays away from other uzains, he won't care where he is.

All I know is that I want to be with him. Maybe Melzul is good for me for more than annoying me. And... I still don't know for sure whether I agreed to be his mate. Not that I'm regretting it, but that feels right. The problem is, I've never been someone who relies on my gut instinct, yet something about him screams differently.

He kisses my forehead. "It must be hard. To be honest, I have no clue either. I can't imagine having to make one tough choice after another."

"Just tell me what you would have done."

He remains quiet again. I punch his stomach, but all he does is smile wryly. Not that I punched to try to hurt him, but I just... have too much nervous energy that I have to get rid of.

"Melzul... I didn't become your mate just so you can cuddle with me."

"I promised strong arms and great hugs."

I narrow my eyes on him. I know he is just joking and messing with me and I shouldn't be mad. But he is driving me crazy.

He clears his throat. "I mean... Maybe you should discuss it with others tomorrow. I think you will figure it out tomorrow when everyone has the chance to sleep over the news."

I huff and roll my eyes at him. In the end, he still didn't answer my question.

He says, "Look, I'm trying to imagine myself in your shoes, but we come from such a different past that it's hard to make it accurate and fair. If you want a straight answer, then I'd stay here. If I spent the effort building up everything, I'd want to be here. But... If no one else is staying, I'd have to leave with the group. There's no way you or only a few beings can manage this place. I suppose you can buy more robots, but that'll be different."

So he says a ton of words that don't mean a lot and still don't help with our situation. I've been thinking about that for longer than I can remember and I can't come to a conclusion. It's not like I'd expect him to be good enough to give me the solution I needed, but at least he can be a bit more useful. Not to mention...

He presses a finger on my lips. "It seems like you're a lot less patient than I expected."

I look away from him. I know he is probably right about waiting. But...

His finger remains on my lips. "Sometimes, you have to wait to see what's going to happen. Just sleep and chill here with me."

He pats my side. "Here, deep breath. We will know what to do tomorrow. I'll always be there for you. I'm never leaving my mate."

I stare at the ceiling once again. Maybe... Maybe I should learn my lesson. I couldn't have done a thing before Melzul crashed his spaceship here, and I couldn't make Vikul arrive sooner. Maybe I can't know what's on everyone's mind before tomorrow either.

Melzul is asleep already. His arms drape over me as if he will keep an eye on me even though he is sleeping.

I let out a breath. At least he promised good hugs and an extra brain cell for me.

He has a handsome sleepy smile, which warms me. It's not that bad to take my mind off my worries for once.

And I have Melzul here with me. I kiss his shoulder, hoping I won't wake him. He'll be there with me all the time.