Chapter 16

sixteen

. . .

ADDY

Alil had handled the first night's walk better than I had expected him to, but he was paying for it today.

"How do you feel now?" I asked him.

He pursed his lips and shook his head.

After a few deep breaths, he finally forced out a word.

"Bad," he mumbled and then clapped a hand over his mouth as though speaking would make his stomach empty out again.

He had been puking all day while we should have been sleeping. I had buried it all in the sand each time, but it didn't seem like he was getting any better.

I grimaced and stroked back his hair. I felt awful.

"Perhaps we should have stayed back there after all," I said, sadly.

He shook his head, but still had his hand clamped over his mouth.

After a while, he laid back, covering his eyes with his inner elbow. He looked exhausted and I didn't blame him at all. The sun was scorchingly hot, even with the tarp offering us some shade. Being in such discomfort after spending the entire night walking would be hard on anyone but Alil was pregnant and already unwell. The more we moved, the faster we would be home. I couldn't let him go through this much longer... but I didn't quite know how to make it any better.

If I could just carry him for periods of time… I already knew he would argue with that idea. Maybe it would work if we could fashion a sled from the tarp.

"I'm sorry," Alil mumbled piteously.

"For what?" I asked.

He paused for a long moment and then laughed quietly.

"I don't even know," he admitted. "I just feel sorry."

I bent, frowning and kissed his lips.

"I am the one who should be apologizing, I think that's pretty obvious."

He started to argue, but I cut him off with another kiss because, even thought I knew it was wrong that we were mated now, I couldn't get enough of those lips on mine.

"I'm sorry that we are in this situation, but I promise I will get you home as quickly as possible."

He swallowed and nodded.

"Okay, Addy," he mumbled. "...love you..."

I was pretty sure he was asleep by the time the word trailed off, exhaustion finally winning.

Would this heat be okay for the baby? I wondered. I didn't think it could be. There was probably an exhaustive list of things omegas would do for a successful pregnancy and Alil was being kept from all of that.

I laid down next to him, not close enough to heat him up even more, but close enough that I could feel his robe brushing my arm so that I did not feel so alone.

Alil was the most supportive, beautiful hearted person that I had ever known. He was good enough that he had even forgiven my ridiculous actions. He didn't deserve any suffering. Neither did the innocent being growing within him.

I shut my eyes, thinking hard about what to do, but the options were limited.

We had been deserted out here.

I wasn't sure what had happened to the others, but we were on our own now and I really felt that.

I had never been on my own before.

Suddenly my parents were on my mind. I had thought of them a few times since this had started. They were probably worried about where I had disappeared to. They were most likely angry because me and Alil were both gone and well, I had a feeling that people could guess that we were gone together. Especially since other omegas were missing too. One for each alpha. It would look bad. Just as bad as it was.

My parents had spent the past few months trying to gently guide me. Trying to get me to rejoin the family and spend time with them. Trying to teach me, while allowing me to make my own mistakes.

They had always been good to me that way.

They had never been too disappointed in me, but I had a feeling that would change now.

Still, I wanted them to be here. For some reason, I just felt like they would know what to do.

"What would Al-mother do?" I wondered aloud.

She would take charge, reassure everyone that everything was going to be okay and then we would carry on. And even though nothing had changed, everyone would feel more motivated and confident about the journey.

I needed to be that person now, for Alil's sake. I was an alpha after all, I had made that the most important part of me for a while now. I had been on a crusade to prove what a strong alpha I was, but now, that didn't seem as important as being real. I had never been over the top strong and confident. I had never been a leader.

Sighing, I pushed the thoughts away and tried to rest.

I didn't get much sleep, but I did dose while Alil slept.

When the sun finally dipped lower on the horizon, I sat up and prepared something small to eat in case Alil was able to stomach it.

"Is that for me?" he asked.

I glanced over, finding him awake and watching me.

"Yes, are you hungry?"

He nodded.

"Starving."

Pleased, I set the wrapped meat in front of him and helped him to sit up.

He leaned on me once he was sitting, and my stomach squirmed because I knew he needed the support to stay upright.

"I'm going to pull you tonight," I said. "On the tarp."

His eyes widened.

"What? Don't be silly Addy."

He reached for the food and took a bite, shutting his eyes appreciatively.

I watched him eat for a while until he glanced at me.

"I'll be able to walk. It will be too much for you to have to pull me along."

"It will be faster," I argued. "And the sooner we are home, the better."

"You will get too tired."

"I'll rest when we are back in Diwan."

He stared at me for a minute and then sighed and set down his food.

"Fine," he muttered. "But only if I get tired."

I wanted to argue more but held my tongue.

"There's still time before we should go. Finish eating. You will need your energy."

He shook his head.

"I fear if I take another bite it will end up in the sand again."

He handed me his leftovers.

I finished them so they wouldn't go to waste. I would need the energy anyway, but it felt wrong to take it when he had eaten so little.

"Come on," I said, standing just as the sun set.

It was still hot, but wouldn't be for long.

Alil stood and tried to help packing up until he was bent double breathing hard and swaying.

It didn't seem like he could stand straight, let alone walk, but I had agreed to his trying until he was tired, so I kept my mouth shut and kept the tarp at the top of the bag so that I could reach it easily once it was time.

We held hands as we went, mostly so that Alil could lean on me. He did with increasing weight as the evening progressed.

Eventually, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders to hold him steadier.

"Perhaps you could tell me another story," I suggested. "One with an ending this time."

Alil shook his head.

"Can't," he muttered. "I can barely think."

His voice was so quiet and weak that I stopped dead and looked up at the sky. The night was still young. There were hours ahead of us and I didn't even know how many nights of this we would have to go through. If I was fast enough, could we be there by morning? Or would we be out here for days on end while my love became weaker and weaker?

"That's enough now," I said, and stepped back only far enough away to reach into the pack and pull out the tarp.

Alil didn't argue when I spread it out on the sand and tried to figure out how to tie it around me.

In the end I secured two of the ends around my waist and Alil sat with his back toward the lifted part so that he could lean back.

It wasn't ideal, but as I started to walk, I realized that I really could go a lot faster and that made the extra weight worthwhile.

I would push myself to the limit to get him to a medic or anyone who knew what to do with a pregnant omega.

He didn't even feel that heavy at first.

But as the hours dragged on, my arms and legs began to tire. Plus, my tail seemed forever in the way of his makeshift sled. It was constantly running over the tip of my tail until I had to hold it out to the side at an awkward angle until my lower back began to ache.

I looked into the distance, desperate to see any sign of civilization.

There was something there. It didn't look quite like the city though.

Frowning, I squinted at the dark shadow across the horizon before my heart sank with the realization that it was the jungle.

"Dammit," I muttered.

"What is it?" Alil asked at once.

I wondered if I should tell him but quickly realized that I couldn't lie to him.

"We've veered slightly to the west," I said, sighing. "I can see the edge of the jungle."

He didn't say anything and when I glanced over my shoulder, he was looking off into the distance trying to make it out.

"Don't worry," I said. "It won't add much to our journey. At least we can use it as a guide to head in the right direction."

"It will lead us home," he agreed.

We both fell silent again, but that meant there was nothing to concentrate on other than the pain shooting through my back. I tried not to let my wincing show and just kept walking until I was sure Alil must have fallen asleep back there.

"I feel much better now," he suddenly said, making me jump. "Stop for a moment so that I can stand."

I did, relieved to have a moment's rest.

When Alil stood though, he was wrapped up in the blankets and looked worse than when we had started.

"You lied," I said.

"Yes, well, you needed a break," he agreed nonchalantly. "Sit down for a minute."

"We don't have an extra minute, Lili, you need a medic."

He frowned, gritting his teeth.

"This baby is already ruining everything," he hissed.

Shocked, I didn't know what to say for a moment.

"I thought..."

I didn't continue. I had thought that Alil was excited about having a baby but, I realized, he had never said that he was. He had only complained about having to leave.

"Do you not want the child?" I asked uneasily. If that was the case, he was going to be unhappy for this whole pregnancy, maybe even longer.

"It's not that," he said, his angry frown turning into a pout. "I just want someone to blame, I suppose. I feel sicker than I ever have. I am extremely dizzy and faint. I can't keep food down. I had to leave our oasis before I was ready, and we couldn't even enjoy the last bit of time that we had alone together."

"Lili," I murmured, stepping up to him and engulfing him in my arms. "I'm sorry."

He leaned into my embrace, and I could feel him trembling.

"On top of that," he went on, his voice muffled against my chest, "now you are in discomfort too, dragging my tail all the way across the desert because I'm useless."

I squeezed him tighter.

"I don't mind."

"But I do!"

He pulled back to look at me, the moonlight making him look like he was painted blue. His eyes, wide and worried, still glinted purple.

"I'm afraid."

"Lili..."

"What if it takes days and we don't make it all the way back?"

"That wont?—"

"Addy, if something is wrong with me and I die?—"

"Don't say that!"

"I don't know if traveling like this is safe. I don't know if this heat is safe. I thinkhow I'm feeling is normal, but what if it's not?"

I could barely breathe as his fears became my own.

If he died...

"If I die, you will too. That's what scares me the most. And the beautiful life that I've envisioned for us will never have a chance to become reality."

I shut my eyes and pulled him against my chest, holding him tightly.

"We are both still here right now," I said, reminding us both. "We can hold each other and feel each other's hearts beating."

He squeezed me as I said it and I felt a little bit better. Better enough anyway to draw back just far enough to look him in the eyes.

"You are right. For all we know, there is nothing unusual happening to you. Have you known any other pregnant omegas?"

"One, but I was much too young to pay very much attention. I did speak to Alex a few times while he was pregnant with Aurora, but he is a very pleasant person and if he had any issues, he didn't say."

I nodded, thinking back. I didn't know Saar or Alex very well, but I knew that Saar was a very decent alpha and had only heard good things about his human mate. Despite that, it had annoyed me that Alex was even on our planet once the humans had started to change things but that was something that made me feel shame now.

"So, we don't have any experience with pregnancies."

Alil nodded, looking thoughtful now, instead of panicked.

"I know it is supposed to be difficult, and that omegas do often get sick at the start."

"Well, that's comforting, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's just that I don't know how much of this is normal."

"Then let's assume it is all normal," I suggested. "And if it is not, we will deal with that when we get to Diwan."

Alil took a deep breath, held it for a moment with his eyes closed and then nodded, finally releasing it.

"You're right," he finally said. "I'm sick, I'm worried about what will happen to us, and I'm cold, so my mind went into a panic about losing everything; my health, the baby, you."

"You'll never lose me. We made sure of that with this."

I pressed my lips to his, reminding him of our unbreakable mating bond. Our souls were one now and I knew quite completely that I could not love without him. Even if the bond would allow us to be apart, I couldn't handle it. Just as I was grounding Alil right now, he did that for me. In a matter of weeks, I already felt like I had become a better, more complete person. And I had Alil's introspective nature guiding me to thank for that.

"Let's keep going," Alil said resolutely.

I nodded and this time, we held onto each other's hands while we went.

Perhaps Alil really was feeling a little bit better because he kept going until the sky began to lighten and a noise slowly rose from the distance.

We both stopped walking as the rumbling sound grew louder.

"What is that?" Alil asked.

I wasn't sure. It sounded familiar though.

The first sun suddenly broke over the horizon, flooding the world with streaks of pale light.

I lifted my hand, blocking my eyes as I searched.

The sound was coming from the direction of the jungle.

Finally, I caught sight of something moving across the sand at a rapid pace, heading back toward the city from far away.

My heart leaped into my throat as I realized what it was.

The human sand buggy! It had to be the same one we had first traveled in and it was right there , hopefully with everyone safe and sound inside.

I couldn't let them leave without us.

This was our salvation.