Chapter 14

fourteen

. . .

ADDY

I would never get used to the pleasantness of waking up next to Alil.

We either slept holding hands if it was too hot, or wrapped around each other all night long.

Already, hearing his breathing, feeling his warmth and presence near me, felt as familiar as my own heartbeat.

He shifted in his sleep and I smiled, not opening my eyes to roll close enough to engulf him in my arms.

The early morning was still chilly. I assumed that he was cold, but after a moment, he shifted again, making a distressed sound and suddenly pushed me off of him.

Before I could say a word, he scrambled from the tent, leaving the curtain wide open in his haste to get away.

Surprised, I didn't move for a moment until I suddenly heard him heaving up the contents of his stomach somewhere nearby.

I sat up, wide awake now, and rushed outside to help him where he had fallen to his knees half on top of a bush.

I bent down, carefully holding back his hair while he finished vomiting.

"Are you alright?" I asked when he finally stopped.

He remained bent double, trying to catch his breath.

"Alil?" I asked, worried.

He moaned piteously and gave me a shaky nod before finally straightening himself.

The only thing that we were without happened to be medications. If he had caught a serious bug, I wouldn't be able to do much but sit on my hands and the thought made me feel like a complete failure.

Holding his elbows, I led him to our sitting area and made pushed him onto the log under the shade before getting him a glass of the water we had already boiled and set aside.

He took a grateful sip before shaking his head and looking up at me.

"I'm fine," he said, but he had no color in his face, and he looked shaken.

"Oh! We have Lim Leaves in our store," I said, remembering. Quickly, I went to the package of spices and pulled out the dried bundle of citrusy leaves. They were used for flavour but also to help with nausea, often in a cup of tea, but Alil didn't look well enough to wait.

I took one of the leaves and handed it to him.

"Chew on that," I instructed. "I'll make some tea while you do."

"I'll be fine," he insisted, but took the leaf and tentatively began to chew on it.

By the time the water was boiling, he already looked much better. Even so, I gave him a cup of the tea and sat down next to him.

"Drink," I said, watching him closely.

He nodded, and sipped at it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath after a moment.

"Thank you," he said. "I feel much better. I'm not sure what happened. What did we eat last night?"

"Your stew," I said, reminding him. He had made it this time, insisting that I didn't need to do everything for him. It was delicious and I had eaten it too, so it was unlikely to be the cause since I felt just fine.

"Oh, right," he said, thoughtfully. "I didn't do anything unusual with it."

"Perhaps it is all the heat," I suggested.

He shrugged.

"It could have been anything. Let's not let it spoil our day. I'm okay now."

But he wasn't by the time lunch hit.

In fact, by the next morning, he had puked three more times and was starting to look bedraggled.

He rushed out of the tent just like the morning before and heaved for ages, even though he had barely been eating.

I waited until he was finished vomiting, then sat him down in our usual spot again before I said what I thought we must both be thinking.

"You're pregnant."

He gave me a look and then shut his eyes and groaned.

"No. It's been a day. I've had stomach bugs last longer than that before."

"Alright," I said, not wanting to push it while he looked so flustered.

His stomach did settle after that, so perhaps he was right, but I didn't think so because even though he stopped vomiting he was too tired for sex—which considering how he had been, said a lot—and he looked absolutely miserable whenever he thought I wasn't looking.

I couldn't imagine what learning you were pregnant would do to you mentally or physically. I assumed it would be overwhelming to grow a being inside your body. Perhaps that was why he didn't seem to like the idea, but at the same time, I felt a swelling of something like pride every time I thought of it.

I didn't mention it again though, instead doing what I could to make sure Alil was happy enough while he recovered from whatever ailment he thought he had.

For two days, I snuggled him in the mornings, gave him countless kisses, because I could, and took care of all the food and washing.

That evening, I pulled him into my lap to watch the sunset.

The moment it dipped below the horizon, he sighed and leaned back against my chest.

"I'm pregnant," he whispered.

I shut my eyes as joy cascaded through me.

"What makes you say that?" I asked carefully.

"I can just tell," he said. "Don't ask me how, but as soon as you said it the other day I knew it was true without a shadow of a doubt... I fought against it and even stopped throwing up, but the truth remains."

I pressed my cheek to his and then turned and kissed it, unable to hold back my smile. Alil glanced back at me and gave me an incredulous look.

"I have never seen you look so delighted," he informed me, and I laughed, giddy now.

"We're having a child!" I gushed, unable to hold it in any longer. "I didn't think I would ever even have a partner, let alone a family."

Alil chuckled.

"At least I don't have to ask you if you want it."

I laughed again and squeezed him, draping my palm over his belly.

"Oh goddess, can you believe it?" I asked. "You're bringing a child into this world. And youwill be its parent. That is the luckiest little thing in the world."

I tapped his stomach.

"You hear that, little one?"

Alil burst out laughing and pushed my hand away.

"But I was so enjoying our alone time together, and now it's been intruded upon already," he whined.

I chuckled and this time when he looked at me, I pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I suppose it's time to figure out how to get home," I said, and his hesitant smile vanished completely.

"Not yet," he said firmly. "I'm not ready to leave."

I bit my lip, suddenly understanding why Alil had been so upset over his pregnancy.

"It has been nice staying here with you," I said. "But I think we both knew it wouldn't last forever."

He shut his eyes and nodded.

"Yes, I know. I do want to see my family, if only to reassure them that I am alright, but... they won't exactly be happy to see me arrive home, mated, and pregnant. They'll be mad at you."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"Not to mention the trek back. We'll be walking, I assume, all the way home... It will take forever, and I am not prepared for that."

"It will only be harder later," I said gently. "With a belly?—"

"Oh goddess, can we please not talk about this right now?"

I bit my lip for a moment but found that I couldn't leave it.

"The longer we wait, the harder it will be," I insisted.

Alil stiffened and then sagged in defeat.

"I know you're right. I'm just not ready."

He clung to my arms, not letting go as he looked up at the streaks of light through the sky, head resting on my shoulder.

I found that I couldn't stop kissing him, his cheek, his temple, his neck. Everywhere I could reach while my hand rested over the life growing inside him.

I was moved by it, slightly overwhelmed and nervous too, but mostly, I was filled to the brim with joy.

"So unfair kissing me like that while we're talking about ending all this," Alil mused.

I paused and touched his chin, tilting his face so that he looked at me.

"Ending this?" I asked. "This will never end, Lili."

His gaze dropped, unable to meet mine and he looked so sad that my heart ached.

"What is it? Tell me."

"It has been so perfect out here," he said. "I don't know what life will look like for us when we return home."

"You won't be punished," I promised and he shut his eyes.

"That's not good enough. I don't want you to be punished either. We chose to be together... That should be enough."

I pursed my lips, keeping my thoughts to myself.

Truthfully, if I was put to work in the mines or something equally unpleasant for this, it would be worth it. It would also be deserved. I had forced this by trying to take Alil away that night. Whether he agreed with me or not was a different story, but I understood his issue. Out here, there were no punishments, there was only us.

"We haven't left yet," I whispered, gently laying him down.

"Addy," he murmured as I bent over him, kissing his jaw, trailing my lips to his for a sweet kiss.

I felt him everywhere, tracing his skin until he was shivering and hard. Everywhere my fingers touched, my lips went next. He was twitching and dripping before I even pulled his robes open, fabric soaked with precome.

When I got to his cock, I took the length into my mouth, kissing and sucking and taking it down.

His hands tangled into my hair.

He arched and wiggled as though it was too much and not enough at the same time. So, I held his hips down and traced my lips and tongue over his length while he twitched under me and I didn't stop until he was emptying into my mouth, crying out into the night.

When he stopped shaking, I let his cock fall free and as I was there, staring at his belly button, I pressed my lips to his stomach, amazed that there was something living inside there already.

"Come, here," Alil murmured sleepily, reaching for me. I climbed up his body, but he pushed me back, so that I sat on his hips.

"I want to watch you," he told me.

I didn't argue that.

Our gazes locked while he stroked me.

Nothing was said, but everything passed between us. Our love, strength and fears, all entwined until it became clear that all that mattered was this. Us. Our soul deep connection.

Our gazes didn't break until he brought me over the edge.

Catching my breath under the stars with Alil under me, I could understand why he wanted to stay here a little bit longer. We had such freedom in this place.

We didn't speak while we wiped ourselves down with our discarded clothing, but when we stood, I reached for his hand.

"We won't be able to do this back home," I said.

He nodded.

"No walking around the streets naked. No making love under the stars. No cooking our meals over an open fire. No bathing in our own personal pool..."

"When you put it like that..." I sighed.

He chuckled humorlessly, leading me back through the trees.

"But, we will have our own home. Our families nearby..."

"It would be nice to have a house with you," he grudgingly admitted.

I stopped Alil, pulling him into my arms, holding him for a long moment. His arms went around my back, head resting on my shoulder.

"Perhaps we can stay for a while longer," I suggested. "There is no immediate rush, is there?"

Alil sagged, all the tension leaving his body.

"Yes, exactly," he whispered. "Thank you."