30. Georgiana

I pick up the marriage bracelet from my wardrobe and the ID necklace Axl had made for me when we were on the Alliance Force base. I look at them in my hand. I don’t want to give these up. However, I’ve been over and over it again the last six days, I can’t return to the Empire. It’s too much for me. I close my hand around the jewelry and do my best not to cry.

We are docking at Alliance Force base now. This is the end. Axl is going to be in a lot of trouble for lying to Commander Fox. But there’s nothing I can do about that. And I’m going to be sent back to Earth. My memory of Axl, the Empire, and all of this erased. And there’s nothing I can do about that either.

My door chimes and I know now how to let someone in without going to the physical door. Axl walks in and finds me with the jewelry. He comes over to me immediately and takes me in his strong arms. “It’s going to be okay.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.” I show him the jewelry in my hand. I want to keep this but I know I can’t keep anything. Will you take it to remember me by?”

He holds out his hand and I give him the bracelet and necklace. “I’ll always remember you.” He puts the necklace over his head and then under his shirt. “I’ll never take this off. To me we will have always been married.”

“With seven sacred children,” I say trying to lighten the mood, but instead it makes me burst into tears.

He gets out his dagger and slices his grey hand. “I’ll never forget you Georgiana. We will always be connected even if you don’t remember my name or what I look like.” He touches the tip of his dagger to his heart and then to mine. “We are connected there’s a strong pull, like a rope between us. Be assured your body will never forget what happened between us no matter how far apart we are.”

I wish there was a way that he could leave some kind of mark on me so that I could wonder how I go that. But he said everything about my time here will be erased.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.” I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I know,” he says. “I don’t want to do it either. But we discussed all of our options at length and unfortunately this was the best for both of us.”

“Do you think you’ll marry that woman, Aru?”

“Not if I can avoid it There is a good chance I will lose my job and if that happens, I won’t be as interesting to her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Georgiana, none of this is your fault. I asked you to join me and you did. I should be thanking you. I was a shell of man before I met you. Now I have purpose.”

“The Alliance men’s movement.”

“Yes, you’ve opened my eyes to how far men still have to go in the Empire for any sense of equality. My life will be dedicated to that cause now so no other man will have to give up his human wife because of prejudice.”

I kiss him again. I want to tell him that I’ll never forget him but that would just be turning the knife in both of our hearts.

Commander Fox and two of his officers are waiting for us as we disembark the Lio. I expected Commander Fox to be livid for lying to him but he looks just as patient and friendly, well not as amicable, as the first time we were here. The officers have no face expressions, but the one I recognize as Officer Sem greets me personally. “Madame Georgiana Smith, please come with me. It’s time to prepare you to return to Earth.”

“Wait, I want to say ‘goodbye.’”

The officers share a look. Commander Fox answers, “Go ahead. This will be the last time you see Axl.”

I turn and look up at Axl. He looks so handsome in his uniform and his long black hair braided down his back. “I wonder if I’ll ever learn how to braid?”

“Those are your last words to me?”

“You look like you might cry. I didn’t want to make it worse,” I say as my own tears are running down my face. “I can’t believe this is really it.”

A tear escapes one of his eyes. “I don’t mind crying. I’m losing the only woman I’ve ever loved and you won’t even remember my name.” He touches his chest where my necklace is under his clothing. “But I’ll never forget you, Georgiana.”

I hold him tight. I feel so guilty right now. I should be agreeing to return to the Empire, but I can’t. Life would be too difficult for me. “I’m sorry this didn’t turn out the way either one of us wanted it to.”

“Madame Georgiana Smith, walk in the gods’ light.”

I reluctantly let go of him, give him a sad smile, then turn and follow Officer Sem. I have nothing in my hands because I can take nothing. Axl has all my belongings that I acquired on my trip across the galaxy. As soon as we reach the medical center an Alliance doctor is there and the human woman I met before, Caroline.

“It’s good to see you again Georgie. I’m just sorry this will be the last time,” Caroline says.

“There’s nothing I wanted more than for things to work out with Axl. But I can’t live in the Empire. The Empress would probably kill me if the loneliness and prejudice of Alliance people didn’t first.”

“I don’t think I could live there either,” Caroline admits. “I’ve never been there, but I watch Alliance news broadcasts. It seems extremely strict.”

“But you live here.”

“This,” she puts her hands out indicating the station, “is a halfway house between the Empire and Earth. We have our own culture and it’s a generational mission. In time, we might even have our own culture completely different to that of Earth and the Empire.”

“I understand.”

Caroline hands me a tablet. It is the contract Lia told me about to say that I acknowledge that I am having my memory erased and my translator removed so that I may return to Earth.

“So I won’t remember any of this?”

“No. Possibly in a dream if you come across something that triggers a memory. We can’t truly erase memories, just push them down so deep you can’t access them.”

I get teary-eyed again. “Why are these my only options?”

“I’m sorry, the galaxy is heartbreaking sometimes,” Caroline says holding out the contract for me to agree to. I reluctantly sign it. “Now there’s one more thing, Axl insisted that you write yourself a letter including this address.” She shows me an address and hands me a pen and paper. “We will leave it for you. But this is the only favor we are doing for you. Don’t try to leave yourself any other clues.”

I look at the address. It’s noticeably short but I know German addresses can look short to American eyes. I write myself a note including the address and hand it back to Caroline who takes it and puts it in her pocket.

I try not to cry thinking about this. Mentally, I start to question my decision, but Caroline puts a hand on my shoulder and calls the doctor over. “She’s ready. Let’s do this quickly.”

The doctor takes my hand and immediately I begin to feel better. “There you go. This will all be over in a couple of minutes.”

I have the worst headache. I open my eyes to look for some water, I grab the glass next to my bed drink some and then fall back asleep. I must have had a lot to drink last night at Walpurgisnacht. So much in fact, I don’t remember what happened. Who was that mysterious man by the fire? Did he drug me?

I immediately sit up and check myself. I’m naked which is odd, but not that odd if I came home really drunk. But otherwise I’m unharmed. My suitcase is here. It’s not where I left it though. Perhaps one of the cleaners moved it?

I get up and look around my small room. It doesn’t look like anyone has been here. I open the curtains. It’s early morning. I get back in bed and go back to sleep.

I wake up again, get dressed and go down to the front desk. “Good morning. I was wondering if anyone has turned in a mobile phone? I lost mine at Walpurgisnacht.”

The woman behind the desk gives me a very strange look. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Walpurgisnacht was last month.”

“No, it was last night.”

“Frau Smith, you’ve been gone for over a month. Last night you returned and said you were jet-lagged and went straight to sleep.” Then she presents me with an envelope. This was left for you though.

I take the envelope, completely confused. Perhaps the receptionist’s English isn’t as good as her accent and she misunderstood me. Or she’s gotten me confused with another American guest. I open the envelope as I go into the dining room for breakfast. But I stop dead in my tracks before I get there.

Georgie,

This is the address to the cabin. Look under the floorboards in the bedroom. Trust me. Do not leave Brocken without what is yours. You earned this and it’s all yours. This is you writing this to yourself.

Love,

Georgie

I flip the letter over nothing. It’s plain A4 printer paper. There’s nothing special about this except that it’s my handwriting. Why would I leave a letter for myself at the front desk?

I go into the breakfast buffet and get myself a cup of coffee, bread, and bacon. All of the food tastes so much. I feel like I’ve not tasted such delicious food in such a long time. My taste buds are in heave. I think it must be because of all the drinking I did last night. It’s affected even how food tastes.

But then a thought crosses my mind, what if I was drugged by that stranger? But then how did I end up back at my hotel unharmed? I scan the dining room looking for any familiar faces from last night. But no one looks familiar.

After breakfast I return to my room and then decide to head out to this cabin I told myself about in the note. But first I go to the phone shop in the small town and buy a prepaid phone with a map. Google maps reckons it will take me two hours to get to this mysterious cabin. I let the hotel know where I’m going. But I tell them that I’m going to meet a friend. The hotel recommends a car rental service and I begin my journey by renting a car.

What should have been only a two hour drive turned into a three and a half hour drive because I had never driven through the mountains before. I took a lot of turns very slowly and actually got out of my car a few times just to take a deep breath and encourage myself to continue. What could be in this cabin? Curiosity is pushing me to continue and the sentence I wrote to myself,’ Do not leave Brocken without what is yours.’ I’m almost desperate now especially since I’ve come to accept an entire month of my life is missing. The hotel says I went home, except my passport and belongings were all in my bag that never left the hotel and there’s no record of me leaving to go anywhere. No emails. No phone calls. No tickets bought on my credit card. Nothing. The only things missing are the clothing I wore on Walpurgisnacht and my phone. Are these things waiting for me in the cabin?

I stop for gas as I get closer to the cabin. I want to make sure I have a full tank just in case I need to make a fast getaway. While I’m in the gas station, I see that they sell Swiss army knives so I buy one of those too, just in case. Then I get back in the car and make my way through narrow mountain roads following a route that is just a blue moving dot on an unnamed road. Finally, when it says I’ve reached my destination, I see nothing but trees and more of this small dirt road. I keep going a little further wondering if there’s a cabin here.

Up ahead, I see what looks like it could be a driveway so I continue driving. I’m the only car on this road. A few minutes later I wonder if I should turn around. There’s nothing here but a dirt road that no one has used in a long time and trees. Just when I decide to turn around and go back the way I came, I see a small cabin further up in the distance. I drive towards it. My heart is beating so fast. What if I escaped and I’m returning to my prison?

I try to quiet those thoughts. Why would I write a letter to myself if it weren’t true?

But I can think of a thousand reasons why.

I have nothing to lose but my life, even though I don’t want to die, I also want to know what’s in this cabin and where a month of my life has gone. I have a feeling it has something to do with the cabin and the note. And I must know.

I park the car and get out. I make sure the doors are locked and that I have the Swiss army knife in my pocket. I just stand in front of the cabin for a minute. Everything is quiet. It’s early evening on a beautiful spring day. The cabin doesn’t look familiar to me at all, so I doubt I was kept prisoner here. I would remember that I am sure. I walk towards it and knock on the door.

No one answers.

I knock again.

No answer.

“Hello?” I say loudly.

No one.

I circle the cabin and look in the windows. It’s dark and there’s no one home. There’s only a little furniture. I go back to the door and try the door. It’s open.

“Hello?”

Nothing stirs.

I walk in. My footsteps seem loud in the stillness. It’s a plain German cabin with German things in it. I look around. I recognize nothing. I’m sure I’ve never been here before. I go into the bedroom and look at the wooden floor. It doesn’t look like there’s anything in the floor. But I’ve come all this way so I get on my hands and knees and run my fingers along the grooves. When I find a break I pull up. It’s heavier than I thought but I use the Swiss army knife to give me some leverage and am able to pull up the part of the floor hiding a secret compartment.

I look inside. It’s a black box with a green light. I put my hand over the light, trying to work out how to open it, and the box just opens. Inside is a slim silver suitcase. It looks like something from a movie. I look around to see if anyone is watching me. There’s no one here but me. I take the suitcase out of the box. I open it. There’s a lot of money in it. So much money. I close it again. Look around. I’m still alone. I open the suitcase again. It’s Swiss money. I think it’s a lot. Who would give me this money? What did I do last month?

I can think of a lot of illegal things I might have done to get this money. Drug mule, pornography, or murder, but I can’t remember any of it. Maybe it’s a gift that I can’t remember?

I carefully set the suitcase to the side and close the box and put the floorboard back. Then I look around the cabin for anything else that might be a clue to what happened to me last month, but there’s nothing here out of the ordinary. With the suitcase in hand, I close the door to the cabin and leave. I put the suitcase in the passenger seat of the car and drive back to the hotel. How am I going to explain all of this money?

I’m not. I decide firmly I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m going to sneak it on my person and in my carry-on bag back home. No one will think someone like me has this much money on them. Then I will slowly pay off my debts with it and open a bakery.

A few months later.

I look over at the doctor and say firmly, “I can assure you that this isn’t a pregnancy.”

“Georgie, blood tests don’t lie. Here are some vitamins. You need to think about who the father might be and let him know.”

“But I’m a virgin. I’m not pregnant,” I didn’t want to admit that, but I’m worried there’s something seriously wrong with me and no doctors are taking me seriously.

“Fine. Pull up your shirt. Let’s do an ultrasound. I know I’m the third doctor you’ve seen. I want to prove this to you so that you can prepare. You can’t continue to be in denial or you are going to harm this baby.”

The doctor turns on the machine and wheels it over next to where I’m lying down. She puts some cold gel on my stomach that is larger than usual, but I’ve been eating more lately too. “Now,” she says, as she rubs the machine over my abdomen. “There we are. You see that? That’s a baby. Do you want to know the sex?”

“How is this possible? I’ve never had sex.”

“Maybe your child is the next messiah?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Neither is you saying you’ve never had sex when clearly you have or a supernatural being has blessed you with a baby.”

“What am I going to do?” I ask the doctor just as much as I’m asking myself.

“No one is ever prepared to be a mother. You’ll be fine. Just be happy you found out now and not on the child’s birthday. Those are the worst. Women come into the emergency room thinking they have food poisoning and they walk out mothers.”

“That would be worse,” I agree. “When will this child’s birthday be?”

“January maybe February.”

“So soon?”

“Do you want to know the sex?”

I stare at the ultrasound. I hear the machine. It sounds like a heartbeat. “Yes.”

“It’s a girl. Congratulations.”

I can’t help it; I begin to cry. “Can you recommend a therapist? I honestly have never had sex. I think I might be losing my mind and I must have been raped somehow right?”

The doctor gives me a genuinely concerned look and calls her nurse over to help me while she makes some phone calls. “Georgie, we are going to recommend you to an exceptionally good stress center for a few days. Just to get your head around things. Is there someone we can call that can take you there?”

I shake my head. “I don’t have any family in town and I need to go to work tomorrow. I can’t go to a stress center. I’m new to my job, I just graduated, I don’t even have vacation time yet.”

“This is more important. I’ll make sure you get all the paperwork for a proper medical leave of absence. They don’t always go through but sometimes.”

“I can’t,” I say. “My work isn’t like that. I’m going to lose my job.”

“Georgie, you are pregnant. You don’t know how you became pregnant, and you just had a panic attack. I’m not allowing you to leave here alone. I will cancel the rest of my appointments and drive you to the stress center myself if I have to.”

I resign myself to this for the moment. Maybe one night in a stress center might be good for me given the situation.