15. Lisa

Ican’t take my eyes away from Ozadus’ face. He’s here. He’s actually here.

There were times when I imagined him showing up out of the blue on my doorstep. But usually in those scenarios he was angry with me. He would chastise me for running off and scoff at the notion of having a daughter with me.

But that isn’t the case at all. He came saying that he wanted to make things right. And when he thought Zhara was someone else’s child, he was ready to walk away and leave me be if I was happy. He might still even walk away now if I asked him to.

But I don’t think I could do that if I wanted to. Not with the way his attention is focused so wholly on our daughter. There’s already adoration in his eyes and it makes my heart melt a little.

“Would you like to hold her?” The words are out of my mouth before I even really have time to think about them.

His gaze snaps up to meet mine and something like wonder shines in his eyes. “Yes, I would like that very much.”

I guide him back to the living room and he takes a seat on the couch. I hesitate only a moment before gently laying Zhara in his arms. He holds himself a little awkwardly at first, as if he twitches a muscle wrong he’ll drop our daughter. But then he starts to relax and his arms come to hold her naturally.

A smile spreads across his face as he holds little Zhara closer to his chest. “Hello, small one,” he whispers.

Zhara blinks up at him curiously and then gurgles. Ozadus laughs and he leans back against the couch as he rocks our daughter.

I watch the two of them in amazement. It feels so much like a dream that I have to resist the urge to pinch myself. Ozadus and my daughter sitting together and getting along like he’s been there her whole life.

It’s always bothered me a little that Zhara didn’t have a father figure in her life. And now he’s here in her life.

I grimace. Well, at least he is for today. I quickly remind myself of the reality of the situation.

Ozadus might be back for now, but that doesn”t mean he came here to be a father. In fact, it seems he mostly came here just to apologize. Even though he might like Zhara, maybe even love her, that doesn’t mean he’ll want to be a father to her.

The baby in question lets out a big yawn and then her eyelids flutter shut. In a few minutes she’s breathing in and out deeply and I know she’s asleep. I reach out to take her from him. “Here, I’ll put her back in her room.”

Ozadus gently gives her back to me, though I do notice not without a slight hesitation. I lay Zhara back down in her crib before coming out into the living room again. Ozadus is standing now and his gaze keeps flicking to Zhara’s room.

I shift from foot to foot, trying to find any of the right words to say. “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about her sooner.”

“I won’t say I’m not a little disappointed that I haven’t been able to see her until now. But I understand why you felt you had to keep her a secret. I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.”

Trying to muster up some playfulness, my lips quirk up in a half-smile. “Hey, sometimes you try and steal a ship and end up accidentally kidnapping a human. That’s just how it goes sometimes.”

He blinks in surprise for a moment before laughing quietly. “I’ve tried not to make that habit since then.”

We both laugh at that before falling back into an uncertain silence. Ozadus opens his mouth and then closes it again. Finally he seems to steel himself. “Would it be possible for me to come back and see her again? To see both of you again?”

My eyes widen a bit. “You want to come back?”

“If it’s acceptable to you.”

My mind reels. First he shows up out of the blue and isn’t angry about how we left things, and now he wants to spend more time with our daughter.

I study his face, trying to understand this man. I thought I had a pretty good idea of who he was on the Emery. Sarcastic, brooding, perceptive, and even considerate at times, but always with that dark edge to him.

Now I see something in him that almost looks anxious. Like I’m holding something important over his head. And maybe I am. Maybe Zhara means that much to him. And if she does, shouldn’t he get the chance to spend time with her? Shouldn’t Zhara get to have her father in her life?

I decide he at least gets the chance to be with his daughter, and if he screws it up, I’ll make sure he doesn”t come back.

“Yeah, you can come back.”

A tension I hadn’t realized was in his body suddenly disappears and a smile crosses his face. “Thank you.”

“On one condition,” I say, making sure to put as much authority into my voice as I can.

“Which is?”

“Keep your work away from my home and my child.”

Ozadus furrows his brow a moment and then chuckles. “No need to worry about that. I left that life behind.”

My mouth hangs open slightly. “You left? You’re not a criminal anymore?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. Haven’t been for a while now. Been working odd jobs here and there. I have one coming up soon that I’ll have to leave for. Nothing illegal though.”

I shake my head in disbelief. He went straight. He actually gave up that life. But why? I suppose it doesn’t matter, only that he’s no longer a criminal anymore.

“In that case, you can definitely come back,” I tell him.

“Much obliged. And with that, I’ll let you get on with your evening.” He makes his way to the door, only stopping just before he exits. “Would tomorrow evening be a good time to come back?”

I smile. “Yeah, I should be off about the same time tomorrow too.”

He nods. “Until then.”

And then he’s out the door. Once he’s out of sight, I try to wrap my head around everything that just happened. Was it all real or did I just have a very vivid fever dream?

One glance at my messages on my comm pad and I know it was all too real. Beth has continued to send me ever growing frantic messages about a Kaleidian looking for me. I decide I better put her mind at ease before she calls the authorities.

She picks up in two rings. “Lisa, are you alright? Did you get my messages? Do you think it’s him?”

I laugh. “Yes Beth, I got all twenty-six of your messages. And it was him, he just left a few minutes ago.”

“Do I need to call the authorities?” she asks cautiously.

“No, he wasn’t here to cause trouble. In fact, I dare say he was downright pleasant. He met Zhara, and he’s coming back again to see her tomorrow,” I tell her.

Beth hums thoughtfully. “Well that’s good to hear. Just be careful, Lisa. I know he’s Zhara’s father but, I worry about you two.”

“I will. Promise,” I reassure her.

After a few more assurances, we say our goodbyes and hang up. Beth isn’t wrong to worry. Ozadus might not be a criminal anymore, but that doesn’t mean everything about him has changed.

Almost exactly twenty-four hours later, Ozadus is at my door again. I let him in and show him to where Zhara is happily sitting in her bouncer. After a go ahead from me, he picks her up and holds her in his arms.

He stays for another hour before giving Zhara back to me and heading out. Almost like he’s afraid to intrude too long. But the next evening he’s back. And the next and the next.

I never let him and Zhara leave my sight, but every time I’m amazed at the gentleness he displays with her. He looks at her like she’s the most precious jewel in the universe and talks to her softly.

It stirs something in me that I haven’t felt since I was with him on the Emery. That connection, that sense of solace in a storm. I can’t deny that I still find him incredibly attractive. And his attentiveness with Zhara only amplifies that.

But I can’t let myself throw caution to the wind like I did last time. I can still find him attractive, but I can’t act on it. Besides, I doubt he came here to rekindle a relationship with someone who walked out on him.

One evening as we put Zhara to bed, I see something strange in his gaze.

“What is it?” I whisper.

Ozadus turns to me, his mouth a grim line. “I’m sorry you had to go through this alone.”

That wasn’t what I had been expecting. He keeps going before I can reply. “I won’t pretend to know what you had to go through, carrying this child and raising her alone. But I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

“I was the one who decided not to tell you,” I remind him. “I suppose I have no one but myself to blame for that.”

He shakes his head. “I made you feel that you couldn’t trust me. That you couldn’t even talk to me. And for that I will do whatever I must, to prove to you that I can be trusted.”

My heart stutters inside my chest. Those old feelings desperately try to rush to the surface, and I attempt to push them away. It isn’t easy, though.

It still boggles my mind that he’s here at all. What’s even more unbelievable is that he actually wants to be here. With his daughter.

I smile sheepishly at him. “Thank you.”

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all to let him keep visiting.