Chapter 14

She plunked down on the floor in one of the many hallways of Nina's big castle, somehow managing to stay seated.

Blanche made a brief appearance, walking straight through Ralph, sniffing the air as though she'd caught her owner's scent before winding her way down the hall and into Charlie's bedroom, where she'd made a friend in the toddler.

A sob caught in Ralph's throat. That she might be able to touch her cat again, stroke her soft fur, made her happy. That she couldn't bury her face in her fur and cry right now, feel all her feelings, made her heart ache.

But there was hope, if what Shamus said was true…

The sound of sniffing and snorting made her look down to the other end of the cream-color carpeting to see a small tan and black dog bounce his way down the hall.

His ears flapped, his steps spry and happy. He stopped right in front of her but didn't look at her. Instead, he looked through her (no pun intended) and sniffed, deeply, completely.

As if he approved, he sat down beside Ralph and curled up.

Dale. This must be the infamous ghost-sniffing Dale.

She smiled down at him, wishing she could touch him. Instead, she stroked his head, her hand disappearing through his snout. He might not be able to feel it, nor could she, but it made her feel better.

"You must be Dale, huh, sweet baby? I don't know if you can hear me, but I've heard a lot about you. So many good things. Aren't you the loveliest, handsomest boy? And you have a great owner. He's been really kind to me, and I was just a total jerk to him. What do you have to say about that?"

Dale snuggled in right near her with a soft moan, closing his eyes with one last huff.

Ralph chuckled. "I'm glad to see you agree."

"Ralph, sweetie, are you all right?" Wanda asked, her eyes warm and soft as she sat on her haunches to look into her eyes.

"I was a total asshole."

And she had been. She'd reacted to old feelings, and she'd acted like a petulant child. It was unacceptable. Her old resentments had bubbled to the surface in an angry boil and she'd lashed out at Shamus, who'd done nothing but try and help.

Wanda chuckled softly. "Not a total one, but I take it this has to do with something none of us are aware of. I think you know Shamus would never intentionally keep something from you without good reason. I know we've only known him for a day, but I have it on good authority that he's a great guy." She paused for a moment, letting Ralph digest her words, before she asked, "Do you want to talk about what triggered you? If not, I get it. I don't want to pry, but sometimes it helps to talk about how you feel and how this is all affecting you."

Running her hands through her hair, Ralph shook her head, scrunching her eyes shut as if she could block out her shame. "Do I want to talk about my pathetic display of baggage? Not really, but I suspect this is the part where I head to baggage claim and pick up my luggage anyway."

"You don't have to if you don't fucking want to," she heard Nina say as she sat down next to her, cross-legged. "But it's our experience that it helps if you do. So what the fuck, Glow Stick? Why'd you go off on Ghost Talker? He was just lookin' out for you, managing your expectations."

Looking out for her. Of course, that had been what triggered her.

Ralph shrugged, tucking her long skirt under her legs. "It's sort of a stupid parallel, I guess."

Wanda cocked her head, the tendrils of her hair wisping around her face. "It's not stupid if it triggered something in you. Sometimes this journey, this paranormal thing, heightens every cell in your body. You're raw, afraid, on edge, exhausted from the unknown. It only stands to reason that if Shamus did something that doesn't sit right with you, you're going to lash out. Ask Nina. She lashed out all the time, at us specifically."

Nina made a face at the memory, but she nodded. "I hate to admit it's the fucking truth, but it's the fucking truth. I did lash out, because anger was all I damn well knew, and I was angry someone had taken my chicken wings forever. I couldn't eat anymore. I could only sleep during the damn day for the longest time and that's just the half of it. It sucked. Now, Wanda and Marty? These two sissies cried all the time. It amplifies how you're used to handling shit, that's all."

That made so much sense, it made Ralph's teeth hurt.

With a sigh, she began to explain. "My mother was a great parent, but sometimes—scratch that—all the time, she was very protective of me. In this day and age, it's called a helicopter parent. She?—"

"Smothered the shit out of you, did she?" Nina provided with a smile.

Winding her hair around her fist, Ralph nodded. "Yes. She overwhelmed me with her need to keep me safe. To an extremely heightened degree. Now, looking back, I'm guessing it was because she was a single parent, and she didn't have the luxury of referring to a partner for backup, but her need to keep me from harm left me afraid. Afraid of everything. Afraid of people and new places. Afraid something really bad was going to happen, afraid of what happens after I die…because she threatened Hell more times than I can count. Afraid all the time."

"Hell?" Nina repeated. "Explain."

Ralph sighed, looking down at Dale. "My mother was also very religious. She watched all the televangelists, sent them money. She strongly believed in Heaven and Hell, and the punishment the devil would dole out if I did something wrong. For a long time as a child, I was terrified of the devil. Now I know he's real." She shuddered.

Wanda sighed, pressing her fingers to her throat. "So you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

Ralph's laugh was a little bitter. "The funny thing is, because nothing bad ever happened to me, I obviously don't know how to behave when something bad does happen. Like when someone murders me. I mind my manners. I always do the right thing. And I never, ever question authority."

"That's 'cause you were afraid the devil was gonna come get ya. Damn, that's some bullshit. My nana Lou is super Catholic, but even she didn't use it to scare the shit out of me. That sucks."

It had sucked, but as she grew older and saw it for what it was, she resisted by way of keeping her skepticism to herself. Turned out, her mother had been right. At least about the actual place existing.

Ralph fiddled with her bracelets. "There were so many things I wasn't allowed. Sugar, for one. Television, which is why I'm a TV-watching whore now. Staying up late, dances, school trips. The list goes on and on."

Wanda looked at her, her expression bewildered. "I don't know what to say besides I'm sorry. I can't imagine so little joy."

But Ralph shook it off. "Anyway, tonight, when I realized Shamus was keeping something really important from me, something that could change the whole trajectory of this ghost stuff, for the first time ever in my very carefully cloistered life…I reacted. And it was all wrong. To boot, I aimed it at the wrong person. All my resentment, all my pent-up anger, spilled out and all over him."

Nina clucked her tongue. "Listen, take it from someone who had the exact opposite for parents, and somebody who's a parent now. Parenting is a hard fucking balance. So fucking hard. We all left our childhood with shit on our plate. None of us got out unscathed. Some more than others. You're allowed to fuck up sometimes, Ralph, as long as you quit clinging to it like a life raft and forge ahead. Note it's a trigger and work to understand it."

Wanda nodded her agreement, plopping down and curling her legs underneath her slim skirt. "Nina speaks the truth. I catch myself all the time with my children. I never want them to hurt, but I have to remember, sometimes hurting is a lesson well-earned, and there's no way I can protect them from everything. It's impossible."

Ralph gulped back her tears. "She did her best, and I loved her. I always had food to eat and a warm bed, but I didn't do a lot of the things most kids did at my age because she was always afraid someone would snatch me up or do something heinous to me. I didn't have sleepovers or go roller-skating because none of my friends' parents could watch me as carefully as she could. Even as I got into my teens, Mom was super strict about dating and makeup. Her mindset always tuned to disaster."

"Maybe something happened to her that she never fucking told you about? Because even parents have baggage, too, Glow Stick," Nina reminded.

"That's fair. Maybe something did, but at least if she'd given me an example, instead of simply denying me everything but spending all my time with her, I could have had a better understanding. Instead, she oppressed any and all chances for me to be inquisitive, for me to discover life."

Wanda smoothed hair away from her face, her eyes warm with understanding. "So did you rebel?"

Ralph scoffed. "Not even a little. I was too afraid to rebel. I remained the good girl all my stinkin' life, but I also didn't know how to navigate new situations or make friends. I'd been on the outside looking in for so long, I was rooted in fear. It made me incapable of trusting new people. It also took me a long time to speak up for myself, because I was so used to being quieted. But I guess I spoke up tonight, didn't I? It was rude and the wrong time for it, but I don't want things kept from me because I need to be protected from the truth. I'm fifty years old, for pity's sake."

"What about once you graduated high school. You ran away as fast as you could, didn't you?" Wanda asked.

"Oh, I tried, but Mom was paying, so I stayed mostly local, even though I had the chance to attend UCLA. I did stay in the dorms, which was a massive argument, but I guess everything happens for a reason. That's where I met Hazel. She offered me a sampling of adventure. She encouraged me not to overthink every little thing, and we've been friends ever since." Ralph looked down at Dale, sound asleep by her side, and wondered it if worked out, if she could stay here on this plane, how would she explain what happened to her?

Nina stroked Dale's velvety ears. "And you're pissed at Ghost Talker because he tried to protect you the same way your mother did all your life…"

Blowing out a breath, Ralph sniffled. The similarities were there, for sure. "I really was a jerk. I hardly ever swear, and I swore at him, and he's been nothing but nice to me."

And she felt horrible about it. He'd only tried to help, and she'd spit in his face.

"Yeah. You know something, I don't get that shit. Swearing's just a form of communication—it gets the fucking point across pronto. Why's that a bad thing?"

Ralph laughed, looking into Nina's beautiful eyes. "It's not a bad thing, I guess, but regardless, it's something I don't do often. Probably because I worked with children all my adult life. But that's neither here nor there. You communicate however you like, Vampire. I'm not judging."

Nina wrapped her arms around her long legs, pulling them up to her chin, giving Ralph a thoughtful look. "You know, I think you're probably one of my favorite clients—like ever. You take shit on the chin and you don't whine about it. You jumped right the fuck in like a duck to water and started doing whatever the fuck you're supposed to be doing here without a single protest. It's impressive, and a nice damn change."

Ralph smiled at Nina. That was her. Don't make too much noise, her mother always used to say. She was aces at being noiseless.

"Did I mention it's a nice change from the usual bullshit?"

"You did, but it isn't because I didn't want to speak up. It's because I was afraid to say anything for fear you'd pop my eyeballs out and eat my innards. If my mother taught me anything, it was to measure my words. I keep my ‘scared witless of the vampire' on the inside."

Nina barked a laugh. "I don't think it only means you're cautious. I think it means you're GD brave, Raphaela Tucci. Smart and brave and probably one of the most decent people I've ever met—even if you're a little cagey from time to time."

Ralph cocked her head. "But you've only known me one day. How can you be so sure?"

Her chin lifted, her eyes glittering. "I'm a pretty good judge of character. That's fucking how. Also, I can mostly smell a shitty fucking person from a mile away. You ain't it."

Ralph's heart clenched as she pressed her hands to her chest. "My cockles, they're all warm," she teased, instinctually reaching out to pat Nina's knee.

"Outbursts aside, how do you feel about what Shamus told you, Ralph?" Wanda asked. "That you can stay on this plane feels like something most people would favor. But how do you feel knowing that?"

Now that they'd opened Pandora's box, the impact of what was inside slapped her in the face. "I think it's a can of worms. If I am a psychopomp, and I can live here on this plane like all the other living people, how will I explain that to Hazel? My shop owner neighbors? The police? Do I rise from the dead straight out of the morgue?"

Wanda blanched, biting her lip. "That is a dilemma. But first things first, are you ready to hear more about what being a psychopomp means? Are you ready to find out what we have to do in order to get you situated?"

"We?"

Nina flicked her fingers at Ralph. "You sound surprised. Don't be fucking stupid, Glow Stick. Of course, we, dingbat. We're in now, and I wanna know what the fuck's going on and who the fuck took you to Hell. Because he needs an ass-whoopin', and if ass-whoopin's in the cards, I want a piece of that. That's what we should be doing. If we quit now and send you packing, it's like watching a series on Netflix only to find out those shitbirds canceled it."

Ralph laughed. "I hate when that happens."

Wanda sighed, long and raspy. "What Nina means is, we want to help you because we like you and we can't think of anyone more deserving than you to offer our help. We also think the person who took you earlier might be responsible for what's going on with your powers." She slapped her thighs, dropping a kiss on Dale's head before she began to rise. "That said, are you ready to get the whole picture?"

Ralph gave Dale a fruitless pat on his hindquarters, floating upward to head back downstairs and face her fate. Enough was enough. "I'm ready."

Wanda smiled with encouragement. "Good girl. I'd hug you if I could, but, you know."

"I wouldn't hug you even if I fucking could," Nina said on a laugh.

"Fair enough. Your badass, compassionless image remains intact."

They laughed as they made their way downstairs, Ralph floating above them, Dale by Nina's side with Wanda taking the lead.

Taking a deep breath, Ralph made a beeline for Shamus.

He deserved an apology for her appalling words.

* * *

"Can we talk? I mean, can we have a conversation about yesterday?" she asked Shamus after they'd all enjoyed another amazing meal of meaty lasagna, ricotta-stuffed garlic bread and a Caesar salad.

She hoped what George had said about the eating thing was true. She'd sure like to have at least one meal made by Arch someday.

Ralph had apologized the night before, but it had been brief and awkward and not nearly as in-depth as he deserved before he'd been pulled away in a conversation with Dex and George she didn't want to disturb.

He'd left to handle some things at home before she had the chance to go into detail and hadn't returned until dinner, but she needed to make things right with him and explain her faulty reasoning for her behavior.

Shamus wiped his mouth, and scooped up his plate to clear his place. With a curt nod, he said, "Sure. Let me just help clean up."

But Arch stopped him. "No, Master Ransom, off you go to make up with the lovely Ralph. We'll handle this, won't we, ladies?"

Nina groaned. "Why the fuck am I always cleaning up after you assholes? I can't even eat any of it. Do you know how hard it is to watch you slugs suck that shit down like it's your last meal?"

Arch clapped his hands, making a sharp sound. "Mistress Vampire, enough with the whining and help clear the table. I'll not hear another word." He gave Nina a stern look, making her cower as she grabbed the tray of lasagna.

"Fine," she muttered. "But it's still not fair."

"Now who's whining?" George asked with a teasing smile, chasing Nina into the kitchen with the basket of garlic bread and some empty plates. "C'mon, Vampire Lady, I'll race ya!"

Shamus motioned to a door, a library off the entryway, where Nina said Carl often spent his time poring over one book after another.

"Here okay?" he asked.

His terse words made her feel all the worse, but she smiled. "It's fine."

As they entered the large room with wall-to-ceiling bookcases and a ladder, her mouth fell open. Oh, the envy she felt for this amazing space.

If the ladies had redecorated this room, too, bravo. They'd color-drenched it, much in the way they had Nina's living room, only this was done in a gorgeous matte navy blue. A beautiful, shiny desk made of pine sat at an angle, so whoever sat at the desk could see the windows.

The rest of the furnishings were simple. A wingback chair in cream with a navy-blue pattern, a matching couch with red and green pillows, a few green broadleaf potted plants in gold urns placed in corners, and an area rug in the center of the room completed the gorgeous picture.

The arched window with a hexagonal muntin faced the side yard, overlooking Nina's hedge maze, which was beautiful if not weirdly strange to find in Long Island.

The snow fell in heavy clumps, drifting to the ground in splotches of white, coating the lawn with a fresh batch of glistening powder. The lights from the driveway gave it a romantic glow that didn't go unnoticed by Ralph.

Ralph could sit and watch the snow fall for hours, a good book in hand, Blanche by her side. She'd like to do that again, even if it meant she lived eternally and the people around her would all eventually leave and move to the Great Beyond.

She couldn't put this off any longer. Motioning with her arm at the couch, Ralph said, "Sit with me?"

"Sure," he answered, but his words were still tension-filled.

Managing to stay perched on the edge of the couch, she tapped the place beside her.

As Shamus sat, she couldn't help but admire how incredibly handsome he was, and how much she'd like to get to know a man who chased ghosts for a living.

Clearing her throat, Ralph looked into Shamus's dreamy eyes. "I owe you an apology. I reacted poorly to the news that you knew if I was a psychopomp, you also knew I'd have earthly properties, and that meant I could resume my life. To a degree, anyway."

Shamus's jaw worked, a tic in it pulsing. "I was trying to hedge my bets. I didn't want you to have false hope if I was wrong. What's happening to you is new to me. I've never run into anything like what's going on with you, Ralph. Maybe that was wrong, but I'd do it again if it meant not putting something else on your plate, especially something that might not ever see fruition."

She reached over, putting her hand on his knee. "I get it. I do. I was triggered and took it out on you, and that was wrong."

Finally, he took her hand, making her heart skip in her chest. "Can I ask why you were triggered?"

Looking down at the pale wood floor, she found she couldn't look him in the eye. "It's ridiculous."

"Ridiculous has levels. How about you let me decide if it's ridiculous? I mean, it's up to you. I won't push."

Popping her lips, Ralph forced herself to level her gaze at him. "My mother…she protected me from everything. Everything. She protected me so well, I didn't learn the kind of life skills one needs to survive because I was never allowed to do anything—which is how my love of reading was born. I was home all the time, with her, under her watchful eye."

Shamus nodded, but he remained silent.

"Instead of being a kid, doing all the things kids like me did back in the eighties, like roller-skating rinks and sleepovers, movies and carnivals, I stayed at home with her, afraid. Of everything. Because my mother always had the worst-case scenario ready for any requests I might make. She didn't just warn me that there were dangers out there, then trust that she'd taught me well enough to avoid them. She constantly reminded me that sometimes the danger gets you no matter how hard you try to avoid it."

"That's a hard way to live," Shamus said, his voice deep.

"It was. I lived in fear that I was going to be snatched up by some guy in a white van, tempting me with cookies, until I was fourteen, for the love of Pete. And when I wasn't worried about some faceless kidnapper, I was worried the devil would get me for doing something wrong."

"She was religious, too?" Shamus asked softly.

"She was very religious, and for the most part, joyless. Don't get me wrong, she was a good mother in other ways, but I think her need to protect me also involved keeping me to herself, to a degree. She didn't have any friends, she never went out. She worked, she came home, she made us dinner, and she did needlepoint or crocheted, while I read books she deemed appropriate. I didn't really have any friends either, until Hazel, and that wasn't until college."

"What about your father?"

"He died of cancer when I was a toddler. I never knew him. I only have some pictures and a few memories she shared along the way. I don't have any family on either side. They were long gone when I came onto the scene."

He laced their fingers together, running his thumb over the back of her hand. "Maybe her fear had to do with him? Maybe it stems from the fact that she couldn't save him, protect him. As a result, maybe she poured all her fears into you?"

She was sure the look on her face said it all. "Well excuse you, Dr. Ransom, look at you diagnosing."

Now he laughed, finally, making her feel a little less awful. "I see a lot of family issues. I guess I've learned a thing or two."

Squeezing his hand, she smiled. "Anyway, Mom made me afraid to make decisions, afraid to do anything wrong, afraid of life. She never let me explore, discover. She smothered me, and you'd think that would have made me rebel, but it didn't. I went in the opposite direction, never causing trouble or questioning…and letting my resentment fester until it bubbled over. I guess, because everything's such a jumble, I took it out on you. It felt like you were keeping me from making decisions about my life, something my mother always did, and I got defensive. But again, that was wrong, and I'm so sorry."

He grinned deliciously, whether he knew it or not. "Apology accepted."

"That's it?" she asked, her eyes wide. "You're not going to hold my potty mouth against me? Grudge for a little while at least? I'd deserve it."

"Nah. I've seen what grudges can do to a person, a family, and it ain't pretty. All's forgiven."

Her cheeks felt hot, even though that seemed a ridiculous possibility as a ghost. Maybe her penchant for blushing was one earthly property she'd keep. "Thank you, Shamus…"

"You're welcome."

His deep voice crackled through her, embedding itself with its richness.

On impulse—an earthly property exceptionally rare for her—Ralph leaned over and kissed his stubbled cheek, closing her eyes and savoring his flesh against her lips. "I promise not to overreact again," she whispered.

Shamus didn't say anything…but he turned his cheek until his mouth met hers.

And her senses exploded. Caught on fire. Blew her mind.

Shamus's lips on hers commanded she respond, and when he slipped his tongue into her mouth, let its raspy, silky texture slide against hers, Ralph's limbs melted against him. She found herself sinking into his hard form.

She refused to overthink this moment. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck, let him pull her in close until their chests touched.

A soft moan escaped her throat, mingling with Shamus's groan. Her pulse slammed in her veins; her heart crashed against her ribs. She'd never experienced a kiss like this.

"Hey! Fucking detach your lips and quit swallowing each other's tongues. There's shit to do!"

Shamus and Ralph flew apart, moving to their respective sides of the couch with guilty expressions.

Nina cackled, her eyes on fire. "We got some news about the guy who whacked you. Apparently, your feisty BFF Hazel and some of the other shop owners who like you are makin' a stink. Some of the kids you taught, parents of the students, too, started a vigil outside the police station. They want fucking answers, and they're bangin' down the doors for justice."

Tears stung Ralph's eyes, leaving her speechless.

Shamus lifted his gaze to smile at her. "Maybe you weren't as quiet as you thought, Ms. Tucci?"

Maybe…

"Oh, and throw some more of that damn dust on your girlfriend. I can only see her head floatin' around like a sad, lost balloon."

Ralph gasped, looking down at her limbs.

Nina's laughter stayed in her ears, long after she'd left the library.