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Chapter 4

By morning the next morning, Louisa rang for her maid and after an hour was seated at the breakfast table, sipping tea and eyeing cook's tarts with a contrite sigh. If she had a hope of following this slimming plan of hers, she needed to stay away from those.

Her mind lingered on last night and she pondered how Julius had unexpectedly appeared and how, after midnight, she had lost sight of him. She had trained her attention on her sister instead and upon closing the night, she had been so exhausted she not thought to ask about Julius' whereabouts.

Calling for her butler, Mister Sawyer, she asked a question she already felt she knew the answer to, that Julius had broken his word and had left.

Then again, had he agreed to stay?

"Is His Grace at home this morning?"

"Not at the moment, Your Grace," Simmons replied after a bow. "He went out of for a ride this morning."

Her heart leaped and she startled so fiercely, she nearly spilled her tea on her lap. "What? He was here this morning. He never left?"

"Who never left?" Annabel said as she entered the room, the thick twill of her voluminous mauve carriage dress and spencer jacket was at least three seasons behind in fashion. Her husband William was not too far behind her.

"Julius," she said to her sister, then to Simmonds, asked, "Where did he sleep?"

"In the guest rooms, Your Grace," the butler replied.

She blinked, and the first question that she asked was, Why? However, the answer came to her soon after. They had just reconnected, it would be strange for him to join her in her bedchamber, even though they were married, they had never shared a bed.

"I see," Louisa nodded then gave Simmonds a small smile; it was not his fault that Julius was avoiding her. "Thank you."

William greeted her then called a footman over for his coffee. After it was poured, Annabel, almost absentmindedly, dropped a square of sugar in it.

"Thank you," he murmured, eyes hazed. "I always forget."

"You do and then after a sip you begin to grip how bitter it is," Annabel replied. "And even worse, I cannot have you nodding off on the way to Dover."

I don't even know how Julius takes his coffee.

The oatcakes she had shared earlier looked utterly unappetizing and she only nibbled on a slice of buttered bread while decidedly ignoring the platter of cook's blackberry tarts.

Annabel looked on, very concerned. "He did not tell you he was staying?"

"He'd told me he could not stay," Louisa replied. "But that was before you had arrived, and I supposed his sister Rose too. Mayhap she was the one who had convinced him to stay. As a matter of fact, she was the one who had told him to come and see me too."

"Why had he gone off to the countryside at all?" Annabel's brows furrowed.

"I suppose to see his sister, Rose," Louisa replied. "She was invited to attend last night but while I kept a look out for her, she never came. We've only corresponded through letters, you see, and I was hoping last night would be the day I met her, but I suppose not."

"Is she ill by any chance?" Annabel asked, worriedly.

"I wouldn't know," Louisa admitted, "I only started the correspondence as a courtesy to his only family member as both his parents have passed, sharing genial things, like curious happenings in Town or traveling fairs amusing jokes I have heard. She writes back but has never shared anything so intimate with me.

"Oh, he has," Annabel huffed. "There are so many rumors about is affairs all over Town, was not one of the marriage vow to cleve only unto thy wife?"

"He explained that to me last night," she said proudly. "Those rumors are only that, rumors and I believe him. You've seen how spiteful some women can be. many ladies were incensed when Julius married me so, sour grapes and all that."

"But, why did he leave and abandoning you to the sharks of London?" Annabel asked, unhappy. "What is the sense in that."

"I think I know," William edged into the conversation. His eyes were a little clearer now and after gesturing for another refill —where Annabel once again dropped sugar in—he explained, "I imagine the war changed him, Louisa. I know a great deal of people the war has drastically changed. These men do not see the world as we see it anymore."

She swallowed. "He mentioned that last night."

"A bit too late, isn't it?" Annabel cut into her coddled egg.

"I've spoken to some military men from the wars," Willam said. "Loud noises, flashing lights, bangs and screams plus a plethora of other phenomena, puts them right back on the battlefield and they are stuck between the past and the present.

"It's a horrible condition that no nothing about but I suspect the quiet and peace of the country is more tolerable to them. I can only hope Julius finds the courage to tell you what he is experiencing," William ended.

With her appetite complete gone, Louisa said, "Last night when Lord Grantville extended an invitation to see the acrobats at Vauxhall, he told me that he sees danger everywhere…" she chewed on her lip "…and that he is not the man he once was."

"That is sadly the case of many of the military men," William replied, his lips ticked down and sorrow creasing his face.

Pushing her plate away, Louisa shook her head, "I can understand that but the truth of the matter is that I never knew the person he was at all. How am I going to contend with knowing the new him when I never knew the old!"

The words had burst from her in a passion Louisa had not known existed inside her and from the stunned expression on her sister and her husband's faces, Louisa knew they were shocked too.

Before the stunned air vanished another voice, Julius', entered the room. "I can tell you, or I can show you, Louisa… which would you prefer?"

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