Chapter Eleven Sam

A fter the pizza arrived, I lost track of how many beers we’d had. It turned out that the Alphas were prepared. They’d purchased a couple large packs of bottles and before I knew it, we’d gone through almost all of them.

But the conversation was good. Like, really good. It had been a long time since I’d clicked with people so easily. Words flowed easily, helped along by the beer, and topics came and went without a single awkward pause. It seemed like we’d talked about everything from books and movies to dreams and aspirations. I told them about how I’d started the hotel to help rogue wolves in distress with nowhere to go and they told me about how they’d left behind their inheritances to be together. Their story was beautiful and sad at the same time. Giving up everything for one another was so romantic, but the sacrifice itself seemed unnecessary. After all, the world was so much more accepting than it had been when I was a kid. But even so, a few werewolf packs insisted on clinging to the past. And it was their loss because, as far as I was concerned, Calum and Erick would’ve made great Alphas.

And at some point, without really meaning to, all three of us ended up on the bed. Calum was on one side and Erick on the other while I lay in the middle with my fingers laced behind my head. We’d been joking with one another and the bed was practically shaking with laughter. That’s when both of them rolled toward me, propped up on their elbows as they looked me up and down.

“Sam,” Erick said first, his tongue loose thanks to the beer. “There’s something we’ve wanted to tell you.”

“We uh… think you’re really pretty,” Calum smiled, his words slurred a bit more than Erick’s.

Despite my inebriation, my heart jumped up into my throat. I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out. My stomach was too full of butterflies for me to form a coherent thought.

“We talked everything through and both of us feel attracted to you,” Erick continued. “I’m not sure what it means, but we felt like we should tell you.”

Calum scooted close and laid his head on my shoulder. “And you smell really good.” He inhaled deeply, his nose pressed against my neck in a way that sent a shiver of delight down my spine. “Like wildflowers and honey.”

Erick got close as well, his hand resting on my chest. “And you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.”

My breath hitched in my throat and I felt my entire body break out in goosebumps. I turned to look at Erick, his eyes shimmering in the light of the streetlamps coming through the frosted window. Suddenly everything felt warm and pleasant, like it was no longer winter anymore, but a warm midsummer day. All the thoughts inside my head that told me not to give in to their charms died away. The wolf inside me was calm but determined as I leaned forward. Erick, realizing what I was doing, closed the gap between us.

Our lips met and it was like I’d grabbed a hold of a live wire. Every nerve in my body sprang into life. A tingle ran from the top of my head down to my toes and back again as I opened up to him, letting his tongue caress my own. At the same time, I felt a scruffy beard surrounding a soft kiss against my neck. Pulling away from Erick I turned to see Calum looking at me in the exact same way.

And my reaction was, surprisingly, no different. I wanted him just as badly as I wanted Erick.

Without waiting, I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in, our lips crashing together hungrily. Erick’s hand came up to my neck as he kissed the spot just below my ear. At the same time Calum’s tongue slipped between my teeth, sweeping me up in an intense combination of sensations.

Before I knew it, I had one hand in Erick’s hair, pushing him harder against my skin as he kissed and bit his way over my clavicle. The other was snaked around Calum’s waist, my fingers pushing up under his shirt to find warm flesh. Their scents filled the air, the pheromones consuming me completely. I was totally lost in the heat of the moment.

However, the second I felt a hand on my belt buckle, a tightness filled my chest. All the warmth of the moment left in an instant and all I felt was cold fear rushing through me. I sat up quickly, hopping off the bed and onto my feet. My head swam as all the beer caught up with me and I had to stop to steady myself. Meanwhile, both Calum and Erick sat up on the bed.

“Are you okay?” Erick asked, looking up at me with concern in his eyes.

“Sorry…” Calum said, hanging his head low. It had been his hand on my belt. “I shouldn’t have–”

“No,” I said, cutting him off. “I liked it, I just… I… I need to go. I’m sorry.”

Without glancing back, I stuffed my shoes on and practically ran out the door. Pulling it closed behind me, I nearly jogged down the hall to my own room, stuffed the key in the lock, and shut it behind me before anyone could catch up to me. Leaning against the door, I sank down to the floor, my brain reeling from everything that had happened.

There were so many conflicting thoughts that I had to force my eyes closed and prod my brain to try to figure out what was going on. Anxiety and fear were the biggest emotions, both of them gripping my chest like an icy clawed hand. My heart was beating faster than I thought possible and my breath came in short bursts.

A sea of memories flooded through me, each one reminding me how much I hated being touched and prodded at. And yet, despite all those feelings, I yearned to be touched. I craved it. Nobody had touched me like Calum and Erick had in years. It was one of the pieces I’d been missing from my life for so long that I’d forgotten how good it could feel. But after so long, the feeling was alien. It was like spending months not speaking and then suddenly being forced to have a conversation. And I just didn’t know how to react.

Of course, there was also the overwhelming lust that filled me to the brim when they began to kiss me. I wanted them just as much as they wanted me it seemed. However, the lust wasn’t what I was afraid of. Sure, it was powerful, but not terrifying. The truly horrifying thing that got me was the word echoing through my brain when my lips were pressed against theirs.

Mate .

At first, I thought it was just anxiety creeping in around the edges of my joy. A nervous energy from being by myself for so long. But the more I touched them, the louder it grew. And when Calum grabbed my buckle, the wolf inside me nearly exploded out. The last time I felt something that strong had been…

No . I wasn’t going to think about that. That was over a decade ago and I didn’t want to revisit those painful memories. It had been so long since I’d thought about… him . As much as I wanted to find my mate and find love in this lifetime, there was a part of me deep down that thought I didn’t deserve it. That I’d already had it and blown my chance.

How was I supposed to continue on with these two Alphas when all I could think about the moment they touched me was a love I would never have? And they couldn’t be my mates, anyway. As much as my heart and my head wanted to believe that, I knew it couldn’t be true. I’d already found my mate long ago and he didn’t want me anymore. He hadn’t wanted me for years. So how could anyone else want me when my one true person didn’t even know I existed anymore? And two Alphas? Forget it. There was no way we were mates. It was a statistical impossibility.

So, I sat there on the floor of my room with my back against the cold door, knowing that I’d just messed up my one chance at finally getting some attention. After all these years of thinking that I’d moved on, that I was over everything that had happened in my past, it was a rude awakening to realize that not only was I not over it, but it was sabotaging any chance I had at temporary happiness or release.

I just wished I knew how to fix it. But I didn’t. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled out my phone and began typing a message to my oldest friend.

Me: Hey Ace… can we meet up tomorrow or something? Just the two of us? I need to talk.

Ace: Yeah. When and where?

Me: Let’s go down to the beach. We can grab coffee on the way.

Ace: You okay?

Me: Not as much as I thought, apparently.

Ace: Don’t worry. If anyone can figure it out, we can.

Me: Thanks buddy.

Ace: See you soon.

I put my phone down and hugged my knees to my chest. Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against my crossed arms and forced myself to breathe as regularly as I could. Everything was going to be okay. It had to be. And until I got myself figured out, it was probably a good idea to avoid those Alphas.

And that, despite the pain and trepidation, was going to be difficult.