Chapter Twenty-Three

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

TATTOO LESSONS

I let myself cry for a long while, huddled in a ball on the floor, arms wrapped around my sides, not caring if the guard woke and found me. Eventually, I realized it had been quite some time and that the sun would rise soon. I made my way up the stairs and eased the dungeon door shut. When I went to the alcove to check on the guard, he still slept, naked and bound with small remnants of his clothing. Ezren would have needed something to wear out of the palace.

My eyes had swollen, and my head pounded. While I wished to go back to my room to sleep, I also wished for some semblance of comfort. I considered returning to Gia, but that would raise questions with the guards.

So I sought out Cas. Not for intimacy, but he was still a friend, and I knew he would hold me if I asked him. I returned to the wing where my quarters were and walked in the direction he had left my room the day before. It was a gamble, but I suspected they housed me in the East Wing—that of the crown. If my memory of the palace layout didn’t fail me, he should be nearby.

I passed several doors, but they were unguarded, so I assumed they weren’t his. Finally, I came upon two massive wooden doors that would open away from each other, a pair of burly guards flanking them.

“Is this Cas’s room?” I asked from beneath lowered lashes, attempting to defer suspicion by looking like his to-be bride shyly paying him an early morning visit.

One of them cleared his throat. “Ehm, yes, miss, but I don’t think he wishes to be disturbed?—”

I cut him off by swinging one of the doors open.

And there stood Cas, naked by the moonlit window, smoking some sort of pipe. His hair hung unbound and wild, and I could now see the full extent of the swirling lines of tattoos that snaked up his body. Thorned vines tangled with fir sprigs and aspen leaves, running from his outer knee, up the side of his buttock, up his lean abdomen, and then culminating in a cluster of buds and branches on his pectorals. And even from my vantage point, I could see the word formed by small letters floating amongst the flora and fauna that decorated his chest.

“T E R R A,” it read.

I gaped at him, and he returned with a casual incline of his head, as if he expected me to be there, unashamed of his bareness. “Do you like it? I got it the day I turned fifteen. It had been over a year, and I’d finally accepted you weren’t coming back. I got it to keep your memory alive, to never forget you, and to remind myself to never love again, to prevent another experience of such… loss. We were so young, never married, and yet I felt I knew the pain of my father when he lost my mother. Such dramatics, are we not, when we’re young?” He chuckled to himself. I stood there, gaping a moment before I realized I had not sensed the other presences in the room.

My eyes shot to the chaise by the fire first, which had a white-haired Fae female draped over it, very passed out, very naked, and very covered in welts that ran the full length of her lean backside. And then I looked to the bed, and blinked several times, for I almost did not believe it was Fayzien that I saw there, a sheet partially hiding his manhood, his breathing soft and relaxed.

I looked back at Cas, my eyes wide with confusion, shock, and anger. He smiled at me once more, this time with sadness. “I told you, mi karus , I am no longer a little dove.” And with that, he guided me to the door and sent me through with a gentle push, shutting it with finality.

As I walked back to my room, a numbness descended over me. I was too stunned by what I had just seen and the significance of it all to feel any real emotion. The image of Fayzien asleep in Cas’s bed was one I’d not soon forget, but also one I had no fucking clue what to do with. The mixture of the unexpected revelation on Cas’s love life combined with the pain of Ezren leaving was a dull ache in my body I knew would throb for a long time.

I collapsed in my bed and stared at the ceiling of my canopy. When sleep eventually claimed me, I slept dreamlessly.

The sun streamed through parted drapes the next morning, but instead of Olea bustling around my room, Cas’s head peaked out over the armchair in front of the fireplace. I shut my eyes and pulled the covers above my head. The philandering Fae heard me stir and parted the bed curtains, sitting down next to me.

“I know you’re awake in there.” I moaned in response, and he drew back the duvet. “Good morning mi karus . Tired today, are we? Did you get up to any midnight mischief last night?” he asked, his tone lighter than expected.

I knew he wasn’t referring to my visit to his chambers, but I said anyway, “I was thinking about it, but the lucky lad ended up already having his hands—and his bed—full.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t mean that. As you may or may not know, Ezren escaped last night.”

I rolled over, facing my back to him. “Ezren’s whereabouts are not of my concern,” I grumbled.

“Ah, I see then. Well, the one that freed him may be of concern to you. For freeing a traitor, under Viri law, is punishable by death.”

“Hmm. Well, did the guards see who did it?”

“Apparently, they did not.”

“How unusual. What a mystery.”

Cas chuckled again. I turned towards him, my head still lying on the pillow.

“What’s got you so cheery this morning, then?” I demanded. “I can’t imagine it’s the time in the sack with that murdering bastard.”

My insult didn’t land. “I just forgot how feisty you are, Terra. Regardless of everything that’s happened, I am truly glad to have you back,” he said, his eyes glittering.

The image of Fayzien naked in Cas’s bed flashed in my mind, curdling my empty stomach. I sat up, bringing my face closer to his. “Why him, Cas? He’s a monster. He murdered my family in cold blood; he violated me. He sank a ship full of Fae and Witch kind who were just trying to protect me. He should pay with his life for what he’s done. How can you be intimate with someone like that?” My guts twisted at the thought, acid bubbling up my throat.

He snorted. “Well, for one, I hardly call what Fayzien and I do intimacy. Secondly, I’ve known him for a long time. He came to Valfalla as the Nebbiolon emissary after your disappearance. He opened my eyes to a new world—a world that has helped me deal with some of the uglier sides I’d developed since losing you. I never trusted him; he worked for your mother, for the gods’ sake. But he’s not as evil as you might think.”

I gaped at him, not knowing if I should press further on when Fayzien’s lessons began. Cas had only been thirteen when I was taken.

The thought almost made me lose what little remained in my stomach.

“The fact that Fayzien began to broaden your sexual horizons—when you were still a child —is not at all a reason I shouldn’t kill him,” I spat.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I’ll have you know, I was a consenting age when those lessons started. And regarding his violation of you—I have punished him greatly. I guarantee he will never do it again. If it’s his life you think he owes, well, that’s not up to you. Do not take revenge into your own hands, Terra. Murdering another in Viribrum, no matter your quarrel, no matter if you are a Nebbiolon princess , is also punishable by death. Anyway, as for his killing of those humans or Jana’s collaborators, I don’t know if you can really blame him. He likely just followed orders from the Rexi.”

I bristled at the way he said those humans. “What do you mean? How could she have ordered him to kill my human family? She would’ve had to have known…” I trailed off.

She would’ve had to have known I was alive.

“Cas,” I breathed, “Jana made it sound like Fayzien kidnapped me and killed Viturius of his own volition, because he was threatened by my existence or something. But he did it under orders, didn’t he?”

He exhaled through clenched teeth. “I believe so, yes.”

“Why?” I whispered, fear blooming in my chest. Why would my birthmother have my birthfather killed… and me hidden?

“I’m still working on that, mi karus . It took me long enough just to find you ; it will take me a while to figure out the evil Witch queen’s master plan,” he said, attempting to inject humor into his tone. “And I can only push Fayzien to reveal so much at a time.”

His joke did little to penetrate my focus. “You sent Jana and the others, didn’t you?” I asked, remembering his that was never part of the deal comment about Ezren. The pieces started to form a picture.

“I did. I couldn’t leave Valfalla without raising suspicions with Darlan—he’d long forbade me from continuing to search for you. He was convinced you were lost forever and that I’d go mad if I didn’t stop looking. But we’d finally found a solid lead, so I sent Jana and whatever rebel regiments she’d been operating with to get you. She was a good friend of your father, and I had grown to know her after his death. She, too, had suspected there was more to what happened than the bullshit ‘Drakkarian Witch kidnapping’ story your mother sold to Darlan and our kingdom.”

“Why did Jana lie to me then? She said my mother had died when I was young and never mentioned my title. She kept my memories about who you were hidden.”

He closed his eyes for a moment. “I may have given her too much liberty—I was so desperate to get you back. I told her to do whatever it took to persuade you to go with her. It’s possible that she thought bringing everything back would be too overwhelming for you. I have questioned her, of course, and that’s the story she tells.”

My mind buzzed with questions, processing the knowledge that my birth mother had been the one to kill my sire and place me in the human realm. “How did you find me in the first place? How did you even know I was alive?”

Cas kicked off his shoes and sat fully on the bed, causing me to wiggle over and make room.

“A few years into my travels, I found myself in a tea den in the Hafian desert. I overheard the strangest story. A wanderer, a practitioner of the ways of the old gods, talked of a Fae girl that he’d met in the human realm. The girl, not more than fourteen, appeared human, given she lived with humans and her scent was that of humans. But he knew she was Fae because one day, he saw her fall from a forty-foot tree, a fatal crash that should have crushed her human ribs, punctured her lungs, and killed her instantly. But she lived.

“I pressed him on the tale, to tell me details of the girl. He shared enough of his knowledge that I firmly believed it was you, but in the end, he wouldn’t tell me where you were. He said the code of the wanderer, the old ways of the gods, demanded he not reveal such things. I would have killed him right then, but I didn’t want to interfere with the gods.”

“I remember that fall,” I whispered, a tear running down my cheek at the memory of my brothers and the way they’d rushed to me. “No one could explain how I’d lived.”

Cas rested a hand on mine. “After that, I enlisted Jana to help my search. Things were getting worse on the relations front—the Rexi had used your death as a catalyst to ripen tensions between Viribrum and Drakkar, and Darlan had fully taken the bait. After another two years, we found one of your original abductors, who confessed you were alive, living amongst humans in Argention. Jana left immediately to find you—to bring you back to Viribrum.”

I nodded, feeling some relief. His story of how I was captured, hidden, and ultimately found at least lined up with Jana’s.

“I never thought the Rexi would catch wind of it, let alone show up in Valfalla . I mean, she’s never even left Nebbiolo since she was Siphoned at age thirteen.”

Siphoned. The word snagged in my mind. Dane mentioned it before Ezren and I had coupled. I still didn’t know what it meant exactly—Jana had only told me it was “a sacred bur oak that fed her power.” Before I could ask, Cas continued.

“But I suspect she discovered we’d found you, sent Fayzien to collect you, and then waited for us to bring you here in the case he failed.”

A numbness descended over my flesh. “So… what now?”

“The Rexi arriving has been a… complication. She pressured Darlan to jail Jana and her crew immediately, claiming they were involved in your abduction. I’d planned to reveal the Rexi’s guilt to my father when you returned, but that went out the window the moment she arrived. Her power is not to be underestimated, Terra—the stories I’ve heard…” He shuddered. “It would be a serious risk to challenge the Rexi’s integrity whilst she’s here. I need hard proof before I tell Darlan, before I make my next move.”

“We. Before we make our next move.”

The corner of Cas’s lips twitched. “So last night didn’t scare you away too much, then?”

“I still don’t know what to think about last night.” Half-true. His dismissal of Fayzien’s behavior enraged me, but I needed Cas’s help.

He turned towards me more directly now, the golden flecks in his eyes illuminated. “Terra, I have to say this. You were my first true love, and you will be my last. I have never opened my heart to another, and I never will. In that way, it will only ever be you.”

“But in body?” I asked quietly, unable to meet his eyes.

“Like I said, a lot has happened in the last few years. I have developed… tastes. Needs that you can never satisfy.”

“And you would never let me try? To satisfy your… needs?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to try, but needing to know where I stood.

He paused. “Some of the things, well, no. There are some desires I have that I would never, ever involve you in. But they need to be filled… Filling those desires is how I maintain control of the things inside of me that I would rather you not see.”

I eyed him and exhaled. “I get now why you made that whole display of proposing to me, having Olea dress me up like a harlot. You have a reputation, don’t you? You needed to extinguish the rumors that you wouldn’t uphold your commitment.”

His lips formed a tight, guarded line. “No matter what you think of me or what you saw last night, I will always, always protect you.”

While the pang of Ezren’s departure still pressed heavy on my chest, Cas was here—he was real. He was the only thing from my old life that made sense, the only thing I could believe in. “I want to know you, Cas. All of you,” I whispered.

His eyes searched mine, and I could tell he was unsure.

“May I see it again?” I asked. He cocked his head in question, a wicked smile appearing on his face, and I rolled my eyes. “Your tattoo.” I gestured to his chest.

He nodded but made no effort to remove his shirt. I sat up more, the sheets falling away from me, revealing the thin shift that did little to hide the curves of my body. He rested with his back against the headboard, and I leaned over him, undoing each button. And then I drew the sides of the shirt away from him, exposing the artwork on his chest.

I let my fingers run along the ink, tracing the letters of my name, the displays of the Earth. Cas closed his eyes. “It’s beautiful,” I murmured.

His gaze grew foggy—distant. “There was a time when I thought you’d never see it.”

I paused a moment, letting my fingers continue to roam the lines of the image on his abdomen, remembering the closeness we shared as kids. He must have felt an utter lack of control when I was taken. While the image of Fayzien in his bed remained ripe in my mind, as did the pain of Ezren’s departure, a desire wound through me I could not completely deny.

I kissed each letter, lingering my lips from one to the next. He drew in a sharp breath, and I saw the whisper of movement in his trousers.

“And now that I have seen it?” I breathed.

His voice turned to growl. “Are you trying to tease me, Terragnata?”

I smirked, feigning innocence. “What ever are you referring to, Prince Casmerre?”

At this, he pulled me on top of him, his hands firm on my hips, raising his own into mine. Invisible ropes tightened around my wrists, raising them above my head as if they were fastened to the beam above me. I pulled on them, and a gentle but firm tug responded.

I narrowed my eyes at him for the use of magic.

“You have no idea what you’re doing, Terra.”

He put his mouth to the crook of my neck, a kiss that ended in the gentle tug of my skin with his teeth. I whimpered in reaction, unthinking, my whole body wrought with tension. Cas’s hand crept up my shift until his palm lay flush between my thighs. He dipped his two fingers into my opening. I cried out, craving nothing but the wild ignorance of release. An invisible rope tightened around my mouth, stifling the noise. I was panting now, my nostrils flaring in and out at the speed of my heartbeat.

Cas lifted his two fingers for me to see, extending them apart, revealing a wetness from deep inside me. “I would be lying, Terra, if I said there weren’t many times when I wondered how you would taste,” he murmured, rubbing the wetness of me between his two fingers and his thumb. I moaned in response, the sound strangled by the invisible rope that separated my lips. He brought his fingers to his mouth, tasting me, his eyes shuttering for a moment.

Moisture crept down the skin of my inner thighs. Cas ran his hands under my shift, making to lift it above my head. But his fingers found the Dragon scale imprinted on my hip, and he stilled.

“Ahh, Ezren’s mark.” He ran the tip of his finger over it. I shuddered, struggling against my invisible binding. He furrowed his brow and cocked his head. “Interesting,” he said, his thumb brushing the moisture that had slipped onto my inner thigh. “I wonder if this is for me.” He examined my wetness once more. “Or for him.”

He paused. “Or, I wonder if it’s neither, and your desires are simply a result of settling back into your Fae form. It is ironic, though, that while I am marked for you, you are marked for him.”

At that, he swung his feet over to the ground and stood, his open shirt parted. “I cannot tell you the satisfaction it brings me to see you like this, mi karus . If I were a less seasoned male, I would have my way with you right now, without a second thought. But not yet. I need to know it’s really me you crave, and not a simple physical reaction, or the need to replace what you feel you have lost.” And then he tilted my face up, letting his invisible rope on my mouth fall away, and kissed me, his lips brushing mine in a whisper that contrasted the firm grip on my jaw.

“One day, mi karus , I so hope.” He slipped on his shoes and walked out. When he shut the door, the balance of the ropes fell, and I collapsed, a motionless heap on my bed.