Chapter Twenty-Two

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

EMPTY CHEST

“ E t esna proper te walk out on a queen or king, especially durin’ a’ banquet, lassia,” Olea said as she readied me for bed. “I suppose ye’ll be needin’ trainin a’ the ways a’ the court.”

I didn’t reply and Olea fell silent, dressing me in the gold satin shift once more, and wiping my face clean. She braided my long hair in twin plaits that touched my mid-back. I then bid her to take me to Gia’s room, for she had not been present at the banquet, and along with Fayzien’s absence, I noted it. I wouldn’t be able to rest without checking on her.

When I arrived, Gia was already asleep, and I crawled into bed with her, sending the maids away. I told Olea to fetch me in the morning. Gia mumbled upon feeling my presence, as if she had expected it. I tried to relax into her steady breathing, my eyes fixed on the sliver of moonlight that shone through the window.

But I could not sleep, for the Dragon scale continued to pull at me from my hip bone. The overwhelming feeling radiated into my low belly, and it oscillated between a pulsing and a slow burn. I let the moon travel lower in the window, waiting for the almost dusk hour when I knew most of the revelers would either be in bed or too drunk to remember if they encountered a wanderer in the halls. Once late enough, I slipped out through the door, clicking it shut behind me.

I yawned next to the guard stationed by the door, feigning exhaustion. “Even the soft snoring of a woman keeps me up,” I said groggily.

“Will you need an escort back to your room, miss?” the guard asked.

I shook my head. “I know the way. Thank you for the kind offer.”

I ambled at first, making sure I rounded several corners before I took off in a silent run. My Fae sight let me pick up on the cracks and markings I had noted before. And within a few minutes, I peered around a wall, looking down at the main staircase. There must have been another less conspicuous way to get down, but it would have likely been a passage used by the servants, and I was in no position to wander through servant quarters without being noticed.

But as luck would have it, I found the foyer empty. If any guests still reveled, they had moved to private quarters. I crept down the staircase, mustering all the stealth I could. Only four more passageways, five turns total, until I reached the entrance to the dungeons. I hurried forward, planning my distraction of the guards. When I began to take my last turn, the sound of a familiar voice reached my ears, and I froze.

Fayzien—with a companion I could not identify. They spoke in drunken, hushed tones.

“Well, now that Cas knows he’s bound to the bitch, we can’t hurt him. At least not physically. But in a way, mental torture is that much more deliciousssss,” Fayzien slurred. “And Cas is perfectly supportive of that.” His cackle raised the fine hairs on my arms.

“And how do you do it, then?” the unknown male voice asked, probing.

“Ezren doesn’t know Cas lets me see him. So I describe in detail what I’m going to do to the bitch now that he’s locked up. I tell him that by the time he’s let out of the cell, I will have made her scream my name so many times she will have forgotten his. I don’t know if he fully buys it, but the image hurts him all the same.” Fayzien snickered.

I vibrated with rage, for myself, for my family, for Ezren. And though I directed the bulk of my anger towards the vile Fae-Witch I’d overheard, I couldn’t help but think of Cas, too. How could he cooperate with such a monster? I cursed myself for not having a blade, for I would have given anything to shove a dagger into Fayzien’s sickened throat.

A small part of me remembered how it felt when I’d thought he’d died. How the grief hadn’t budged an inch.

“I heard you killed the collaborators, as well—the ones that sailed for Panderen,” Fayzien’s companion said, their voices growing nearer. My heart at once sunk with pain and got swept up in a fresh wave of fury. I was close to doing something stupid. But I darted two hallways back, hiding myself in the shadows of an alcove. I waited for them to pass, hoping the ale that clearly lingered in their veins would dull their Fae senses.

Fayzien laughed with a darkness that made me cringe. “I made the North Sea swallow that ship whole. What happened to its passengers, I neither know nor care.”

They continued their walk, their conversation turning to a dull recounting of the night’s festivities. “I am going to kill you, Fayzien of Nebbiolo.” I breathed the death vow when they were well out of earshot. For Sanah, Leuffen, Leiya, Danson, Javis. Father. And Mother. Not. One. More.

My whispered words hung in the air, burning with more hate than I’d known I could feel.

When they were gone, and I’d composed myself from the trembling shudders that wracked my body, I restarted my journey. To my relief, only one sentry guarded the dungeon door, lounging against the wall. I snuck into the hall and pressed my body into the side of another alcove just a few yards from where the guard stood. I needed to neutralize him without him recognizing me, or registering who disarmed him. I made a small bird noise, a sound I learned to create when we hunted grouse in the forest. He started at that, looking for the source of the call. He walked right past the alcove where I lay in wait.

I jumped on him from behind, covering his mouth with one hand and placing his neck in the crook of my other arm. He struggled for his sword, but given my legs wrapped around his midsection, he failed to reach his weapon. I tightened my grip, pressing my forearm harder into his air pipe. It only took a few moments before his body softened. I placed my feet on the ground once more and lowered him into the alcove I had jumped out from. He would wake up in a few minutes if I did nothing else, so I hit him on the head with the hilt of his dagger. And then I took the key ring from his belt and scurried down the wet stairs.

In moments I reached the T again, and I veered my jog right. In less time than that, I reached Ezren’s cell. He sat in the corner, eyes closed, his head tilted back to rest on the stone wall. I stood there a moment, just watching him, knowing I had approached in silence. Eventually, he would get a whiff of my scent, but I no longer rushed.

He jumped to his feet, easy and smooth, the warrior in him showing. Anger and feelings of betrayal coursed through my veins, combining with desire and the discomfort I had from seeing him this way. Filth covered every inch of him, but the bulges of his abdomen, the sloping lines of tension in his arms, remained visible. It took me right back to that day in the Adimon mountains, blinded by the image of light and flowers and his hands all over me.

“Terra,” he said, waking me from the memory.

I snapped my gaze back to his. Dull no longer, his eyes blazed into me in the same way they had when I first looked into them, him hovering over me in the Argen forest. I entered the cell, walking over to him. And then, with a silent prayer, I slipped the smallest key from the ring into his chains. I almost cried out in relief when I heard the click, and I undid the balance of his chains. He remained still as the last of them fell to the floor. His eyes landed on the ring I’d neglected to remove from my left hand.

“It seems you have accepted the prince’s betrothal offering,” Ezren said, his voice stiff and unreadable.

“I’m not here to discuss the prince, Ezren,” I replied coolly.

He flinched almost imperceptibly at the use of his name. “Then what would you like to discuss?”

“Why?” The same question from before, yet unanswered. “Why didn’t you tell me about my mom, my title, and Cas?” I whispered. “Why lie?”

“I didn’t lie, Terra. I just couldn’t tell you. I wanted to—many of us did—but we couldn’t.”

“Why!” I demanded, choking back tears. A sudden realization hit me like a slap. “My memories. Jana didn’t free all of them, did she?” I breathed. “She withheld them from me on purpose. Why?”

He said nothing.

Anger bubbled in my voice. “Answer me, Ezren. Did she plant fake memories in my mind? Tell me the truth.”

He looked at me again, his expression alight with the same hunger that woke me up mere days before. “You want the truth? Here it is. I murdered my wife. I’ve had to live with that guilt every day of my gods damned existence since. I could barely remember what it felt like to hope , let alone care for another. I’ve lived in a shadow—half asleep—wandering alone from one place to the next as a low-level warrior for coin.

“Until I met you. Half wild and covered in days of filth… brimming with fight and fire. You were so alive , and it was intoxicating—the first time I’d felt anything in a long time. In one hundred and fifty years, I have never met anyone like you. I didn’t think anyone like you even existed. I knew you were betrothed, and it killed me not to say anything. So I tried to stay away, I really did. But then you made me breathe your wanting scent and…” he trailed off, a part of him twitching in my periphery.

I didn’t move a muscle. I didn’t dare glance away from his face.

“Believe me, I regret my actions. I should have never laid with you, not until you knew everything. And if I’d known the binding would happen… I would have let those Crona walk right into the human realm. But here we are, bound. And while they may try to undo it, so long as there is breath in my lungs, I will be bound to you, whether you like it or not.”

My stomach twisted, like I’d just been punched. He regrets lying with me, but not lying to me? And all those words… Though not exactly a declaration of love, he’d spoken things I’d craved to hear deeply.

My wounds went deeper.

“I will never be bound to someone who deceives me, who lies to me. I’ve been lied to too many times in my life,” I spat, barely able to get the words out without feeling physical pain in my chest. “After losing my family, I was so vulnerable. I let myself trust you. All of you. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

I made my way back to the cell door, swung it open, and stepped to the side to ensure some distance remained between us when he left.

“But right now, our binding is the one thing keeping my mother and the king from shoving me down the aisle to marry Cas. So you need to leave, Ezren. Go far, far away, and don’t fucking come back,” I choked out the last part, unable to meet his gaze. I fought the moisture threatening to streak my face, and I feared a look at those burning emerald eyes would undo me.

I didn’t know if sending him away would prevent them from breaking the binding, but I knew he had to leave. Not only could I no longer trust Ezren, but I would never have a clear head to seek the truth—about my memories, my kidnappers, or how I felt about Cas—with him near.

Ezren stood before me, not too close, respecting my obvious request for space. I bit my lip to keep the tears at bay and raised my head, willing myself to look at him in the end.

His expression grew soft. “Terra, I’m sorry. I should have never let things go as far as they did. Just know that even though I may never be able to give you what you deserve, I will always be there for you. Break your left small toe, and I’ll know you want me to come. At any other injury, all of which I will feel, I promise not to interfere.”

And he walked past me, turning once more from the end of the hall. “Should you choose to one day marry Cas, or should you not, I think you’ll make an inspirational and revolutionary queen, whatever region is your domain.”

And then he was gone, and my heart broke, which shocked me, for I had thought it was already broken.