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Chapter 39Goldie

Chapter 39

Goldie

"Y ou stay here, firecracker," Ash says. "I'll go talk to him. I'll fix this."

I shake my head. "No. It has to be me. But…come with me."

I scramble to my feet, the blanket Ash loosely wrapped around me dropping to the ground. I don't stop to retrieve it, my body still humming, my heart thrumming in my chest from what just happened, but the moment I see the raw pain on Ranger's face, the heat of the moment with Ash turns cold.

"Ranger! Wait!" I shout, tripping over myself as I start to chase after him, panic lacing my voice. He hasn't gotten far, but he's moving fast.

I hear Ash's footsteps behind me, but I'm running, not waiting on him to catch up, but knowing he will.

"Please, Ranger, stop!" I call again, stumbling over the uneven ground, my legs still shaky from having the living daylights fucked out of me by Ash. "Let me explain!"

He's still within earshot, and I can tell he hears me, but he doesn't stop. My feet pound the earth and I swear even the stars above have suddenly hidden behind clouds, not wanting to watch what's happening down here, down below them. My breath comes in ragged gasps as I close the gap between us, and my thoughts whirl in a messy tangle. Did I mean it? Did I really mean it when I said I love Ash?

I think of all Mother's hasty trips down the aisle, of how she didn't just fall in love, she skydived into it, and how it always ended with a crash landing into a broken marriage, a broken home.

I can't love them. I can't love them this fast. I won't be my Mother. I can't…

But Mother runs away at the first sign of trouble, pushes the men who love her away, and that's the opposite of what I'm doing. I'm not running away from the trouble. I'm running toward it. I'm going to fix this. Dammit, I have to.

"Ranger, please!" I beg, my voice breaking as I get close enough to see the tension in his shoulders, the way his fists are clenched at his sides. "I love him, but I love you too!"

The words spill out of me before I can even stop them. I'm not sure how he'll take it, but it's the truth.

Ranger stops. His whole body goes still, and I nearly collide with him, the momentum of my run barely coming to a halt before I'm right there in front of him, my lungs feeling like they're about to explode in my chest, with my heart soon to follow.

He turns, slowly, the pain on his face morphing into disbelief and then downright shock. "You love us?"

I'm downright shocked myself.

I stand before him, physically naked and emotionally bare.

I swallow hard, my chest heaving as I gasp for breath. "I think do," I whisper.

He reaches out, pushing the hair off my face, so gentle, so tender, so…loving. "Love isn't something you think you do, Goldie. It's something you know. Right here."

He presses that big hand right above my wildly banging heart.

And I do know it.

It's impossible, it's crazy, it's unbelievable, and it's fucking bizarre, but…

"I do love all of you. You, Buck, Rusty, Nash…everyone." I feel like I'm living inside some kind of bizarre fever dream as I say the words, but I'm telling my truth. I love them all, each of them in different ways, but it's real, and deep, and overwhelming.

Ranger shakes his head, taking a step back. His gaze is locked on mine, and for a moment, I see the spinning tornado of emotions flickering behind his eyes—hurt, anger, confusion. But beneath it all, there's something else. Something that looks a lot like hope. "But you gotta leave in two weeks. How can you love us and leave us?"

How indeed?

"I guess…I guess, I mean, Buck said the whole love thing isn't in the cards for you. Relationships, dating, that it's not for men like you. So…no matter how I feel…why wouldn't I leave?"

"Buck's still smartin' something fierce over Susie May, firecracker," Ash says from behind us. "That's probably why he said that. But things change."

I nod, looking from Ash to Ranger and back again. Things change. That might just be the truest statement ever made. After all, it hasn't been a week since I told Lynx I don't have a boyfriend because relationships are messy. Because love is messy. I believed there was one perfect man out there for me and we'd have perfect sex and then a perfect relationship. All along I was believing that, and how could there have been one perfect man out there for me, when the Bj?rnsson brothers exist?

I hits me like a strike of lighting that I could live with some mess—hell, I might welcome some mess, both literal mess and emotional mess—if it's because I'm living with them.

"What Ash is trying to say, darlin'," Ranger says. "And I'm pretty sure I can speak for all of the others, well, except Luke, but…nine out of ten ain't bad, right? We all love you too, Rose-Golde Locke."

"You love me?" I ask Ranger. "You…love me?"

"Ranger wouldn't ever lie, firecracker, about anything, but especially not something like this," Ash says as Ranger nods. And when it comes to something like this, I wouldn't either. I love you too. I love you so much, Goldie."

I glance back at Ash but before I can respond, Ranger's arms are around my waist, hoisting me off my feet. I gasp, but it's quickly lost in the way he holds me—so sure, so strong. His hands slip to my hips, steadying me as he pulls me close, and suddenly all I can focus on is the heat between us. He's so much taller than me, but up here, with his arms wrapped around me and my legs wrapped around him, we're on the same level, eye to eye, face to face.

He looks into my eyes for a moment, his gaze soft and full of something I wouldn't have been able to describe earlier in the day but now I can definitely put a name to. This man is looking at me with love.

"You mean everything to us already, Goldie," he whispers, his voice low and rough. And then his lips are on mine.

The kiss is soft at first, tentative, as if he doesn't want to unleash all the emotions he's feeling on me at once. But oh, sweet Lord, I feel it. My hands instinctively go to his chest, grabbing onto his shirt as if it's the only thing keeping me tethered to the mountain, keeping me from floating, light and happy up into the sky, to glow amongst the stars and even brighter. His lips take mine with a kind of urgency that speaks volumes—like he's been holding this in for so damn long, entire lifetimes, and can't wait another second to show me how much he cares.

He tastes like the wilderness itself—like pine and smoke and something that's all Ranger. Like something that's all mine.

When he finally pulls away, the wind is knocked out of me, my head spinning. He doesn't let me go right away, though. Instead, he presses his forehead against mine, his eyes still closed, like he's savoring the moment.

Before I can even begin to recover, he passes me to Ash like I'm something sacred, but also like sharing me with Ash is something that feels completely natural to do.

"I meant every word, firecracker," Ash murmurs. "Every damn word."

Ash takes me into his arms next, his embrace just as secure, just as full of love. His chest hair tickles my breasts, my nipples already in tight buds, courtesy of the night air and Ranger. Ash doesn't waste any time, either. His lips find mine in an instant, and this kiss is somehow more intimate than all the other moments we've shared. There's a rawness to it, a heartfelt passion that snatches my breath away all over again. Ash kisses me like he's afraid this moment might slip away if he doesn't hold on to it with everything he's got.

I let go, kissing him back with just as much intensity, pouring every ounce of emotion I feel into it. My fingers thread through his hair, pulling him closer, needing him closer. The world around us fades until it's just us and Ranger, who's right there, right behind me, his hands roaming from my shoulders to my ass. It's just us, and just this moment, and they're not just kissing me, not just fondling me—they're claiming me as theirs in a way that makes hot tears of joy roll down my cheeks. It's everything I never knew I needed.

When he pulls away, we're both breathing hard, our foreheads pressed together as we try to catch our breath. "I love you so much, Goldie," Ash whispers, his voice thick with emotion. "More than I can even say."

I can't speak. I can barely think. Well. I have one thought and that is—I'm home.

"Do you…do you have to leave in two weeks?" Ash's voice sounds like it's about to boil over with emotion.

I want to tell him in no uncertain terms that I absolutely do not have to leave in two weeks, but I told Luke I would, so that's not really up to me. "Um…I guess we'll have to call a family meeting? There'll need to be a unanimous vote, right?"

"But if there was…" Ash pauses. "If we all agree that's what we want…you could stay? You could stay…for a long time?"

I could, I realize. I could stay here for a real long time, maybe even forever and not ever feel like I'm missing a thing. Hell, I haven't even missed my phone. Maybe being on this mountain, with these brothers, was always the next big thing my soul was searching for? Maybe this is the last next big thing I'll ever need?

Okay, on day one, when I ran into that spiderweb, I was definitely bitten by a venomous spider and am now having hallucinations or not thinking clearly from the concussion or…

No.

No.

This is insane, but this is real, and I will not let my head talk my heart out of what it knows.

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