Chapter 41

Winnie

I hate sleeping alone, but no one knocked at my door and asked to come in. Deep down, I wanted them to, but I’m glad they have respected my wishes. Besides, cuddling all night would’ve only made everything harder. The guys must’ve taken me seriously. Gunnar didn’t even serenade me through the wall, something he’d been doing every night, whether I had company or not.

I tell myself it was the right thing to do, but when I woke up, my pillow was still damp from the previous night’s tears. This hurts worse than I could have ever imagined.

Still, I get up and I get dressed. There’s a reno to finish and I know I’m supposed to stay away so the boys can surprise me with their secret projects, but I just want to get it done and over with.

What I told Max is true. We will be alright. Each of those Hammer boys is going to be my friend and found family, forever. They can’t lose me that easily. But I need distance to get over them, if that’s possible. Lord knows I can’t do it while we’re in Gram’s house, where I’m sure her and Dad’s ghosts are laughing their asses off at me from the beyond.

The Hammer home is still and quiet as I creep down the stairs. The sun is barely up. Surely they can’t have all left already to get to work. Maybe they’re still asleep?

When I open the front door, I gasp at my first glimpse of Gram’s house across the street. They must all be asleep because they were clearly working all night long. After I’d had enough of silence, hating the lack of Gunnar’s nighttime serenades, I’d put in my earbuds. Otherwise I definitely would’ve heard some of the noise they had to have made. The scaffolding and tarps are down, revealing that the formerly neglected and rundown exterior now appears brand new, ready for a fresh beginning. The roof has been repaired, the windows have all been replaced. Sad, barely hanging on shutters gone. A brilliant coat of fresh paint.

It’s actually lovely. Growing up, I spent so much time dreading going in that front door, I didn’t notice what potential it had.

I smile despite everything. That house is going to make a nice little family very, very happy.

I let myself in, and when I see what they’ve done, all I can do is blink. The walls are finished, all of them, and primed to be painted. But that’s not what makes me gasp.

My first assumption is that the place has been vandalized.

Someone has scrawled graffiti all over the fucking walls in the living room. My first inclination is to run back to the Hammer home to get the guys, because what if whoever did that is still in here? Goldie and I once took a self-defense class together but I’m not sure how much I remember, to be honest.

When I step closer, I see the words My Dearest Winnie at the top of a block of text.

I take another step closer, and another. When I’m staring at the ruined wall head on, then come the waterworks.

This isn’t graffiti.

There was no vandal.

It’s letters. From my boys.

My Dearest Winnie, the first begins.

I recognize Gavin’s small, blocky handwriting.

Words can’t express how much I love you. I was honored to be your first lover and I hoped with all my heart I would be your last. That it would be you and me ‘til the end. But this process has made me realize something. I don’t care if I’m your one and only. I just want to be your forever and always. You know we’ll always do whatever you want, but please give us another chance. If you decide not to, I will whole-heartedly respect that. We’ll always have the Creepside Manor and you’ll always be my Pooh Bear, no matter what.

Gav

I run my fingers across the lines he’s written and I can almost feel his soul in the sentences.

I read the next.

I wanted to write you a song and sing it to you but Jack, that bossy doucherag, said we had to do it this way. I don’t know if anyone else will or not, but I’ll come clean. We made another stupid pact. And yeah, I know. We said no more secrets. But after we started the Winnie’s Favorite Hammer thing, we made a pact that none of us would tell us we were in love with you until you’d made your choice. We didn’t want to cause you any additional confusion. But Winnie, every song I ever write for you will be a love song. Because I love you. I am in love with you. We all are. You’re in love with all of us, too? FANFUCKINGTASTIC. I’m okay with it staying that way if you are.

Gunnar

P.S. Do you know any words that rhyme with orgasm? Y’know. Asking for a friend. Who is writing a song. About making some girl he’s head over heels in love with want to orgasm all night long.

I sob-laugh-sob, covering my mouth with my hand as snot bubbles out of my nose.

Winnie, the best day of my life was the day I invited you over to our house for pot roast when we were kids. It was the best decision I ever made. I love everything about you. And I need you to understand that that is never, ever going to change. I’m pretty sure all of my brothers would say the same. Let us keep loving you, darlin’. This isn’t about picking your favorite anymore. It’s just about choosing to say yes. To all of us.

I blink rapidly, certain that my tears are distorting the words. What the what?

It looks like I have letters from each of them. As I read the ones written by Leo and Theo, Diesel and Axel, they capture my heart all over again.

Then I get to Mason. I have to draw in a very deep breath before I read his. What he did still cuts so deep. I’ll forgive him, obviously. We’ll get past it, obviously. But… yeah. It cuts real fucking deep.

Winnie, I am sorry for so many things. Small things from calling you Cupcake when you hate that to the worst mistake of my life, signing on for that stupid new show. I am infinitely sorry that I hurt you. When I said I love you, I meant it. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone, Win. And if you’ll give me another chance, if you’ll give us another chance, we’ll all dedicate every day of the rest of our lives to doing what we’re meant to do– protecting your heart. I can’t promise I’ll never hurt you again, because obviously I can be an idiot of epic proportions. But I will do my damndest to be a better man for you, Win. We all will.

I move on to Jack’s

Winifred,

You know from our renos through the years that when we all work together, we can turn the worst disasters into masterpieces. I know right now you feel like this experiment was a disaster, but I believe it can still be a masterpiece. We’re going to put another layer of primer down over our letters so they won’t show through the paint, but they’ll always be here. Our love for you, in this house. It’ll also be with you wherever you go, Win, with whoever you’re with. But I hope like hell you’ll say yes to being with us.

Jackass

There are footsteps behind me and I turn.

All of my boys are there.

“I don’t understand,” I say .

“Winnie. Peach,” Diesel says. “If there’s one woman on this planet who can wrangle us all, it’s you. We talked about it last night, at length, and we want to keep doing this forever.”

To say I’m dumbfounded is a vast understatement. My gaze slides to Max and Mason. “All of you?”

“All of us,” Mason says.

“We all want to be your man, sweetheart,” Axel says. “Not temporarily, not ‘til you make a choice. We want to keep things exactly as they are. For as long as you want. Forever if you want.”

“But–”

Jack shakes his head. “We realize it’s very unconventional. But I mean, look at us. Ten brothers made up of a set of triplets, three sets of twins, and, well, me? We Hammers have always been pretty unconventional.”

My heart is beating so fast, I fear it’s going to burst from my chest and splatter all over the gorgeous new floors.

“As we used to always say before every reno, let’s make it work! ” Gunnar says, pumping his fist. God, that catchphrase was so cheesy, but the networks insisted. Somewhere in between season 1 and season 8, it stopped being corny and started being a warcry we all took pretty damn seriously.

“Let’s make it work,” I whisper.

But how?

“We’ll figure it out one day at a time, Pooh,” Gavin says and I know he knows I’m getting in my head.

“Princess, if there’s anyone who deserves the undying devotion and love from ten men, it’s you,” Max says .

Yep, my heart is definitely going to burst out of my chest.

I look down the line of them, standing before me. “If any of you ever keep anything from me again, I’ll kill you. I know where to find a pickaxe.”

Cruz groans. “How wrong is it that her threats of violence turn me on?” he asks the others.

He happens to be first in the lineup so I got to him.

“Seriously. I need you all to vow to me, right here and now, that no more secrets. Ever again. And I need you all to keep the damn vow this time. We’re open and honest with each other. About everything.”

Cruz nods. “Absolutely, darlin’.”

I stare at him for a moment and see miles and miles of sincerity in his eyes. I press a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. “Then I choose you, Cruz Hammer.”

I move on to Theo. “And I choose you, Theo Hammer.” I kiss him just as sweetly.

“Gavin Hammer, I choose you.”

“I love you, Pooh,” he says, after I give him his kiss.

I move down the line until I get to Jack, who lifts me off my feet when I kiss him.

And when I get to Mason, I tell him the truth. “I actually love it when you call me Cupcake. So please never ever stop.”

He smiles. “That’s such a relief to hear, Cupcake, because I don’t think it’s a habit I could break.”

“Good. Because I choose you, Mason Hammer. ”

Then I’m facing Max.

“There was no letter from you,” I say, just realizing it’s true as I say the words.

“There is. It’s just not here. Will you come with me for a few minutes?”

My God, his eyes are glassy with tears.

“Wait. We need to make the rules,” Jack says and everyone groans but me. I laugh.

“Honesty, no matter what, and lots of sex,” I say. “Those are the only rules we need, I think.”

All the guys cheer at that.

I take Max’s hand.

“Where are we going, Big Max?”