CHAPTER FIFTEEN

SADIE

All I wanted to do was help. Now it feels like Mack is pushing me away.

Okay, maybe I came on too strong. I only wanted to show him how much I care. This love business is tough!

Because I love him. How could I not? He’s the sweetest guy and I can’t imagine ever being with someone else. I don’t want anyone else.

Sighing, I clutch the pillow tighter and try to will my tears away. Crying does no good. Heaven knows I cried enough driving back home from his house after he rejected my help. I’ve never seen him so upset before.

Knowing that I was the cause of that causes my tears to flow despite my efforts to stop them.

Mack has a lot going on with his life. Maybe he’s not in the best position for a serious relationship right now. Coming to terms with losing his hearing is a lot, and I shouldn’t burden him with my neediness and feelings. It’s not fair to him.

I nod, toss the pillow aside, and lunge for the small box of tissues, snatching several up and loudly blowing my nose. I should do what he asks and back off. Let him have some time to process everything and make some decisions.

Hot tears stream down my cheeks. I forcefully scrub at them, wanting to whisk them away and all the pain that comes with them.

Hopefully, he comes around to miss me and realizes that I only wanted to help him because I have feelings for him.

Surely, he has feelings for me too.

He must.

***

I slap on makeup before my shift at work and to my shock I look fine. Other than some slight redness around my eyes even I can’t tell that I spent most of yesterday crying and moping around my apartment. Score one for the power of makeup.

Doug is his usual jerk self at work. If he wasn’t, I would probably worry that he had something bigger and more dreadful planned. Like scrubbing out the dumpster out back or sticking me on bathroom detail for a month.

The morning is flying by and so busy that I only think about Mack a few times instead of every other minute. Then it happens. I’m passing out the drinks and a woman notices my cookie tattoo.

“That is adorable,” she gushes.

“Aww… thank you. It’s in memory of my cat Cookie.” I extend my arm so she can see it better.

“How perfect is that?”

Smiling, I nod. “I know. My boyfriend did it and he blew me away when he showed me the sketch.”

Her smile grows. “That makes it even more special. Can I ask if he’s local?”

“Oh yes. Mack over at Ink Expressions.”

“Thank you! I’ll have to look him up when I decide on my next one.”

“Next one?” the guy with her cuts in. His voice is teasing and the way she gazes at him tells me this is all cute play on their part. I drift away to let them have their privacy and head to the kitchen to check on my other tables’ orders.

I can’t help feeling conflicted as I go. I called Mack my boyfriend. It came out so naturally, but is he?

At the end of my shift, I’m walking to my car while my phone rings. Hope soars in me that it’s Mack calling, only to deflate like a blown tire when I see it’s Yvonne instead. I try to summon up some enthusiasm for my friend.

“Hey, girl!”

“Hey stranger. How have you been?”

Unlocking my car, I slump down in the driver’s seat. “Oh, you know, busy.”

Her laughter flows through the connection. “Oh I bet. Busy with a certain attractive tattoo artist.”

Pain bursts in my chest and moisture springs to my eyes. I blink the tears away, but it’s not as easy to escape the pain.

Yvonne, oblivious to my inner anguish, continues on. “Speaking of tattoos, I have a great idea for one. Didn’t know if you wanted to come with me when I get my appointment with Mack.”

I thump my head against the headrest. “That might not be a good idea,” I say quietly.

“Afraid you might distract him from his work?” She laughs. “The man is a professional. Despite all the times I caught him making goo-goo eyes at you, he never once delivered a bad tattoo.”

Hearing that makes the tears come harder. I sniff and rub my wet face. “I think I blew my chance with Mack,” I sob. “I’m going to disappoint your Nana and her friends by being their first matchmaking failure.”

“Sadie, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I’m still at work, sitting in the parking lot in my car.”

“Listen, I’m on the other side of town, but if you need to talk I can be at your place in forty-five minutes.”

Despite my tears, I smile at that. Yvonne is seriously the best friend. “No, I’ll be fine. I promise. Just have some things to work out.”

Her sigh comes through as loudly as if she were here beside me. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Mack, but know that I love you and I only wanted you to be happy. My Nana and her friends didn’t exactly set you and Mack up.”

“They didn’t?”

“Not really. You wanted to be matched like I was, and I hated watching you miss what was right in front of you. Mack’s been crazy about you for as long as I’ve known him. And you’ve been just as into him. I thought a little push would help things along. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

I laugh. “No, how could I be? I did want Mack to be my perfect match, and he is. Maybe it took a little lie to get us together, but your heart was in the right place.”

“You didn’t sound very happy a few minutes ago. You said you blew your chance with Mack.”

“My mind is a little messed up right now. I’m being lazy again,” I admit. “Listen, there’s something I need to do. Will talk soon and I’ll explain everything, I promise.”

“You better,” Yvonne threatens. “Just be happy with whatever you do, okay?”

Smiling, I nod. “I plan to be better than happy. I’m going to get me, my man.”

With both laugh at that and Yvonne ends the call.

This is what I needed. I always want things on my terms. And when things don’t work out exactly the way I want them to I push and fuss to make it my way. I did that with Mack.

When he didn’t leap up and tell me he was interested when I was subtly flirting while he was tattooing me, I decided he didn’t like me. Because I refused to think anything other than a declaration of attraction was interest. I was being stubborn and rather childish. The whole ‘my way or the highway’ bit is great if you want to be a jerk and end up disappointed.

And I did that again in the name of helping him. He told me he was still processing his hearing loss and I needed to give him time. Instead of doing that, I rushed to get him books and practically shoved them in his face. I wanted him to get better, and I wanted it on my terms.

That was wrong on several levels.

Mack is his own person and it’s not fair that I tried to speed things along, didn’t respect his wishes, and tried to make him fit into a box that’s not him. He needs to make choices on his own. Everyone deserves that consideration.