CHAPTER TWELVE

MACK

Staring in shock at the ENT, my thoughts race. He’s not much older than me and the compassion on his face is hard for me to stomach.

“I’m going to recommend you see an audiologist,” he says, moving away from me and making it harder for me to understand all he’s saying.

It stings my pride to ask, but this is important. “Can you face me when you talk, please?”

A flare of understanding lights up his face. “Of course, sorry about that.” He hands me several papers along with an attached business card. “With moderate hearing loss there’s no cure. I don’t want to give you false hope. Today’s hearing aids are state-of-the art and will help you to navigate better.”

“What about implants? Don’t they do that?”

His lips pinch into a thin line. “There are cochlear implants. Those are more for people with profound hearing loss.” He smiles. “Thankfully, you’re not at that point.”

The unspoken ‘yet’ scares me.

This entire appointment and the tests the staff put me through scared me.

It was obvious I was failing a lot of the tests. Which was thoroughly depressing. Even more so than hearing the diagnosis was the lack of a firm reason why this was happening to me. Not that it would have mattered. The damage was done. Nothing was going to undo or fix it.

Thanking the doctor, I leave the ENT center uncertain where I want to go.

My first thought is to seek out Sadie. Talking with her makes me feel better. How can I talk to her about this, though? Our relationship is so new.

Crumbling over the steering wheel, I work to collect myself.

Finally, I get the opportunity with the woman I want, and this happens! I strike out at my leg, pounding my fist into my thigh. Fuck, life is unfair!

I drive home and immediately start looking up hearing loss on my laptop. It’s pretty much what I expect and a grim reality that this isn’t going to magically go away or fix itself. The thought of hearing aids is depressing. When I think of those, I think of old people and of them fiddling with them and loud whiny noises blasting out and drawing people’s attention.

Attention is the last thing I want.

Running my fingers through my shaggy hair, I wonder if I should grow my hair out to hide the chunks of plastic that will soon be in my ears.

If I get hearing aids.

Sighing, I tug at my hair and drop my head. I want to hear Sadie. To have conversations with her. It’s been frustrating not being fully able to do that.

Slowly, I raise my head.

Will Sadie still want to be with me?

A man that’s losing his hearing and going deaf. A man with a disability that’s going to affect not only his life, but her life as well, if she stays with me.

Would any woman?

Groaning, I close the laptop and shove it off my lap onto the couch cushion next to me.

Suddenly, my life isn’t so simple or easy anymore and I hate it.

***

Going into work, my steps are as sluggish as my mood. I really wanted to call off today, but it’s a PITA getting people rescheduled and why should they suffer because I got shitty news?

My first client is new and doesn’t seem to want to chat, which is fine by me. It’s a fairly simple design that goes smoothly and eats up an hour. I don’t get as lucky with my second scheduled person as she’s a woman that talks nonstop, but not in the endearing way Sadie does and, even worse, she moves around constantly.

I’m drained by the time she walks out the door with a fresh tattoo and a huge smile on her face. Needing time to recoup I head to the back room only to have Terry stop me.

“Mack, everything okay? You don’t seem yourself today.”

Brushing my hair out of my eyes, I shake my head. “Just a long day already.”

Terry’s hand drops to my forearm, her black fingernails rubbing gently. “You need anything you know you can talk to me.” She grins, showing off her piercings. “That’s what friends are for right?”

I don’t consider Terry a friend.

The beep of the door announces another client has shown up. I don’t bother looking because I’m good for another thirty minutes before my next appointment comes in.

Terry’s dark eyes narrow as she glances at the door making me swing my head around to see what’s causing that reaction.

Sadie stands at the desk, her eyes wide and her face filled with hurt.

Terry’s hand is still on my arm, and I know how this looks to Sadie.

Face crumbling, Sadie whirls around and barges out of the shop. Shaking Terry off, I go after Sadie and catch her arm before she can get into her car.

Struggling, she elbows me, and I release her.

She glares up at me. I expected tears instead her blue gaze is hot with anger. Sadie is royally pissed off.

“I thought we were on the same page, Mack. Monogamy, it’s more than just a word. How long have you and that woman had a thing?” she stabs a fingernail at my chest.

“We don’t.” I plow my fingers through my hair. “We did have something between us. That was years ago and was over almost right after it started.”

Her lips pout out and Sadie’s long blonde hair swings around her shoulders as she shakes her head. “That’s not the vibe you two were giving off. Things looked pretty cozy in there.”

“There’s no vibe. We’re coworkers. Not lovers, not a couple, and not even friends.” I draw in a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “The only woman I’ve been interested in for the past two years has been you.”

The lines on her face smooth out and her lips part.

“Yeah, I have it bad for you.” I let out a shaky laugh. “And now that I have a shot with you, I don’t want to blow it.” Reaching for her hand, I interlace our fingers together. “I won’t do anything to jeopardize what we have, Sadie.”

Blue eyes blink rapidly as she lets out a little sniff. “So I was just an idiot for no reason?”

Using our joined fingers, I bring her closer and wrap my arms around her. She nuzzles into my chest and some of my anxiety from my diagnosis lessens. “I like you being possessive,” I admit. “It’s nice knowing you want me.”

She pushes against my chest. “Oh, I definitely want you.”

“My place again? I can pick you up around ten?”

“Make it eleven. I have a short evening shift I’m covering for a coworker.”

Nodding, I dip my head. “Sounds good,” I say against her lips before I kiss her.

Her kiss is a balm to my hurting soul. Having her in my arms almost convinces me that everything will work out.