9. Declan

Chapter 9

Declan

“ H ey, sweetheart, it’s Mom. I’m just calling to check on you . . . again. I really wish you’d call me or your father back sometime. We’re really worried about you. All we want is to know that you’re okay.” She sniffled and cleared her throat, making listening to her message even harder. “I love you, Declan, and I miss you terribly. Please call me back. Even a simple text letting me know you’re well will suffice.” She sniffled again. “Hopefully, I’ll talk to you soon.”

I held the phone in my hand, my finger hovering above the call button. I hated myself for putting my mother through even more pain, especially after losing Elijah. After his funeral, I took off and never looked back. Basically, my parents lost both sons a few days apart. I blamed myself for Elijah’s death, and the last thing I wanted was to see that same blame in my parents’ eyes. That was something I wouldn’t be able to survive. So, instead of facing them, I left.

It killed me to cause them grief. One day I would see them again, but it wasn’t going to be anytime soon. I had to face my own demons first.

I let out a slow breath and started to text my mother to let her know I was okay, but another call came through. Even though I’d erased everyone from my past off my phone, I still remembered their numbers.

“Ian Chandler,” I said when I answered.

“Ah, so you do remember me?”

I snorted. “How could I forget?”

Ian and I trained together in Quantico over a decade ago. I didn’t know then that he was privy to a secret government organization called the Circle of Justice, of which his father was one of the founding members. When I was asked to join them, I couldn’t say no. It wasn’t long before my brother joined, too.

“How are things going in Alabama?” Ian asked.

Huffing, I sat down on the couch. The morning sun had already started to spill in through the windows. “Are you stalking me now? ”

Ian laughed. “Surely, you haven’t forgotten my brother, Reed, right? All I had to do was give him a call, and he found you in a mere second. Then again, it wasn’t that hard considering you bought your new house under your real name.”

This was true. Now that I wasn’t working for the government, I had no use to hide under my aliases.

“Why’d you call?” I asked, leaning my head on the back of the couch. Hopefully, I’d get a good night’s sleep one day.

Ian blew out a long sigh. “I was calling to check on you. No one has heard from you in months. You got all the guys worried. They were kind of hoping you’d come back.”

I scoffed. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Elijah’s death wasn’t your fault, Declan. You can’t keep putting the blame on yourself.”

And just like every other time Elijah’s name was mentioned, I was thrust back to that horrible night. Elijah and I had been following the Deluca family for months. They were notorious members of the mafia. Joseph and Vincent Deluca were on the Circle of Justice’s hit list. There were many mafia families not on our list, but the Delucas had a habit of wreaking havoc and sacrificing innocent lives in the process.

It was raining the night Elijah was killed. I still remember the way the rain smelled and how cold it was as it pounded on my face. Elijah wanted to take the reins on the mission, and I’d let him. While he was in position in the back alley outside Joseph and Vincent’s family restaurant, I was on the rooftop of the neighboring building. I had my rifle ready. All I had to do was wait for the moment Joseph and Vincent walked out the door. And when they did, all hell broke loose. They knew Elijah was there and was waiting for the right time to strike. The second I saw the back door open and Joseph pointing his gun in Elijah’s direction, I had only a split moment to react. But I wasn’t fast enough. Our guns went off at the same time, his bullet hitting my brother and mine hitting Joseph right in the head. They both fell to the wet ground . . . dead. A getaway car arrived for Vincent but not before he saw me on the rooftop. Our eyes met briefly, an unspoken promise passing between us before he hopped in the car and was taken away.

This wasn’t over. But I couldn’t think about that. All I wanted to do was get to my brother. It felt like an eternity as I raced down the fire escape stairs to the alley below. There was a river of Elijah and Joseph’s blood as the rain washed it down the street. I lost it when I got to my brother and saw his unseeing eyes staring up at the sky. I’d punched the ground until I broke my hand. There were still scars on my knuckles from tearing open my skin. My body shook with rage, but the feeling that overtook everything was grief. My brother was gone, and I was never going to hear his voice or speak to him ever again.

I wanted to finish the mission for him, but I couldn’t . . . not yet.

“Declan, you there?”

And just like that, I was thrust back into the present.

I rubbed a hand over my face. “Yeah.”

“Just think about what I said, okay? We want you back in the group.”

“The only reason I’d ever go back is to finish the job Elijah and I started,” I snapped, feeling the rage come back to the surface. I’d kept it at bay for so long, but it had always been there, hiding inside of me, consuming me.

“Then finish it, Parker,” Ian fired back. “We’ve all lost friends and loved ones to our enemies. Why do you think I continue to do this job? I want to make the world safe for those we care about who are still here.”

That was the whole driving force behind my wanting to be a part of the Circle of Justice. The problem was that when you got rid of one bad guy, there was always more to fill their place. It was a never-ending cycle.

“Is anyone targeting Vincent Deluca right now?” I asked. It was a question I’d intentionally avoided for the past few months.

The line went silent; I could only take that as bad news.

I huffed and closed my eyes. “What’s going on?”

Ian released a heavy sigh. “Vincent’s gone MIA. No one has seen him since the night your brother died.” The same night I also killed his brother.

“What do the others think about that?” I questioned.

He sighed again. “Not sure. We’ve moved on to other targets for now, but we have guys trying to locate Vincent.”

The words left my lips before I could take them back. “Let me know when you find him.”

“And what are you going to do if I tell you where he’s at?”

What was I going to do? Would I join the Circle of Justice again and go after him? Would I kill him? Unfortunately, I didn’t have the answer.

“It’s been fun catching up, Chandler,” I said, “ but I’m done for today.” We said our goodbyes and I tossed my cell phone onto the coffee table. A part of me felt as if I was two people. On one side, I wanted to be the assassin again, but on the other, I wanted to be normal.

That was my big secret—the one dark truth I didn’t want anyone to know, especially Ayla.

I was an assassin. I’ve killed people . . . many of them. They were all scumbags of the earth, people who had committed heinous crimes over the years and managed to escape the law. Justice was what I fought for.

I did what I did to help the innocent people of the world.

Would the people in Magnolia Grove accept someone like me if they knew what I was? Probably not. That was why I didn’t want any of them to know what I was, even if it kept people safe.

It was best to keep that part of my life hidden.

The stabbing pains in my chest grew with each passing second. The more I thought about Elijah and my past, the more the aches magnified. I knew it was the grief and guilt eating away at me.

I was supposed to go over to Ayla’s for dinner in just a few hours. I couldn’t be around her like this. The last thing I wanted was for her to see how fucked up I was.

Grabbing my phone, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the pantry. I poured a glass full and downed it quickly, sighing with relief when I felt it go down.

Only a couple of contacts were on my phone, Ayla being one of them. We had exchanged numbers after the Fourth of July Festival. I pressed the call button and held my breath until she picked up.

“Hey,” she answered, her voice smooth and sweet as honey.

Just hearing it made the tightness in my chest lighten, and it made me wonder if I should see her tonight. Maybe she was what I needed to help me get through all the shit going through my mind. Then again, I didn’t want to screw things up with her.

“Hey,” I replied, knowing I couldn’t mask the uncertainty in my voice.

“Uh-oh, you sound like something’s wrong. You okay?”

I hung my head and stared into the empty whiskey glass. “I think we need to reschedule our dinner tonight.”

“Oh no, I hate to hear that. What happened?”

There was only concern in her voice, which made me feel even worse about calling dinner off. Most men would consider me an idiot for canceling on a woman like Ayla. She was everything a guy could want. And there was no denying how much I wanted her. An undeniable attraction had been there from the very beginning.

“I’m not in the right headspace,” I admitted regretfully.

The line went quiet for a few seconds. “Do you want to talk about it?”

A part of me wanted to spill everything to her, but I couldn’t get the words out—not yet.

“I will soon,” I promised. “Just not tonight. There’s a lot going on in my mind, and I don’t want to ruin the night.”

Her voice was soothing. “I understand. We’ll push off dinner to another night.”

“Thanks, Ayla. I really am sorry.”

“No worries at all. I’ll talk to you soon.”

She hung up, and I stared at the phone, knowing I had probably made a giant mistake.