Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I have that feeling. You know the one. That sixth sense that everything is about to go wrong. I’m not sure what. I just know that something bad is about to happen.

After a relaxing weekend celebrating Eloise’s marriage to Gio, I thought I’d feel revigorated coming back to work and resuming my usual routine.

It’s Thursday. We returned on Monday night. One of the benefits to sleeping with the boss is getting quick approval for taking a long weekend. I mean, the multiple orgasms he hands out are the ultimate benefit. But I’ll take the long weekends on a resort too.

However, instead of feeling refreshed, I’m tired. More than that, I’m rundown. I pick up my phone and message the girls.

Me:

Anyone else feel like they’re coming down with the flu?

Maybe one of the guests at that wedding was sick and infected all of us. I hope that’s the case. If I do have the flu, I do not want to suffer alone. I hate being sick. Like hate it! I’ll probably want to go home just so my mum can make her pumpkin soup for me. I should see what the chances are of leaving early tomorrow afternoon and going to my parents for the weekend. I just need to make it through today and tomorrow and then I could be home. My mum always makes me feel better when I’m sick.

There’s a ping of an incoming message. I pick up my phone and read the text from Eloise.

Eloise:

No time for being sick when you’re on your honeymoon. I hope you’re not feeling too bad.

I smile. I’m so happy that she’s on her dream honeymoon touring Europe. She deserves all the happiness in the world.

Me:

Speaking of, shouldn’t you be too busy to be texting us?

Eloise:

I’m never too busy for you, babycakes.

Me:

Aw, love ya back.

Daisy:

I’m not sick. Extremely put out while all my friends enjoy their non-cobwebbed vaginas but at least I’m not sick.

Me:

There’re a million men in this city. Go and find one.

Daisy:

All the good ones are gone.

Me:

Lower your standards then.

Eloise:

What she said…

Claire:

I third that. Your standards are so high Jesus wouldn’t even meet them.

Daisy:

I don’t think it’s too much to ask for my list to be met.

I roll my eyes. Daisy has the most ridiculous list of what her ideal man should be like. It’s unachievable if you ask me. And if she ever did find that unicorn, I’d be certain she made a deal with the devil himself to conjure him up.

Claire:

Also not sick. Have you done a preggers test? You’ve been screwing like rabbits for months.

I reread her words. My hands shake, and the phone drops to the table. I’m not pregnant. I cannot be pregnant. I know we haven’t been careful, but I took Plan B. Twice. And I’ve been popping my daily pills for almost two weeks now. I am not pregnant.

My phone rings out. It’s a video call to the group from Eloise. I press the green button to answer her.

“Okay, do not freak out. I know you’re going worst-case scenario on me right now. It’s going to be fine. Just go do a test and put us all out of the misery of wondering if we’re going to get a niece named Eloise in the next eight months or not,” she says.

“I’m not pregnant,” I whisper. Too afraid to say the words out loud.

“Okay, prove it. Meet you at your place in thirty. I’ll bring the test,” Claire says.

“I’ll be there! I’ll bring the wine that you can drink after the test comes back negative. Which it will,” Daisy adds.

“Deal. See you in thirty.” I hang up and start gathering my things. I have to get out of here without Alistair following me. I don’t need to stress him out over this before I know anything for certain. There’s no point of us both having a mental breakdown.

I open my door and peer out into the main office area. I don’t see any of the partners, so I walk over to the elevators and hit the button. Somehow, I manage to get out without being seen. I pull up my phone and send Alistair a text message.

Me:

Sorry. I left early. I have an errand I have to run.

His reply comes immediately.

Alistair:

Everything okay?

Me:

Yep, peachy. I’ll call you later.

I see the little dots appear and disappear before they pop up again.

Alistair:

Okay.

That’s it? Okay? I expected him to try to track me down. He must be busy. I tuck my phone away and jump in a taxi that’s idling out front of the building. I give the driver my address and rest my head against the seat, silently sending up prayers.

I can’t be pregnant. I’m too young. I can’t even imagine how Alistair would feel about that. He has no intention of making a lifelong commitment, and nothing is more lifelong than a child. He’s going to hate me… I mean, I should have gotten on birth control sooner. I should have insisted he wrap it before putting that weapon of his anywhere near me.

My stomach continues to twist. I don’t think I want that kind of commitment yet either. I want to be married. I want all those traditional milestones you’re meant to make before you have a child.

I can’t be pregnant. I just have the flu. That’s why I feel so rundown. I’m going to hit those girls for putting these thoughts into my head.

The cabbie pulls up outside my apartment. I tap my card to pay him and jump out. Maybe I can run away, someplace no one will find me, and I can hide. If people can’t find me, I can pretend this isn’t happening right now.

“Don’t even think about running away. If you do, I’m coming with,” Daisy says, walking up and stopping next to me.

“I wasn’t,” I lie.

“You were.”

“Okay, I was. But, really, where would I even go?”

“Mars,” she deadpans.

“Right, I’ll go hit up Elon for a ride to Mars.”

“Probably wouldn’t be the first person to try.” She laughs.

“Come on, it’s going to be okay.” Daisy links her arm with mine.

We walk into my apartment to find Claire already sitting on the sofa. “Took you long enough. I’m on pins and needles here. Get to peeing already,” she says to me. “Here, I got a few. We’re trying them all. Gotta make sure.”

I take the plastic bag she holds out to me and walk into the bathroom. And dread prickles my skin the moment I’m alone again. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Having a child is meant to be a happy occasion. I shouldn’t be so selfish and thinking about everything I’m going to lose if these tests turn up positive. That number one thing being Alistair and his reaction.

I pee on five sticks. I can’t possibly pee anymore. I line them all up on the counter, wash my hands, and open the door. “I can’t look,” I tell Claire and Daisy.

They walk in and lean on the edge of the bathtub. “Come sit down. We’ll set a timer,” Daisy says.

I lower myself to the bathroom floor with my stomach in knots. When the timer rings out through the room, I jump, even though I knew it was coming. “You look,” I say, standing and staring at the counter like I can will those sticks into another universe.

“Holy shit!” Daisy says.

“You can say that again,” Claire adds.

“Oh my god!” My eyes are glued to the blinking positive signs staring back at me from all five tests.

“It’s okay. We’ve got this,” Daisy assures me with an arm draped over my shoulder.

“It’s not okay. This isn’t okay. I’m not ready for this,” I whisper more to myself.

“We will be here, for whatever you choose to do. But I need that wine,” Claire says before walking out of the bathroom.

“OMG, I can’t drink the wine!” I cry out and follow her to the living room. I flop down on the sofa. “What am I going to do?” I ask them.

“We need to call Eloise,” Daisy says.

“Shit…” I pick up my phone and video call Eloise. She answers right away.

“Well, am I an aunty?” she asks with way too much enthusiasm.

“I can’t do this, El.” Tears are already streaming down my face.

“Nonsense. Out of all of us, you’re the most suitable candidate,” she says.

“What if I lose him?” I know I should be thinking about the whole new person I’m growing, and it’s selfish to be wanting to keep Alistair, but I do. I can’t help the fact that I’m so bloody scared of losing him.

“If he leaves you on your own, then I will have his head on a stick. I’m serious. I’ll kill him myself if I have to,” she seethes.

“I’m not ready to let him go.”

“Then don’t,” she says. “Dani, you have options, you know. And whatever you decide, I’ll be here. I can come home now. I’ll tell Gio to get the plane ready.”

“No, you’re on your honeymoon. Don’t come home,” I tell her.

“You’re worth losing a few weeks of vacation for.”

“I’ll figure it out. It’s going to be fine. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time after all. How bad can it be?” I ask all three of my friends.

“It’s going to be fine,” Daisy says. “I mean, your vagina won’t be, but everything else will,” she quickly adds.

“Don’t listen to her. There’s plenty of plastic surgeons out there who can fix your vag right after you birth my niece,” Eloise insists.

“Okay, I think I just need a nap. El, enjoy your honeymoon and your husband. Don’t worry about me. I’ll still be here when you get home.”

“I will always worry about you, Dani.”

“Talk soon. Love you.” I blow her a kiss. Guilt weighs heavily on top of everything else. I hate that I’m bringing her my drama when she should be having the time of her life.

“You go have a nap. We’ll stick around,” Claire says.

“No, you two head home. I’ll be fine. Promise,” I tell them.