22. Chapter Twenty-Two

Coop spins around, grinning. "Strike. Again. Your attempts to level the playing field—while greatly appreciated—have obviously not worked."

I'm laughing at his silly smile, and I shake my head as we both glance up at the monitor, where my once-encouraging lead continues to disappear. "Well, I guess I'm gonna need to double down then."

His eyes seem to darken at my tease, and as I try to walk past him to the ball rack so I can take my turn, his arm loops around my waist. He pulls me to him and brushes his lips against my cheek.

"My competitiveness is completely immune to your sexy charms," he whispers, his breath hot against my skin.

"Mmm, is that so?"

He grins and kisses me again. "Yep. That, and the Advil really helped. So thank you for that." He straightens back up but doesn't quite let me go.

And it's amazing. My lips are still warm, my fingers tingly, my heart racing. Though that last one's been true since the moment I saw him this morning.

His fingers press into my lower back, and his smile softens as he reaches up with his other hand to touch my cheek. "This is just..." He shakes his head slightly, as though he can't find the words, and then he leans down one more time for another gentle kiss.

And just like the last one and the ones before that, his kiss is... loving. That's the only way I can think to describe it. Like he wants to show me himself and show me I'm loved. And yeah, that's probably a bit of fanciful thinking on my part, but I swear I can feel it.

I'm so caught up that laughter and voices from behind me don't register right away. It's not until there's a distinct "Heyyyyyy, Coop!" that I remember where we are. And shit, there's this uncomfortable rush in my chest that makes all the breath leave my lungs.

Before I even realize what's happening, Coop's backed up so I'm at arm's length. Both of his hands hold me at my waist, and he's studying me with concern. He frowns, then pastes a smile on his face and glances up over my shoulder.

"Hey, Marlene, Jackie! Nice to see you!"

There's some response from whomever Marlene and Jackie are, and then Coop looks back at me, his eyes filled with worry. He shakes his head slightly as his fingers tighten on my waist, steadying me. "You okay?"

"Um, y-yeah, yeah. I'm—I'm okay." I squeeze my eyes shut as I hear a damning echo of my father's voice, angry and loud, screaming at me.

I should be ashamed—kissing another man.

I shouldn't be doing this.

The feeling is a strong wave that rattles through me, not for the first time today. Although this might be the first time Coop's really noticed it.

I force myself to take a deep breath, and when one of Coop's hands slips around to my back and he pulls me in for a hug, I'm able to regain some kind of control and will those thoughts to just... go somewhere else. At least for now. My heart's still racing, though.

"I-I'm sorry, Coop. I'm okay. It's—it's okay."

"Okay. Ah, fuck, I'm sorry. That was too much, wasn't it? It just all feels so good, you know? And I—" He pulls back out of the hug and glances toward the other end of the bowling alley before looking at me again with that same concerned expression.

"It's okay," I assure him, shaking my head. "I'm having such a great time, really. I think I just forgot that we're not, um, alone..."

It's true. I am having a great time. And Coop is being just amazing.

But there's still this anxiety that just won't really leave me, no matter what I do or tell myself. And those memories I have of my father screaming angry words of disgust at me—I've been trying all day to forget them, to tell myself that his words have no power over me anymore, to remind myself of Brenna's soft voice of love and support and how wonderful that had felt. And mostly, I've been doing everything I can to let all the wonderful things I'm feeling for Coop drown out all the negative shit, because god, I want this and I need this. I love him, and I want to do everything in my power to show him that—even if that means doing the one thing that I've always been too terrified to ever consider.

I know I need to be honest with Coop about all these things. And I will. But right now, what I really, really want is to just try to regain whatever fun, silly vibe we'd had going before we were interrupted.

He slips his hand back into mine, although his eyes are asking me if that's okay. I nod slightly, and he smiles. His hand feels warm, and there's this comfort to his touch that pushes away the rest of my uncertainty as he laces his fingers through mine and squeezes lightly. It seems like he might want to say something—ask me a question, maybe—but he hesitates, and instead, he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses me. And god, that just makes everything that much better.

"I feel like"—he looks down at our hands, and his cheeks redden—"it's maybe the best thing in the world to have my best friend back. I know this isn't easy for you, and I'm scared too. But I'm really, really, really fucking happy that we're doing this."

I laugh lightly because I understand that sentiment completely. "Me too. I am too."

And that makes him smile. He tips his head toward the ball rack and grins, and his tone turns playful again. "It's still your turn. And since I intend to beat you in this game and at least one more before our time's up..."

It's silly. He's silly. And I love that. I tighten my hand in his. "Your extreme competitiveness means you need to win four times?"

"Yup. At least."

I manage another laugh, and his eyes seem to light up. And god, that's worth it all. "I dunno. I think you've still got an advantage over me."

He shrugs and shakes his head. Then his hand releases mine, and he caresses slowly up from my wrist to just below my elbow. God, that's good too. There's a shiver that runs all the way down into my toes.

"You may be underestimating the amount of sheer dumb luck I've had today and also how incredibly sexy and distracting you are, especially—god, especially with your sleeves rolled up like this. Fuck, Josh, you're just..." He straightens up and pulls his hand away, but there's this intensity to his eyes now as they linger on where he was just touching me.

He shakes his head again and then lifts his gaze to mine. It's still intense, and he moves slowly and questioningly as he brings his hand up to touch my cheek.

"Fucking adorably sexy."

***

"Come back to my place? Fuck, I mean—okay, that came out wrong. But, uh, will you?"

I'm grinning like an idiot, I think. He just finished beating me in our fourth straight game, and his arm's now around my shoulders as we walk out of the bowling alley together toward Brenna's car. I'm not sure anything has ever felt so right to me before.

I am still fighting my anxiety, especially now, as we walk outside, so close together—so obviously together—for everyone to see. It's terrifying and scary, being with Coop like this. But at the same time, there's also this huge relief, like I'm letting go of this massive weight that's been sitting on my shoulders for so long. It's almost overwhelming. Again.

"I'd love that. Absolutely."

"Good, good."

His arm tightens around me, and I let myself lean against him as we walk the rest of the way in silence. When we get to Brenna's car, he stops next to me and hesitates.

"Um, I really, really want to kiss you right now," he admits, his voice low and deep.

My heart quickens at the thought, because god, I really want him to kiss me right now too. I step in front of him, and his arms shift to wrap low around my waist as though it's the most natural thing in the world. And he's got this ridiculously hopeful expression in his eyes and smile and...

"God, you're so . . ."

He arches his eyebrows. "I'm so . . . ?"

Gorgeous. Sexy. Irresistible. And also kind and compassionate and funny and genuine. All the things, really. All the reasons I'd fallen in love with him so many years ago. Today had only confirmed what I already knew—that he's still warm and caring and thoughtful and that I'm still completely in love with him.

I should probably say this to him, but I can't quite yet. At least, not here, standing in the middle of the parking lot. So instead, I just shake my head and let my hands drift up to rest on his chest. His eyes are sparkling and bright, and he rubs one hand low along my back, which makes my heart stutter and some indistinct sound escape my lips. I close my eyes and feel him lean in and brush a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"More... later?" he asks quietly, and I nod. "Good."

We pull apart—reluctantly—and his hand lingers on my back as I unlock Brenna's car and open the door. Then I turn around to face him again, and he looks so hopeful still that I just can't resist. Yeah, we're in a parking lot, in public, in broad daylight. And yeah, there's traffic driving by on the road. And god, another car just pulled into the lot. But something about being with him now makes me feel so incredibly safe, like I've got an extra layer of armor surrounding me, protecting me from all the negative shit I've been running and hiding from my whole life.

So I stop hesitating, and I stretch up and kiss him. Just a light, brief kiss that I feel him smile into.

He hums a quiet breath and rests his forehead against mine. "Mmm, that's... good. That's good."

It was. It is. God, it all is.

"More later," I say, echoing his words. And it's a promise I really, really can't wait to keep.

He grins as we both straighten up, and something about it makes my heart so happy. I try not to let myself be overwhelmed, but there are so many emotions I'm feeling right now that it's really difficult.

He clears his throat. "So, uh, coffee at my place, then?"

"Yeah. I'll follow you over?"

"Perfect."

Thankfully, it's a short drive. I say thankfully because even though it's short, it's time we're not together, and after spending two hours bowling—with all those touches and kisses and everything—the ten minutes we're apart makes me long for his arms again.

I pull Brenna's car up alongside his, and we both get out just as a huge gust of wind blows through, rattling the screen door. There are some dark-looking clouds off in the distance, and I wonder if there's supposed to be a storm. I haven't really been paying much attention to the weather lately.

Both of us jog together toward the house, and Coop unlocks the door and holds it open for me. I step inside, and the instant I hear the door close behind me, his arms wrap around my waist, and he pulls me to him, my back flush against his chest.

"Mmm, is this okay?" he asks, and he lowers his mouth to my neck.

Oh, god. I moan some sort of a yes because it's definitely very, very okay, and there's a puff of his hot breath against my skin as he laughs.

He kisses my neck. "Good." His voice is deep and rich again. And whatever he's doing as he kisses me is sending some throbbing heat straight to my groin.

"Very, very good," I correct. "It's very, very—ah, god, please don't stop."

"I wasn't planning to."

Damn . . . that's sexy as hell.

His lips trail a series of warm, open-mouthed kisses down the side of my neck, and it seems like he stops with each kiss to suck gently. But I'm not even really sure because everything's a bit hazy. I reach up with one hand and thread my fingers through his hair, and he groans as he sucks harder.

"Ahh, god—"

"Mmm, your coat is in the way," he complains, and his hands slide up my chest, pressing into me firmly, until he reaches the zipper at the top. "Can I...?"

"Yeah, yeah."

His mouth somehow doesn't leave my neck, even as he pulls the zipper down and then helps me shrug off my coat. He tosses it somewhere—I'm not sure where, and I don't really even care—and then his arms are back around me, but it's even better this time with fewer layers between us. His trail of kisses moves lower, down to the crook of my neck. As I moan again, he tears his mouth away from me with a groan, and I can feel him breathing hard against my skin.

"You taste so good, and you... feel so good," he whispers, one of his hands sliding up from my stomach to my chest, pressing into me.

There's something like a fire inside me that just flares, and I'm warm all over again and buzzing and tingling. It's almost too much. I think I moan, but the sound is drowned out by some other intense sensation as he does something else with his mouth and tongue, and god, I'm not even sure.

"I guess I'm doing this right?" he asks with a light laugh, and I think he's only half teasing.

It reminds me of something he'd said earlier—that he'd never really dated and didn't have any idea what a date was supposed to be like. I'm suddenly very happy to give him all the reassurance.

Because he is doing everything right.

I turn around in his arms, slip my hands up and around to the back of his neck, and then pull his mouth down to mine. His lips are warm and soft and wet from kissing my neck, and I devour him, capturing his mouth over and over.

The thought slowly crosses my mind that we should maybe take it down a notch. But then his hands slide down to my lower back, and my dick throbs hard and hot against his thigh. And I don't want to stop.

"Ahh, god—" He breaks the kiss and moans as he rocks his hips against mine once and then again.

I can feel him. He's as hard as I am, his rigid shaft pressing against me, and knowing that makes me twitch with want again. "God, that's so good..."

We're both trembling now. Trembling and short of breath, and my heart's pounding. And I know it's probably for the best, but I groan in protest anyway as he shifts his hips away from mine and lowers his head to my shoulder with a rough, shuddering breath. I can feel his chest rising and falling rapidly, and yeah, breathing is hard. Words are hard too, and all I can do is nod against him as we seem to silently agree to slow down.

After what might be a few minutes—although I'm honestly a really bad judge of time right now—he pulls me up against him again and presses another kiss to my lips. But it's light and careful, and he doesn't let it linger. That's probably smart.

He then steps back and lets his arms drop from around my waist. Our eyes meet, and he's grinning this ridiculous, happy grin that just makes me want to kiss him again. More. Forever.

"More later?" he asks.

There's a flush of heat in my cheeks as I nod. "Definitely."