6. Chapter 6

"Kipp."

"Huh?" I mumble, still half-asleep.

"Kipp. You're humping my leg again."

I go still, and Teddy lets out a quiet chuckle.

"Sorry," I groan, detaching from my much-too-tempting bedmate and rolling onto my back. The room is still dark, the tiniest bit of light filtering in through the window from the nearby streetlights. This isn't the first time this week I've tried helping myself to some midnight Teddy. It's becoming a problem. "Maybe I'll find someone to hook up with tonight," I muse aloud. "Take the edge off."

Teddy is quiet. I can't even hear him breathing.

"Is that…okay?" I feel the need to ask.

"Of course," he says quickly.

"I wouldn't bring them back here," I assure him, in case that's what he's thinking.

I see him nod in my periphery, but he stays silent.

"Right, then, I'll just…" Reaching over, I check the time on my phone. It's five in the morning. "I'm gonna get up. Sorry for waking you early."

"It's fine," Teddy says softly.

I slip out of bed and change into running shorts. Then I head out the door.

I follow the same path Teddy and I ran earlier this week, my breaths puffing out in even intervals as my leg muscles churn. I try to outpace my thoughts, but it doesn't work. They stay with me, the same way the guilt of avoiding my family does. I have yet to call them back, although most of the missed calls and texts have come from Vaughn, not my parents. My brother always did enjoy needling me given the chance. I guess that hasn't changed in the time we've been apart.

I know I need to buck up already and give them a call, but I'm afraid of what they're going to say. I'm used to the passive-aggressive—sometimes plain aggressive—barbs from my family when it comes to me and my sexuality, but what if they want to talk to Teddy? What if they want to yell at him, too? He doesn't deserve to go through that.

So why the hell don't you get the annulment already?

I don't have an answer for my conscience.

When I get back to the apartment, body sweatier but mind no less quiet, Teddy is up. I pause in the doorway of the bedroom for a moment, simply watching him. He's a big guy, not only muscled and thick, but tall, too. And yet there's something graceful about the way he moves, each shift of his body calm just like his temperament. I have no doubt Teddy could toss me around if he wanted—and whoa, isn't that a thought—but there's an energy about the guy that screams safety. He's measured. Careful.

I wasn't lying when I said I trust him.

Teddy stills when he sees me in the doorway, a small smile flitting to his face.

"Hey," I say, clearing my throat. "Couldn't get back to sleep?"

"No, but it's fine," he says, pulling a shirt out of his dresser and tugging it on.

Still, I feel bad for disrupting his schedule. "Regretting this yet?"

The look he gives me is both soft and stern. "Not one bit, Kipp. So get that idea out of your head."

"Okay," I breathe out, relieved. The idea of disappointing Teddy doesn't sit well with me. "I'm gonna hop in the shower."

Teddy's eyes slip down my body at that, and I don't miss the appreciation in his gaze or the way he lingers, specifically, at my crotch.

Well, well…

"You like these shorts?" I ask, grinning as I step into the room.

The look he gives me feels a lot like a warning. So, of course, I spin so Teddy can see the backside.

"Kipp," he says, a growl.

Slowly, I pull the band down below my ass. "Oops."

Teddy is behind me in a flash, the backs of his fingers skimming my skin as he tugs the band back up. He leans into my space as my heart thunders, his lips close to my ear. "You do that again, and I'm reddening your ass."

My cock jumps as Teddy backs away. "Promise?" I ask a little shakily.

"Go take your shower, Kipp," Teddy says, disappearing into the en suite.

Fucking hell.

I guess that's what I get for poking the bear.

With a groan, I head into the bathroom. It's going to be a long damn day.

"How's married life?"

I huff a laugh, dropping into a seat across from Niko. We decided to meet for lunch today, a welcome distraction after the way my morning started. I can still feel the heat of Teddy's fingers brushing against my ass. Ungh.

Work is a distraction in its own right—a good one, at that—but I could use someone to talk to about all of this. And who better than my best bro-friend, Niko?

"There's a lot less fucking in this marriage than I thought there'd be," I joke. Although it's the absolute—unfortunate—truth.

Niko tilts his head, his expression making it clear he sees through my bullshit. He can tell I'm struggling. "Have you two filed for the annulment yet?"

"Yeah," I say slowly. "About that…"

"Spit it out, Kipp."

"We're maybe going to stay married? For now?" I give him a reassuring smile for good measure.

"Like a test run?" he asks, nodding.

I pause. "Wait, what?"

Niko pops his straw out of the wrapper, putting it in his drink and taking a sip. "You two are giving it a go," he says. "Trying the whole together thing. Most people date before getting married, but hey, you do you."

I sputter. "We're not…together."

His eyes pinch. "No?"

"Uh, no."

"Huh," he says, shrugging.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I all but whine.

Niko huffs a laugh. "I don't know. I just thought… Well, I could have sworn he liked you. And I know you like him." He shrugs again, digging into his sandwich.

My mouth opens and closes, my own lunch sitting untouched in front of me. "He doesn't like me," I finally reply. He might be attracted to me, sure. The way I've caught him staring at me these past few days is proof enough. But that doesn't mean he likes me.

"If you say so," Niko says.

"Nik," I groan. "He won't even fuck me."

His eyebrows pop up at that, a muffled laugh leaving his lips as the woman at the table next to us whips her head our way. Whoops.

Lowering my voice, I say, "He won't. And I've asked. Which, you know, fine. Whatever. It's not like my feelings are hurt."

Not much, at least. The man works in porn, but he still has standards for who he sleeps with. And he should. He's a total catch. Any guy would be lucky to have him.

I guess that guy just isn't me.

"Kipp," Niko says, touching my arm to get my attention. "I think there's more there."

"What do you mean?" I ask, perking up a little.

He takes another sip of his drink before answering me. "He hasn't talked about it, but I get the sense there's a reason he doesn't date."

"I didn't ask to date him," I point out, finally unwrapping my sandwich. At a mumble, I add, "I just want him to dick me so hard into his mattress that there's a permanent divot left behind."

Niko chuckles. "Well, what'd he say? When you asked for the dicking?"

"Something about it being too messy for us to have sex since we're married and all that, blah, blah, blah," I say, waving my hand.

"Sure," Niko says slowly. "I mean, I get that. But damn, does that explanation seem flawed."

My laugh is slightly pained. "Right?"

"Let me ask you this," he says, leaning forward. "Do you like him? Like, date him like him, not just sex him up like him? I mean, there has to be a reason the two of you got married, drunk or not."

"It doesn't matter, Nik," I say, my chest pulling tight. "He's made it clear his answer is no to anything I have to offer, and I have to respect that. I will."

"Fair enough," he says, although I can tell he doesn't quite believe me. "So if you're not together, then why are you staying married?"

I bite into my sandwich, chewing for a very long time. I'm not avoiding. I'm just hungry. "How's Mal doing?" I ask.

Niko shakes his head, but there's a smile on his face. "Mal is great. He and Henrik adopted another cat."

Mal was a performer at Elite 8 Studios not that long ago, nicknamed Malibu on set. He ended up falling for an escort client who happens to be blind. Last I heard, they were living together and happy.

Good for them.

"And your sisters?" I ask.

"You're very bad at this," Niko says, crumpling up his trash. "They're fine, which you would know if you returned any of their texts. I haven't heard the end of it this past week. I can't stall them forever, you know."

"Yeah, sorry," I mutter. Niko's sisters are like sisters to me, too, the same as Niko is my brother, in a way. I have been avoiding their messages, along with everyone else's. I don't know what to tell people. "I've been…"

"Hiding," Niko fills in. "Like you're doing now."

I let out a breath. "My family," I say, answering Niko's original question about why Teddy and I are staying married. "My parents found out."

Niko's expression turns dark, a far cry from my usually laid-back friend. "You're allowed to cut ties with them, Kipp."

"Am I, though?"

"Yes," he answers immediately. "All they do is tear you down. That's not what family is supposed to be."

"I know," I say, reaching across the table and squeezing his arm. "Because you've shown me what it means to be family. But they're still my blood."

He shakes his head, but he doesn't push it. We've had this conversation many times before.

I let his arm go with a sigh. "Anyways, you know how weird they are about the sanctity of marriage. They don't believe in divorce—or being gay—so I thought it'd be better if they were only mad at me for one of the two, you know? But they're still going to be upset, and they'll probably yell at me, and—fuck." I scrub a hand through my hair. "Why am I dragging Teddy into this?"

"Tell them it's none of their business," Niko says, as if it's that simple.

"I don't know how to do that."

"Kipp, I say this with love." Uh-oh. "You have the sweetest heart of anyone I know. But you need to grow some thorns."

"I'm very horny," I shoot back.

Niko looks as if he wants to bang his head on the table, or bang my head on the table, but then he laughs. "Fuck, I love you."

"Love you, too, bro-friend," I reply, making a heart with my hands. "You're my number one."

"Yeah, yeah," Niko says, grinning. "Just do me a favor, will you?"

"The last time a favor was mentioned, I moved in with my husband."

"Your life, Kipp," he says, shaking his head.

"I know. I'm a natural disaster."

"More like a national treasure," Niko says.

"D'aww."

"Just… Don't beat yourself up over this, all right? It's not your fault."

"It's not my fault that I got your coworker wasted, asked him to marry me, moved myself into his apartment, told him I didn't want a divorce, and then proceeded to hump him most every night because the man is built like a tree?"

He doesn't seem to know what to do with that. "Are you calling yourself a dog?"

My face scrunches. "That'd be pissing, not humping, wouldn't it?"

Niko waves his hand in the air. "You know what, I don't need to know."

"What? No, I'm not saying I want to mark the man with my urine," I say indignantly, cringing when the woman next to us gets quickly out of her seat and leaves.

Niko barely holds in his laugh. "What I'm getting at," he says forcefully enough to get us back on track, "is that these things happen. If Teddy is on board with this whole continued marriage thing, then stop taking all the blame onto yourself. Maybe, when all is said and done, the two of you will end up being good friends."

"Wesleepinthesamebed," I mumble.

"Come again?"

"We sleep in the same bed, Nik. Is that friendly?"

He laughs, hand over his face as he shakes his head. "You're so screwed, bud."

Maybe so, but if Teddy isn't willing to be the one doing the screwing, then I'll just have to find someone who is.