15. Chapter 15

Kipp walks into the restaurant with his head held high, but I can see the moment he catches sight of his family. He jolts slightly, his hand tightening in mine, and he tries to mask his emotions.

His worry still rings out loud and clear, though.

Kipp tells the hostess he sees our party, and I follow his lead as we walk their way. Their gazes find us one at a time. First, his mother, her eyes widening and flitting down to our clasped hands. Next, his father, his head turning and an immediate glower jumping onto his face. Last is Vaughn, Kipp's older brother. He looks excited, as if he gets off on making Kipp hurt. Maybe he does.

"Kipling," his mother says in a hushed tone the moment we reach the table. "Mind yourself. Anyone could see."

I assume she's referring to our scandalous hand-holding.

"I don't care if they see," Kipp says, his grip bruising as he takes a seat. I sit beside him, making sure my chair is close.

"Told you," Vaughn says with an air of haughty nonchalance unbecoming of a thirty-one-year-old. "He's not even trying to hide his indecencies anymore."

"Boy," Kipp's dad says sternly, seemingly unbothered by his other son's comment. "You will cease this nonsense at once."

"What nonsense?" Kipp says with a near-manic laugh. "Holding my husband's hand?"

He raises our joined hands above the table for emphasis, and his mom turns a little pale.

"We raised you better than this," she says quietly, her fingertips against the necklace on her chest. "How could you…defame the holy bond of matrimony?"

"There's nothing unholy about being queer," I put in, figuring, at this stage, we're past the point of polite introductions. And honestly, Kipp's family is pissing me off.

Vaughn snorts as his father looks right through me.

"This was such a mistake," Kipp mutters under his breath.

"Are we ready to order?" a waitress asks.

"Another minute, please," I tell her, since everyone else at the table appears to be in a silent standoff.

She nods before quickly hustling away.

"Kipling," his mother says again, not even acknowledging me. "Were you coerced?"

"Coerced?" he asks in surprise.

She fidgets uncomfortably before holding her hand to her mouth, like maybe she thinks I won't hear her. "We want to help," she whispers. "If you were coerced, we can help you."

"Help me," Kipp repeats, his tone flat. He grabs his water off the table, downing it in three neat gulps.

"Yes," his mother says. "You can get an annulment if you were…forced."

"Oh my God," Kipp mutters, setting down his glass and dropping his head into his palm. "Holy shit."

"Language, boy," his father grits out. "You will not take the Lord's name in vain."

"Like he cares," Vaughn says, waving a hand dismissively. "The little fruit is obviously going to hell. What's blasphemy on top of it?"

I do my best to breathe through my sudden, overwhelming anger. This is Kipp's family. These are the people who are supposed to love and support him. They're the ones who should have his back, who should be accepting of the whole of him. Instead, they're only here to condemn him.

Kipp warned me. I just didn't expect…this.

But I suppose if anyone understands what it feels like for family to fail you when you need them most, it's me.

I squeeze Kipp's hand, trying to get his attention. He looks over at me, blue eyes devastated. Much to the audible horror of his family, I pluck his chin up from its downcast position and bring my lips to his. It's short, just a press of mouths. But Kipp's sigh makes it oh so worth it.

"Can I?" I ask, lips skimming his.

His eyes ping between my own for a brief second before he nods. Letting go of his chin, I turn to his family.

"Kipp is gay. That's part of who he is, not a choice. But even if it was, I'd be proud of him for choosing it. For loving a person who makes him happy, even in the face of those who'd disapprove. Do you know how hard it is being out? How much strength that takes, even in today's society?"

"Because it's unnatural," Vaughn says.

"It's not, actually," I reply. "There are plenty of species that exhibit homoerotic behavior."

His mom gasps.

"Your son is remarkable," I go on. "He's kind and sweet and wholly himself, and I couldn't be more happy to call him my husband. If you can't support that, maybe we should go. No offense, but I already don't see family Christmases in our future."

I chance a glance Kipp's way. He's smiling at me, his eyes wet.

"You have no right being here," his dad cuts in, his voice low but undeniably laced with a threat. "You're not a part of this family."

"He's a part of mine," Kipp says, blowing out a breath. "And Teddy is right. We shouldn't have come."

Kipp slides his chair back, and his mom makes an aborted noise. His dad sets a hand on the table near Kipp, the thump of it stalling his departure.

"We never threw you out," he says, his blue eyes nothing like Kipp's. They're cold and harsh and uncaring. "We didn't abandon you because of your proclivities."

Kipp sighs tiredly. "That's not the ringing endorsement you seem to think it is, Dad."

"We tried to help you," he goes on. "You should be grateful that we care."

Kipp takes a second to look at his family, one at a time. Finally, he says, "Caring shouldn't hurt so much."

I don't hesitate to stand the moment Kipp does, and together, we walk out of the restaurant. Vaughn lobs an insult at our backs, but I ignore it, my chest bursting with pride. Kipp makes it all the way into the car, strong and solid and sure, before he finally cracks. The moment the doors shut, his hands land on the dash in front of him, and he takes in a shuddering breath. "Fuck."

"All right?" I ask, gripping the back of his neck.

He shakes his head, even as he says, "Yeah. I don't… I don't know what I was expecting. Part of me thought, just maybe, they were going to be happy for me? That they wanted to come meet you because you were someone important to me? Or so they would have thought," he says quickly.

I give his neck a squeeze. "I know what you mean," I say, not wanting to linger on the tenuous validity of our marriage.

"But…they only wanted to make sure you hadn't, like, brainwashed and kidnapped me. Which—sorry about that. Fuck." He lets out a shaky sigh. "They're never going to be proud of me, are they?" he asks, meeting my gaze. "No matter what I do, they won't support me. They won't approve of me being gay."

"I don't think so," I tell him truthfully, slipping my hand up into his hair. He closes his eyes, hanging his head between his arms. "But you don't need their approval."

"I know," he whispers. "I just wanted it."

"I know, sweetheart."

He huffs a small sound, leaning into my touch as I lightly scratch his scalp. "Fuck, that feels good. You always make me feel good, Teddy."

My heart tries to take flight. "How about you let me take you home, then," I say. "I can make you feel real good."

"Yeah?" he says, turning his head. A smile settles on his lips. "That was cheesy, I hope you know. But hell yeah. Let's do that."

A slap on the window has the both of us turning. "I hope it's worth it," Vaughn says through the glass, his face an ugly, twisted facsimile of the man beside me. "I hope you enjoy spreading your legs for this asshole, you ball-less bitch."

"Dude," Kipp calls back. "I'm not spreading my legs for an asshole. I'm spreading them for a dick. Get your goddamn facts straight."

Vaughn slaps the window again before backing up and making a lewd gesture at his crotch.

"And you bet your ass it's worth it!" Kipp yells.

Vaughn flips him off as he walks away.

"Jesus," I mutter. "He's a charmer, isn't he?"

Kipp's laugh is devoid of humor. He plunks his head back against his seat, turning to face me. "He doesn't get it. He thinks one of us has to be the ‘woman' in the relationship. Guess he decided it's me."

"You know that's bullshit, right?" I can't help but say.

Kipp rolls his eyes. "Of course I do, Teddy. Not only is his implication that women are lesser downright archaic and misogynistic, but being a man or a woman or any combination or absence of the two has nothing to do with what someone chooses to do in the bedroom. Gender isn't a status, a box to check, or a certain standard to live up to. It's whatever it means to each individual person. I'm proud to be a man who takes it up the ass. There's no goddamn shame in that."

"You," I say slowly, "are quite possibly the most magnificent creature I have ever met."

His smile is instantaneous, lighting up his whole face. It dims quickly, however. "Teddy, I'm sorry. After all that… I guess there wasn't really a reason for us to stay married, was there? We should've just gotten the annulment in the first place. Not because I was coerced, obviously, but…" He shakes his head. "We can get divorced now if you want. This whole idea was stupid."

I bite back my instinctual response that I don't want a divorce. That none of this is stupid. That it feels terrifyingly, utterly real. Because how could I admit that? We've been pseudo-together for mere weeks, and I'm the one who implied this needed to stay casual. That sex between us would be only that, and when we did get a divorce, we'd be done. I had to. I had to try to keep up some semblance of a wall between me and Kipp.

But this isn't casual. Not for me. And I can't try to convince myself otherwise anymore. So, no. I don't want a divorce. I want more time. But that might not be what Kipp wants.

"If you want me to get the paperwork started, I can do that," I tell him softly. "But there's no rush. You should probably at least wait until you're thirty to get divorced, don't you think?"

Kipp huffs a laugh, his smile back. "Yeah, I think you're right. I'm way too young to be a divorcé. I should get over the hill first."

"I think that's forty."

"Well, shit," he says. "I think you're stuck with me for a while, then."

I bark a laugh, but damn if that doesn't sound perfect.

Kipp lets out a small sigh. "Take me home, Teddy?"

There's only one answer to that. "Happy to."

Letting Kipp go, I start the car and get us on the road. When we arrive back at the apartment, I divert to the kitchen with the intent of starting something for dinner, considering we walked out on our meal. Kipp heads straight into the living room, sprawling onto the couch. He lays his head on his arm, and my chest aches. He looks so dejected.

"Okay?" I ask.

He nods, but there's a frown on his face. "I'm just…" He doesn't finish his sentence.

"It's okay to be upset, Kipp. They're your family. That had to have hurt."

"Yeah," he says, voice small.

I abandon dinner plans and head his way, sitting near his feet and removing his shoes.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "Forgot."

"It's fine," I assure him, setting his shoes on the area rug before climbing over his body. I settle myself at his back, hand on his chest. "What do you need?"

Not all that surprisingly, Kipp presses his ass back against my crotch. "You made promises."

I huff a laugh. "That I did. Need me to take care of you, doll?"

"Yeah. Yes. Please. Can you…"

"What is it?" I ask, sliding my hand downward, toying with the buttons on Kipp's shirt.

He blows out a breath. "I sent you my STI results at lunch."

I hold back my groan, but just barely. "Yes, you did."

"Can you fuck me?"

My eyes slip closed, my nose resting against Kipp's hair.

"Please don't say no," he whispers.

That hook in my chest pulls unbearably tight as I glide my hand up to Kipp's neck, grabbing his chin and turning his face toward me. "I'm not going to say no, babydoll. Not ever. I told you I'd take care of you, and I will. But we're not doing it here."

He nods in my grip, and I let him go.

"Bedroom," I say. "C'mon."

Kipp slides off the couch, and taking his hand, I lead him to our room. He looks so lost, his usual pluck absent. Despite his request, I know it's not just sex he needs tonight. So when he reaches for the buttons on his shirt, I make a sound to stall him. He stills, eyes catching mine.

"Sit down," I tell him.

He does, waiting at the edge of the bed with his legs apart and his hair in a floppy brown mess around his head. I walk over, raking my fingers through the strands until Kipp is looking up at me.

"Who do you belong to?" I ask.

His mouth pops open. "You."

"That's right," I coo. "You're my doll. So whose job is it to undress you?"

His chest rises and falls. "Yours?"

"You're catching on, sweetheart."

Kipp's eyelids feather closed for a moment before those bright blue eyes latch back onto mine. He looks dazed, gorgeous, perfect. I understand why Kipp tended toward being the dominant partner in his past relationships. It's all he knew.

But at his core, Kipp longs to let go. He wants to be the one being taken care of and being taken apart. He wants to be praised and loved and doted on.

And he won't find anyone better suited to that job than me.

I let my fingers fall from Kipp's hair, reaching for his shirt and freeing his buttons one at a time. "I need you to pick a safeword tonight, doll."

His breath hiccups. "What? Why?"

The backs of my fingers brush his chest as I open his shirt. I can feel his rabbit heart racing.

"Because…" I say slowly. "Before I fuck you, I'm going to spank you."