20. Graham

The air is hot and humid from the rain last night. Elliot walks in front of me on the trail through the scrub. The land out here is sparser than it is closer to the riverbank, and the sun beating on my back makes it feel as if I've been sent to purgatory.

Two of my three mates appear not to be speaking to me this morning. On the surface, everything looks fine. El chatted with Sadie, sending our excited omega out the door with a packed cooler to go fishing with Hunter. But the quiet alpha wouldn't look at either Doc or me. And after she left, Elliot curled back up into his personal den.

In fairness to El, it's to be expected. I imagine he's got shit to think through today. But his retreat wrecked Doc. He hasn't said it, but he's torn up, worrying that we took last night too far and pushed El before he was ready.

So when El said he was going for a hike, it came as no surprise to me that Doc opted out. He chose to stay back at the cabin with Logan, citing his need to grade a stack of finals before the close of the weekend. I'm sure he has a shit-ton to do to end the semester, but I think the real reason he stayed back was that he didn't have it in him to face any more of Elliot's rejection.

That's not what this is. Elliot has learned to keep everything so controlled and locked up that he struggles with new things. His initial reaction is to hide and assess the unknown. He views it as a threat, expecting the worst. Doc and I both know that. Hell, Doc and I have read up on trauma plenty enough and have seen it happen in the past. But sometimes, the facts don't matter because feeling and thinking are two separate things.

Whether or not I should have, last night I did push El's boundaries. And Doc is probably right that it did result in Elliot's quietness this morning. But I told El that when he needed space, he should take us with him. And this morning, he asked if we wanted to go instead of hightailing it to the woods alone.

I'm taking that as a good sign, even if I'm getting the silent treatment. El wanted me here. That counts for something. Besides, Doc won't stay silent for long. By the time we get back, my guess is that he'll be ready to talk.

The trail finally provides some cover as we veer into a patch of pine trees, and I stop, panting. I'm in good shape, but El is motoring like a hellhound is on his ass. "A breather, man. Give me five."

El turns around and puts his hands on his hips, barely breathing heavily. He looks like fucking Adonis, muscles primed by movement and glistening in sweat. His face is as hard as one of those Greek statues too, tight-lipped and gaze distant.

I tear my eyes away from him, guzzling from the water bottle he remembered to pack for me. Silver lining: I may have fucked up last night, but at least El doesn't want me to die of dehydration.

"What are we running from this morning, El? Because I'm barely keeping up. I'm sorry if I pushed last night to somewhere you didn't want to?—"

My words are cut off as Elliot backs me up against the nearest tree. "I'm not running this morning, and I'm glad you pushed." His palms land on either side of my face, boxing me in. His short hair is damp, his thick eyebrows bunched, and his blue eyes blaze with an intensity that's all new. "I want to kiss you," he says, voice gravelly and low.

"No one is stopping?—"

He kisses the words off my lips. Unlike last night, his lips aren't the ones that need coaxing. They're insistent, demanding as he explores my mouth. I'm so stunned that it takes me a moment to catch up, and by the time I do, it's over.

Dammit. I need a redo.

Elliot backs away from me, a satisfied grin on his face. "Come on. I've got something to show you."

I stand there frozen, gawking as he starts back on the trail.

He calls over his shoulder, "I've never seen you quiet before. That counts as much as making Doc curse."

I chase after him, panting but catching back up. "What was that?"

"I think people might say I kissed you speechless," he teases. His long legs eat up the trail.

I blink, watching his advancing form. "You kissed me, and you caught a sense of humor. Stop. It's too much. I'm melting."

El grins at me over his shoulder. "Melting is good, right?"

His face is relaxed and open, a rarity that I wish I could capture and keep for always. This is how I always want him to look.

"Yeah, El, melting is good."

He keeps walking, and I do a little victory dance. Elliot doesn't say anything else, but when I catch back up, he reaches for my hand. That touch fills the silence and quiets all my questions. He may not be able to give me all the words yet, but he's showing me we're okay. The bond between us is growing. I hold on tightly, and the silence is comfortable.

The trees around us thicken the farther we go, creating a canopy that blocks the blinding sun and causes the area to come alive with sound. He holds my hand until the trail becomes too narrow to walk side by side.

"We're almost there. See?" Elliot points up ahead to an area marked out by an old fire.

"What is it?"

We veer from the path, practically hacking into the southern countryside until we arrive at an overlook of a spring that juts off from the river.

"Kids in Knotty Pines call it The Hole. They swim out here in the summer when it's warmer."

It's like a secret little world, lush with hanging vines and ferns, moss, and orchids. It's an absolute botanical dream, framed by a clear blue pool. I want to explore every part of this oasis.

"How'd you find it?"

"Hunter brought me here a long time ago. I come up here a lot on my runs. It's a good thinking spot. I got another I showed Red when we first met, but I thought you would like this one."

"I do, El. It's beautiful out here." I step closer to the edge to peer over the cliff. I turn a mischievous smile on Elliot.

"Don't you even think about it. Wet shoes and hiking don't mix," he warns, backing away just to be safe.

I give up easily, sitting down and dangling my feet over the edge. I reach for my water bottle in my backpack, but it's not there. I check the pocket again. The inside.

El's chuckle is almost silent, but I glare at him anyway. "Come on! This time, it's not my fault." His laugh breaks free, and I grin at him. "What did you expect? You kissed me. The water bottle died for a good cause."

"Speechless and a lost water bottle. Just saying."

His playful confidence is catching, and I laugh with him as he hands me his jug. I take a long gulp, and the whole time, I feel Elliot's eyes on my throat as I swallow. The heat of it makes my skin buzz and my neck hot.

He comes to sit by me on the ledge and stares at the water. I lie back, resting my head on the mossy stone. El doesn't speak, but I'm in no hurry. It's beautiful out here. Peaceful. I close my eyes and drift.

It's an age before his deep voice breaks the silence. "A long time ago, Hunter used to bring me out here, but it wasn't to swim."

My eyes pop open in surprise. "What was it for?"

He answers my question with one of his own. "How did you change when you left the city? How did you make the life you want?"

I sit up and take a moment to try to explain it right. He's a man who believes he's trapped by his past, but he's looking for another way. I was him once, and I remember how much I needed to know that something besides the life I'd always known was possible. "I met Doc, and all the things I'd always wanted but never had a name for were right in front of me. I liked who I was with this pack, and I didn't like the old me all that much. So, I adopted new ways that suited what I wanted."

"Yeah, I figured," he says wistfully, staring at the sparkling water.

"You figured what?" I prod, wishing I could read him like I can read Doc and Sadie. But then, I have cheat codes for them in the form of a bond. With El, I haven't earned codes yet.

"You make it sound easy. Like you met Doc, and boom, you were a better man."

"It wasn't easy, El, but it was a decision. When I got here, Doc showed me a new way to be. I could see this other version of myself, and that Graham was authentic and loving. Being that guy, it felt good. It was different than I was used to."

He nods but doesn't look at me. "It feels good inside."

"Yes. Exactly. It felt good in my soul. Not the fleeting good that comes from buying shit or getting buzzed every night, but the kind that stays with you. I had been selfish for a long time, and I had a lot of unlearning to do. I probably still have some to do. But my journey isn't yours, El."

He lets out a deep breath. "I guess I'm trying to unlearn shit too. But I wish I could hurry up and do it already."

I bump his shoulder. "You don't do it alone. It's not a quest you go and come back from, somehow ready. You just try to show up authentically every day."

"What does that even mean?" he asks, tone bewildered. "Authentically. That's one of Doc's words, isn't it?"

"Probably." I shrug. Elliot isn't wrong. Doc's words have a way of taking over in your mind. They're like little patches of clover. "It just means real. One day, it's crying on the lawn; another, it's skinny dipping. It means letting down your guard, El."

His fingers grip the ledge tightly, his knuckles going white.

"I want to understand. What about that makes you afraid?"

Elliot gets up and walks over to a tree farther back from the ledge. He untucks a rope I hadn't noticed and tugs. "Hunter brought me out here that first time to yell."

I'm getting whiplash from this conversation, but I follow his lead. "You came out here to yell?"

"Yeah."

"You hiked all the way out here and just hollered?" I ask, clearly missing something.

"Sure did." He takes a running leap, wrapping his legs around the knot at the end of the rope.

He has no right, with a body as big as his, to move so fluidly. But he's a panther in motion, all raw power and smooth grace. He flies through the air, and his booming shout echoes in the small cove. He rides the rope across and back, shouting the whole time, before smoothly landing back where he started.

I nod, taking that in. "All right. I see you made this a dare." I go to him, taking the offered rope.

Then, I go for it. I mirror his motions and take a running start, dangling by the rope across the water. It's fast and wobbly, making my stomach swoop as the wind flies through my hair. I get into it and shout as I swing back and forth as if I'm fucking Tarzan, before doing a much less graceful dive for the cliff ledge.

Elliot catches me, his lips tugged up into an amused grin. "That's what I come here for."