17. Sadie

It's been pure bliss at the lake house. One night and day here, and I'm feeling as if I'm made of the afternoon sunshine that sparkles all around us on the surface of the water. I hoot and holler, locking arms with Logan and twisting. Underneath me, Elliot is a solid force, never losing his balance as I try to wrestle Lo off Hunter's shoulders.

Graham comes in from the side on Doc's shoulders, howling, "Timber."

I wobble and let go of Lo, sliding off Elliot into the water. Elliot goes down with me, and we both splutter to the surface, laughing and coughing. Logan falls next, landing back-first in the river. Hunter jumps and tackles the two remaining alphas, wrestling them until they both go under with a splash.

Doc emerges, blinking in shock. "I'm out."

We've been out in the water for the last couple of hours, swimming and playing around.

"Me too," I call, laughing at the mayhem. I swim up behind Doc and hug his neck, wrapping my legs around his waist.

I ride piggyback to the floating dock. Tristian waits for Logan to climb up before passing me off and jumping up himself. The sun is out in full force today, and I bask in it, closing my eyes and getting comfortable between Graham and Logan. I've got my energy back in spurts, but I think I'm tuckered out for now, and I'm trying to listen to my body.

The three other alphas splash around in the water a little way away from us, playing chase then tossing a ball back and forth. We lounge in the sun, simply being pack.

We slept in this morning after our late night, opting to cuddle until our stomachs forced us from bed. After skinny dipping under the stars last night, the pack laid together in our makeshift nest and talked until we couldn't keep our eyes open. Bear told the others the story about realizing where his scent came from, and another about the first time he met Hunter's cousin Lance during basic training. And everyone talked about the last few months, about how we've been feeling. It was good to talk about it, healing. Looking back, I'm grateful that even through all these hard times, we've found ways to be good to each other.

Graham said he wanted to celebrate Doc with a campout, but this has been good for the pack. We can relax and get outside, enjoy each other without prying eyes. We've been confined to my nest for weeks. I love our home and my nest, but this makes me feel a little more like myself and gives me hope I can get back to a healthier place.

It's also been doing wonders for my Bear. Elliot is a more relaxed version of himself in the wide-open space of the river, where he doesn't always have to be on guard. I think this weekend was a gift for him too.

I've spent the last few days studying Elliot's bond, trying to be more aware of his needs. What I've gathered is that he lacks confidence. He feels as though he's not good enough for me or this pack.

That hits hard. I can relate. Isn't that what I've been thinking when I tell myself I'm too needy? That my men have had to sacrifice too much being with me? That's bullshit for him, and I'm realizing that's bullshit for me too. This pack loves both of us as we are. I'm going to make it a habit of pointing out the ways Bear makes me feel good.

I keep my voice low. "What do you guys think of working on boosting Bear's confidence? I think we should see if we can affirm all the things he's doing right."

"Like a praise kink?" Logan asks, curling his hand over his face to block out the sun and turning to me in question.

"Only you would turn this naughty," Doc says, exasperation in his tone. It hides his longing, but now that I know what I'm looking for, I can feel it in the bond. That simultaneously makes my heart squishy and achy for the three of them.

"I'm serious. He talked to me last night," Lo defends, keeping his voice low.

"About having a praise kink?" I ask, eyebrows lifted.

Logan's face transforms into an amused grin. "No. Not in those words. But he asked me if I could help him get some more experience in the bedroom and he told me I could talk to you all about it so we know he wants to explore more. Praising him could help."

"What now?" Tristan shouts, sitting up.

I tumble back into Lo from the sudden movement, laughing at the look of outrage on Doc's face.

"He doesn't need any help!" I cry, still tickled by how my sweet Doc looks as if he wants to murder Lo in a fit of jealous rage.

"Sheesh. I'm not making moves on your man, Doc." Logan sits up behind me and pulls me back against his chest. "Keep your hair on and your voice down! I didn't mean with me, with me. It's more like directing him on what to do. When you're feeling up to getting frisky, beautiful, I told him we could all help."

Tristian rests his head on his propped knee, blowing out a long breath. "Sorry, Lo. That was out of line. Even if you were the one teaching him, that's his choice. We're pack. It's not like I'm opposed to it… or like I have a right to?—"

"Save it. We're good, Doc. I like him as my packmate, but he's not mine, not like that. I love you guys. We can flirt all day and play a little in the bedroom, but I respect boundaries," Logan says seriously.

I chime in, "I'm down with trying. When I'm down. But you know I like to watch. Maybe that will help get me in the mood." I haven't been feeling it. Still.

After the other morning with Bear, I was hoping I would be back to my hussy-self. It was essential with Elliot. My body needed to reconnect with his and feel the safety of his knot. But it wasn't a cure, which is a total bummer.

I mean, omega magic makes all kinds of awesome-weird shit happen, so it was a little disappointing that my libido didn't magically switch back on. But there's some awareness coming back that wasn't there before that I think could be coaxed to life. And the idea of Elliot getting lessons from Doc or Graham makes my body sit up and take notice. I love to watch my mates together. It always turns me on, and this plan sounds hot as hell.

"No, this happens when it happens. If it happens. We don't push. Not him or you," Tristian grinds out the words, my calm alpha still hyped up. He's equal parts jealousy and arousal. All of that is covered in a heavy dose of protective alpha. Already, this is hot.

I cup his jaw. "I know. And I'm not feeling pressured. But I'm glad it's on the table. I'm trying not to stress about it. And I think we should think about ways we can help Elliot's confidence outside the bedroom too."

Tristian meets my eyes. "Yeah, maybe. I just don't want to overwhelm him or you all at once."

He's so nurturing and so delicate with the people he loves. It's an amazing quality that makes me feel cherished. My perfume sweetens the air, and tendrils of heat curl in my belly.

"Maybe I want to be overwhelmed," I say.

"Say when, precious." Doc's lips tug up into a smile.

I brush my lips against his. It's a kiss that feels as though I'm flirting with my alpha. I chase and retreat. Then he does. His fingers slide into my hair, pulling me closer until I'm straddling his lap. There's a whisper of tongue. It coaxes that small tendril of smoky desire, warming my belly. I rub along him like a cat, sliding into the kiss until it feels as though I'm swimming in it. When I'm breathless, Doc pulls back, caressing along my back and tucking me into his chest.

"See? You're already taking the lead. You've got everyone out here ready to get naked with that kiss," Logan jokes.

I peek around and notice that all three alphas in the water are staring at Doc and me. My bikini bottom has ridden up, exposing most of my ass, and my hard nipples look obscene against the stretchy fabric of the bathing suit top. I think Doc and I were putting on a little show by accident. The looks the alphas are giving me makes my skin feel warm. My cheeks flame, and I move myself into a less compromising position, feeling suddenly shy.

Logan lowers his voice. "I'll support you in whatever way you want to do this, but I'm glad he talked to me." Logan kisses my forehead, then gets up. "The hammock's calling my name." He dives into the water and swims toward the shore.

I look up at Doc. "Graham told me you guys have my back in taking care of Elliot. I understand his place in our pack better now. Thank you for loving us so well. I want you to know I'm going to do that too."

"It's my pleasure, and you already do."

I nuzzle into his neck, breathing him in. My purr sings for Doc, and he finally relaxes with a sigh, letting it calm the restlessness that lingers in his bond.

Graham swims over and jumps up onto the floating platform, making it teeter. He comes to stand over us, dripping river water. "Wanna go canoeing? There's a couple back at the cabin."

I recognize his diversion tactic. He's trying to shift everyone's focus, and I love him for it. "Do I have to paddle?" I ask, already climbing out of Tristian's lap.

Canoeing will be another thing to add to my previously empty bucket list. I kind of like the idea of a life made up of experiences I want, along with being surprised by the ones my mates gift me. It feels like a start to figuring out who I want Sadie Jackson to be.

I didn't have enough time to figure that out before my life became a disaster. But this weekend gives me hope, making me feel as if I'm walking on air.

"No. Ride with me," Elliot calls from the water. "Hunter's going to nap with Logan, but the four of us can go up the river a little way." He holds out his hand, and I take it, jumping back in and swimming with him toward the riverbank and the dock.

At the cabin, we fill a backpack with a few snacks. I head over to Lo and Hunter in the hammock to tell them goodbye before we head out. I'm pretty sure those two won't be napping, given how worked up they are in the bonds.

"Have fun, you two," I tell them, kissing each before we head off.

Since my libido has been all out of whack, my whole pack has been off too. They've never explicitly said they were abstaining, but I'm pretty sure they have been. It makes sense, if I think about it. My omega hormones and scent can drive my alphas into a rut. I guess it can do the reverse too. I haven't felt much of their arousal through the bonds the last few months, but I don't know that I was feeling much of anything. Now that I'm paying more attention, I've noticed they're keeping themselves contained. Whatever the cause, I hope they get their grooves back. I don't want them to tiptoe around me. I love that they've been careful with me, but I'm ready for them to take off the protective gloves. If they return to normal, maybe I can too.

Back at the river, we split up between the canoes. Elliot paddles alongside Doc and Graham while I dip my fingers in the water and basically act like a passenger princess. I don't even feel bad about it. My bonds hum with Hunter and Lo's arousal, and I let those feelings flow through me, savoring their connection.

It's peaceful on the river, and we glide along lazily while we keep up idle chatter. Elliot asks Graham about what kind of food challenge he was talking about last night for his bucket list. That starts a whole conversation about challenges that somehow ends with Graham roping Elliot into planning one at home. That lures me in too, and I add learning to make ice cream to our list of things to try. That ends with a heated discussion about ice cream flavors and my unpopular opinion that mint ice cream is gross.

By the time we make it back to the dock a few hours later, I'm full of a dreamy, happy kind of buzz that's one-part canoe trip and one-part post-orgasm bliss pumping in from Hunter and Logan's bonds. Elliot carries me to the cabin, but I don't make it past the front door before I'm lulled asleep by his purr.