60. Skyler

I’m standing outside because if I go back in, people will notice my bad mood.

It’s not a new thing, but today, it’s worse.

I’ve been unhappy for a while now. It’s been harder and harder to keep a smile on my face.

My friends tolerate me because we go way back, but I’m not the same guy I was in high school. I’ve been introduced to the realities of life, and it hasn’t made me a better man.

Reese never promised me a damn thing.

I knew what her intentions were from the very beginning. Looking back, she was so damn brave to put herself out there like that. She figured out what she wanted to change and went for it. Reputation and pride be damned.

Me? I’m choking on my pride.

Josh joins me. He’s got little Belle in his arms; Dusty’s dog follows on his heels. Ed, it seems, is also a fan of Belle.

“Thought I’d find you out here.”

He holds his beer bottle away from Belle’s reaching hands.

I swirl my tumbler of bourbon and turn my gaze back out to the field. It’s shorn close. Bo cuts the fields closer than we do, but he doesn’t go back and use the stalks for silage like my dad does.

“You and your dad get done with Harvest?”

I nod, sipping my drink. “A few days ago. We were a little behind since I took that trip, but the weather held out, so it was all good.”

“Yeah, I never thanked you for that.”

I look up at him, surprised. “Thanked me?”

“For taking Reese out to Boulder.”

My ears heat up. Shame settles in my belly like a brick. “I went out there for work.”

Josh nods knowingly. “And your Denver visit just happened to align with her interview.”

His tone suggests he knows I went for her sake. I’m sure he’s assuming it was some sort of brotherly impulse. Because if he knew the truth, he probably wouldn’t be standing there smiling at me. He’d have his hands around my throat.

He leans against the railing, letting Belle play with the scruff on his jaw. “Do you think she’ll be okay out there?”

“In Boulder?”

I squint into the distance. A baker’s hawk is spiraling slowly on an updraft, searching for prey. “Yeah, man. She’ll be fine. She’s a tough cookie. And besides, Mitch is out there.”

Josh frowns. “Just so long as Mitch keeps his paws off her.”

“As much as it pains me to say about that knucklehead, he’s a pretty good guy. She could do worse.”

Me, for example.

He narrows his eyes. “You know something I don’t know? Is that why she’s moving?”

“No.”

I say quickly. “I’m just saying she could match up with worse men than Mitch.”

His shoulders ease slightly. “Yeah, I know. It’s just… she’s my little sister, you know?”

Guilt works its way up my throat until it’s tight and hard to speak. “Yeah. I know.”

“I guess I’ll have to let her go, eventually. Let all three of them go.”

He peers at me. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Doesn’t seem like you’ve been going on as many dates lately. Don’t tell me you gave up.”

“Nah,”

I mutter. “I’ve just been busy.”

It’s funny, married people can’t stand to see someone living alone. They act like they’ve got the market cornered on happiness and take an evangelistic approach to getting all us singles married.

But from where I’m standing, those marriages result in strife more often than not. Doesn’t sound like a sure-fire recipe for bliss. And yet, it’s the easiest path to a family. To a home.

I wasn’t looking for love when Reese and I struck our bargain. I just wanted to move on to the next phase of life. That next phase requires a wife.

My plan hasn’t changed. I just got temporarily derailed by the madness of love.

I didn’t think I’d fall for Reese, but if I’m completely honest with myself, I’d have to admit that I’ve had my eye on her for a long time. Probably since the accident back in high school. Reese was the one person who didn’t look at me with pity. The one person who didn’t try to tell me what to do, because what the hell did any of them know about having your leg crushed? What did they know about being the reason your dad can never play the guitar again?

I appreciated that about her.

That meant something to me.

But we’re ships passing in the night, wrong place, wrong time.

I don’t need love to survive. I need steadiness. I need a partner I can work with.

Josh gives me a careful look. “Erin has lots of cool friends back in Lincoln. You want me to see if any of them are single?”

“No.”

My response is clipped. I clear my throat. “I think… I think I’ve already got someone in mind.”