Chapter 1

One

"Maybe the past is meant to stay in the past. Maybe the reason we don't remember some things is because they are better left in the tombs of our minds, securely locked away." ~Perizada

"I t's time."

"Okay… Time to die, to eat, to exfoliate your leather hide? Maybe it's time to weep from the boredom because I've been sitting on this cliffside with you for so long? What are you talking about?" Peri looked up at Serapha, the massive draheim that she'd somehow befriended when she'd been hiding out like a chicken in the draheim realm.

"Give yourself a break, Beloved." Her mate's rich voice filled her mind. "It's okay to take a break."

Peri mentally sighed. "Right. It's okay to take a break even though Cain is still out there and we now know killing him wouldn't hurt Alice or Lizzy. It's okay to take a break when there's a horde of hybrid vampires loose on the world, and the aforementioned psycho vampire king is no doubt attempting to make more of them. And it's absolutely okay to take a break when there's a crazy ass sprite out there with a book that could open the gates of hell and apparently raise the dead. You're right, babe. I should be lying on a beach somewhere, drinking a mimosa while looking at you walk around shirtless as water drips down your sculpted abs."

"That can be arranged."

She knew his words weren't a bluff. He would totally whisk her away to any beach anywhere in the world if she wanted to go.

She ignored his comment. " How is Galan?" When the draheim had sent out the call to Peri, Lucian had naturally accompanied her. But he'd decided to spend time with Serapha's son so that she and the draheim could have a semblance of privacy.

"Too serious for one so young." Concern laced Lucian's tone.

"He was kidnapped by lunatics," Peri pointed out. "That will prematurely age anyone."

"Are you done discussing things with your mate?" There was no irritation in Serapha's voice. It was simply a question from one so ancient that she had immeasurable patience. The draheim was even older than Peri, and she had nothing but time.

"Apologies." Peri returned her attention to the matter at hand. "You were saying, ‘It's time.' And then you were going to give me some golden nugget of wisdom, to which I'd give some wiseass response. Should we just call it a day and skip the entire time-wasting conversation now that I've summarized what will happen?"

Serapha stared at the fae and blinked her enormous eyes. If a dragon could have a bored look, then that was it. The beast released a huff of smoke from her nostrils. "I was saying it's almost time."

Peri held up a finger and shook her head. "Nope. No take backs. You said, ‘It's time.'"

"It is time—" Serapha started, but Peri cut her off.

"Then why did you say it's almost time?"

"Because it's not actually time until our second guest arrives."

Peri's eyes narrowed. "What second guest?"

"I guess that's me." Nissa's voice came from the other side of the draheim. Peri's longtime fae friend stepped around the huge beast and into view. She wore robes similar to Peri's, though hers were dark blue, and Peri's were emerald green.

Nissa looked at Serapha. "You called?"

The draheim dipped her head and motioned for Nissa to join Peri.

"Now, it is time."

"You better not be lying," Peri grumbled. "I don't like liars."

"You don't like me regardless. Now hush."

Nissa chuckled and shrugged when Peri shot her a look.

"As I was saying," Serapha continued, "the time has come for you two to understand your past, for the memories for which you have so diligently searched to come to the forefront of your minds."

Peri's heart pounded in her chest. Her palms became sweaty, and she had to fight the emotions that rose like a tidal wave inside of her. This is what she'd been waiting for. Peri had thought this day might never come. And now that it was here, she wasn't sure she actually wanted to know the truth.

"I thought you'd be jumping for joy." Serapha sounded surprised.

"I don't jump," Peri said, her voice flat, "especially not for joy."

Nissa tsked. "Ignore her. She's processing. That usually means she's going to have an internal or external fit. To be fair, she's had a lot going on for the past?—"

"Three thousand years," Serapha filled in for Nissa. "Neither of you have had an easy time of it, and it's not going to get better."

Peri mentally rolled her eyes. "Thank you so much for the encouraging words, oh Great Scaly One."

"Do you want to know your past or not?"

"Oh, now I get a choice."

The draheim's face looked as perturbed as a dragon face could possibly look, but she spoke calmly. "There wasn't a choice when we last spoke. Now there is."

"Peri, have your mental breakdown later, please. We have a lot to do and no time in which to do it. Let's find out what's been blocked in our minds, and then we can deal with it." Nissa reached for Peri's hand and gave it a quick, tight squeeze. For the fae, none of whom were particularly affectionate, it might as well have been the equivalent of a full-frontal hug.

Peri gave a sharp nod and motioned for Serapha to continue.

"Close your eyes and relax. I am going to remove the blocks in your minds," the draheim told them.

"How can you remove them?"

"Because I put them there, Nissa. I think I know how to undo my own magic."

Peri should probably have been surprised. But at this point, it wouldn't surprise her if a squirrel and birds started singing to her while they made her a dress. She closed her eyes and relaxed the barriers that she naturally kept erected around her mind. She sent a mental message to Lucian letting him know that the draheim would be entering her consciousness. Her mate, the man, understood and didn't mind. The wolf, however, was perturbed to share any part of her.

Suddenly, a sharp pain ripped through her skull. Her head felt like it was going to split open as the pain radiated inside, seeming to bounce off the walls of her head. Peri squeezed her eyes tightly, and her hands curled into fists. She gritted her teeth. It was taking every ounce of control to keep from screaming because of the pain.

"You have to allow me in." Serapha's voice was like a bellowing shout.

"You don't have to yell at me," Peri snapped.

"I'm not yelling, Perizada," the draheim said gently, her voice much softer. "You're fighting me, and it's magnifying everything. Relax. Let me work through the magic. It's going to take a few minutes. You both need to understand that when the block dissipates, you will relive the memories that are revealed. Though your physical bodies will remain here with me, a part of your spirit will return to that period in time."

Peri let out a slow breath and forced her shoulders to relax. She opened her hands and rested her palms against the tops of her thighs. Relaxing her face, she asked the Great Luna for a calm that only the Creator could give. Waves of warmth flowed through her. Then she felt her mate's hands on her shoulders, the silent support that he always gave so freely.

The pain receded, and then there was a spark of light behind her eyes. The black void in her mind was suddenly filled with shimmering gold that parted like a curtain. She was standing in front of the curtain, and Peri could see a forest on the other side.

"Go through," Serapha encouraged.

Peri obeyed, stepping from the darkness in her mind into the warmth of a forest with sunlight casting down through the tree branches. A light breeze rustled the leaves, as if nature were applauding her entrance. Movement from her right grabbed her attention, and Peri saw Nissa. Her eyes widened. This Nissa was much younger. This was the Nissa she grew up with and trained with to become a warrior fae. They were little more than teens, practically babies for their race.

"Do I look as young as you do, Nissa?"

"You look like you did 2,985 years ago."

"Fifteen?" Peri breathed out. "I was fifteen, and you were thirteen."

Nissa nodded. "You've been short a long time."

Peri snorted. "Like you're so much taller."

Both females turned back to the forest and began walking forward. Peri's feet seemed to move on their own, as if they knew exactly where to go. "The hidden memory must involve something that happened very long ago."

Nissa nodded. "But why cover up something that happened when we were in training?"

Peri's mind flashed with images from her time in the fae academy. She'd been enrolled at the age of eight. As soon as it became clear that she had strong magical gifts and natural fighting ability, she was recruited. It was an honor to be invited by the high fae. Not every fae was offered a place in the academy. Nissa had joined her a couple of years later. They'd been friends. Wait, there was something more to her memories she couldn't access, something still out of her reach.

"Don't try to force it." Serapha's voice reached through into the memory. "Let it move naturally."

"There's nothing natural about this," Peri muttered. "Natural is having your memories left in your head where they belong."

The farther they walked, the more Peri recognized. The forest opened up to a road that was lined on either side with a tall stone wall.

"The academy." Nissa pointed down the road.

Peri nodded as their feet continued to move them forward. The closer they got to the huge, intimidating castle-like structure, the faster her heart beat. There were so many memories of how she'd sweat, bled, and even cried while she'd trained, hoping to become one of the best warriors the fae had ever seen. And maybe, if she had the power, even a high fae. It had been Peri's dream. She wanted to make a difference in the supernatural world. Not just in the veil of the fae but in the others as well. She'd wanted to see the supernatural races as comrades. She'd been so full of hope then, untainted by war, death, evil, deception, or pain. It was a time when her eyes saw her superiors as inspiring, and the future held endless possibilities. "I can't remember the last time I thought about this place," she said to Nissa. "Despite how many years we spent here, it doesn't cross my mind."

"You have millions of memories, Peri," Nissa said. "Why would one so far back even breach the recesses of your mind?"

"Because this is where we were formed and molded into who we would one day become." Peri was filled with emotions that had long been buried. "Don't you remember the thousands of hours we trained, the many nights that we laid in the warm grass and stared up at the star-filled sky talking about all our plans? We'd been so unjaded, Nissa, so inspired by a world that we knew nothing about."

"It's good for the young to feel that way. It helps ground the older, cynical adults who have lost sight of their purpose."

"You mean like us now?" Peri chuckled.

They both came to a stop at the bottom of the massive stairs leading up to the looming double doors. Who would they find behind those doors? Would this jaunt down memory lane allow them to cross paths with comrades that had been lost to them over the centuries? The idea both excited Peri and saddened her. Despite their long lives, the fae weren't immortal. They could be killed, and many had fallen in battle over the years. So many who'd been at the fae academy with she and Nissa had gone on to the other side.

"What now?" Nissa asked.

"We chant, dance in a circle, and call on the blood of the ancestors," Peri said dryly.

"Teenage you was just as much of a butthead as ancient you."

Peri grinned. "Isn't it nice to know that some things never change?"

"No," Nissa deadpanned.

Peri's head snapped to the side when she heard voices. "It's coming from the training grounds." She started moving again, heading to a place where she'd spent countless hours sparring with Nissa, as well as others.

"Is it weird to know that Cyn, Adam, and Elle won't be here?" Peri asked her friend. "They've been a part of our lives so long that I forget they aren't as old as us. They weren't even born when we were at the academy."

"True, but I remember that asshole." Nissa gestured to the circle that was surrounded by fae teens dressed in their practice gear. A few of them parted, allowing Peri and Nissa to see who it was that fought in the middle.

"Xoltan," Peri muttered the name under her breath.

"Spric, Darianan, and Orfin," Nissa added.

"The four horsemen." Peri's lip curled at the remembered little band of jerks.

Nissa laughed. "You used to piss them off so bad. Remember how you constantly taunted Spric because his name rhymes with prick?"

Peri smiled. "It's not my fault his parents gave him a stupid name." As she watched the four males sparring one another, so many forgotten memories filled her mind. Those four had been a thorn in the sides of many females. They had been taught by their fathers that they were superior to females. Peri wasn't an idiot. She was fully aware that there were facts about males and females that made them different. Males were physically stronger than females. She had no problem admitting it. But it didn't make her any less. They both had strengths and weaknesses, and only a fool would think that either sex was better. It didn't matter to the group of boys that had deemed themselves ‘the four horsemen.' She'd always thought the name fitting because they were plagues. They infected any weak-minded fae that would listen to their nonsense, the main premise of which was that females shouldn't be allowed into the academy.

"At least we kicked their asses a few times," Nissa reminded her.

"It took six of us."

"So? Doesn't matter the number, only the outcome."

Peri couldn't disagree. Who cared if it was one or fifty? The point was that the four males had been put in their place on more than one occasion. But it didn't matter how many times Peri, Nissa, or anyone else fought them. Their attitude remained the same.

"Alston," Peri suddenly whispered as dots began to connect in her mind.

"What about him?"

"He was Xoltan's father," Peri reminded Nissa. How had she forgotten that Alston had had a son?

A fae curse passed through Nissa's lips. "I'd totally forgotten."

Peri shook her head. "Not forgotten. The memory was blocked."

"So this is part of what has been kept from us. Why?"

As they stood there watching the group, time seemed to spin around them, the forest becoming a blur until the movement ended, and they stood in a vast chamber. Peri, Nissa, Islalia, Florlae, and Organa were on one side and across from them were the four horsemen. They stood before the high fae council.

"They interrupt all of our studies and our battle training," Xoltan argued, sounding like the bitter, spiteful man-child that she now remembered.

"How the hell could we interrupt anything when you are constantly taunting us?" asked Islalia, another female teen warrior who had been Peri's friend. The beautiful fae had been killed in a battle against the trolls more than fifteen hundred years ago. She'd been a bright, happy fae with a quick wit and ready laughter.

"Not to mention all the pranks you were constantly pulling on us." Organa was another female warrior Peri had trained with who had fallen in battle long ago.

Peri's heart squeezed in her chest. So much death over her long life. So many people that she'd forgotten. Not on purpose. Not because she didn't care. But because time kept moving even after they were gone. She'd mourned, but she'd had to move on out of necessity. It was that or let the grief of the losses overwhelm her, as it had almost done recently.

"Can't handle it?" Darianan chided, a wicked gleam in his crystal gray eyes. He had long, dark blue hair that he had always worn pulled back in a long braid. His skin was tan, an unusual trait for a fae. Before he'd opened his mouth, Peri had found him to be handsome. But with one sentence, he'd become one of the ugliest males she'd ever met.

"It's not a matter of being able to handle it." The words came out of Peri without conscious thought. Though it was a memory, she was an active participant rather than merely a spectator.

"Then what's the problem?" Orfin looked at her with derision.

"You four," Peri snapped. "You have inferiority complexes that won't allow you to accept that females have a place in the academy and on the battlefield. We wield magic just the same as you. We wield blades just the same as you. And you are threatened by us. Why?"

Xoltan threw his head back and laughed. He looked as psychotic as Alston had in his last years alive. The five females watched them. Peri noticed the other four looked bored, but rage radiated from them. The worst thing you could do with males like the ones before them was show a lack of emotional control. They'd see it as weakness and think they'd gained some sort of victory. Peri never wanted to give them any power over her.

"Threatened?" Xoltan scoffed. "Are you serious?"

"No," Nissa said coolly. "Peri is never serious. Everything is a joke to her. Especially you four."

Peri inwardly laughed. Nissa might seem mild mannered, but she could cut someone down at the knees with her words when she felt the need to speak. Though not as quiet as Cyn, she had always been pretty tight-lipped.

"Enough."

Peri recognized the male voice which called out. A chill ran down her spine as her head turned to look at the fae council. There, amongst the seven, was Alston. He looked exactly as he had when she'd last seen him. How had she served on the very same council with this male for so long and not seen the evil in him? She could see it clearly in that moment. Was this also something that had been blocked from her mind?

"Though there is some validity to what my son and his comrades have presented to us," Alston continued.

"Are you serious?" Lavlia, one of the fae female council members, huffed.

Alston shot her a look, one Lavlia returned with a fierceness Peri respected.

"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't serious," Alston bit out, his eyes blazing with anger. He appeared to catch himself, as if he realized he'd let his mask slip. All those centuries he'd worn a mask. He'd waited like the most patient hunter for the perfect moment to strike, and he'd truly hit them hard. Why hadn't she killed him when she'd been a student? It's not as if anyone actually liked him.

"I can't believe we forgot what an ass he was." Nissa echoed Peri's thoughts.

"Serapha, you have much to answer for." Peri mentally reached out to the draheim.

"Focus," the draheim replied.

Peri kept her attention on Alston, her eyes darting back and forth between him and the four horsemen, whom she didn't trust as far as she could spit, which wasn't very far. Peri now remembered she and the other three girls standing with her had had a competition one night when they'd snuck out to hang out by the shimmering lake. She wanted to smile at the memory, but she had to stay vigilant while in the viper's den.

"This is the way of things, boys," Alston said to the males. "You will obey the rules until they change. Rest assured, they will."

The two female fae on the council looked as if they might just kill Alston right then. Peri wished they had. So many lives could have been saved if they'd struck him down.

"Get back to your studies. You've wasted enough of your time." Alston looked at the females with disdain, before turning back to his son. "See me before you go to training."

The room started spinning again. Peri reached out and grabbed Nissa's hand, even though she was pretty sure they wouldn't be separated. The world whipped around them—blue sky, green trees, fall leaves, and then snowy, white winter. Everything stopped, and Nissa and Peri were standing on the frozen, shimmering lake. They slid around laughing, refusing to use their magic to keep their balance. Instead, they let themselves stumble around like humans. Fae were naturally graceful, even on frozen surfaces. But Nissa and Peri had always been fascinated by humans and the hardships they faced because of their lack of magical ability.

Though it was chilly, they didn't feel the cold the way humans did. So being out in the snow, or on a frozen lake, falling down like idiots, was no hardship. "Holy crap, I forgot how fun this was." Peri panted as she laid back on the icy surface, looking up at the bleak winter sky.

"Me, too. We should take the females ice skating."

Peri knew Nissa was speaking of the females in their current lives, not the ones in this memory. Their females were the ones whom they loved and had become family to them, females they'd built so many memories with and would hopefully have time to build more.

"Jen will figure out a way to make Thia into a little bowling ball on the ice to knock everyone over." The image made Peri laugh.

"No doubt. Thia is going to be fierce. Maybe even more so than you."

Peri glanced over at Nissa. "I hope so. She's going to need to be. Our world has gotten rough. Though I'd prefer if she's a little saner than her mother."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Here they are," a male voice called out.

Peri and Nissa turned to see Xoltan walking out of the barren woods.

"I told you this is where they come to giggle and gossip and act like silly girls, which is what they truly are, not the warriors they pretend to be."

"Who is he talking to?" Nissa looked around.

There wasn't anyone near him that Peri could see. She shrugged. "Maybe he's as crazy as his father was."

Then from the left two females came rushing out of the thick trees, so dense that even without leaves, it was difficult to see through them.

"Is that…?" Nissa began, her voice soft.

"Our mothers," Peri finished. She felt tears immediately gather in her eyes as the memories poured forth. It was as if a dam had been broken, and a massive waterfall now barreled forward.

Alston suddenly appeared, standing next to his son. His body glowed with the magic of his high fae status. He stalked slowly toward them. Xoltan wore a stupid grin that Peri wanted to slap off and then slap him again just for the hell of it.

"Alston, you cannot stop what is to be," Calthia, Peri's mother, shouted. She and Yavon, Nissa's mother, began moving toward them as well.

"Says who?" Alston pushed his son forward. "There's only two of them, boy. You should be able to handle them easily. Let's be done with this."

Xoltan held out his hand, and a sword appeared in it.

Peri jumped to her feet, allowing her magic to flow through her, her balance now perfect even on the ice. She held a dagger in each hand. Nissa stood as well and immediately crouched into a fighting stance before her own sword appeared.

"Mother, leave!" Peri shouted. But she knew the stubborn woman wouldn't.

Alston lifted his hand toward Calthia and Yavon, and the pair suddenly froze. He was a high fae. They were not. The power difference was obvious.

Xoltan continued to bear down on them. They'd fought him many times. Peri knew most of his tells. But she remembered he'd gotten better lately about not being so predictable. And though she and Nissa had bested him many times, they didn't win every time. Would this be a win or loss? That part of the memory was yet unclear.

Then another high fae appeared beside Alston. They spoke, but it was so quiet that even Peri's supernatural hearing couldn't pick it up.

Suddenly, Xoltan broke out into a run. His feet didn't even appear to touch the ground as he raised his blade. The advancing fae bellowed a battle cry, as if he was facing off against thousands instead of two female warriors in training.

Peri ran toward him, meeting him with her two blades. She sent her magic down through her arms and into the blades, bolstering their strength. When they met Xoltan's descending sword, there was a flash, and he was thrown backward. His fae gracefulness kept him from falling. He slid away a few feet and paused.

Xoltan's eyes, filled with malice, met hers. "I'm going to gut you."

"All because I have ovaries and you don't? I'll donate one of mine if you're that desperate to have one. You don't have to be jealous. Or is it the breasts? It's the breasts, isn't it? I'm not willing to part with either of mine. So I can't donate one of those."

"Do you have to taunt him, Peri?" Nissa came up beside her.

"Of course I do. High emotions cause mistakes. He's already full of rage, and now he will feel humiliation. It will make him respond rashly."

"Peri! Flash away. Just go."

Peri shook her head at her mother. She couldn't. She knew what was going to happen, but maybe this time she could change it. Maybe this was a do-over.

Xoltan came at them again, now focusing on Nissa, as if she was any less of a fighter than Peri. They danced with their blades, darting forward, clashing blows only to jump back and regroup. Peri would take Nissa's place, and then they'd switch again. They'd fought so much together that the pair practically moved as one.

"As if you could ever be a high fae," Xoltan bit out.

Peri frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend your mother didn't tell you what the sprite queen told her."

Peri dug through her memories, but they came up empty. Her mother had said nothing to her about the sprite queen.

"I am to be a high fae," Alston's son spat. "Not you. Or you." He looked at Nissa. "You're just two silly females. Real warriors would be led to their deaths under your leadership. It's better this way."

"Is he seriously trying to kill us?" Nissa asked.

Peri breathed out as she jumped back from a slash of his sword. "Well, Nissa, I'm pretty sure he's not inviting us to his birthday party."

Out of the corner of her eye, Peri saw a blue light gathering.

"Alston, no!" Calthia and Yavon screamed at the same time.

Peri allowed herself a second to glance in her mother's direction. She saw that the other high fae, Stallis, was glowing with a blue flame, engulfing his entire body. "Cold fire," she whispered as fear trickled down her spine.

She turned back to Xoltan and doubled her efforts to take the fool out. She'd originally just planned to maim him, but Alston had just taken this situation from ridiculous to insane. He was willing to use cold fire because of his ambition to make his son a high fae. Alston believed that Xoltan was supposed to be on the council, though it was Peri and Nissa that the seer sprites had told her mother about. This was forbidden, but the queen had decided it was imperative that Calthia and Yavon know. More and more memories barreled down on Peri while she went toe to toe with Xoltan. She moved faster than she ever had and could see a glow on her own skin that she'd never seen before. Her blades lit up with the same light as she pushed him back. Peri ducked one of his strikes, reversed the grip on her blade, and spun around until she was behind him. She allowed the blade to rip across his side, leaving a deep gash. The male screamed, and she tried not to compare it to the cry of a child. That was an insult to children. When he turned to her, his face was contorted into something evil. The ugly that lived inside of him was now evident on his exterior features. He came at her, blade whirling, but Peri was faster.

Within seconds she had him on his back, kicked his sword away, and held both blades at his throat.

"Peri," Nissa called, but Peri ignored her.

Her breathing came out in tight pants as she stared down at someone who could have been a comrade and fought at her side instead of against her. "It didn't have to be this way," Peri told him.

"Yes, it did," he said through clenched teeth. "You're not worthy."

"Serapha, now!" Peri heard her mother scream.

Then the sky above them was suddenly filled with beating wings. Peri didn't look up. She couldn't take her attention away from Xoltan. He was dangerous even without a blade. She didn't want to kill him, but what else could she do?

"Don't, Perizada," her mother said, but it was soft this time, gentle. "You don't have to have his blood on your hands. You will bear so much more later. Don't let him be your first."

The hatred in Xoltan's eyes was so disturbing, ice filled Peri's veins.

"Kill them," Alston ordered.

"What about your son?"

"Look at him, Stallis. Bested by two mere females. He's dead to me," Alston's words were loud enough for his son to hear them, even above the beating wings.

Xoltan's eyes widened as the anger dropped away in shock. Peri took this moment to look up and see dozens of draheim in the sky, hovering right above them.

"You will be remembered for your sacrifice, Stallis," Alston continued, speaking to the fae beside him. "I will make sure of it."

"Thank you, my lord." And then the chill of winter took on a whole new quality. The blue light intensified.

Peri heard her mother again and turned to look at her. A flash of light flew at the woman, hitting her in the chest. Calthia dropped to the ground, the life snuffed out of her in a moment. Yavon was next. She fell just as quickly, crumbling next to the woman who'd been her best friend. Alston had killed their mothers.

Peri didn't even realize she was screaming until she felt Nissa's arms around her, holding her tight. "Perizada, I can't flash. He's holding us here."

The wings above them grew louder. Huge talons wrapped around her and Nissa. Another talon kicked Xoltan's body away. Then wings folded around them, but not before Peri saw Stallis throw out his hands and release the cold fire. Everything would burn to ash. Her mother's body. Yavon, Xoltan, everything. But not Alston, because he hadn't been standing next to Stallis. He'd escaped.

Peri felt heat, but the massive body of the draheim protected her and Nissa from its devastating power. She had no idea how long Serapha kept them there on the ground with her wings completely enveloping them, but it felt like an eternity.

The pain inside Peri threatened to consume her. When would it stop? When would ugly, horrific things stop happening? Would life always be a cycle of never-ending knives thrust into the heart, only to have them pulled out and then plunged back in? Couldn't she just have her throat slit and be done with it all?

"This is not more than you can bear, beloved," Lucian told her. "And if it is, I will bear it for you."

"I knew my mother was dead. But the magic had blocked the memory of how awful it had been," Peri responded. "Maybe it would have been better to leave the block in place."