9. Chapter 9

ATLAS

This is so fucking embarrassing.

I’m cold, tired, hungry, and now Raphael knows where I live. Tonight was supposed to be special. We were going to have our real first date and now I’m stuck showing Raphael a part of my life that I didn’t want to reveal. I wanted to talk to him first and maybe I should have. Weeks ago when I realized that this thing between us was more than just a game.

At least I aced my test today. One more and I’ll have an MS in zoology. However, with no prospects to look forward to, I’ll be in the same revolving door I’ve always been. Granted, I can pick up a few more hours at the café and possibly work towards renting a studio.

I glance over at Raphael several times during the drive, trying to gauge his reaction but it’s like he’s put up a wall to deal with his emotions. His fingers are tightened around the steering wheel and I can’t tell if he’s mad at me or the situation. It doesn’t help that his car exudes the same aura he does, this rich businessman feel that I tend to ignore when we’re alone. There’s no ignoring it now and it just further cements how different we are.

My attention is drawn to the shelter I spend most of my time at and I sigh at the ‘at capacity’ sign by the door. Figures. There’s been an uptick in homelessness across the city and with very few funded ventures diverted to it, there are only so many cots available. I’ve had to start going to the shelter right after classes just to ensure a spot.

I slink down in my chair, clutching at the seatbelt. “I can just sleep in my-”

“Absolutely not,” Raphael growls out.

“Right. It’s a liability to sleep in your parking lot. Maybe I can-”

Raphael bears his teeth like a fucking animal before twisting to look at me and forcefully grabs my chin. He yanks me forward so there are mere inches between our lips. His hazel eyes burn with anger and confusion as he speaks. “Stop belittling your worth, little one. I don’t want you to sleep in your car because I care about you. I want more for you. I want to provide for you and shower you with more than you can imagine. You’re coming home with me.”

My entire body heats with shame and embarrassment at the handout he’s giving me. “I can’t,” I whine.

“You will sleep in a warm bed and have a hot shower and food to fill that belly of yours.”

My stomach responds first, telling both of us that it loves the idea of food. A whimper slips from my lips as Raphael searches my gaze before lowering his lips to mine. He’s sweet and gentle but firm in his decision. I shouldn’t but I reach forward across the console, clinging to the comfort that he’s giving. Seconds later, I feel a hand on my side that slowly moves down to my ass before I’m straddling his lap.

A little squeak leaves me at how easily Raphael manhandles me. I’m not light in any aspect and as tight as this fit is, I love feeling Raphael beneath me.

“This okay, little one?” Raphael asks as one of his hands slide around the side of my neck, the other still cupping my ass. For as large as this man’s hands are, my ass is still larger, not that he seems to mind.

I chew on my bottom lip as I place my hands on his shoulders and then mumble a ‘yes sir’ to which his cock thickens between us. That drags a moan from my lips as I grind down on it, imagining Raphael taking me apart here and now. A honk tears us out of the moment and I scramble back to my side, roughly adjusting my pants while biting back a moan at how sensitive I am.

Raphael chuckles as he pulls away from the shelter, heading farther away from the city. I always thought he would have lived closer but the idea that he doesn’t want to be consumed by work intrigues me. Especially when the modest home he parks in front of us is a lot smaller and less exquisite than someone of his status should have. It’s still bigger than anything I’ve ever experienced but without all the bells and whistles and gates that I’ve seen in movies.

My lover watches as I climb out of the car, clutching my bag to my chest. I’m curious about the man outside of work, surprised by the dark colors that sweep through the house when I’m let inside. Where his office is stacked with rare trinkets and trophies, his house is bare of those items. It’s plain here but still wholly Raphael. This is the man I truly want to get to know. The man who is happy in his own space. There aren’t heaps of items sprawled about that cost more than my yearly wages.

And the one thing I truly didn’t expect is the warm, inviting feel that comes from this place. It’s a home, not just a house and I wish I still had one. I never knew my father but my mother did everything in her power to ensure that I was comfortable and taken care of. She was the light of my life.

Raphael comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my stomach. His fingers play with the extra skin and instead of feeling subconscious, it feels comfortable. Like Raphael telling me that he likes all of me. Rolls and all. “How are you really, little one?” He places a small kiss on my cheek.

“Tired. It’s a lot to juggle with graduation, Raphael.” I twist around in his arms, needing to say this to his face. He needs to truly tell me if he still wants this, if he wants me. “It wasn’t always like this but my mother passed away and everything just spiraled. I’m… I’m trying but everything happened at one time. Once I graduate, I’ll be back on track, and I-”

Raphael shushes my explanation, understanding in his expression. There’s also love lingering behind those hazel eyes. “Little One, I know you think this changes things. It doesn’t. I still want you in my life, regardless of your past or your troubles. I want you, Atlas.” He cups my cheeks in his hands before drawing me into a kiss. I can’t help but melt against him as my arms wrap around his back. We stand there, tasting each other for several minutes. I feel safe and protected in his arms like he could give me the world.

He truly could.

The rest of the night ends in comfortable silence as Raphael feeds me a cold-cut sandwich, running his fingers through my hair as I curl up in his lap and devour the food. He expects nothing of me as he leads me up into his bedroom, hope lingering in his expression before I strip down to my boxers and crawl into bed with him. I snuggle into his broad chest, taking in his musk and a hint of the forest that must come with his body wash. I’m not sure what draws me under first—the way he tightens his hold around me or the kiss on my forehead instead of the words Raphael so desperately wants to say.

“Sleep, little one. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

He was there in the morning but I didn’t stay, taking the first bus I could to the café. I’m confused and wired and confused. Did I mention that? Raphael knows. It’s more than anyone has found out about me in years. No one has even scratched the surface of the struggles I’ve gone through and Raphael just stumbled into them before almost telling me he loved me.

There’s no classes today so I throw myself into my work, ignoring Paula’s glowering expression and Gerald’s silent prodding for answers. Heather checks in a few times but I promise her that I’m okay. Apparently, I’m well-rested. And I am. I’m also terrified of where this puts me. I’ve never been so exposed and definitely not to someone I’m in love with.

Raphael texts several times during the day and I can see that my silence is breaking him. Especially when he doesn’t stop in or order a coffee.

6:15 am

I could have given you a ride to work.

9:00 am

did you eat breakfast?

I send a thumbs up emoji to that one because I’m pretty sure Heather will be called upon to make sure I do otherwise.

2:00 pm

If your car is still not working, you can sleep at my house again.

By the time my shift ends and I’m skirting out to my car to see if it wants to work today, Raphael is right there, arms folded across his chest, a tight smile on his lips. He looks angry and this time it’s definitely with me.

“You weren’t there when I woke up, Atlas.” He’s using my name, which isn’t good. “Did you think my words were fake last night? Atlas, why are you so jumpy?” I grit my teeth as I wrap my arms around myself, trying to weather my weak emotions. Raphael all but gave himself to me and here I am, on the fence, trying to see if it’s just a joke. I have to protect my heart but I don’t need to do it at the expense of his. “Did you think my offer tonight meant that I require something from you?”

Every terrible situation runs through my head when it comes to relationships like these. The rich ones always want something in return for their lavish gifts. The problem is that I keep looping Raphael into that group of men when he’s been nothing but sweet and giving and everything I need in this world.

“I don’t think that,” I blurt out but it’s evident that I don’t believe that. What’s worse is that this is veering into a conversation I didn’t want to have. These are my own insecurities and I need to get over them. Preferably sooner rather than later so I don’t ruin this budding relationship.

Raphael huffs as he reaches forward and drags me against him. I swallow nervously, knowing that any lingering employees will see this and make the connection. I’m no longer the kid that brings the big boss coffee. I’m his lover. He places his hands on my hips, squeezing softly and my back arches toward him in response. My hands fall to his chest as I look up at him, uncertainty flitting through his expression.

“I want to do this right, Atlas. I want you but I need your help to tell me when you’re uncomfortable. I also need your help to tell me when you need something. I won’t let you go without.” Raphael tilts his head to the side and I can hear the truth in his words. I don’t like the idea that he wants to placate my problems with money, though.

“I can buy my own stuff.” I spit out, struggling in his grip. His fingers dig in tighter, those hazel eyes darkening as I realize I’ve misunderstood.

“And that’s not what I’m saying, Atlas. I’m saying that you’re mine. That I want to care for you and love you.” This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned loving me in passing. It’s not a full confession so I’ve never dwelled on it. I want to wrap myself in his words but I need him to understand that his wealth isn’t the reason I’m here and I want to make it very clear to everyone else as well.

I lightly tap his chest and he releases me so that I can say my words without falling victim to his touch. Reaching his eyes is still a chore as I’m that much shorter than him but this is the best I’ve got in the parking lot. Letting out a deep breath, I start in on my spiel, hoping that Raphael will truly listen to my insecurities and my needs without making me feel bad about them. “I need you not to treat me like Im incapable. I need you to love without smothering. I see the lavish parties and Christmas gifts you get the office. I don’t want that.” The regular employees of the tech company walk away with gifts that most people spend months saving up for.

Not to mention the vacations and other items that the company readily hands out. Our café isn’t exempt either, what with the large gift baskets and gift cards we’re all given the week before Christmas. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve used one to buy groceries but it’s the principle of the thing. I don’t want handouts. I don’t want to be treated like a trophy. I don’t want to be the man on his arm who’s only here to escape from the struggles I’ve found myself in.

Raphael sags against my car, seemingly defeated. “And how do I do that for you, Atlas? I want to give you the entire world.” I’m not opposed to that… just within reason.

I fumble for the right words, wanting to end this conversation and needing to see it through all the same. I want to go back to spouting stupid animal facts and watching Raphael lose his control but this needs to happen. If Raphael thinks we aren’t worth it because of these next words, so be it. “Just don’t make me feel like I couldn’t do it on my own. There’s been hiccups but don’t make me feel cheap. I’m not here for your money. I’m here for you.”

His brows raise in shock at the statements I’ve just laid out. I’m sure there are very few people that speak to him like that. Raphael runs a hand through his hair, a hairstyle mirroring yesterday’s without all of the product. “Money has been a crutch for so long that I forget it can’t fix everything. I don’t want to cheapen you. What will fix this?”

My face scrunches up at the way Raphael so beautifully falls apart, thinking that he’s broken this. “Nothing is broken, Raphael. I just don’t want to be treated like a trophy that needs to be shined. I’m weird and awkward. I’m Atlas Stoll, not gold on your shelf.”

Raphael chuckles at my insistence as he draws me back into his arms. “I’ll remember that, little one.” This time when I melt against his chest, Raphael’s lips connecting with mine, there’s no hesitation. For the first time since my mother passed away, someone has heard me and not pushed me away. They’ve seen me in my entirety, the shame and embarrassment I carry with me, the struggles I face, and they’ve brought me into their arms and told me that they want me.

Raphael wants Atlas—all of him. Flaws and all.

I’ve been in love with this man since I first met him.

Today is one of the first times I’m thinking about forever.