Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

ADIRA

I ’m running away. I wasn’t expecting to see Damon in my class, at my school, much less asking me to give him a chance. My mind is racing as quickly as my heart beats, and I’m weaving in and out of the hallway, full of people to find a place to catch a breath. Tears race down my face, something I don’t want everyone to see.

Being emotional and vulnerable in a crowd of people, who don’t and can’t possibly understand the way my world is spinning, isn’t something I expected today.

Throwing open the restroom door, I walk quickly into a stall to find a way to calm down. There are people talking, laughing, living a normal life, while I’m trying to process the shitshow that is my life.

Damon was so raw and honest. I can feel those emotions inside of me, because we’re bonded, but I’ve never seen them with the naked eye. He’s so closed off, sometimes I have to ask myself if I’m imagining them, even though I know I’m not.

Dropping my head back onto the metal wall of the bathroom stall, I take a ragged breath, trying to stay quiet as I cry. The sobbing is slowing down now.

Damon asked me for forgiveness and offered me revenge. They’re such different things, and I didn’t even know I wanted revenge in the way he mentioned it. Do I really want to take a life?

Rock has taken so many pieces of who I am already. My innocence, trust, and sanity. Those three things will never be the same. Are they worthy of death? I think so, but I’m terrified that it’ll make me less human.

Pulling out my phone from the pocket of my backpack, I take a shuddering breath. I need to remind myself to continue to breathe.

My eyesight is darkening at the edges, a clear sign that I’m not getting enough oxygen.

Me:

Do you think it’s ever okay to kill someone?

I don't know many people with loose morals, but a made man counts as such, right?

Duncan:

Hold on, Short Stuff. That’s a loaded question.

The next message comes from a second chat box, one where he’s added Callum.

Duncan:

Callum, Short Stuff wants to know if it’s ever okay to take a life.

Callum:

Well who are we killing and can I help torch the body? There are a lot of reasons to kill someone, Adira.

Their words make my lips twitch, and the tears slow even more. I need to cling to some type of normalcy.

Me:

Rock. Damon is a student in my Biology class, and he caught me as I was leaving. I don’t know what to do with how I feel about him.

Duncan:

Damon would probably look a little better with a few holes in his body, but it would hurt you as well. Another way biology sucks.

The double meaning of it makes me huff out a laugh. It’s not a completely normal laugh, but I’m getting closer.

Me:

Does it make me a terrible person to consider it? I have more questions, but they’re really fucking embarrassing.

Callum:

Consider us the people who will keep your secrets. Tell us.

Me:

I’m already redder than a tomato thinking about it. No thanks.

Fanning my face, I tear off some toilet paper to mop up my tears. People continue about their life as I live on an island of solitude. It sounds dramatic, but I feel as if the things I’ve lived through have aged me a million years.

Throwing away the toilet paper in the trash, I lean heavily against the wall and hope people will clear out, so I can wash my hands. All I can smell is the delicious scent of cedar. Damon’s scent seeps through the material of my clothes, wrapping me inside it.

If we were on different terms, I would hold onto it, but instead it reminds me of things I can’t have.

Duncan:

Did you want to fuck him?

Me:

I will not be taking further questions about fornicating with my scent match, thanks.

Rolling my eyes, I breathe a sigh of relief as it gets quiet outside of my stall. Tentatively opening the door, I peek outside and see it’s completely empty. I’m going to be late for my next class. I just know it.

My phone lights up to show that I have a call, and I put it away to be able to walk to the sink and wash my hands thoroughly.

My face is slightly blotchy, but hopefully the walk outside will help that. I have a math class next, and then I’m done for today. It’s odd that the week is starting on a Wednesday, but I’m glad it’s my day off. I’ll be able to decompress for a while.

Drying my hands, I toss the paper towel in the garbage before walking out into the hallway. It’s not as busy, and I pull out my phone again to see who called me. Duncan is blowing up my phone, and calling me again.

“Hello,” I drawl as I answer, walking quickly to head across campus to class.

“Why are you dodging my calls?” he asks.

“I wasn’t,” I groan. “I put my phone away to wash my hands.”

“You sound stuffy ,” he growls. “Did he make you cry?”

“I made myself cry,” I admit. “It’s hard seeing him.”

“ That’s fair. Now, besides the fact that you sound like a medieval woman when you talk about sex, does the idea of killing a certain person make you hot? ” Duncan asks.

I can hear Callum chuckle next to him, and realize I’m on speaker phone. Wonderful.

“I’m in public, Duncan,” I remind him, pushing open the door. I duck around someone who is trying to walk in, catching the door for him. “I can’t talk about this with you.”

“ I’m sure you know a lot of other killers, little mafia princess,” Callum says.

“Ugh, why does everyone call me that? I’m not a princess,” I say.

“ Yes, you are. Who else is calling you that? Why are you cheating on us ?” Duncan asks.

“I met with Shaw last week, from Pack Mohan for suppressants,” I tell them softly. “As he is happily packed up with two omegas, I’m not cheating on anyone.”

“ He’s a good guy. Fucking scary, but I guess he’s a good friend to have,” Duncan grumbles.

“You two are very high maintenance,” I mutter.

“ The Firestones have always been considered royalty, Adira. I don’t really believe your father double-crossed Rock. He may have had his shady moments, but he had more money than God,” Callum says.

“Money burns well,” I mumble. “I didn’t get to see much from the trunk of the vehicle though, since I was going into heat.”

“ Fuckers. They don’t deserve your forgiveness. It’ll be good therapy to kill Rock, though, ” Duncan says.

“Do you have a Ph.D I don’t know about in mental health?” I ask him sarcastically.

“ There’s a lot you don’t know about us ,” he says. “ You’re off work today, we should work on that.”

“I don’t remember telling you that, stalker,” I say.

“ We run intel for a living, Adira,” Callum says. “ It’s our job to know things. We fucked up because we didn’t dig more when we agreed to help Pack Dresmond.”

“I really am a pain in the ass,” I say absently as I walk.

“ I didn’t say that!” Callum yells. “I mean, we didn’t know how bad things would get. I don’t know if we would have been able to spare you any of it, but we fucked up.”

“It wasn’t your responsibility to save me,” I sigh.

Do I really need to go to this next class? My motivation is tanking, but I know I need to in order to keep my scholarship.

“ Adira ,” Duncan says gently, making me shake my head.

Ugh, I probably look like a crazy person.

“Don’t be nice to me, Duncan Kelly,” I growl.

A few people glance at me in fear, and I ignore them. They should mind their own damn business.

“Yes, ma’am ,” he says immediately. “ Damn, you just got scary. I won’t be sweet, then. I’m picking your ass up after class. You’re done at noon, right?”

“I need less people in my life who can hack into my schedule,” I mutter. “Yeah, I’m done around that time. I was going to go home to take a nap.”

“You can still take a nap, but I propose a change of location ,” he counters.

“It’s too early for propositions,” I tell him. “There’s no reason for me to sleep somewhere else.”

“Yeah? How are you sleeping?” Callum asks.

“If I find a camera in my room, I’m going to use my stun gun on you,” I say. “Caleb upgraded the one he gave me.”

“I like pain,” Callum says, making my cheeks heat. It reminds me of the way Kane came when I strangled him.

“That’s an overshare, Callum,” I sigh.

“We’re best friends now ,” he says. “ You’re going to unfortunately hear about my weird kinks. Now, why were you asking Duncan about killing people. What has you wigging out?”

“Damon mentioned doing things in the blood after killing him,” I whisper. There are too many people around me with really good hearing. “I shouldn’t have been excited by that.”

“ Why not?” Duncan asks. “ The rules don’t apply for you. You want to fuck in a rainfall of blood? Do it. You don’t have to forgive the assholes to get a bit of revenge and an orgasm.”

“This is not the way I saw today going,” I tell him.

“ If I had a nickel every time I’ve thought the same,” he says with a chuckle. “ You’re so innocent.”

“I don’t think I am,” I reply, opening the door to the math department. “I feel old and decrepit.”

“ What if I promise you a self defense lesson and a nap?” he asks. “ Would that be enough to tempt you?”

“ And food,” Callum says. “I don’t care if it’s a grazing plate. Crackers, cheese, what else? ”

“Strawberries, bananas, and something sweet to dip them in?” I suggest. My appetite is getting better as long as I’m in a good place.

I hate that my anxiety and mood now have so much power over me. It’s difficult to keep my mind blank while eating, especially if I’m around other people. I’ve heard a few people mutter that I have an eating disorder at the shelter.

That’s not the case at all, food and I are simply in a complicated relationship.

“ Got it,” Callum says. He doesn’t tease me for my choices in food. He and Duncan have kind of gathered that eating is difficult for me, and roll with what I want to eat.

“Thank you. I have to run into class now,” I tell them, starting to perk up.

I guess it’ll be nice to hang out with them. I’m still very much an introvert, and tend to keep to myself. The Kelly brothers at least won’t let me drift away.