Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

ADIRA

T he drive to the shelter is odd. It’s dark outside and the world is blanketed in snow. I’m still in socks, refusing any help to walk, despite the fact that I’m still very shaky and my feet are now wet.

Call me stubborn, but I don’t want to have to thank them for anything.

“I still don’t like the idea of you staying at the shelter,” Jed mutters.

“Funny, I don’t believe that I asked you,” I mumble. “I’m not asking for permission, or anything really.”

“Adira,” Morris rasps. At first I wonder if he’s already tired of my shit, because he sounds exhausted, until I realize he’s simply trying to get my attention. “We saw no other way, but we didn’t try very hard to either. We failed you in this. You can do whatever you want, just think about the consequences, okay? These are strangers.”

“So are you. Just because you’ve had your dick inside of me doesn’t mean much,” I tell him.

Harsh? Maybe. But I feel raw in so many ways. I want to curl up into a ball and sob. However, I can’t because I’m getting a chance to start over. Away from the mafia bullshit of my father and even these men.

Just because I’m tied to them biologically doesn’t mean I have to like it.

“Jesus, you’re fucking killing me,” he mutters. “There’s no way I’ll ever be able to explain to you how out of control things went. I had my blinders on, telling myself this was the only way to make sure you were safe.”

“Yes, I’m sure this all makes sense to you, but this is my body, and I take issue with it,” I growl. “The amount of fluid… ah.”

Shuddering, I gag as I remember it.

“I can’t,” I whisper. “I’ll die if I think about it.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have a weapon on you,” Kane says worriedly, turning toward me. He’s sitting next to me, and I’m stuck in between the two brothers. “I feel like you’re one memory away from doing something really fucking stupid.”

“You really think that after everything I just survived that I would kill myself?” I ask. “I know my life isn’t the only one that’s on the line. Your brother will probably be dragged down too.”

“It may be better than feeling what I feel,” Damon grunts. “When you were thinking just now, next to me, I could see the flashbacks. Adira, I can’t even imagine. I could fucking feel the tearing, and God... I just don’t know how we’ll ever be able to apologize enough.”

“He didn’t know what was planned,” Kane states. “I swear it, little rabbit. He took a pill so he wouldn’t show everyone how much it hurt him to watch everything. Even then, he almost stormed up the stairs of the stage before Jed punched him in the face.”

“So I’m not the only one to receive ill treatment. This is how you treat your family members as well. Fantastic,” I mutter. “I’m so glad to see there’s no prejudice for this.”

“That’s not what was meant, brat,” Jed grunts. “You two are tied in an inexplicable way, and because of this I was afraid he’d leak details. This only worked if you trusted us.”

“You’re not helping your case,” I sigh. “Imagine things from my point of view. Morris pretended to be nice to me for weeks and then presented me with the choice of a pill, or a syringe that would feel like fire going in. Either way, I would be rendered unconscious. How the fuck am I supposed to make that choice?”

“Both are fucked,” Kane agrees. “We couldn’t be around you anymore, knowing what was going to happen. The guilt was eating us alive, knowing that we were going to give you to the auctions.”

“All I’m hearing is that you knew it was wrong and you still decided to go through with it,” I mutter as Morris comes to a stop on what appears to be a deserted street. “Where are we?”

“Do you see the blue door under the spotlight?” Morris asks. “Apparently, the light only turns on at night to show that they are taking new residents. That’s Omega’s Haven.”

“ This is where you said you wanted to go,” Jed says. “Did you change your mind?”

“No,” I say, a sliver of fear sliding through my veins. It’s interesting how the unknown can have you shivering in your socks, while there are killers in the vehicle with you. They’re the danger, not a shelter. Still, I’m scared to get out of the car.

I can’t let a little fear keep me from doing what’s right for me though. Unlike the alphas and beta in the SUV with me. Taking a deep breath, their combined scents hit me hard, reminding me of what I’m giving up.

They may have pretty words, but they’re not doing me any favors by continuing to live under their father’s thumb.

What will happen the next time that their father snaps?

I can't even allow myself to imagine.

“Let me out, boys,” I say, forcing steel into my tone.

Damon opens the door, sliding out as his eyes stay on me. I ignore them all, their intensity making me want to whine. I can’t allow myself to focus on their scents, or anything about them that will make me hesitate. I need to push forward.

Being my father’s princess made me used to living inside of a prison. A cage is always a cage, no matter how pretty it is. The same is true for these men. They want to wrap me up in wool, but it’s a lie.

They’re still willing to hurt me.

Shivering as the night air fills the car, I slide out of the vehicle, my feet hitting the pavement as I hiss.

“You’re not wearing proper shoes,” Damon growls.

“It hasn’t stopped me before,” I remind him. “I need to be as far away from you as possible.”

“Don’t get used to it,” he grunts. “I can’t live without you. It sounds toxic as fuck, but I mean it. No matter how far away, I’ll still be inside of you. What if you have a nightmare?”

“Then I guess you’ll have it with me,” I sigh. “The entire reason this shelter exists is to be away from alphas and their damn influence.”

Morris opens Jed’s window, leaning forward as I begin to walk.

“Adira. There are healthy packs out there,” he says softly. “The power dynamic can be balanced, and not everything is about control and using it to hurt their omega. I don’t want you to think this is why scent matches exist. It’s not. We weren’t ready for you to come into our lives. Believe that we want to prove to you that we can be.”

“I don’t think I can believe any of your pretty words,” I tell him before I’m moving in front of the SUV and crossing the street.

My hands are shaking as I wrap my arms around myself, my hair whipping around me from the vicious wind. Fuck, winter is the worst.

Gazing at the door, I wonder if they’ll open it. Will they wonder if it’s safe? I wouldn’t blame them if they refuse me. Maybe I’ll just sit outside until the sun comes up. I’m sure I’ll be a frozen popsicle by then, but I’ll still be free.

Now that I know how gilded my prison was, I don’t want to take the easy way in anything. There’s always a price for it.

I’m not sure if I’m prepared to pay.

Raising my hand, I knock on the door before wrapping my arms around myself for warmth that doesn’t seem to want to come. The door seems to take forever to open, and I hear the SUV door open behind me.

“Little omega,” Jed yells. “They’re not going to open. Come back here.”

“No!” I yell back, breathing hard. “Please open, please.”

Tears feel as if they’re freezing just as quickly as they well up in my eyes, and I blink rapidly to clear my vision. Shuddering as I stare at the door, I stand by the wall and lean against it, prepared to slide down it to wait until sunrise.

“ Knock again ,” a whisper slips through my mind. Damon.

Forcing myself to breathe evenly, I nod, turning to knock hard on the door.

“Hello!” I call out. “Please help me!”

I don’t know if there are hotlines or proper channels to follow for admittance. I’m probably doing this all wrong and I’ll be forced into going back with Pack Dresmond. I understand the thin veil of choice that they’re giving me.

If the shelter doesn’t open up, Jed will probably stomp over here and drag me back to the vehicle.

My chest is heaving with anxiety, and I’m struggling not to become a hysterical mess. I don’t want to be turned away because I can’t make sense either. I’m also struggling with thoughts of danger.

Cities aren’t safe for omegas. It was an hour drive here from Pack Kelly’s home without any traffic. I don’t know how close this is to the auctions, my sense of direction thoroughly messed up by this point.

“Hello?” the door opens finally, and I swallow back a sob in relief. The SUV doors slam shut and they drive off into the night, making me glance back as they go around the corner.

“What’s going on?”

“Can you help me?” I ask, sniffling.

The cheery glow inside feels odd as I stand in the dark street. A woman with blonde hair piled at the top of her head and bright blue eyes gazes at me in surprise.

“Oh of course. I’m sorry,” she says. “It’s just, we’ve never had anyone knock on the door this late at night. I should have expected it to happen at some point. Anyway, I’m rambling. Please come in.”

Walking inside, I wince at the carpet and my very wet socks. I’m sure I’m tracking in the melting snow.

“Can I ask you who was in the SUV?” she asks, shutting the door. “Is that how you got here?”

“That’s a very loaded question,” I sigh, watching as she locks the door and gestures for me to sit in front of one of the desks. There’s a living room area here, various rooms, and it feels nice.

I don’t know how to explain it, but the bright colors and the energy feels hopeful.

“Okay. Let’s try a different one,” she says easily. “My name is Aurelia, and I’m the manager on duty tonight. The nights are usually filled with calls and can be quiet. You’re livening up my night. Come sit with me.”

Walking to a desk, I sit in one of the chairs in front of it, watching as she sits across from me. Opening a door to a cabinet behind her, she pulls out a pair of wooly socks and hands them to me.

“I’m prepared,” she says at my wide eyes. “We see a lot here. You’re not going to surprise me. I’m just trying to figure out if the people in that SUV are going to come back and if they're a danger to the people I’m responsible for.”

Taking the socks from her, I pull off the sodden ones that I’m wearing and put them aside to replace them with the warm ones.

“No, they’re only a danger to me and my heart,” I mutter. “They wanted me to stay with them, but I can’t do that. I’d rather die.”

“Are you a danger to yourself?” Aurelia asks curiously.

Thinking about it, I realize that I surprisingly want to live. I feel like shit, but I don’t want to die.

“Not today,” I say honestly with a shrug.

“Okay,” she says with a nod. “Let’s start with something easy. What’s your name?”

“Adira Firestone,” I state, surprised when her head tilts in recognition.

“I know that name,” she murmurs. “Will there be any mafia related trouble coming this way? We can protect you, that’s not a worry. I just like to make sure that we are ready if there is.”

Who are these people?

“Ah, my father is dead,” I state. “The men in the SUV tortured and killed him and then kidnapped me and blew up my family home.”

“I’m so sorry,” she says, eyes wide. “They just let you go?”

“They fucked up,” I mutter. “Their father wants to make me pay for the sins of my dad. I don’t know what they are, but I think he enjoys making me hurt.”

“Do you need medical attention?” she asks worriedly, looking for blood but finding none.

“No,” I say. “I’m fine.”

“Those are the words of an omega who is in fact not fine,” Aurelia murmurs. “I want to help you, but I need some information so that I know how.”

“It’s difficult telling a stranger about what’s happened the last three weeks,” I tell her. “You seem like a nice girl, I don’t want to be responsible for your nightmares. I may need an STD test and to make sure my gunshot wound doesn’t get infected. I was told a few days ago that it looked fine.”

Aurelia leans back as she lets that information wash over her. “Fuck,” she whispers. “Sorry, that’s not very professional. Can you tell me who the men were in the SUV?”

“Pack Dresmond,” I reply. “They’re not going to hurt anyone here. I think their guilt is the only reason they let me go at all.”

Aurelia makes a couple of notes in the computer and then takes a deep breath.

“One more question, and then I have a call to make and I’ll show you to a room. Does any of this have to do with the auctions?” she asks.

“Yes,” I state, shuddering as I think about what it was like to be on that stage. A ragged breath tears through me as I swallow hard. I don’t want to get sick or lose my mind in front of this girl.

“Okay,” she says with a nod. “I’m not going to make you go through that with me. Give me just a second.”

Picking up her cell phone, she makes a call, and I wonder who she plans to speak to. The police? Yeah, I don’t think they much care about a mafia daughter caught in the middle of a vendetta she has nothing to do with.

“Aiden? Hey, it’s Aurelia,” she murmurs. “I’m calling you because I don’t want to wake up Aisling if I don’t have to. There’s not an issue per se...”

She listens to the person on the other side of the line with a nod, rolling her eyes.

“I have an omega here who knocked on the door. She’s connected to the families,” she says without explaining.

My lips part as I begin to guess at why she recognized my name.

“Names are Dresmond and Firestone,” Aurelia continues.

She’s quiet for a moment before she nods.

“Yes, she mentioned that someone blew up her house,” she murmurs. A short silence has her shaking her head, giving me the beginning stirrings of anxiety. I wish I could hear the other end of the conversation.

Who is Aiden?

“Don’t wake up Aisling, man. Come on. I’ll talk to her when she comes in tomorrow before I leave. Yes, I know she’ll probably start her day earlier because of this. Someone will just have to make sure she doesn’t overdo it, won’t they cousin?”

Aurelia hangs up a moment later, turning back to me. “My cousin is engaged to the co-founder of Omega’s Haven ,” she explains. “I moved back to Minneapolis about eight months ago, so the mafia gossip isn’t something I stay up to date on. Aisling is going to want to talk to you tomorrow, maybe go a bit more in depth about what happened, so that she can make sure you get the help you need.”

“What kind of help?” I ask cautiously. “I don’t know much about this place, I decided this was better than staying with Pack Dresmond on a whim.”

There’s a lot that I’m not telling her. It’s been a lot to process for me, information dumping doesn’t seem right. I’m sure I’ll be too graphic and traumatize the poor girl. She seems too nice to be tied up in the “mafia gossip” as she called it.

“Ah,” Aurelia says with a nod. “We’re an outreach and shelter that serves the omega community, both women and men. We take families and kids, as well as single omegas, to help them rebuild their lives, or simply offer a little help. We have computers for job opportunities, a small daycare, group therapy, knitting circles, law services, and individual therapy as well. There’s a lot that we offer.”

“Therapy?” I ask dully. I can’t imagine reliving what I went through continually by talking about it.

“Yes,” she says with a nod. “It’s not mandatory, but sometimes it helps to talk. We also have rooms for omegas who are riding our their heats as well, and there’s a service for people who need alphas with knots to help.”

“Umm, really?” I ask. “You offer alphas… My experience with them doesn’t allow me to think of them as philanthropic with their dicks.”

Aurelia snorts as she shrugs. “Aisling and Wren, the co-founders, worked with the university in the city to make it happen. It’s a host club and they need community service hours. I promise it works. Sometimes toys don’t cut it, and we don’t judge. Biology isn’t the easiest to get along with. We simply make it easier.”

Remembering my heat and the way I was begging for a knot, I nod.

“I understand,” I say. “Sometimes, it’s not enough. I can appreciate that this is available. Ugh, I didn’t think about my heat.”

“When was your last one?” Aurelia asks.

“Three weeks ago,” I grumble. “Does being underweight affect it at all? I just had my first one during that time too.”

“Okay,” she says with a nod. She doesn’t ask questions, because I’m sure that there are many reasons why omegas have their first heat delayed.

Unfortunately, I doubt many are because their fathers were manipulating them the way mine was.

“Well, there are options for you,” Aurelia explains. “Being underweight can delay your heat as well. If that’s what’s happening, you may not have it. However, it’s good to have a plan.”

“If I’m bonded to someone, that’ll make things more complicated,” I state, almost a hypothetical that’s not a question. Aurelia doesn’t blink as she nods slowly.

“It would, yes,” she says. “Is that the situation? Toys may be helpful, but it’s going to suck without them.”

“Things are fucked all the way around with the pack,” I mutter. “How can you trust someone with your body when you’re the most vulnerable after they’ve hurt you?”

“That’s something only you can answer,” Aurelia murmurs. “Let me get you some clothing for tomorrow from the community closet and a bag with necessities. If you need anything else, just ask.”

“How much does all of this cost?” I ask, suddenly worried. Nothing is free in life.

“Nothing,” she says fiercely. “Sometimes, you need a little help, and when you’re on your feet, you pay it forward if you can. That’s it. We refuse to charge for any of our services.”

“But why?” I breathe, struggling to get my head wrapped around this.

“The founders had an incredibly difficult life,” she explains. “They wanted to ensure there were services available for others going through life’s challenges. It’s not easy to be an omega. The world is a dangerous place. Not only that, but there aren’t many shelters who will take an omega.”

“Why?” I ask, confused. “We’re not dangerous, at least not most of us.”

“It’s because of our pheromones. A lot of shelters have the mentality that they'll cause a dangerous situation, since there are alphas who stay there,” she explains.

While I can see the problem, I hate that this is the way that it’s handled. Omega’s Haven is definitely needed.

I may have lived my entire life with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I can understand how unbalanced the world is for omegas. It’s one of the reasons I was never allowed to leave the house.

There are more, but I don’t want to dwell on them.

“Let’s go,” she says gently, prompting me to stand with her.

I have so many thoughts raging in my mind, thinking about the auctions and how easy it is for them to pick someone off the street and for them to never be heard from again. Pack Kelly’s best friend being one of them. She was so young, kidnapped while on what was supposed to be a fun day with her friends.

“I kind of hate this life,” I mutter as I follow her toward a hallway at the back of the room.

“It isn’t all awful,” Aurelia says. “We’re going to show you that. We also offer self defense classes as well that you may find helpful. There’s so much more that Aisling will go over. I would do it, but you look a little over tonight.”

“I swear, it feels as if I’m just waking up, but the nightmare won’t end,” I sigh. “God, that sounds so dramatic. I’m sure there are people who are living through worse.”

“Your trauma isn’t any less than anyone else’s,” she says immediately. “It’s just something I hear a lot here, and it’s true. I don't know all the details, but your eyes look haunted. I’m sorry I took so long to open the door. I went to the bathroom.”

I can only imagine what it’s like to be here so late, and the only one here. It’s so quiet, the shadows growing longer as we walk through several hallways.

“The building is a warehouse the founders built out into a working space. The outreach center is at the front, and during the day there are beta guards there, patrolling the building. They don’t come inside,” she says quickly. “We are careful about what scents are brought inside. We have a few beta attorneys that will set up in the outreach offices a few days a week, but we always let everyone know if we are admitting men into our offices.”

“I can appreciate that,” I tell her. “Men are probably going to make me a little uncomfortable for a while, but I also know not everyone is out to hurt me.”

“You’re a little more aware than others,” she says. “Fear can be all consuming, and makes it difficult to think outside of that. We understand that and attempt to also keep alpha scents out of our spaces. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t occasionally happen. One of Aisling’s mates will pick up a shift here and there to help with law questions.”

“This space feels good,” I finally admit. “I know that sounds odd, but it’s easy to feel safe here.”

“You’re very sensitive to people and energy, then?” Aurelia asks, stopping to unlock a door.

When I nod, she continues to open it, ushering me through it. “This is the shelter area. It’s kept locked in case we ever have a breach. It’s always a concern, even with everything that we have in place. There are also cameras outside of Omega’s Haven, so I was able to see that you were outside, as well as the SUV in the road.”

“It somehow helps, knowing there are things in place to keep everyone safe,” I murmur as I wait for Aurelia to close the door behind herself.

Walking deeper into the building, she turns on a light that I see is the kitchen. Opening a door to a closet filled with clothes, she glances at me and pulls out a few things.

“Tomorrow, we’re going to get you properly set up,” Aurelia promises.

“It feels like more than enough,” I murmur. “Are you all getting donations as well?”

“Yes,” she says with a nod. “Omegas are special and have trouble wearing clothes that have been worn by someone else, so everything is inspected and washed appropriately. Our detergent is lightly scented, nothing that will be offensive.”

Remembering the clothing I’m wearing now, and how careful the Kelly brothers were to make sure that I wasn’t triggered by a scent, I can appreciate the care they’re taking. Aurelia hands me a pair of jeans, a pack of new underwear and bra, several long-sleeved shirts, and a towel.

“There’s another closet with a bag of welcome products,” she explains. “We’ll go there and then find your room. All of the rooms are single unless it’s a family staying together.”

“Oh,” I say, eyes wide. “That’s so generous.”

I didn’t even think about sharing a room with anyone, but I still would have managed. This place is a gift.

“It’s necessary,” Aurelia says with a soft smile.

Huh, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to smile so easily. It feels as if it’ll be many moments away from this time, because smiling doesn’t feel natural or comfortable.

“So many omegas in one place need their own space,” she says. “Okay, just one more stop. Are you hungry at all?”

The very idea of food makes me hold back a disgusted look. I’m still full from earlier, and I’m lucky it’s staying put.

“No, I’m not, but thank you,” I murmur instead as I follow her around the corner. I catch glimpses of an open kitchen that flows into a living area.

It’s warm and airy, a feat that’s difficult to achieve in the dead of winter.

“Do you have a favorite color?” she asks, startling me.

My favorite colors seem to change with my mood, though it’s hard to say why. At this moment, green seems to be a safe choice.

“Green,” I tell her without airing my thoughts. They’re so chaotic, it would be difficult to imagine that she’d think me sane.

Glancing up at the tall ceilings, I wonder if the rooms are like this too. I may find myself sleeping in a closet if they are. I want to cocoon myself into a small space to sleep in. My omega tendencies are flaring strong right now.

“I can do that,” Aurelia says, pleased as she surveys the closet. A cloth green bag is sitting on the shelf, and she picks it up to hand it to me.

Glancing inside, my lips part in wonder. There is a knitted green blanket that’s incredibly soft to the touch, a bag full of bath and beauty products, as well as a toothbrush and toothpaste. My eyes are filling with tears so I can’t manage to see anything else and attempt to blink them away.

“There are women at the shelter who come and go, but they’re part of a knitting circle,” she explains, shutting the door to the closet. “They donate the blankets they make to the shelter. Everything in the bag is yours to keep, as are the clothes. Knitting can be soothing, but there’s only so many blankets that you can use for yourself.”

Aurelia grins as she moves on down the hallway, her voice getting lower as we pass doorways that I expect have people inside.

“We have an experienced knitters circle as well as beginners,” she says. “You’re welcome to join or not. At least now you know where our blankets come from.”

There’s an overwhelming amount of generosity here. Tears slowly fall from my eyes as I think about how even in times of crisis, people find a way to be kind. It’s a powerful lesson for me. I could be this terrible, spiteful bitch because of what happened to me.

Or I could figure out a way to get through it.

“This is your room,” she says, opening the door and flicking on the light. The ceilings are much lower here, and the room is done in pretty green and gray paint. “There’s no real wake up time, though breakfast is served from seven in the morning until eleven. After that, you’re on your own until lunch. The house mom runs the shelter and is very nice.”

“When is Aisling coming?” I ask. I don’t ever want to make someone wait for me. There’s a little clock on a nightstand to help me be able to keep track of time, and the bed looks very inviting.

I just want to fall into it and pass out.

“She’ll be here early, but she has work to do until you’re ready to talk to her,” Aurelia says. “There’s a bathroom just down the hall, two doors down to be specific. Think you’ll need anything else?”

“No, but thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it,” I tell her. “I was prepared to be stubborn and sleep outside. I was not getting back in the car with them.”

Gazing at me with her green, sparkling eyes, she nods. “You look like someone who would be willing to take steps to make people listen and fuck them up if they won’t,” she murmurs. “I don’t know you yet, but I hope that you hold onto that spark inside of you. Make those men pay.”

“I’ll have to see them again for that to happen,” I mutter. “I doubt they’ll be gone for long. I hope they’re not any trouble.”

“We’ll figure it out,” she promises. “Good night.”

Nodding, I watch as she shuts the door behind herself. I’m alone now with my thoughts as I look around. There are no windows here which makes me feel safer, and it’s a small room with bare walls. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I’m sure I’ll find a way to make my mark on my room.

Putting the clothes inside of one of the drawers in the dresser against the wall, I close it as I approach the bed. Dumping out everything in the cloth bag, I begin to go through it. There’s a pair of soft pajamas inside that I missed when I looked the first time in a mossy green color, socks, a headband, and lotion as well.

Organizing everything because I know I’ll be unable to sleep until I do, I spread out the blanket and make sure the edges are perfect before changing into the soft pajamas. The air doesn’t feel stale despite there not being any windows, and instead everything smells amazing. It’s a light lilac scent that isn’t overpowering, and I wonder how they’re able to keep the rooms and air so clean. The temperature is also perfect.

Turning out the light, I slip underneath the blankets, feeling a small pulse of concern inside of me. I want desperately to ignore Damon, but he’s keeping me awake.

“You’re such a sucker,” I mutter, sending a pulse of reassurance back at him. This blinding sense of relief and calm flows through me the moment I do, making me whimper. It feels so good. There’s safety promised there, and I sob as I turn and hide my face.

I wish things were different. I can’t imagine any future where I end up with them right now, and as sleep pulls me under, I hold tightly to how good Damon feels.