Are We Clear? （29）

Unable to sleep, Ryan got out of his bed and went into his closet, closing the door behind him. He approached the safe, entered the combination, used his fingerprint for two-step verification, and reached inside for his vape pen before closing and locking it again.

His anxiety was currently beating his ass, and if he didn't know any better, he'd have sworn he was in the throes of a heart attack. The thumping in his chest almost unbearable, he tiptoed quietly out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room, where he opened the sliding glass doors and stepped onto the balcony. He was wearing only pajama pants, quickly regretting not having thrown on a sweatshirt when his nipples hardened and he got goosebumps.

It was about 3:00 a.m., and the darkness of this complex was one of the things he loved most about it. The only light outside was from the moon and its reflection as it rippled against the bay and it alone provided him with a little relief.

The few puffs of weed he proceeded to take provided him with the rest.

As he felt his heartbeat begin to return to normal, he leaned against the railing and replayed the night's events in his mind.

The feel of TK's lips against his, the sight of his boyfriend's cock in TK's mouth, the sounds of TK's whimpers as Ryan fucked into him repeatedly, the sight of TK's face defiled with both his and Hayes's cum.

Fuck.

His cock threatened to get hard again just thinking about it. The sound of his boyfriend sobbing, begging him to stop bringing up the mistake he'd made with TK.

Fuck.

Boner averted.

He was going to do better. Hayes deserved better. If Ryan said he was ready, if he claimed to forgive him, then he needed to nut up and own it. Constantly throwing it in his face was wrong, and he was going to make every single effort to make sure it never happened again.

And now that they'd shared TK, that Ryan had gotten what he'd wanted from him, it needed to stop. After this weekend, there could be no more sharing him. And it had nothing to do with Ryan being jealous of him and Hayes.

It had everything to do with the way something had leapt inside Ryan's chest when he'd pressed his lips to his after blowing all over his face.

The kid was a beautiful, highly addictive drug and Ryan was already fiending for his next hit.

And it wasn't like…

A light from inside the apartment immediately lit up the entire balcony, which snapped Ryan out of his thoughts. He stuffed the pen in his pocket and headed back inside, unable to see anything because of the reflection on all the glass.

When he got back into the living room, he saw the light was coming from the kitchen. He headed down the hallway to find a shirtless TK sitting on the floor next to the island, his arms wrapped around his knees and breathing wildly.

"Travis?" he asked, as he noticed the tears streaming down his face. "What's wrong?"

"It's…panic attacks. I…ever since I…stopped, I can't…I'm sorry," he choked out between breaths, then dropped his head into his arms.

Ryan lowered himself onto the floor next to him, wrapped one arm around his shoulder and the other underneath his bent legs. He lifted the young man onto his lap and spread his legs, leaning back against the island and letting TK's back fall against his chest. He reached his hands around TK, who gasped. "Sorry, they're cold. Hey, listen to me. I want you to breathe with me, OK? Listen," Ryan instructed, as he grabbed one of TK's hands, placing it on his chest, and grabbed the other, placing it on his stomach. "Deep breath. In for five, hold for five, out for five. Ready?"

Ryan led him through 10 deep breaths, feeling the hand on his stomach rise and fall, just the way Dr. Gephart had taught him. He also could feel that his heartbeat had slowed significantly and his breathing wasn't as labored. "How do you feel?"

TK let his head fall back onto Ryan's shoulder and exhaled. "Better. Thanks, baby."

Baby.

"Ty's been getting it, too. It's a side effect from the withdrawal. The buprenorphine and naloxone are supposed to help you wean. ‘Might experience mild anxiety', they tell you. Meanwhile, it feels like…" TK stopped, as his breath hitched. "You're being hit by a fucking freight train."

"Well, listen. Anxiety is kinda my specialty, so you're in good hands," Ryan told him, lifting a hand to his slightly damp hair and running his fingers through it.

"I bet I am, baby."

Before he realized what was happening, their tongues were flicking against each other wildly as TK straddled him, Ryan's hands cupping his ass. TK licked a path over to Ryan's ear, nipping gently at the lobe as Ryan's fingers found their way to his barbells and began twisting them. "Fuck me again, right here," TK whispered. "Bend me over this fucking island and make me your bitch."

"Travis," Ryan moaned, throwing his head back as TK started bouncing in his lap.

"Tell me you don't want to and I'll stop." TK's lips found Ryan's again and he traced them with his tongue. "Tell me no."

Ryan lifted his hips to meet TK's. "No," he whimpered. "Travis, no. We…can't." Ryan removed his fingers from the piercings, grabbed onto his hips, and lifted him off his lap, placing him onto the floor. "I can't. I love him. Sorry, but I can't." He looked down at the same time TK did and they both started chuckling at the fact that they were pitching tents like a couple of high schoolers on a bumpy morning bus ride.

"Hey?" Ryan said quietly, adjusting and tucking his wood. "It's not because I don't want to. Because I want to. I love him and it's wrong. If he's not involved, then it feels wrong. It is wrong."

"Congratulations," TK said, causing Ryan to raise an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

"Congratulations. You passed."

"I…what?"

"That was a test, Ryan Baylor. And you passed. Ty lives and dies for you, and I may not have known him very long, but I'll protect him at all costs. I wanted to see if you'd bite. You didn't. Nice job."

"OK, I…" Ryan shook his head in disbelief. "You…little shit."

"So I've been called, among other things."

"Travis, I…that's…"

"That's what?"

Ryan exhaled. "What if we'd…what if it'd gone further?"

"But it didn't. Because you love him and he loves you. And if the two of you don't get married soon, I'm gonna punch a hole through something." TK stood up, extending a hand to help pull Ryan to his feet. "You have any idea how lucky you are to have someone who cares about you that much? I've never…I've never known anything like that, baby. It's beautiful. Absolutely fucking beautiful."

"Never been in love?" Ryan inquired, crossing his arms and blinking a few times at just how unbelievably strange this all was.

"Oh, I've been in love. They've just, uh, never loved me back. Most people take what they want from me and bounce."

"I…understand that. Tyler's the first person I've ever…" He hesitated. "Truly been in love with."

"Couldn't have picked a better one."

"Are you in love with him, Travis?" Ryan blurted out, partially regretting it but partially desperate to know the truth.

"Nah," he said, shaking his head. "I love Ty. And it's kinda fun playing around with guys. Especially you two, holy shit. But I want a wife, kids, the whole lame-ass nine someday." He nodded. "Probably won't happen, but it's fun to think about."

"It'll…it's gonna happen, Travis. You're young. You just got sober, you're rich, you're hot. Have your fun and when the time is right, it'll happen."

"Yeah, we'll see," he said softly, yawning. "I'm gonna sack out on your couch, if you don't mind. That mattress keeps deflating and I'm pretty sure that's what triggered my panic attack."

Ryan paused. "No, you're not," he said, motioning for him to follow. "I have a Wyoming king. You can fit, like, six people in it. Come on."

"Yeah?" TK asked cautiously.

"Yeah."

"Alright, baby."

They went into the bedroom, Ryan closing the door behind them.

"Rook, I can't fuckin' sleep. Where'd you go, anyway?" Hayes called out from the dark, then lit up the room with his phone. "Teek? Is that you?"

He crawled into the bed and under the covers, lying on his back and sliding over next to Hayes, who immediately draped an arm across him. Ryan did the same, interlacing his fingers with his boyfriend's on TK's stomach.

The three of them were snoring within seconds.

???

"You're sure it's cool with them?" Hayes asked, as they pulled up to Brandon Ice Sports Forum for the Lightning's practice that Saturday. Ryan had gotten clearance from the coaches that Hayes and TK could skate with them, and Hayes was so excited he could hardly contain himself.

"Yeah, it's fine. There's extra gear available. I mean, it won't be perfect, but it's something."

"Ryan, this is amazing. Thank you so much, baby," TK said as they made their way through the parking lot and into the facility. They'd tried to get there a little early to avoid a huge crowd, but there were still a few people waiting around, so of course Ryan stopped to sign.

"Thanks, Ryan," one of the fans said. "Good to see you, Tyler and Travis. You guys doing OK?"

"Yeah, we're all good, baby," TK responded, signing for a couple fans.

"What are you guys doing in Tampa anyway? Thought you were injured?"

"Slowly working our way back up to it. Just out here to visit with Ryan for a few days, man. Figured we'd get in some ice time," Hayes replied, as they kept making their way through the crowd.

"Are all the rumors true about you guys? Did you guys really go to rehab for drugs?"

"Did you wreck a Lambo, TK? That's what they're saying."

"People are talking, guys. You can't hide from this shit forever."

"Hey: watch your mouth," Ryan warned. "There are kids here, man."

"Sorry. It's just…there are a lot of rumors flying around. People are saying all kinds of crazy stuff about you two."

"Let ‘em say what they want then, eh?" Hayes shot back.

They finally made their way to the end of the crowd and headed down the hallway toward the locker room.

"You guys OK?" Ryan asked, looking at both boys, who appeared to be shaken from all the attention.

TK nodded. "It's all part of the game, baby. I get it. Not like I haven't heard nasty rumors about myself since the day I was born."

Ryan turned toward Hayes, who didn't have as much experience in this field. Aside from his smart mouth, he'd managed to keep a pretty good public persona up to this point, but that all seemed to be falling apart. "You good, Hayes?"

"Yeah. It's…whatever. I just wanna get out on the ice," he said quietly. They entered the locker room, and Ryan introduced them both to the coaches and a few of the other guys who'd shown up early.

"Glad to have you, gentlemen," Mizrak told them, shaking both their hands. "Extra gear is in there when you're ready," he said, pointing to the equipment room off to the left.

"Baylor."

The sound of Koski's voice startled Ryan. It wasn't like he didn't know he was going to be there. It was just that, now that he had all these guys in the same room together, it was a little awkward to say the least.

"Hey. Um, Hayes, there's someone I want you to meet. This is…"

"I know who you are," Hayes responded coldly, extending his hand and shaking it with a kung fu death grip. "My boyfriend's told me all about you."

Koski pulled away, then looked over at Ryan. Immediately, and desperate to deflect the situation, he introduced Koski to TK. "Joss, this is Travis Kadin. TK."

"Hey," Koski extended his hand, scanning TK from head to toe. "Is nice to meet you,"

"You too. I think we've…played each other before, actually."

"Oh, shit. Yes, you were with Nashville. I remember now."

"Yeah, you leveled me pretty good last season. Had to leave the game and get stitches. And you knocked out my chomper." He pointed to his front tooth. "Veneer."

"Sorry about that."

"It's all good, baby."

Ryan and Hayes watched as the two of them prattled on together as if they were old friends, neither of them taking their eyes off the other one for even a second.

"I'm gonna go get geared up," Hayes said, nudging TK, but he didn't even acknowledge that he'd said anything and just kept talking to Koski. He shot Ryan a look that translated to "What the fuck?" to which Ryan shrugged his shoulders in response.

Once everyone had all their gear on, they hit the ice for some skating drills, TK and Hayes going to a different area of the ice than Koski and Ryan since they were forwards. Ryan watched the enormous smiles that crept over both their faces as they skated around and took shots on the goalie. They were so carefree, so in their element, so…happy. Ryan loved nothing more than to see it, and he hoped that this would be another step in the right direction for them, reminding them to stay sober so they never had to give this joy up again.

"They are excited to be here," Koski said, as he and Ryan took a water break, watching the two boys skating and passing, fitting in seamlessly with the other guys.

"Yep," Ryan said, his eyes glued to Hayes. He glanced briefly at Koski, whose eyes followed TK's every move.

"So, you are back together with Tyler Hayes then?"

"Yep."

"And I assume he knows about…us."

"Yep."

"That TK is…something, eh?"

"Yep."

"This is all you say to me now? Yep?"

Ryan squirted some water into his mouth. "I…sorry. It's just, I have a lot on my mind right now. They're both staying with me and…" Ryan stopped.

"Did you still want to hang out tonight? I mean, I could…you know, maybe keep that TK company if you wanna spend some time with your boyfriend."

There was no logical reason for Ryan to feel the jealousy he was feeling after that offer. "I think we could all keep each other company, if you catch my drift."

"Yeah? They're into it?"

Ryan nodded. "We, uh, we had fun last night."

Koski bit his bottom lip before squirting some water in his mouth. "You up for more?"

No.

Do not do this, Baylor.

Ignoring the voice inside his head, he tapped Koski's ass with his stick and said, "Abso-fucking-lutely," before skating off to join the next drill.

When the practice had ended, all the guys made their way back into the locker room, Ryan and Koski coming down the tunnel at the very end with the rest of the Lightning defense.

And that's when Ryan heard it.

"Who invited the fuckin' junkies?"

Before anyone had time to process what was happening, Ryan had his forward, Cristian Dube, pinned against the wall by his neck, Koski tugging him from behind and desperately trying to diffuse the situation.

"The fuck did you just say?" Ryan spat, tightening his grip on Dube's throat.

"Baylor, don't!" Koski warned, as Ryan shoved him away.

"Yo, Baylor. Calm down, eh?" Cal Ratcliffe, another of his fellow d-men, said as he grabbed him by his jersey and attempted to pull him away from Dube.

Ryan finally released his grip on Dube's neck and watched him smile smugly as he backed away from him. "Such a tough guy, Baylor," he taunted, throwing his stick to the ground, dropping his gloves, and putting his arms up. "I see your reputation has followed you here. Come on, you wanna go, you little bitch? Let's do this."

"Let's fucking go then." Ryan charged him, breaking away from both Koski and Ratcliffe's grip. He tackled Dube to the floor, pinned him to the ground, and pulled back his right arm before landing a punch directly on the side of his jaw. Dube's head flew to the side and blood splattered onto the floor, as Ryan was quickly seized by both Koski and Ratcliffe, with a couple of the other Lightning players coming between them to prevent further contact.

"Fuck you, Baylor! You suck anyway!" Dube yelled, as he was dragged away. Ryan broke away from his teammates and lunged once more at Dube, wrapping both hands around his neck and squeezing, sensing the fear in his eyes.

"You fuckin' talk about my boyfriend or my friend like that again and I'll have you praying for death, you piece of shit. Are we clear?"

Dube didn't say a word.

"Are we clear?" Ryan screamed in his face, cocking his fist back and preparing to punch him again.

"Enough, Rook!" Hayes came out of nowhere, grabbed his boyfriend by the arm, and yanked him backward. "Fuck him. He's not even worth it. Not even kinda worth it. Come on."

With nearly the entire team and coaching staff looking on, Ryan was led away from Dube by Koski, Ratcliffe, and Hayes. When they got off to the side, Hayes reached his arms out and let his boyfriend collapse into them, running his hands up and down his back as his face became hot with tears. "It's OK. I'm right here. I got you, baby."

"No one's gonna disrespect you like that, Hayes. Not on my watch. You've come…too fucking far."

"I get it, OK? But I brought this shit on myself. You don't need to fight my battles."

"I'll fight for you until the moment I take my last fucking breath."

"I know that, Rook."

The two pulled away from each other, as Koski and TK looked on. Ryan turned toward TK. "You too, Trav. No one's gonna talk about you like that. Not happening."

"I appreciate that, baby."

"Baylor?" Coach Cenzi called from the locker room. "A word. Now."

Ryan looked toward Hayes, who nodded. "You're no stranger to controversy. Rook, you've always been the guy who does what's right regardless of the consequences. That's one of so many things I love about you. Stick to your fuckin' guns, baby."

As Ryan walked away, Hayes turned toward Koski. He wanted to say thanks, but offered him a nod instead.

Baby steps.