Maury Povich Would Be Proud （26）

January 28

Day 12

"Here," Amara said, tossing the meatball sub from Wawa at Hayes, who sat with her at one of the picnic tables outside in the courtyard of Regency Recovery Home. "Just make sure they don't see the baggie of coke I hid inside!" She raised her voice on the second half of that sentence, Hayes smacking her.

"Yo, babe. You can't," he laughed, balling up a napkin and tossing it at her, "say shit like that in here."

She rolled her eyes. "I get it. They don't want people sneaking in drugs or alcohol. Understood. But they stopped just shy of a full-on cavity search on me. I feel like I need a shower."

"Tell me about it. Went shoppin' the other day and they took my fuckin' mouthwash from me," he complained, opening the sandwich, taking a bite, and closing his eyes. "Mmm. So fuckin' good," he mumbled with a full mouth. He peeked over the table to steal another glance at JT, who was peacefully asleep in his carrier on the bench next to his mom. "He needs to wake up soon. I need to hold him."

"Bite your tongue," she warned, taking a bite of the salad she'd bought herself. "I love my son, but I cherish every moment he's asleep. Though the colic seems to be settling down a bit. He doesn't scream for nearly as long or as loudly as he used to."

Amara had come up to see Hayes for dinner, him first having gotten approval from Annelle since the residents usually ate meals together and took turns cooking and cleaning up. He'd agreed to do double duty next week as a tradeoff, since tomorrow would be the first night he'd be spending with Ryan at his new apartment.

And he was shitting bricks just thinking about it.

They'd spoken the same day Hayes had texted him after finding the pictures online and then hooking up with TK in the arena bathroom. Ryan had assured him he'd only spent the night because they had an early flight and he needed to make sure he actually got some sleep.

"Yeah, right," Hayes had grumbled. "I'm sure you got lots of sleep in between rounds of suckin' on that blond bitch's cock."

"Actually, he's usually the one sucking my cock, if we're being honest," Ryan had shot back. "Look, I'm sorry you found those pictures. I'm even sorrier that apparently I have a stalker now, but whatever. It's not…there's nothing to be worried about, OK?"

"Do you love him?"Hayes had asked desperately.

"Fuck no," Ryan had immediately replied. "He's…a means to an end right now. Besides, we had a long talk on the plane ride. We're done hooking up. It's getting…way too complicated, but we're done. OK?"

"I jacked myself and TK off together on a locker room toilet at the rink today," Hayes had blurted out, immediately palming his face.

"Oh, OK then. Wow, Hayes. On a toilet, you say? That's…congratulations?"

"I fuckin' miss you, Rook. My heart is all but dead. I don't know what else to do."

"You could maybe try, I don't know, not jerking off the guy you cheated with on a toilet. That'd be a good start."

"I'm such an idiot."

They'd proceeded to chat like nothing had even happened and had agreed to meet up on Hayes's first permitted night away, having earned it after getting through his seven-day probation period. He'd opted to stay at the house Sunday through Thursday since he had practice every weekday, having chosen Fridays and Saturdays for his nights away.

The first of those nights being tomorrow.

"So, how are things with Ry?" Amara asked, putting the garbage from her salad into the plastic bag. "Have you seen him yet?"

"He came up to see me last week for a minute when he got back from his road trip. We ended up going out for a coffee, which very quickly turned into blowjobs in the back of the Range Rover." Hayes shrugged. "You know how we roll."

"That I do, Ty."

"I'm stayin' with him tomorrow night for the first time. I'm fuckin' terrified."

"Why's that?"

"Um, because it's…uh, it's probably not gonna be just the two of us."

She shot him a look. "What do you mean? Wait, does this have anything to do with his teammate? The hot guy with the boat?"

"Um, no. Fuck that guy."

"Then I'm not following."

"Well, we kinda agreed to, uh…don't judge me, OK? We agreed to invite…Teek."

"What?" she yelled, startling JT and causing him to let out the cutest whimper. "Sorry, baby boy. Tyler: why?"

He rested his head against the table, then lifted it up to look at her. "Because we…we kinda discovered that we like gettin' it on together with other guys and we both kinda wanna get it on with…him."

"Help my fuck, the two of you are gonna be the death of me! Is there anything I can say to talk you out of this, to convince you what a horrible fucking idea this is, Tyler? This is…that's the guy you cheated on him with. He's the reason you two broke up."

"No, he isn't," Hayes argued. "I'm the reason we broke up. Because I wasn't honest with him."

"How did this even…Ryan agreed to this? You mean to tell me Mr. Pissy Pants agreed to this?"

"Yeah. He wants him. Has for a while. And we've…me and him are into it. We fucked one of the Kings together back in December when we were out in Cali. It's…come on, don't look at me like that. We're both adults, Mar. You didn't have a problem gettin' double-stuffed, if I recall correctly." She shot him a death glare as he leaned over the table and looked at JT. "Sorry you had to hear that, little man."

"This is dangerous, Tyler. That's all I'm gonna say. Just be careful, OK? He…you know how he gets." She rolled her eyes. "You know how he gets."

"Oh, I know how he gets. And back to Teek: it's not like we're just having him over to hump him all weekend. Added bonus. Teek…needs me. He has no one, Mar. And I think Rook will like him once he gets to know him."

"Just…ugh, please be careful. This could get ugly."

Hayes, eager to change the subject, stood up, leaned over the table, and peeked at JT again. "Alright, enough. Wake his ass up. I need to hold that little boy."

"Fine. It's your funeral," she said, wiggling her hands underneath him and pulling him gently from the car carrier as he began releasing the most adorable, pissed off whimpers. Hayes practically ran to the other side of the table and sat on the bench next to her.

"You're gonna hold his head with your good shoulder…yep, just like that. Don't…yo, calm down," she instructed, as she heard his breathing quicken and watched his eyes widen. "You won't hurt him. Just…there you go, just like that."

She handed JT over to Hayes, who immediately began sobbing as he held the tiny baby boy in his arms against his chest. He couldn't take his eyes off him; he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Amara ran a hand up and down his back, then leaned her head onto his shoulder. "You OK?"

He nodded several times quickly as she reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Holy shit, Mar. You made a fuckin' baby!"

She laughed. "Yes, I did. And he must like you because by all logic, he should be screaming his head off right now. He really likes Ry, too."

"Kid knows what's up," he joked, before his eyes filled with tears and overflowed onto his cheeks again. "Fuck. I'm sorry."

"I know what you're thinking," she told him, running her hand up his back, stopping at his shoulder and squeezing. "And…it's not. He's not, Ty. I promise you."

"But what if he is?"

"He's not."

"How can you, like, know for sure though?" he asked quietly, lifting JT to his face and kissing him gently on the forehead.

"Because," she sighed, reaching into her bag and pulling out an envelope. "I had a paternity test done. JT is Jake's baby, Ty. The proof is," she waved the envelope around and put it onto the table in front of them, "right here."

Hayes just stared at it.

"It was…I always knew he wasn't yours, Ty, especially when I saw him. But I know you and I knew it had to be weighing on you, how you never knew your own dad, and I…I owed it to you. I fucking told Jake it was genetic testing to get the cheek swab.

"And I felt like shit lying to him, but you have a lot going on right now. I needed you to know so you didn't have to worry about this, too." She wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry I ever put you in this position. I should've been smarter with you."

"You didn't hold a gun to my head, Mar."

"It should've never, ever happened."

He shrugged, kissing JT again. "When the dick's good, the dick's good."

"Tyler!" She smacked his leg. "Jesus, between you and Ryan trying to fuck TK and my secret paternity test?" She shook her head. "Maury Povich would be proud."

"In the case of one-month-old JT DiMara: Tyler Hayes, you are not the father!"

"Wow, I'm surprised you actually caught that reference."

"You kiddin' me? Me and Rook used to watch that dumpster fire all the time. Springer, too. Love that shit."

"Of course you do. Anyway," she said, reaching over to take JT from him as he was beginning to fuss. "Grab a bottle and the warmer out of the diaper bag for me, please. Is there somewhere you can go heat it up?"

"I got you," he said, taking them out and standing up. "Hey? Just so you know: if those results had come back different, I'd have stepped up."

"I know you would've."

"And I'm gonna be there for him. Always. Someone's gotta teach him all the best curse words and where to find the good porn. I mean, our preferences will most likely be a little different." He winked at her and walked back into the building, where he plugged in the warmer, dipped into a nearby bathroom, locked the door, and proceeded to have a complete meltdown.

He'd just spoken to Dr. Ozbeck earlier this week about this very topic and how much it'd begun to eat him alive.

"You have to confront her, Hayes," he'd told him. "You might need to have her take a paternity test, at least to put your mind at ease. Carrying an uncertainty like this isn't going to aid you in your recovery. This could very easily trigger you to relapse, especially with how much it's bothering you. You need to talk to her."

And, as the universe had a funny way of doing sometimes, it'd managed to work itself out.

He splashed some water on his face, dried it off with some paper towels, and composed himself before leaving the bathroom to grab the bottle and the warmer. Before he headed back outside, he made a pit stop at his room to grab the orange whale and the blue penguin he'd crocheted for them.

As he rolled the little whale in between his fingers, he remembered how excited and nervous he'd been when crafting it, how he'd ensured every single stitch was perfect because it was potentially for his son.

Son.

Tyler Hayes stared at the little orange whale in his hand and struggled to understand how it was possible for him to be so relieved and so disappointed at the same time.

???

"Alright, one more round, then you're outta here. Baylor and Koski, we're gonna run you two on second line Sunday, see how you play together. We need to shake things up a bit." Ryan and Koski helped Coach Cenzi move the cluster of pucks to the neutral zone, right in front of the blue line. "Take one rim-in-corner and we'll call it a night."

As soon as Cenzi skated out of earshot, the two shot each other shit-eating grins.

"I'd say we play together pretty well," Koski said quietly, prompting Ryan to nudge him with his stick as they got in line behind the other four defensemen for the drill.

"Yeah, pretty sure our rim work is spot on, too," Ryan quipped.

"You're bad, Baylor. And I love it."

"Yeah, well, you bring it out…"

"Baylor, what the fuck, man? Pay attention!" Cenzi screamed, causing Ryan to scramble like an old school cartoon character toward the wall as he went in hard after the puck Coach dumped there, then carried it behind the net. Once there, he executed a reversal pass back up the wall to Koski, then went to take his place on the opposite side so they could work on both their forehand and backhand passing.

He'd been doing OK, but Tampa's defense as a whole left a lot to be desired. Ryan had always been more of an offensive minded d-man, but especially since coming to the NHL since the pace was much faster. He'd been making it a point to guard the blue line more like Mizrak had told him to and to use his size to his advantage, but he was still struggling with his passing. This was frustrating the shit out of his team when he'd end up icing the puck or dumping it instead of hitting his target.

It was a learning curve for sure, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't distracted by everything currently going on. Hayes and TK would be joining him at his apartment tomorrow night, and it was kind of freaking him out.

He had no idea what to expect, but he knew enough to make sure he locked up all the alcohol and his weed because the last thing he needed was to send those two into a relapse, especially considering the amazing progress Hayes had made.

The new apartment was coming along, as most of his furniture had been delivered earlier in the week, including his mattress, but the bed frame had just gotten there today and was currently in about six billion pieces.

"You're rich now. Just pay someone to put it together for you," Mar had told him earlier when they'd spoken on the phone.

"Um, fuck that. I'm 25 years old, healthy, and strong. I can put a bed frame together."

It took him about three minutes and seventeen seconds of attempting to read the poorly written directions to realize he was in way over his head.

She'd called to discuss his upcoming release date and some advertising campaign options. They'd gone the indie publishing route, having chosen to put the book on Kindle Unlimited to see how it would be received. Ryan was fine with it, considering it was never about the money for him; he just wanted to tell his story and hopefully have it help someone.

There was a lot of buzz about it on the internet, too. Ryan hadn't been the first NHL player to come out as gay, but he was one of very few. And he knew there were more, way more, but a lot of them didn't feel comfortable coming out yet.

Hockey culture was a very real thing.

And truth be told, he'd never really come out, him or Hayes. He understood what a critical moment it was for a lot of people, but he'd chosen to approach things his way. If someone would ask if he had a girlfriend, he would tell them about his boyfriend, Tyler Hayes…well, back when he was his boyfriend. Hayes and Ryan had spent a ton of time discussing how to handle this and both were in agreement.

"We love who we fuckin' love, Rook. I'm not hidin' it. I'm proud to be your man. And if someone's got a problem with that? Fuck ‘em. They can suck my fuckin' dick."

Tyler Hayes, the man who exclusively used Pride Tape on his sticks.

Because fuck ‘em.

Tyler Hayes, the man who pulled absolutely no punches.

God, did he miss that cocky little shithead.

As Ryan made his way back into the locker room for a post-practice shower, he started to feel a bit of anxiety coming on. It'd begun to manifest differently recently; the panic attacks had almost completely stopped, but he'd begun to experience chest pains and heart fluttering instead. He couldn't vape when he was playing; he was already slow enough. Dr. Gephart had gone over some deep breathing and meditation exercises that he could do and for the most part, they'd seemed to work.

He stood at his stall after removing almost all his gear, eyes closed, with one hand on his stomach and the other on his chest. Inhaling a deep breath, he felt the hand on his stomach move as his diaphragm expanded, then exhaled slowly through pursed lips. Most of the guys knew about his anxiety and would leave him alone when they caught him going through one of his exercises.

There was one, though, who always seemed to be watching.

As Ryan exhaled his tenth breath, he turned to find Koski right there next to him, staring intently. "You are OK?" he asked softly.

Ryan nodded. "I'm OK."

"Good. So," he said, looking around to make sure they were alone, then leaning in close. Only the defense was left, since they'd had an extended practice, and all of the other guys were already showering. "If I help you put together this bed frame, do I get to test it out? I mean, durability is important to me."

He slipped his fingers into Ryan's hip pads and pulled him toward him. As he leaned in for a kiss, Ryan smiled uncomfortably and turned his head to the side, causing Koski to let go. "What I do wrong?"

"It's…Joss. Nothing. You've done nothing wrong. It's just…didn't we agree to stop this?"

"Did we?" Koski asked shyly, running a hand across Ryan's chest. "I don't remember."

"Hey, I can't…this? I don't think I can…" Ryan paused, taking note of the confusion that washed over his teammate's face. He closed his eyes. "I'm starting to like you. A lot. OK?"

"I fail to see problem with this," he told Ryan. "I like you a lot, too."

"But I'm in love with Tyler. He has…my entire heart."

Koski shrugged. "Is not your heart I'm after, Baylor."

OK. Gut punch.

"We have fun together, no?" Koski asked.

"We do."

"Then why stop?"

"Because…"

Koski ran a hand through Ryan's sweaty hair and tugged his face forward until their noses were touching. "I'm addicted to fucking you," he breathed against Ryan's lips. "No one has ever made me cum so hard. No one."

"Fuck,"Ryan whispered.

"I will be your side whore, your dirty secret, I don't care. I'll share you with whoever. Doesn't bother me," he said, biting Ryan's bottom lip lightly, then sucking it into his mouth. "But I don't wanna stop."

"Joss," Ryan said desperately, before giving in and kissing him back for a few seconds before Koski pulled away.

"Ryan, even though you're in recovery, you're still very much a sex addict."

Yeah. the "in recovery" part of that?

Debatable.

Koski reached down and held his hand lightly. "Yes, Baylor?"

"What, um…what are you doing Saturday night?"

"Hopefully you."