7. Ash

CHAPTER 7

ASH

Sex with Jay wasn't how I'd imagined it to be. I was supposed to savor the moment, sear it into my memories for me to look back on fondly when this was all over. Instead, I'd come embarrassingly quick, like a rabbit in heat. And maybe it was the heat of it all that got to my head—despite it still being a mild Austin January.

Ten minutes later, we'd cleaned up and sat silently beside each other on his kitchen bar stools. The chilling silence in the aftermath of it all did the trick of cooling down the heat that went to my brain, making me wonder if this had been a mistake after all.

Jay was quiet, looking so deep in thought that I didn't want to disturb him. It didn't matter that I was dying to know his thoughts about what had just happened. Was I the only one who'd enjoyed myself?

Thankfully, I wasn't the one who broke the silence. Jay turned to me, a casual smile on his face, and said, "Now, how about that dinner?"

It took me a second to comprehend the words that seemingly came out of nowhere, but then I remembered the initial reason I'd come over to his place.

Food and a chat.

Neither of those things had happened unless you counted talking with our bodies—which, in my opinion, that talk had spoken volumes and had clarified a number of things for me.

For one thing, Howie had a point about being too wound up. Yoga helped clear my mind, but coming inside Jay? Now that released all the knots I hadn't even known I had until I felt like pure, blissful jelly. It would have been perfect if only I could stop these new contemplations that now swirled in my head.

Like the pro I was, I ignored those thoughts and forced a smile to match Jay's. "Food sounds great. Should we order takeout?"

He gasped dramatically and placed a hand over his heart. "My, Ashy, are you saying you don't want my homemade food?"

"I would never!" I said with an equal amount of dramatics that quickly turned into seriousness. "Just don't want you to go through the trouble."

"No trouble at all. It'll be quick and simple. And you can bet your ass that you'll be recruited to help," he said, shooting me a wink as he got off the stool and walked around the kitchen island to the fridge.

I followed him and noticed the Golden Retriever apron that had been discarded on the floor from earlier. I picked it up, feeling the heat creep back up my neck at memories of what had just happened on the kitchen island not too long ago. Then an image of Jay wearing this apron with nothing but his birthday suit underneath had me feeling scorching hot. Long legs that went on for miles and pink nipples that would peek out from underneath the yellow fabric. He would look like a dream.

Jay glanced back and smirked when he caught me holding the offending object. He took one look at my face and his smile grew wider, as if he knew exactly the thoughts that were going through my head. "Go ahead and toss that in the laundry closet over here. And get the disinfectant wipes while you're there, will you? Unless you wanna chop vegetables where my naked ass has touched."

Hell, I'd eat vegetables off his naked ass if he'd let me. Of course, I didn't voice that thought and went to complete the task he'd given. We were silent again as we prepped the food, but this time, the quietness didn't feel heavy. It was more companionable, relaxed in a way that didn't garner a need to fill the moment with words.

Once we had the tacos assembled, we took them back to the bar stools. "So catch me up on Ashley Sanders' life since graduating high school," Jay said, taking a bite of the beef taco. Juice from the meat trickled down his chin, and it took just about everything in me to stop myself from licking it clean for him.

"Same ‘ol grind. Living and breathing football, except on a whole other crazy scale," I said, tearing my eyes off the sexy man to focus on my own food.

Jay chuckled. "Ain't that the truth? I wasn't kidding when I said you looked killer on the big screen."

"I still can't get over the fact that you actually watch me," I said, then immediately grimaced. "I guess that means you witnessed our god awful play last season and how much I fumbled."

He put his food down and turned to me. "Hey, if that's what people are saying to you, don't listen to those dumb fucks. You kicked ass out there; there is no doubt about that. There's a whole ton of factors that went into the Troopers not making the playoffs, and sure, maybe some things could have gone better, but the blame does not rest solely on your shoulders."

He wasn't saying anything that I hadn't heard already. It was the same thing Coach and Addy had beenparroting when team morale had been down after our epic loss, but when it came from Jay? It was different, somehow. The way he focused on me, brows furrowed and blue eyes determined to drill that statement into my head, I practically had no choice but to believe him.

"Yeah," I said with a soft smile. It was more of an acknowledgement that hearing him say that helped, because no matter what anyone said, I knew my game was off. It had been off for the entire season, and I didn't know what had changed or how to get back on track .

What I did know was that I had until the start of the new season to figure my shit out if I had any hope of renewing my contract. But that was something I wasn't going to worry about now, not when I wanted my entire focus on the man in front of me.

Jay might think my crush on him would end with a little sex, but it had done the exact opposite. There was something between us I didn't want to ignore. And if he thought it would complicate things in our lives too much, then I'd just have to prove to him that it wouldn't.

"So, what about you? What have you been up to before becoming Mr. Big Important Studio Boss?"

"BISB, for short?" he teased, catching my reference to the nickname he'd called me the first time I'd entered his studio. It had only been a few days since then, but it felt like so much had changed starting from the phone call I made to Howie to vent.

"I'm sure Howie's told you, but I stayed in Houston after graduating and got my yoga certification. Actually, Sam took the course with me, and we somehow both ended up becoming yoga instructors," he continued. There was a far-off expression on his face, as if he was reminiscing about the good ol' days.

Once again, that green little monster reared its head at how much of his life had passed without me in it. Sure, I hadn't made much effort to reach out to him either, but I blamed being busy with training. I worked my ass off to get the starting position as the Troopers' left tackle, which hadn't left much time to ponder a crush from the past.

Except, that crush hadn't stayed in my past, and that was what I was blaming this childish jealousy on.

"Seems like you and Sam are close. I heard he moved to Austin to help you with the studio," I grumbled into my food. Normal friends didn't just move to another city for each other.

"Sure, we're close," he said. I tried to use the taco to block the scowl that had deepened on my lips, but by Jay's sudden chuckle, I assumed it hadn't worked. "We're close like you and Howie are, I'd say. He's like the queer brother I never had. You know you're pretty darn cute when you scowl like that."

"I am not!" I sputtered, which only caused him to laugh harder. The last time I'd been called cute was probably in kindergarten when I'd proposed to my teacher one day after class. I didn't remember much about it except the fact that my teacher had been a man, but my parents hadn't let me forget. They thought it was hilarious. They hadn't been surprised when I told them I liked both boys and girls in seventh grade.

But as an adult, cute was not a word I'd use to describe my six-foot-five self. I doubt any football player was called cute.

When he'd finally had enough of laughing at my expense, I asked him about his journey of opening the studio. He said it was a more recent dream he had after falling in love with teaching yoga. He and Sam had talked about it being a joint venture. He had been very ecstatic about helping Jay get the studio off the ground, but Sam had always planned on moving back to Kither Springs—his hometown—so he couldn't make any long-term plans in Austin, which was also the reason he'd found a place that had rented month-to-month. Apparently, Sam had insisted on living alone, which I was very grateful for since I was able to have Jay all for myself tonight.

After dinner had been consumed and cleaned up, we'd moved to the couch to do more catching up over some beers. We traded stories of silly shit we'd gotten into these past few years. He told me how he and Sam would sneak into the college buildings at night and leave a small toy turtle in the middle of the room just to prove that they could.

I talked about the time last year when Howie and I had left scratch marks on the giant tree in the yard of their childhood house, because we thought it was the perfect target to test our knife throwing skills. We'd been stupid and drunk, and thankfully the others had stopped us before things had gotten too out of hand. It was a good thing there hadn't been any kids at that party, too.

"I wish I'd been there to see that," he said and took another swig of his beer.

I studied him, then blurted out the question that had been nagging at me ever since he'd come back into my life. "Why haven't you come to any of the parties your family throws? They have one practically every month. Is it…because you've been avoiding me?"

His eyes widened at the question, and I instantly felt silly for having asked the question in the first place.

"God, no!" he quickly replied. "I wouldn't avoid you like that, Ash. I hope you know that."

We stared at each other in silence for a second, but I could see that we both relaxed. I hadn't known how much that question had plagued me until he reassured me.

He sighed and sank into the couch. "Sure, I came back for the holidays, but I never stayed long. I guess I thought if I was here too much, I'd end up back in Austin without ever having seen the world." He let out a self-depreciating chuckle. "It's pretty ironic, considering that's exactly how it turned out. Me back in my hometown, and still having never been outside Texas. But when I thought about opening up my own studio, I couldn't imagine any other place to do it besides here, you know?"

"This place is your home, but that doesn't mean you'll never travel. Hell, we should just do it! Go on a road trip! We can head west, then up through California before heading east again. We'll tackle the fifty states first before taking on the whole world!" I said, feeling more enthusiastic about this than I'd felt for anything in a while.

Jay watched me for a second, his lips curved up as he said, "You're serious."

"As a heart attack. "

"Don't you have off-season training? And I still need to get my studio stabilized." He laughed and playfully flicked my forehead.

I grabbed his hand before he could take it back and looked him straight in the eye as I said, "Next year, then."

Who knew what would happen in a year from now, but I was completely serious about taking him to see the world. He'd been talking about it since we were teens, and while I may not know why he hadn't traveled during college or the years after, I was determined to help him check this goal off his bucket list.

He didn't say anything to my comment, and his lack of reply had me thinking I'd been too forward, and that my forwardness would only push him away. The room was so silent. I swore he could hear how loud my heart was beating in anticipation. The only thing that kept me from bolting out of the room were his brilliant eyes on me, keeping me captive on the couch. And when he finally spoke, it was completely unexpected.

"Hey, you know when I said only once?"

I hummed, not excited about where this was heading. I'd hoped he would have forgotten about that little fact. But then he scooted closer to me on the couch. His finger slowly caressed across my face, making my breath catch in my throat.

"I don't think it counts unless we're in bed. Do you?"

The sound that came out of me was animalistic at best as I crashed over Jay and crushed our lips together. He laughed into the kiss as his arms folded around me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I didn't let the kiss linger long before I was picking him up, wrapping his legs around me as I carried him to the bedroom.

He was breathless as he mumbled a quick direction to his room, but it didn't take long before I'd gotten us naked and falling onto his sheets to indulge in him again.

I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. And I didn't question it again when he claimed needing help in the shower, which I happily ate his wet ass out until all the seed I'd spilled into him earlier had been cleaned out. He thanked me by dropping to his knees and sucking my brains out.

I didn't question it either when we both fell into his bed after the shower and passed the fuck out. And if he woke up in the middle of the night and found himself tucked into the nook of my arm, it was all a pure coincidence.

That was the story I was gonna tell him and myself.