20. Ash

CHAPTER 20

ASH

I love you. I love you. I love you .

The words wouldn't stop. It was an outpouring of the bottled up feelings I'd carried with me for so many years. I didn't have to hold them back anymore, because Jay loved me.

Me! He loved me !

I was still giddy even after a night of lovemaking. We'd come so far from being sex friends, where our bodies had connected only to satisfy our physical desires, to now making love while being in love.

God, I wouldn't trade this for the entire world.

"Are you done being creepy?" a sleepy voice muttered against my naked chest. It was only then that I realized I'd been giggling into Jay's soft, curly hair for the past who knew how long while waiting for him to wake up.

"Darlin', isn't it a bit rude to call your sweetheart creepy?" I said.

"Ugh, don't you darlin' me unless you don't plan on leaving the bed at all today." He hummed as he rubbed his face against my pecs before sucking a nipple into that hot mouth of his.

Lust instantly shot through me. It didn't matter that we'd barely gotten any sleep after last night's activities; I was as energetic as my teenage days.

Pulling Jay up, I smashed our mouths together and greedily devoured his lips. It wasn't enough. It was never enough.

I rolled us over so that I was on top of him. I was ready for a repeat of last night. But before I could go further, Jay broke the kiss and weaved his hands through my hair.

I'd let my hair grow out longer since I currently didn't have to worry about my hair getting in my face during football practice. It was sexy as fuck when Jay grabbed my hair for purchase as I fucked him into the mattress. Not so much right now as he was using it to tug my head away from his.

"Ow, babe! What's the deal?" I struggled out of his hold, trying to get our lips back together.

"While I love your ideas, most of the time, we need to get up." He finally released my poor locks and pushed my phone to my face. I had about an hour before today's Queering Sports event, which meant that unless I wanted to skip breakfast, we really did need to get up soon.

I groaned, fell on top of him, and pushed my face into the crook of his neck. "Maybe I should just skip today," I said, mostly just to complain. I'd never actually cancel on the kids unless it was a real emergency. I'd formed a bond with the kids throughout the weeks. Some, like Ruth, didn't miss a single event.

Ruth was a fourteen-year-old who favored the quarterback position. She had a hell of a throw, even better than some of the men I'd seen in the league. Her dream was to make it into the NFL, and she'd trained harder than any of the other kids to try to make it happen.

I couldn't tell her that the odds were against her. There had never been a female player in the NFL before. The sport claims they'd been making strides in fairness, equal opportunities and all that, but it was all talk. Even though I'd never come out as bi, it wasn't uncommon for slurs to be thrown at me because of my name. It had never really bothered me. I liked my name, but it was all another testament that we hadn't come as far as the league made it seem.

Though maybe that would all change by the time Ruth reached the drafting age. I sure as hell hoped so, because if anyone deserved to make it, it was this girl with the fire in her eyes and dedication to make it happen.

It was the same as today. Ruth and her dad arrived while we finished setting up the field for today's training. She came bounding over and gave me an enthusiastic high five before heading to an open area to do her own warm up.

As the other kids trickled in, each calling out " Coach " in greeting to me when they passed by, a feeling surged through me .

This was the feeling I'd been missing for a while. The buzz and excitement of the game that had been harder and harder to find with each passing season. It wasn't that my love for the game had disappeared. It was just that maybe it was time for the next chapter in my life.

When practice ended for the day, each kid came by to give us coaches a high-five or sometimes even a hug before leaving with their parents. Their ecstatic expressions as they told their parents about today's practice had something settling in my heart.

All of the sudden, the looming deadline of my contract ending next year didn't terrify me anymore. Because even if I wasn't a pro football player, I'd be okay. Football would always be a part of who I was, but it wasn't my everything.

Even if my career in the NFL was ending, that didn't mean my relationship with football was. And I believed my dad would be prouder of me for choosing a path that lit the fire back into my soul than clinging on to a long-faded dream.

Back at Jay's, my phone rang just as I got out of the shower. "Hey, Howie," I said as soon as the line connected.

I put the call on speaker and brought the phone with me to the walk-in closet. Half my clothes already filled the space. It really felt like I'd moved in and maybe that was part of the next step in the relationship that should have scared me, but it only made me feel at peace.

"Hey, Ashy. You at Jay's? "

I hummed in affirmation as I picked out a T-shirt and jeans. "Great! Open the door. I'm outside."

"Jay's not here," I automatically replied.

"I'm here to see you, sillyhead," he said with a snort. "Figured I'd have better luck finding you here than your actual place, and lookie here, I was totally right."

I grumbled, annoyed that he'd totally seen through me. I placed down the clothes in my hands and padded to the front door, knowing he'd start causing a ruckus if I didn't let him in immediately. "Geez, it's like you telepathically knew to show up when I'm naked. Is there something you want to tell me?" I flexed my pecs, giving him a show.

He eyed me up and down to the towel wrapped around my waist, then shrugged. "I've seen better," he said nonchalantly.

"Jackass," I threw over my shoulder and stepped aside to let him in.

"Hurry up and get dressed," he said. He came into the apartment but didn't take off his shoes and opted to stand by the front door instead. "We're going shopping!"

He laughed at the grimace I shot at him. "Why would you evenpossibly think that's something I'd want to do?"

"'Cause Jay's working, so as my best friend, it's kinda your job to step up," he said with his arms crossed.

"Even if Jay wasn't working, I doubt shopping with you would even be on the list of things he'd want to do," I grumbled.

"Of course he'd want to! Especially when I'm planning on buying an engagement ring today." His voice came out softer, more nervous at the end.

It took me a second for his words to sink in, but when they finally did, I laughed, pulled him into my arms, and gave him a couple of hard slaps on the back. "Shit, man. You finally found the ring? You've been spamming us with ring pictures for weeks now."

"Yeah, I think I found the perfect one. Just wanna see it in person before I buy it. So you're coming, right?"

I gave him another loud smack on his back. "You bet your ass I am!"

"Great, now hurry up and put some damn clothes on so you can stop rubbing your naked chest all over me!" he grumbled and pushed me again.

That only made me try harder to pull him closer and aim for a kiss on his cheek. He pushed my head away as we play-wrestled for a bit. We only stopped when my towel was about to slip off my waist. Howie gave me one last push away and demanded I get dressed immediately.

Thirty minutes later, we were pulling up to a small jewelry store. A shop assistant quickly came to help us. Howie pulled up a picture of the ring he was eyeing and the assistant left to retrieve it.

Howie held the ring close to his eye. The assistant said it was a vintage style Marquise cut with two smaller diamonds framing the larger one. I didn't know much about rings, but the way the light made it sparkle made it look like something right out of a fairy tale.

Howie must have agreed too, since he nodded and said, "It's perfect for Mia. She'll love it."

There was so much love in his eyes as he looked at the ring. I wondered if he was imagining his future with Mia. He seemed so sure that this was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. It was both a beautiful and terrifying thing.

"How do you know when someone is ‘ the one '?" I found myself asking.

Howie turned to me with a look of surprise at my question. He thought it over, then clapped me on the shoulder. "I think you already know the answer to that." He eyed me knowingly.

I looked at him, pondering his words. When I closed my eyes and pictured the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, there was only one person who came to mind. That person hadn't changed since high school.

"You're right," I said softly. I slung an arm around his shoulder as we both admired the ring again. "I can't believe you're actually getting married. You, the dude who wore nothing but an adult diaper and ran across campus during college. Mia is a saint for being with you."

"Fuck you," he said with a laugh. "Who was the one who dared me to do that? You know I never back down from a dare. "

I chuckled, remembering all the stupid things we did in college. And now look how far we'd come from that.

"I hope Mia says yes," Howie said suddenly, in an almost whisper. I turned to look at him and saw that he was actually worried that he might be turned down. He and Mia had their fights like every other couple, but they always came out of it stronger than ever. There was no doubt in my mind that these two were meant to be together.

"She will. You're one of the best people I know. You two are lucky to have each other," I said, meaning every word. He shot me a grateful smile. The anxiety was gone now as he spoke with the sales assistant. They had the ring in Mia's size, so we left the shop a few minutes later with the purchase in hand.

As we walked to his car, a vision of us as high school kids flashed through my mind. It really was mind-boggling that we were now adults with our special someone that we wanted to protect.

Back then, I never imagined this was where we'd be, and now I couldn't imagine it any other way.