24. Catherine

24

CATHERINE

“Got it!” Cole hollers before hitting the ball. It goes over the net, straight to Chrissy.

I stand on my side of the court, knees bent, paddle ready for the ball that comes careening back at me. I hit it, and it lands in the square on the other side before bouncing out of play. “Yes!” Cole hollers, jumping up and down. “We did it, Mom!”

I’m still not sure what the rules are for pickleball, but somehow we just won a game against Chrissy and Gabe. Cole hugs me, and I soak it all in. With his arm around my waist, we walk over to the side and meet the rest of Holden’s family. I’m not sure how this happened, but this morning when I finally dragged myself out of bed and said I had to shower and go get Cole, Holden convinced me to come to his family’s game of pickleball.

“Having fun?” Holden asks.

Cole and Gabe are talking smack, and my cheeks are hurting from smiling so much. “I’m having a blast.”

“Yeah, we always have a good time when we come.”

I point around at his family. “How did you all get started playing this?”

“Well, I think Gabe and his buddies at the fire department started playing, and then Gabe started enforcing family game day once a month, so here we are.”

I try not to let my jealousy show. Man, I would do anything to have this for Cole. As I look at my son and see how truly in his element he is, I know he would flourish with a big family like this. “Well, it’s fun.”

Holden gives me a look, and he doesn’t have to say a word for me to know what he’s thinking. It’s probably the same thing I’ve thought about all morning. Last night was perfect. The sex was out of this world, but it’s more than that. We laughed, we talked, we held each other. It didn’t feel like a fling. But just as soon as my mind starts to go to that thought, I know I need to quit thinking that way. Holden is a professional baseball player, and as soon as he’s back to playing, this will be nothing but a distant memory for him.

I’m drawn from my thoughts when King holds up his paddle. “All right, me and Haven against Dom and Cole.”

Haven calls out, rubbing her round belly. “Take it easy on me, I’m carrying an extra person here.”

“I’m going to run to the ladies room,” I tell Holden.

“I’ll go with you.”

I stop him, holding up my hand. “No, it’s fine. It’s just right there, I’ll be right back.”

I walk away, and the whole way across the park, I try to get my thoughts in order. I keep reminding myself that I can do this. I can do a fling without my heart getting involved.

I finally reach the bathroom, and after taking care of business, I stare at myself in the mirror as I wash my hands. There’s a light in my eyes that hasn’t been there in a long time. I make a promise to myself that even when this is over, I’m going to do everything I possibly can to keep that light burning bright.

After drying my hands, I’m walking out of the bathroom and come to a halt when I see Holden leaning up against the column. “Hey.”

He pulls me toward him, spins me until my back is against the column, and then leans into me until our bodies are flush against each other. I barely have time to catch my breath and he’s kissing me. It’s heady to feel his erection against my belly. I should be worrying about who’s going to see us, but I let myself fall deep into the kiss.

I pull away, breathless. “Someone is going to see us.”

It doesn’t faze him that I’ve pulled my mouth away because he starts kissing my neck. “I don’t care,” he mutters.

He palms my breast through my thin shirt, and I moan. “Holden.”

“Gabe, I can go to the restrooms by myself, I don’t need a chaperone!” Chrissy says almost angrily. I gasp at the thought of getting caught, but Holden grabs me, pulling me to the side of the building away from Chrissy and Gabe.

“That’s tough, Chrissy. You can never be too safe,” Gabe says easily.

“This is Whiskey Run!” she exclaims.

I lean my head against the concrete wall. This is it. We’re going to get caught. Chrissy and Gabe and then the rest of the family are going to know what’s going on here… and then Cole, oh my God, Cole.

Holden is clueless to my internal freakout because he has me plastered to him in a hug, stroking my hair as he holds on to me.

The door to the bathroom squeaks, and I hear Chrissy say, “You going to follow me in here or are you going to let me pee on my own?” There’s a pause and then Chrissy sounds exasperated. “Gabe! What are you doing?”

Silence and then a gruff Gabe says, “It’s all clear, go on in. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

More silence and then a stunned Chrissy says, “Did you really just check the bathroom to see if it was empty?”

“You can’t be too careful,” Gabe answers her.

The door closes, and there is silence. I’m holding my breath, hoping that Gabe doesn’t come around the corner and see us.

A few minutes pass by, and the bathroom door opens and Chrissy and Gabe argue as they walk away.

As soon as they're gone, I struggle out of Holden’s arms. I point at him. “We can’t keep doing this. You agreed to keep this between us.”

“About that…” Holden starts, and I’m shaking my head at him. I start walking toward the pickleball courts, and he catches up to me. “I don’t want to hide this anymore.”

I blurt out a laugh and throw my hands in the air. “Really? One night together and you want to change everything?”

Holden grabs my hand and pulls me to a stop. “Cat, you know last night was—”

I stop him before he says anything. I know what he’s going to say, and he’s right. I’ve never felt what I felt last night, but that doesn’t mean I can put all my faith into him because I had great sex.

“This is it, Holden. Take it or leave it. We keep this between the two of us or it’s over.”

His mouth drops, and he shakes his head. He’s mad, and he leans toward me. “Ending this is not an option, Catherine.”

Why is he acting like this is important to him? I’ve heard the stories about him and how he’s a player; I’ve seen the pictures online of him with different women. He’s acting like I’m special to him, but I know I’m not. “What part of a fling do you not get, Holden? That’s all this is.”

Before he can say anything else, I walk away from him and into the fenced-in area of the courts. Chrissy waves at me. “Where have you been? ”

“I got sidetracked. This park is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Chrissy is nodding her head in agreement, but I don’t miss the question on her face. Holden walks up behind me, and Chrissy frowns at him. “Holden, it’s okay. You’re going to get to play soon.”

Gabe, Cole, King, and Haven all walk off the court. “We won, Mom!” Cole says, running toward me.

I hold my fist up. “Good job, son.”

King is huffing and puffing. “Yeah, your son is a natural.”

Cole’s chest expands as he smiles proudly up at King. Dom ruffles his hair. “Yeah, little dude, you can be my partner any time.”

Cole looks between Dom and King, and I swear he looks like he’s going to explode from happiness.

I hate to end this, but it’s time for us to go. Now more than ever, I have to remind myself that this is not our family. “Well, we appreciate you all letting us join you, but we better get going.”

Chrissy gasps. “What? No way. You can’t leave now. We’re all going to eat at Red’s Diner. It’s tradition, you have to go.”

Before I can decline, Cole is jumping up and down. “Mom, please, can we go? ”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say no, but Cole looks so hopeful I don’t have the heart to say it. I loop my arm around his neck and look around at Holden’s family. They’re all looking at me expectantly. I glance at Holden, and he nods his head at me. “Okay, if you’re sure we won’t be intruding.”

Dom comes over and puts one arm around me. “Intruding? No way. We want you to come… right, Holden?”

Holden looks at his brother and growls. “Yeah, we do.”

Dom has a huge smirk on his face when he says to me, “And you and Cole can ride with me.”

Holden looks as if he’s about to rip Dom’s arm off his shoulder, but his voice is very steady. “They came here with me. They’re going home with me so they’re going to ride with me.”

Even though Holden is holding himself tensely, he smiles when he looks at me. “You ready to go?”

I nod. “Come on, Cole. See you at the restaurant, everyone.”

They all say bye as we walk the different directions to our cars.

Cole runs up ahead of us as Holden falls into step beside me. “I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that we rode here together. I should have driven separately so you could have enjoyed lunch with your family.”

He blows out a breath and seems frustrated. “I like being with you and Cole. Why do you find that so hard to believe, Cat?”

With my head down, I mutter, “Because my ex, Cole’s father, walked out on us without a second glance, and I promised myself that I would never put him, put myself, through that again.”

“So this is not about me or because you think I’m some kind of player… this is about you and your fears.”

“Does it really matter, Holden? This is all this can be. We’re from two very different worlds, and once you get back to your real life, you’ll realize it.”

He opens his mouth just as Cole hollers from the side of the truck, “Hey, Mom, can I get a piece of the cinnamon apple Blaze cake?”

I pick up my pace because being alone with Holden makes me want things I know I can’t have. “Yeah, and you know what? I think I’ll get me a piece too.”

Holden gets into the driver’s side of the truck, and Cole asks him, “What about you, Holden? You getting a piece of the cinnamon apple cake? ”

He shrugs. “I'll snag a bite from someone, but my boss says I'm training and gotta watch my sugar.”

Cole seems to think about it. “Why don’t we get one piece of cake and all three of us can share it together?”

I agree with Cole. “That’s a good idea, let’s do that.”

Holden turns in his seat and gives Cole a long look and then does the same to me. The way he stares at me hits me right in the chest. It’s a look of longing and wanting to belong, and even though Cole just offered to share cake with him, it seems like it means so much more. “I like that idea,” he mutters, his voice thick with emotion.

I want to reach for him and hold his hand. I want to tell him that I like spending time with him and give him everything he wants just so that sad look on his face will go away, but I don’t do any of that. I can’t. My son is already so attached to him that he’s going to be sad when we return to our home on the other side of town. I’m already grieving that the “fling” is running out of time. I remind myself again that this is temporary and force a smile to my face and then look out the window as Holden drives us across town.