CHAPTER THIRTEEN

ICAN'THOLD his gaze. He's missed so much and I feel terrible. I should have pushed harder. Showing him the photos was a peace offering, the smallest of ways in which I could try to make amends. But I don't tell him about Lukas's delivery even though I should. I don't want him getting angry with me for going through that alone and I suspect he will. For a moment here on the plane things were good between us—we even laughed. Now there's a flash of that bleakness in his gaze as I pass off the question, but he says nothing. He holds my phone back out to me.

‘Now you have my number,' he says dryly. ‘No excuse not to stay in touch.'

As I take my phone the plane shudders. I stiffen. Before I can breathe his hand is on mine.

‘It's just a few bumps. Give it a moment.'

Sure enough the plane settles as we zoom through the clouds but my pulse races on regardless. He hasn't released my hand and I haven't tried to pull away.

‘What is it with you needing a comforting touch in life-threatening situations?' he teases.

‘I think that's a pretty normal human response.' I bluff but it's nice to see his smile again. ‘And you're the one who grabbed my hand.'

He chuckles. ‘You're a good liar.'

I shoot him a startled look.

‘You lied to Ava very easily about us,' he elaborates.

I press my lips together. ‘Only because I didn't want her to worry at all. Not ever.'

‘I guessed that was why.' He sighs. ‘But it makes me wonder who you do ever open up to.'

I shoot him another startled look and pull my hand free of his. He doesn't try to stop me.

His low bitter laugh mocks me. ‘Yeah, no one. I figured that.'

I'm irritated because I'm certain he doesn't open up to anyone either. ‘And your point?'

He straightens in his seat and leans closer. ‘I don't want you to lie to me. Not ever.'

He echoes my words. I swallow because while it could be considered a threat it's more of a warm invitation and it's utterly disarming.

‘I'd like you to promise me that you won't,' he adds steadily. ‘And don't hold back on all the truth either.'

Yeah, he knows I omit things. Because I just have and of course he knows it. But it's for good reason—or so I've always thought.

‘I think you owe me that,' he finishes.

I realise the photos weren't enough. Nor was the apology. He needs the whole truth. He's done all the right things since finding out about Lukas. He's tried to give me time, space, he's taken me to see Ava and offered unquestioning support. I haven't. I need to be honest with him.

Not making more of an effort to tell him about Lukas was terrible. It's as though a fog has lifted from my mind. For me to hold his lifestyle against him—to be so judgemental—was wrong. I need to course correct. Now.

‘You know that night at the gondola was out of character for me.' My throat clogs because this is personal and it's hard to say.

His eyes widen and he slowly nods. ‘Yet you assume it wasn't out of character for me also?' His focus is even more intense now. ‘What do you think you know about me?'

I bite my lip, embarrassed because I've been emotional. He wants to be there for Lukas. He wants to make everything work between us. He's trying. So I need to try too. I need to be honest even if it means more anger from him.

‘I found a photo of you with another woman taken later on the night we were together.' The thought of it still turns my stomach. Was she his girlfriend? I hate to think I was the other woman in a cheating situation.

He sits up straight. ‘You what?'

‘I know you met up with another woman that night.' I hurry to tell him I know the truth. ‘It's your prerogative, I guess, it's not like we were—'

‘You—'

‘Allowed my own prejudice to cloud my thinking,' I interrupt him because I need to get all this said before I chicken out. ‘I made assumptions and I was wrong to and I'm sorry. And the thing is—if I'm really honest with myself it's not because I was being judgemental of your lifestyle. But rather I was jealous.'

His jaw drops. ‘Of this other woman?'

‘No.' I swallow. ‘Of you.'

He looks mystified. ‘For...'

‘Having fun?' I shrug and finish weakly. It's so stupid and I've made bad decisions because of it.

I assumed he wouldn't be interested in being a father. None of the cheats my mother dated ever were. My own cheat of a father sure wasn't. I tarnished Dain with their brush.

He stares at me for a moment. I can't read his reaction as he rubs his mouth with his fingers.

‘Show me the photo,' he suddenly orders.

‘I can't. I don't have it.'

‘There's Wi-Fi on the plane, search for it again and show me.' He's very businesslike.

Yep, instant regrets on being so honest. But I do as he asks.

‘There are almost no photos of me online,' he says conversationally as I fumble with my phone. ‘I have a team who keep it that way. That's partly why it was all but impossible for you to get in touch with me directly.'

Because he's a control freak who hates being in the press. Yep, I've got that. And I don't blame him now I know a little more about his parents putting him on the front page in their personal fight.

But it's the Internet and some things never die on the Internet. I find the picture and turn it so he can see. It was in a gossip-column piece from a small Queenstown paper that I followed on my social media. It popped up in my feed the morning after that momentous night. The photo showed him with a famous New Zealand model and I was appalled.

‘I'm not identified in the caption,' he says thoughtfully. ‘That must be why my minions didn't pick it up.'

‘But it's you.' I brace as he studies the photo. He doesn't deny it.

‘Is she your girlfriend?' I ask.

The corners of his mouth twitch. ‘What makes you think we're together?'

Well, duh, you only need to look at the way the model is looking at him to know they're intimate. But Dain's eyebrows are raised questioningly and I can't tell him it's all in her eyes.

‘We're not even holding hands,' he points out calmly. ‘Not kissing. Not touching at all.'

I swallow. ‘Because you're private.'

That he isn't named in that caption actually speaks to the power of his discretion. Maybe the photographer didn't recognise him and was interested in the model.

He regards me steadily. ‘Okay, I'll give you that.'

So he was with her. My innards shrivel.

‘But you didn't notice my hair apparently grew about three inches in less than a couple hours?' He watches me.

‘What?' I stare at him then back at the photo.

‘My hair was shorter when I was with you,' he says. ‘Don't you remember tugging on it? Because I remember you tugging on it.'

A flame of heat rivers through me. With trembling fingers I study that photo again.

He's right, I didn't look too closely at the time because I was cringing—and I was too busy feeling inadequate looking at her. But now I do look more closely. And, yes, his hair is longer than it was that night.

‘This photo was taken two years ago when I met Willow. I haven't seen her since then, though according to that caption she was back in Queenstown that weekend. But I never saw her and last I heard she was modelling in Paris.'

Willow is even more famous than he is. The gossip piece focused on her, not the man escorting her. And she suits the name, what with her endless limbs and, oh, yes, I am jealous. I clocked the location—a cool bar in Queenstown—and, given the date of the article, I assumed the photo was taken that night. That he went from a quick canapé—me—to the sumptuous feast that was her.

‘So she wasn't your girlfriend?' I ask.

‘Not the night we were together,' he says. ‘I don't cheat.'

Now I feel even worse.

But Dain actually chuckles. ‘You really screwed up.'

I really did.

He inhales. ‘As penance I think you ought to be wholly honest with me.'

I glance up at him, confused. I've just confessed the worst.

‘Were you a virgin that night?' he asks bluntly.

I shrivel—emotionally that is. If only I could really shrivel right out of existence. How did he know? Did he guess? I'm mortified. ‘I...'

Can't even breathe the words.

But he just waits.

‘Why does it matter?' I mumble as I eventually nod.

‘Why didn't you tell me then?'

I swallow.

‘You couldn't, right?' he says. ‘You couldn't be that vulnerable.'

‘I've never regretted it. Not for a moment,' I reassure him in an embarrassed rush. ‘It was amazing. You were...' I trail off and look at him. ‘Are you even more angry with me?'

‘I'm feeling all kinds of things about you, Talia. But yeah, anger is one of them.' He looks thoughtful. ‘And you're jealous of my supposed lifestyle?'

My lips are suddenly dry and I lick them. ‘Do you deny your lifestyle is...uh...exciting?'

‘I don't think it's as extensive as what you're thinking.' He looks right into my eyes.

I don't want to think about it too closely. ‘Oh?'

His gaze is unwavering. ‘I haven't had sex in about a year.'

My jaw drops. ‘You mean...?'

No.Surely not.

He closes my mouth with a finger beneath my chin. ‘Yeah. I do mean.' His gaze deepens. ‘Let me guess, you don't believe me.'

‘I...' Am floored.

‘Yet it's true,' he says and he's somehow even closer.

‘Why didn't you?' I blurt.

‘Why didn't you?'

I can't answer.

‘Here's the thing, Talia,' he says slowly. ‘I won't lie to you either. If nothing else there has to be absolute honesty between us because we have to work together. For Lukas. So honesty always. Deal?'

I'm bamboozled by his revelation but I hear that caveat—if nothing else.

‘Deal,' I breathe.

He doesn't look satisfied. In fact his expression tightens and he's somehow closer.

‘You've worked hard to care for your sister for a long time. Worked hard to care for Lukas,' he says almost thoughtfully. ‘You've never let anyone take care of your needs—not until that night with me, right?'

I can only stare at him.

‘And not since then?' His sudden smile is saturnine. ‘You should be indulged, Talia.'

‘I should.' My spellbound agreement slides out on a whisper.

I can't turn away from him. I can't look away from the heat in his blue, blue eyes. I can't ignore this desire any more. I'm utterly still as he slowly moves closer. His smile is all I can see. His touch is all I want. And at last he's there—his mouth is on mine. I open to him on a moan and he echoes it with one of his own. The pressure is hot and escalates in seconds. I clutch his shoulders. I thought I'd remembered but I was wrong. This intensity shuts my mind down. I just want him. All of him. Here. Now.

He growls in the back of his throat and I feel his muscles bunch. He drags me across his lap and I tremble in absolute rapture at being in his arms again. I press against him and the kisses deepen. He teases me with his tongue. His hands hold me—hard and secure—and sweep down my body. I'm aching and ecstatic and I just pour it all into kissing him and lose myself in the bliss.

I pay no attention to the voice saying something from far away.

But suddenly Dain tears his mouth from mine. With a muttered swearword he lifts me back into my seat. Dazed, I can only look at him in confusion—and yearning.

‘That was the captain speaking.' He half laughs, half groans. ‘Seat belt on.' He fastens my belt before tending to Lukas. ‘We're landing.'

But I'm still up in the clouds and I really don't want to return to earth.