CHAPTER TEN

‘YOUWEREABLE to lean on me that night in the gondola,' I point out to her, trying to soften my tone. How can I be fascinated and furious with her at the same time?

‘That was a life-threatening situation,' she mutters.

The tips of her ears are scarlet again.

What's it going to take to get her to trust me again in any small way? Because I'm trying here. She's just demanded an outrageous sum of money and I've not batted an eyelid and supplied it immediately—although admittedly my motivation was mostly to confound her. But I desperately want her to open up more. I know she's ballsy and bristly but when she laughs—which is too rarely for my liking—she's a delight.

It's shocking enough that she hadn't properly tried to contact me about Lukas, but that she hasn't told her own sister about him either is blowing my mind—even when she insists they're close. And it touches a wound of my own. Not being told my grandfather was terminally ill—on the pretext of protecting me—is something I've never forgiven my family for.

‘My assistant found the messages you sent and forwarded them to me,' I say.

She watches me warily.

‘Overzealous spam folders and weak double checks in play there. There weren't as many as I'd thought. You didn't discuss the pregnancy in the first couple.'

‘Of course I didn't, that was personal.'

Part of me appreciates her discretion. But her first two loosely worded messages—I need to get hold of Dain. We met one night—didn't pass the spam/stalker test. The last was too generic—I've had a baby—even with the photo attached.

‘You could have tried harder,' I say. ‘You should have.'

She could have tried to contact Simone. There were several avenues she chose not to go down.

‘What were you so afraid of?' I ask.

Her skin pales. ‘You have a lot more to offer him than I do.'

‘You're his mother.'

‘That doesn't always mean much.'

An element in her voice makes me wince. ‘Do you struggle to accept help from anyone?'

‘I took help from Romy.'

Minimal help that she paid back by working for her—making cakes and coffee. ‘But you won't take it from me.'

‘There are other complications between us.'

My gut twists. I'm tempted to sort those other complications out. I can't help wondering if there was any other man in her life after me. I shouldn't be thinking on it. I'm hardly about to tell her I've been celibate since sleeping with her. Besides, I have the feeling she won't believe me.

Too late I realise my glib display of outrageous wealth has backfired. If I make a move on her now she might not feel able to say no. She might think I've bought her. That's just ick. I was so determined to be flippant. To prove nothing's a problem. No demand too outrageous. I didn't think through the implications.

I can't allow her to kiss me as some kind of repayment. But all I want right now are her kisses. And isn't this just the way it is with Talia? Contrary. Confounding. My muscles bunch and twitch. I just want to tear her clothes away. Mine too.

It's a relief to hear Lukas's cry coming from the nursery.

I go to him immediately. I croon ridiculously as I pick him up and try to soothe him. I turn about the room and see she's followed and is watching me. The look in her eyes isn't worry. It's heat. She can't stop looking. Despite my edginess I keep talking nonsense to Lukas to keep him settled because to my amazement it seems to be working. There's a feeling I just don't recognise in myself when I look at him and even more when I then look at her. It's absolute awe. I glance to the ceiling and pull in a steadying breath.

‘Oh!'Talia all but squeals.

‘What?' I whip to look at her but she's staring in rapture at Lukas.

‘He's smiling!' she says.

She's smiling too and she's beautiful and now I don't know where to look. I'm torn between the two of them.

‘And?' I mutter weakly.

‘He hasn't smiled before. This is his first smile.'

‘Really?' I look back at Lukas then back at her and back again, and again.

‘First social smile.' She nods. ‘Happens between eight and twelve weeks and here he is...smiling at you.'

There are tears in her eyes and she's so effervescent there's no way she's faking this. I talk more nonsense to Lukas because it just bubbles out of me and he smiles again and Talia beams.

A chuckle escapes me. I want to do anything. Everything. I feel utterly alive—I want to keep them both with me and have them happy but in the same breath I feel a sudden helpless futility. Because this is something I can't ensure. I couldn't help my parents' happiness. Nor my grandfather's. I don't think I can do happy families. It goes wrong—it never lasts.

But I'm beginning to get her. She's done everything for herself—and her sister—for years. She's so determinedly independent I know the reasons why she doesn't want to rely on anyone are deep-seated. She's been let down before.

So I'll try to do whatever it takes to make sure she can't walk out on me again. Because I want this to work for Lukas. Somehow I need her to trust me. I need her to talk to me. Talia's withholding of information wasn't just about protecting Ava. It was about protecting herself too. Because people are selfish. They do things for their own reasons. Me included.

We sit together on the floor. Lukas is stretched out between us and we each have a toy in hand—waving them in front of him to tease another smile. The rabbit I'm holding is old. One of its ears is at risk of spontaneously severing. Possibly its head too. It's surprisingly easy to sit here with her. It reminds me of those tragic jokes we shared when we were in the gondola.

‘Do you have siblings?' she suddenly asks.

‘Time to swap life stories?' I shoot her a sardonic look.

Her shoulder lifts—half apology, half amusement.

‘No siblings,' I mutter. ‘For a while I wished I had them, then I was glad I didn't.'

‘Because your parents fought?'

I nod. ‘They used me.' I was alternately a weapon or a prize. ‘Any sibling would have been an adversary. We'd have been played off against each other.'

She dangles her toy above Lukas. ‘It was that bad?'

‘Worse.'

‘I was lucky to have Ava...' She sighs deeply and her worried expression make me tense.

It's obvious she has more to say but she's gone silent. I fake patience and waggle the ripped-up rabbit at Lukas. I should win an acting award, I really should.

‘About Ava...'

I wait.

‘I want her to believe I'm happy. That I want this.'

‘You mean move to Australia with me?' There's a hit in there that makes my chest ache.

She puffs out a breath. ‘I don't want her to doubt...'

‘You want us to act like we're happy together. Is that what you mean?'

‘Yes.' She swallows. ‘I don't want her to worry about me.'

She's spent her life caring for her sister. Maybe her sister should have been more aware of how hard her big sister was working for her. But Talia wasn't honest even then.

It's a good reminder that she's a liar. She lies to the people who should be closest to her. I know how much that hurts the one lied to. Supposedly protected.

I almost tear the ear off the rabbit. I slide it into my pocket so Talia doesn't see. ‘You want me to act the besotted boyfriend?'

She must have caught the anger in my expression because she turns away. ‘Forget it.'

I reach out and turn her back. I run my hand through her hair and see that smokiness enter her eyes. Is this honest, Talia? I ignore her words and focus on the micro actions of her body that she can't control. The flush that builds in her cheeks. The quickening breath. The way she leans a bit close without even realising. I lean closer and she mirrors me so we're almost intimate, our baby content between us.

‘Trust me,' I say softly. ‘She'll understand what it is you really want.'