19. Parker

19

Dear Diary—

Dear Journal?—

Dear Future Me Most Likely?—

The made-for-TV movie seems like it's finally reached a thrilling conclusion or at least a good stopping point for a sequel. It turns out the hot guy I met on vacation is totally into me and is currently making us some soup for dinner as I write.

Totally into me? Who am I kidding?

WE'RE IN LOVE. BIG BOLD LETTER L O V E

It feels so weird to write that but it's true. Nicholas and I have been inseparable since the fire.

Since the hospital. Since the drive home from the hospital.

Fuck.

I've never felt like this before in my life. It feels good. Really good. Warm and fuzzy and everything in between.

Or maybe that's just a side effect of my prescriptions??? The pain in my leg is finally starting to fade but it's not completely gone just yet. Nicholas has been taking really good care of me, though. Which is probably why I should wrap this up and go find him.

Soup time!

"You picked the worst time ever to bring me out on a date like this." I chuckled as Nicholas held out a chair for me at some fancy restaurant, green vines hanging all along the walls. "You definitely should've done this when it was easier for me to get around."

Nicholas didn't say anything in response, only offering me a small smile as he helped me into my seat. When I was settled in, he took his seat across the table, handing me a menu to look over. My eyes drifted from the menu to the handsome man in front of me, all dressed up in a suit and tie. It was a look that I'd rarely seen Nicholas wear, so often dressed down when he was out of his uniform for work.

Hot damn.

The sight in front of me was almost enough to distract me from the restaurant's décor, something I took in even more as I glanced around the place. The vines were a nice touch but so were the bottles tucked away in built-in lattices, the years emanating expensive just from looking at their labels. The low lighting was also appreciated, the lamp above our table on a setting that was the perfect kind of dim, giving off just enough light to read the menus and to visually trace the outline of Nicholas' jaw?—

"You're staring at me," Nicholas murmured, without even looking up from his menu.

"Can you blame me?" I wistfully sighed. "My boyfriend got all dressed up for me tonight."

"I got all dressed up because there's a dress code," he corrected, with a grin. "But impressing you may have been something in the back of my mind, too."

"So? Is there a reason for the season?" I pressed. "A celebration for the occasion?"

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't bring us out here just to get us out of the house, did you?"

"No, you're right," he admitted. "There is something I wanted to talk to you about."

Suddenly, his demeanor shifted into something more somber, something more serious.

I laid my menu flat against the table, confusion spiking through my veins.

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" I suggested, half-joking, half-terrified. "And you're doing that thing where people break up with you in public so you don't make a scene?"

"What? "No," Nicholas chuckled. "I'm not breaking up with you, Parker. Trust me. It's going to take a lot to get rid of me."

"Just checking." I offered him two thumbs up, a sense of relief washing over me. "In that case, what'd you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to talk about this," Nicholas said, sliding a pamphlet across the table. It looked like a pretty nice apartment building, pricey condos that only existed in downtown areas, the kind with glass windows and their own parking garage. "I wanted to know what you think."

"It looks nice." I took the pamphlet into my hand, flipping through its pages. "Really nice—Shit. Is that an indoor pool? Only for use by residents? That's a really good perk."

Nicholas grinned. "Something told me you'd appreciate the pool situation. I thought it'd be perfect for whenever the doctor clears you for physical activity again."

"Appreciate? Are you kidding me? I'm in love with this pool—Wait." I looked up from the pamphlet, my eyes meeting Nicholas' from across the table. "Why would I have access to the pool? I'm not a resident."

"You should check the address on the pamphlet," he murmured. "The one written on the back in black marker."

I turned the pamphlet over in my hand, reading over the address. "Millbrook Lane? I know that street. It's one street over from Wild Woods HQ?—"

I looked back up at Nicholas, my jaw nearly dropping to the ground in shock.

"Is this for us? Nicholas, did you get us an apartment?"

"Surprise?" Nicholas' response seemed tentative. "I know we talked about me moving closer to you and I saw this place online and I just knew that it'd be perfect for the both of us. And you don't have to move in with me right away. I'm sure you have your own lease to deal with. It's just for whenever you're ready?—"

"Uh, I'm going to be here the first day you move in," I interrupted, with a smirk. "Good luck keeping me away from this place. And good luck keeping me away from that pool, doctor's recommendation or not."

"I'm so happy you like it, Parker." Nicholas smiled as he reached for my hand. "And I've made a few calls about transferring to a fire station out there, too. You don't need to be concerned about me not having a job once we make the move."

"There you go. Thinking of everything." I brought his hand up to my mouth, before pressing a soft kiss against his skin. "Fuck. I love you. Have I told you that lately?"

"Not since the drive over here, no."

"In that case, let me say it again." I chuckled. "I love you, Nicholas Cooper."

"I love you, too, Parker?—"

"Would either of you gentlemen care for a glass of our finest wine?" A waitress interrupted the moment, a bright smile on her face as she held up a bottle. "First glass is on the house."

"Okay, I can kind of see why you prefer wine over beer," Nicholas said as he carried me through the front door of his home. "That third glass we had was spectacular."

Nicholas and I had opted to take a cab home from dinner, leaving his car at the restaurant overnight. It hadn't been an intentional choice, more like one we'd decided to make after we got a little heavy on the wine tonight, each sip more irresistible than the last. It also hadn't been an intentional choice of mine to have Nicholas carry me over the threshold, but he'd insisted, accidentally forgetting my crutches in his backseat once we stumbled into the cab.

"See? I told you. Beer is just gross," I replied, a small laugh escaping my chest. "Maybe now, you'll think about replacing your next bottle with?—"

"Not going to happen. Sorry." Nicholas laughed now, too. "It was good but you're never going to take the beer lover out of me."

"No! But we were so close!"

"You weren't that close." Nicholas laughed again as he carefully sat me down on the couch. Before he could move too far away from me, I reached out toward him, pulling him by his suit jacket until he was close enough for me to kiss. I pressed my lips against his, then, not shy about my intentions, my tongue soon exploring his mouth.

"Something on your mind, Parker?" Nicholas murmured between our kisses.

"You," I murmured back, my hands shifting up to his shoulders as I pushed his jacket away from his shoulders. "You're the only thing on my mind right now."

"Parker…" Nicholas groaned as he leaned away from me. "Why would you tempt me like that, sweetheart? You know you're not supposed to be attempting any kind of strenuous activity while your leg is still healing?—"

"The doctor said it was okay for me to do some exercising?—"

"Yeah? How much you want to bet he didn't have the same thing in mind as you?" Nicholas playfully shook his head. "Besides, I'm happy enough just satisfying you for now. You haven't liked how things have been?"

"Of course, I have. I love it whenever you put your mouth on me," I replied, my face heating at the memories of Nicholas' lips wrapped around my cock. "I just…"

"You just what?"

"I want you inside me," I admitted. "Nicholas, I want you to make love to me."

"Fuck, Parker." Nicholas groaned again. "How am I supposed to say no to that?"

"You're not supposed to say no. You're supposed to give me whatever I want."

"You sure?" Nicholas smirked. "I'm not sure if that's how it's supposed to work, either."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure," I said, my fingers reaching out toward Nicholas' suit pants, gently rubbing my palm across the crotch of them. I smiled to myself as I felt his cock twitch underneath my touch, before the very tip of him started to strain against the fabric. He didn't move as I continued the motion, effectively stroking him over his clothes, my hand moving across the length of him.

Wanting him to know how desperate I was for him, I pulled my palm away from his pants, hastily replacing my hand with my mouth. I then dragged my lips all across his still covered shaft, mouthing each inch of him, moaning as I did. A few moments later and I felt Nicholas' hand on the back of my head, keeping me in place against his cock, his shaft only growing harder the more I played with it through his pants. Unable to hold myself back for another second, I reached up toward the waist of his pants, undid them, and started to pull them down toward the floor, every nerve in my body burning with desire for Nicholas?—

And then, he was gone. He'd taken a few steps away from me, his cock now hard and exposed as he stared back at me on the couch.

"Nicholas, please," I shamelessly begged for him to move close to me again. "I need you?—"

"Take your cock out," he instructed. "I want to watch you play with yourself before I fuck you."

I quietly nodded before I did as I was told, undoing and pulling down my jeans and boxers just enough for my cock to pop free from their fabric. It would've been hard to pull them down any further, anyway, considering the cast made it difficult for my clothes to land on the floor, at least not on the first try.

When I looked back up, Nicholas was staring at me, patient and waiting.

I took a deep breath before I wrapped a palm around my cock, making sure I kept eye contact with Nicholas as I did. I bit my lip as I started to stroke myself, my shaft already so sensitive from being so turned on, from wanting Nicholas so damn much. I let out a guttural groan as I felt my cock throbbing against my own hand, precome leaking out of the tip and right onto my fingers.

"What are you thinking about?" Nicholas murmured, as he brought a hand down to his own cock, stroking himself in time with my strokes, our movements perfectly in sync.

"You fucking me."

"How do you want me to fuck you, Parker?"

"Like I'm yours," I said, panting through every word. "Like I'm all yours and no one else gets to have me."

"You are mine, Parker. No one else gets to have you," he replied. "No one else gets to bury their cock inside your perfect ass, no one else gets to mark you up. Just me."

"Just you…," I repeated. "Just you. You're the only one I want, Nicholas. I only want you?—"

"Stop." Just as Nicholas gave the command, he stopped stroking himself, too. I followed his lead, moving my hand away from my cock, even though it was aching to be touched. He didn't say another word to me as he stepped outside the living room, his footsteps echoing as he headed toward his bedroom?—

Oh.

Right.

I chuckled to myself, remembering how often Nicholas liked to tell me to stay put, realizing that he currently didn't need to give me that command. There was no way that I was going anywhere, not without a little help or a whole lot of determination. A few seconds later and Nicholas was back in the living room, a condom already wrapped around his cock.

"I have an idea," he said, with a small grin. He reached for my waist, pulling me up off the couch and back into his arms. He took a few steps before setting me down on one foot, the other set against his torso in the cast. After that, he pressed my back against the wall, before he pulled my other leg against his torso, too, the majority of my weight spread between his arms and my back.

And then, I felt his cock at my entrance, the tip of him brushing against my hole.

"Wait, wait, wait…" I squeezed his shoulders with both of my hands. "I don't know if I'm ready. We haven't… in a while…"

"That's okay. We can go slow," he murmured, his forehead resting against mine. "We can go as slow as we need to go, sweetheart."

I nodded against him, and I felt his cock near my hole again, the condom around it clearly wet with lube. I braced myself for the initial impact of him, as he slid his cock inside me inch by inch. My fingers pressed into his shoulders as I got used to the size of him, taking deep breaths until I felt him settle, his slightly moving hips coming to a full stop.

"Is this okay? Are you okay?" His question came out low. "We don't have to keep going if you?—"

"I'm okay." I smiled down at him, before my body shuddered with pleasure. "Fuck. I missed having you inside me."

"I missed being inside you, too, sweetheart," he replied, smiling back at me, too. "Is it okay if I move?"

"Yes. Please."

Nicholas' hips set into motion against me, bucking back and forth as his cock slid in and out of me. I groaned at the feel of it, his shaft causing the perfect kind of internal earthquake, my hole enjoying every moment of it. My groans turned into a gasp as Nicholas held onto my hips even tighter than before, picking up his pace as he relentlessly fucked me against the wall.

"Nicholas… Nicholas…" I moaned his name as I threw my head back, my body feeling absolutely overwhelmed with pleasure. I barely even noticed how close I was to coming for him, how close I already was to the edge, everything so intense that I didn't know where Nicholas ended and where I began.

Fuck.

We could never go this long without properly fucking ever again.

By the time I got the bare minimum of my senses back, it was already too late. My cock was exploding between us, trails of my come decorating Nicholas' very nice suit.

"Oh, my God… I'm sorry…" I whimpered at the sight of it, one of my hands reaching out to touch the fabric between us. "We should get some vinegar on it or something before it sets?—"

"I couldn't care less about that right now, sweetheart," Nicholas growled in return. "I'm a little preoccupied with something else."

I opened my mouth to let Nicholas know that I was dead serious about the vinegar and how important it was going to be to get something on the stain sooner rather than later?—

But anything I was going to say was cut off by Nicholas' mouth crashing against mine. He sped up his rhythm inside, moving even faster than before, the thrusts now creating a thumping sound against the wall. I held onto him tight as he claimed me, the telltale signs of his possessive streak shining right through his every move.

"I'm yours, Nicholas," I whispered close to his ear. "I'm all yours…"

"Mine… You're all mine…" Nicholas groaned before he went still in front of me, his head buried deep against my neck. "Fuck, Parker…"

I waited a few moments as he caught his breath, his chest rising uneven and ragged. When it seemed like his breathing was back to its normal pace, I whispered close to his ear yet again.

"We really should do something about that suit."

"What is up with you and this suit?" Nicholas chuckled, seemingly amused. "Wait. Is this the only reason you wanted me to fuck you tonight? Because you wanted me to fuck you in this suit?"

"No," I admitted, with a grin. "But it was a nice touch. And the only reason I'm so obsessed with this suit is because of how good you look in it."

"Fine. I'll go get the vinegar." Nicholas playfully rolled his eyes. "But not before I take you to bed."

"Yes, please." I nodded, just as Nicholas wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his arms for the second time that night. A few moments later and we were in the bedroom, with Nicholas gingerly setting me down against the bed sheets. He got to work pulling off the rest of my clothes, not stopping until he'd finally slipped a pair of fresh boxers over my hips, my worn clothes tucked away in a laundry basket.

"Shower in the morning?" he asked, pressing a kiss against my cheek.

"Shower in the morning." I nodded, already half-closing my eyes, my body suddenly tired from all the exercise Nicholas and I had just participated in. "I love you, by the way. Just saying it for the millionth time. Just so you're sure."

"I love you, too, sweetheart." Nicholas kissed me on the cheek again before he disappeared down the hall, hopefully on his way to find something to clean that stain off his very, very nice suit.

I was sitting in the exam room, waiting for the doctor to come in. Nicholas was right beside me, seated in a guest chair, flipping through a magazine he'd borrowed from the waiting room. I was anxious beyond belief, nervous that the doctor was going to tell me that I'd somehow fucked up my own recovery, that the leg he'd initially thought was going to heal fine was now irreparably damaged beyond repair.

"Anything good in that magazine?" I asked, trying my best to quell the tension building up inside my head.

"Nothing worth noting," Nicholas replied. "Mostly celebrity fluff."

"I'm surprised you picked it up, then. You're not really a celebrity fluff kind of guy."

"There's some current world affairs stuff in here, too. Just not a lot of it."

"Do you think everything's going to be okay?" I murmured through the topic change, trying to keep my tone light even though things just felt so dark.

"With the world? Probably not," Nicholas answered, before he looked up from his magazine. "With your leg? Yes. And with us? Absolutely."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just am." Nicholas shrugged, a smile spreading across his features. "I just know it."

Just then, the doctor stepped into the room. He looked between Nicholas and me before offering up a smile of his own. "Good morning, Parker. Nicholas."

"Good morning, Dr. Washington," Nicholas and I spoke our greeting in unison.

"Parker, how's your leg been doing?" he asked, before he took a seat in a nearby chair with wheels, sliding himself over to me. "Any issues? Any pain?"

"Nothing outside of the ordinary, I don't think." I shook my head. "I don't really need my pills at all anymore."

"Good. That's good." Dr. Washington hummed before his hands went toward my cast. "Do you mind if I take a look?"

I shook my head again, and his usual procedure began from there. He expertly removed my cast, his hands soon brushing alongside my skin, searching for a visible response from me in terms of pain or strangeness. I mostly held my breath throughout the examination, even when he stood me up for X-rays, Nicholas helping me stand as he did.

When all was said and done, I let out an exasperated breath before taking in a few, deeper ones, my chest thankful for finally getting the proper amount of air in my lungs.

"Good news, Parker," Dr. Washington started. "It looks like you're in the clear to put some pressure on your leg again. Now, I don't want you going too hard right off the bat. I know how you nature lover types are."

He chuckled at his own joke before he went on. "But I do want you to try and walk every now and again, as long as it doesn't hurt. If it hurts, give it a rest and try again the next day. You don't need to push yourself. You just need to heal."

"Got it. No pushing myself. Only healing," I summarized his points. "Sounds good to me."

"Sounds good to me, too," Nicholas added from the corner, his chest rapidly rising and falling just like mine?—

Almost like he'd been as nervous as me about the appointment.

"You've got this, Parker. You've got this. Come on. Walk over to me."

Nicholas was standing at the other end of the hallway, as I tried to put pressure on my leg for the first time. My cast was leaning against the wall and my confidence was at about zero point zero. I hadn't thought about this part, how difficult it was really going to be to start walking again, training my body on its basic functions for a second time in my life.

Still, I took a deep breath as I pressed my foot against the floor.

So far, so good?

There wasn't any radiating pain, no sign that anything was going terribly wrong. Encouraged, I started to take my first step?—

And that was when my broken leg really started to feel like a broken leg.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I wobbled to the left and to the right, fearful that I was about to land face first against the ground. Within seconds, Nicholas was in front of me, his hands steadying me at my torso.

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay," he said, trying to reassure me. "We can just try again tomorrow?—"

"Fuck! I can't even fucking—" I was suddenly overwhelmed with frustration, tears threatening to spill from behind my eyes. "How am I supposed to do anything if I can't even take a fucking step?"

"Hey, this is a process, Parker. At least you were able to stand up, right? And then, maybe in a few days, you'll be able to take a few steps?—"

Nicholas went quiet as I started to silently cry, tears rolling down my cheeks as I shook my head.

"It's too hard. Everything is just too fucking hard."

"You're allowed to feel however you feel." Nicholas' voice was low. "But we're still going to try again tomorrow. We're going to keep going until you're back to where you were, until you're back to complaining about hikes being too long and hills being too steep."

"That would be the one benefit of never walking again, never having to go with you on one of your death hikes, either," I joked through my tears.

Nicholas let out a soft laugh. "You're not getting off that easy, sweetheart. We'll be going on one of those death hikes in the next few months. Just you wait and see."

"You ready to go?" Nicholas asked, as he finished packing his hiking backpack, stuffing a thermos into a spot at its side.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I sighed as I finished packing my backpack up, too. Nicholas claimed to have found a new hiking spot that I was going to love, even though I had my reservations. I suspected that the main reason we were going hiking today was that I'd been back on my feet for a few weeks now, and I was running out of my usual excuses for why I couldn't get back out into the great, wide world. It was hard for me to admit that I was still a little scared, still afraid that despite my doctor's approval and the lack of pain in my leg, everything was back to normal.

Because what if it wasn't?

What if we approached our first steep part of the climb and the pain came right back to me?

What if my hiking days were just… done?

"Come on. We should get a move on before other people are out on the trail." Nicholas' words interrupted my thoughts. He beamed over at me before he held out his hand.

"I'm going to be with you, Parker. Every step of the way. You know that, don't you?"

"I do." I nodded, taking his palm into my own. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

About thirty minutes later, and we were at the start of the hiking trail, with Nicholas parking his truck as close to the trail as he possibly could. I knew that it wasn't a sign of his disbelief in my leg feeling better and had more to do with not wanting to push me too hard, ever, but it still made something flip in my stomach.

Not normal.

That was not normal.

I was not normal.

I took in a deep breath as I followed Nicholas' lead, the beginning of the trail nice and neat. It must've been the sort of thing marked off for people new to hiking, as evidenced by the way the trail had been clearly outlined, separating it from the rocks and pebbles. It was an easy enough re-introduction to hiking, the familiar warmth of the sun basking down against my skin, the fresh air filling my lungs. I was even happy to hold Nicholas' hand the whole way through, every so often squeezing his palm when I crossed paths with something I wanted him to see, like a particularly beautiful tree or a small frog resting on a nearby leaf.

"How are you feeling?" Nicholas eventually asked, as we came to a fork in the road. "Do you think you're up for something a little more challenging?"

"I… think so, yeah," I replied, my leg having not bothered me at all throughout the trip.

Nicholas flashed me a smile, before he started to walk down a different path, veering off to the left. Immediately, I could tell that this was meant to be the more advanced side of the hike, the lines between what was trail and what was nature blurred without any clear lines to differentiate them from each other. Still, I steadied myself as we began our ascent, trying my best not to think about what it would mean if I wasn't able to do this, if I would have to retire from my days as a co-owner of Wild Woods HQ?—

No.

I couldn't let myself think like that. If Nicholas believed I could do this, there was no reason to think I couldn't. And even if my leg started to act up, it was obvious that Nicholas would be fine with turning around, with trying again tomorrow…

No matter how many tomorrows it might take.

My heart swelled for a moment as I thought about how much time and care Nicholas had devoted to me while I was recovering from my injury, how he'd been at my side no matter what time it was, night or day. It was something so special to me, how reliable he was, how much he was willing to pour into my well just to make sure that I had enough. My thoughts then turned to things I'd never allowed myself to think of with anyone else, things like matching rings, like buying an actual home together, like going to a shelter and picking out the cutest dog?—

Like sharing a life with someone in a very real way.

"Here we are," Nicholas said, coming to a sudden stop. We were in the middle of a clearing, a picnic blanket already laid out in the very center of it. There was also an old-school boombox resting against the trunk of a tree, its cassette area open and waiting for a tape.

"Nicholas?" I looked over at him, confused. "What is all this?"

"A reward for being brave." He shrugged with a smile. "I figured if you were willing to test out your leg with something harder, you should get something in return."

"Something like what?"

"Something like this," he said, already making his way over to the boombox. A few seconds later, and he'd slid a tape inside it, a soft, classical tune soon filling the air around us. When he was done, he came back to where I was standing and gently grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the picnic blanket until our sneakers were right on top of its fabric.

"Nicholas, why are we standing on top of a picnic blanket?"

"You mean the dance floor?"

"Oh, my God. Is that what this is?" My eyes went wide with surprise. "You're dancing with me?"

"Absolutely."

"But you never dance."

"I'll dance with you, right here, right now," he replied, his hands shifting down to my waist. "Assuming you want to dance with me, too?"

"Of course, I want to dance with you, Nicholas!" I shouted with excitement. "I just seriously thought this would never happen in a million years! Honestly, I'm not sure it's happening now, either. Maybe I'm just hallucinating and you're about to violently shake me awake?—"

"No hallucinations here," Nicholas said, his voice tinged with nerves. "Although, you have to forgive me if I step on your toes. I was serious about not being much of a dancer."

"You can step on my toes all you want, babe." I beamed up at him as I rested my hands against his shoulders. "You have no idea how happy this makes me."

Nicholas nodded as he began to slightly sway us to the music, moving our bodies in a small circle as violins and violas played on in the background. It was such a surreal moment that I was struggling to let it sink in, still idly wondering if this was some sort of elaborate prank, if my Nicholas had been replaced by one who'd sneak dances with me in the forest.

"I think this might be the best day of my life," I whispered, just as Nicholas delicately spun me around before pulling me back into his arms.

"I wouldn't say that," Nicholas replied, his chest pressed close to mine. "There's always tomorrow, after all."

"Always tomorrow…" I grinned before pressing a kiss against the bottom of his jaw. "Sounds good to me."