8. Nic

Chapter 8

Leia was quiet as I drove home. Every so often, I stole glances at her profile in the seat next to me. Her expression was relaxed but tainted with grief. She'd been through a lot, and I still couldn't say the words I knew she needed to hear.

I couldn't tell her I'd turn her. And that was fucking ridiculous because I wanted nothing more than have Leia by my side for the rest of our immortal lives. As my bonded mate, as my bride, as the woman I'd turned out of love.

No ulterior motives.

No anger.

No vengeance.

Simply mine.

She didn't speak as I steered the car down the quiet backroads between our houses. The heat of the day had waned enough that I could open the windows and let in the damp, green smell of verdant plants and trees that did little more than silhouette the sides of the road. The noise of the crickets formed our soundtrack, and occasional sets of eyes shone from the undergrowth, captured by the headlights.

I took a deep breath and reached for Leia's hand, only relaxing when her fingers curled gently around mine. Her conflicted feelings vibrated in the air around us, and my chest tightened in acknowledgment that I was a source of confusion for her.

I wanted to give her everything… And she wanted the one thing I couldn't give her.

Her anger could come back at any time… But no. Who was I kidding? It wasn't about the anger anymore—I was just still so scared of getting it wrong and altering her forever from the woman I'd fallen so hard in love with—a love I'd never anticipated. A love I didn't want to ruin.

I just needed a little more time.

With a soft sigh, I lifted her hand to my lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. We were in a much better place, and I couldn't be more grateful, but we still had a lot to sort out.

The windows at my house glowed with soft light as I turned into the driveway. With her usual, impeccable sixth sense, Mrs. Ames seemed to be welcoming us home, even though I'd expected to stay away, at Leia's house.

It was quiet inside when we entered, though, and I turned to Leia. "Where would you like to sleep?"

"My room." Her reply was soft but definite, and I nodded.

I saw her to the door before leaning forward to capture her lips. Even through the shroud of sadness that seemed to have descended over Leia earlier, our connection fizzed between us, catching the air alight, and she parted her mouth almost immediately, her invitation clear.

But I drew back, my reluctance to let her go obvious in the way my hands and lips lingered. "I have to go to the casino," I murmured. "Kyle took Sebastian there for holding."

Leia tensed. I hadn't shown her the cells beneath the building, and she didn't need to know all the details, but she'd overheard enough talk recently to have an idea of the building's general layout.

Not that I'd ever expected to have one of my brothers in the cells.

"Will you be back tonight?" She glanced at her door as she spoke.

"Will I be welcome?" I probed gently.

She nodded, already touching the handle to let herself into the room. "Always."

Always. The short word echoed through my mind as I made the familiar turns to La Petite Mort. I didn't want to be away from Leia long—hell, I didn't want to be away from her at all—but I needed to see Sebastian and find out what the fuck he'd been thinking.

He clearly hadn't been thinking, and he'd put me in a damn near impossible position. I couldn't balance both being a brother and a king now. I had to pick one.

The temperature dropped as I walked down the stone steps to the cells. It was damp down here—witch magic only created so much usable space, but I had more space than most, and my cells were well used, a fact that brought me little satisfaction.

Still, maintaining order was ultimately my responsibility, one I'd overseen on behalf of even my father for many years.

I approached Sebastian's cell with some trepidation. My initial red-hot fury had receded, leaving something much icier that afforded me the ability to at least think.

Sebastian turned to me as my footsteps sounded between us, and I paused. His eyes were shadowed and red-rimmed, his face already gaunt, and there was something a little wild and disheveled about him. His hair was out of place, like he'd spent the time since I last saw him running his hands through it, and his shirt was half untucked from his pants, his sleeves sloppily rolled up his forearms.

"Nic." His voice was cracked. "I didn't know if you'd come."

I stopped and drew up a wooden chair outside the bars of his cell. "Of course I came." I sighed, sympathy overriding my anger for a moment. "Oh, Seb. What messes you get into."

Memories of previous years flooded me, of all the times I'd saved his ass and he'd lived another day to be Mom's golden boy. But the final memory brought me to my senses, wiping out the nostalgia—Sebastian with his fangs in Leia's neck.

Rage started a slow burn inside me again, and I turned away from him before I lost my focus and control completely.

"I'm sorry." His words emerged as a pained whisper. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking… I wasn't fucking thinking. Just… I wanted to help. I… Leia…"

I whirled around. "Don't you dare mention her fucking name. Nothing about her belongs to you. Not her neck, not her desire to be vampire, not her blood, not her name. Nothing."

He nodded, his gaze on the floor. "I know."

I stepped forward and gripped one of the thick bars, my knuckles whitening.

"Why would you take this risk, brother?" I sounded just as desperate as Sebastian had moments before. "You know the position you've put me in. I should put you to death for biting my mate." But even as the words crossed my lips, I knew I never could. How could I order the final death of my brother? Especially when it would destroy our mother. That was an extra complication I didn't want to think about. "Why take this risk?"

When he returned his gaze to me, horror froze each of my muscles, and I couldn't even reach out my hand to stop the stream of words about to pour from his mouth. It was written in every line of expression. He loved Leia.

My brother loved my mate.

I swallowed convulsively as bile churned in my gut, but still I couldn't stop his confession.

"I love her." His voice was that of a broken man. "I love her, Nic. Maybe I do deserve to die because I don't know what to do. I wanted to make her happy, to give her this gift."

"And you wanted to be closer to her?" I couldn't help poking the wound he'd just opened between us.

He nodded. "I wanted to be part of her life in whichever way she'd have me."

"But you are already her brother… At least you will be." Frustration at myself for not turning Leia earlier and avoiding all this mess warred with my anger and irritation at my brother.

At our hearts, we were creatures of instinct—Seb probably still more so than any of the rest of us. He still had a side to him that he couldn't keep in full check. Of course Leia had been a temptation, and she was one I'd failed to mitigate for him sufficiently.

I blew out a breath, and Sebastian twisted his fingers together as he sank to his knees and looked up at me. "She came to me with the offer of being her maker, and I was weak. I was greedy. I wanted to be her sire and have a bond of my own. I knew better but I convinced myself otherwise, that it was an unselfish act, giving Leia what she wanted." He paused and swallowed. "What she needed, Nic."

I closed my eyes against his words, my instinct to deny the truth in them. "But now I have the right to see you to your final death, Seb." But my use of his nickname probably told him I wouldn't. I clenched my fist as frustration surged through me. "Just… just what the actual fuck?"

But he'd already told me all he could, and asking the same questions wouldn't change his answers.

"I wanted to protect her."

Those words made it no better. My fucking job had been to protect my mate, and Sebastian had just told me I'd fallen short in that duty, that he'd thought he could look after Leia better than I could.

Fucking brothers.

"Sebastian." I ground out his name like a curse as I started to pace before him. I had many things to consider.

Could I really blame him for loving Leia? The whole fucking world should love her. But he'd tried to turn her…how could I possibly overlook that?

"Brother…" Sebastian invoked our relationship, and I stopped mid-stride. "My sword is still yours."

I swallowed a groan as he reminded me of the war with Francois. I hadn't forgotten, not really. But the knowledge my brother had bitten my mate had taken priority over all else.

"Please. Allow me to atone."

"Again." I couldn't stop the bitter word as it left my lips.

"Again," he agreed, his refrain sad.

But how could I not? I still needed him. The war with Francois was far from over. I'd sworn vengeance when he kidnapped Leia, and since then Francois had done nothing but escalate his behavior. It had seemed impossible at the time, but he'd tried to block our cash flow by destroying La Petite Mort and he'd killed Leia's dad In front of her.

I blew out a long sigh. "You're giving me an impossible choice."

Sebastian bowed his head. "Allow me to make things right with my brother by serving my king."

I opened my mouth to speak, but my cell phone vibrated. "Damnit." I slid the phone from my pocket and glanced at the screen. "It's Mother."

Of course it was our mother. I smiled ruefully. She was undoubtedly calling me to plead for the life of her son. The thought brought me no happiness.

"Nic." My name exploded from her before I even said hello. "Nic, please."

"Mother," I greeted her.

"Please tell me he's still alive."

I leaned a shoulder against the wall as I watched Sebastian in his cell, careless of the damp seeping through my suit jacket. "Yes, he is." I held my phone in Sebastian's general direction. "Sebastian, would you like to say hello to Mother?"

His eyes widened. "Hello, Mother," he called, and when I brought the phone back to my ear, Mother wept quietly.

"Oh, thank you," she murmured. "Thank you."

I shook my head slightly, irritated at her, the emotion fast and irrational.

"You realize your son has put me in an impossible situation?" Even to me, I sounded bitter. Part of me suspected she'd always preferred her made son to me.

"We're all in an impossible situation," she said.

When I remained quiet, she spoke again.

"We all are." She emphasized the idea we were all in this mess together, and I turned from Sebastian, not enjoying his gaze on me as Mother pleaded for his life.

"He should die for biting the mate of the king," I reminded her.

"I know." A sob echoed down the line. "I know. I heard what he did. I heard…" She broke off. "But he's my son, too. One of my sons should not kill the other. That's not the way. We're family."

I closed my eyes. "How many times, Mother? How many things must I overlook in the name of family?"

She sucked in a sharp breath. "He's never been an angel, Nic. He's struggled more than any of us, I think."

I chuckled without humor. "You think?"

"Please, Nic." She whispered the words like I was an avenging angel, the only one who could save Sebastian from his sins, and maybe I was. His fate hung in the balance on a word or a deed from me. "He deserves another chance."

I played with some of the moss growing between the stones in the wall, running my fingertip over the soft surface as my mind churned with thoughts. There were too many. Too much emotion, and now a fine layer of guilt perfectly applied by Mother.

I sighed. "Thank you for your call. I will take your concerns into account. In the meantime, you're not to worry." Then I disconnected our call.

Of course I couldn't fucking kill my brother.

I returned my attention to Sebastian in his cell. He hadn't moved from his knees in front of the bars, and his entire posture remained submissive.

"What am I to do with you?" I murmured. "Mother wants you alive." I bared out a laugh as I slid my phone into my pocket. "She called to plead with me."

That idea tasted strangely bitter, like she hadn't known all along that I'd spare Seb's life, like years of shared history meant nothing, like even now, our mother didn't really know me at all.

Sebastian made no reply beyond a deep inhale that lifted his shoulders. He didn't even move his gaze from the floor—a true condemned man awaiting his fate. But I took no pleasure in the power granted to me by my position. Not today.

"I need you at my side in this war." I truly believed there was probably no one who had my back more than my brother. Not Kyle, not even Jason. There was a lot to be said for the bonds of family, for a shared history, and those memories and experiences bound us even now.

For a moment, relief flickered over Sebastian's face, but he quickly concealed it, like he understood I wasn't done with my judgment.

"But if Leia ever reaches out to you again—for anything, no matter how small—you are not to reply or respond in any way." I dropped my voice, making it soft. "If she calls you, hang up the phone, brother. It's clear my mate is too much of a temptation for you. She leads you to act in dangerous ways. You'd lose your life for her."

Disappointment he couldn't conceal this time drew his brows down, but he nodded.

"There will be no point at which you and Leia can be together. Your feelings for her are dangerous to you." Not least because jealousy made me irrational, and I couldn't think of my brother lusting after my mate. I needed a clear head.

"Yes, Nic." Sebastian's voice was low too as he acknowledged my words.

I held up a hand. "I'm not done. I will spare your life, but don't mistake this kindness for weakness on my part. Others will, but you must not. Once the war is over, you will travel. There must be no way for you and Leia to ever be together, ever cross paths."

He swallowed.

"Find a new home, Seb. Start again. Take a year or two, however long you need, to get her out of your head." I snorted. "Out of your fucking blood."

Sebastian sighed again, and his eyes gleamed with tears as he looked at me, but he nodded. "Yes," he croaked.

I nodded. Our business here was concluded. Sebastian's disappointment at being exiled was palpable, but I couldn't help that.

"You've been lenient, my king," he acknowledged as I turned to leave.

I glanced over my shoulder. "No. Your brother has been lenient. Don't make me regret it."

He nodded and I walked away, already eager to return to Leia. Sebastian had taken too much of my time, but I was lighter now that I'd dealt with him. The weight of that responsibility had lifted.

As I entered my home, Leia's light floral scent surrounded me. There was a different tinge to it now that Sebastian had bitten her, but that was already fading. I curled my fingers as I considered afresh what my brother had done, but I shook the thoughts away. It was over. He wouldn't do the same again. He wouldn't be able to.

I followed my instincts, the way my mate glowed like a beacon for me, and found her curled up in a chair in the library, the Book of Gray spread across her lap. She rubbed the edge of one of the old pages gently between a thumb and forefinger as she prepared to turn it, and it made a pleasing shushing noise.

I stood in the doorway and watched her, an odd sense of foreboding filling me like the darkest of shadows. It was a crunch time. If I didn't turn her, everything could be taken from me.

If not by Sebastian, then by another opportunist of fate. The clock was already ticking for Leia. I'd set it in motion the moment I first bit her.

"Anything interesting?" I kept my voice light as she looked up.

She grimaced slightly, and I swallowed. I'd told her bits and pieces of information, and it wasn't the first time she'd flipped through my book of family history and lore, but today seemed different. Her scrutiny was more intense, and she seemed to be absorbing each word.

Today could change everything for us.

I hesitated before fully entering the room. I'd resisted turning her for all the right reasons. But what were my reasons now?

Her grimace became a smile as she watched me. "Hi, Nic." She spoke softly, and the hardness I'd constructed around my heart for dealing with Sebastian began to melt away.

She returned her attention to the book briefly, and her smile widened. I almost sighed. She'd found something in there that made her happy—something she thought strengthened her case, that might persuade me to turn her. She had no idea how close to that edge I already walked.

I glanced to her left, almost grateful to note the cup of steaming tea and the half-eaten beignet. At least she'd waited for me this time.