Chapter 62

Chapter Sixty-Two

Will

T here were times in my life when I'd wished that Maddy and I could pack up everything we own and move to somewhere hot and foreign. This was one of those times, except that wish now included taking Maya along, too. I suppose Maddy would insist on taking Zak, as well.

Although, she was walking around like a bear with a sore head, which I was sure wasn't all down to a hangover from the party she'd been to last night. I had noticed that she'd kept looking at her phone then huffing and throwing it to one side. When I asked her what was bothering her she told me nothing and stormed off to her room.

Once she was in a better mood maybe I'd broach the subject, but in the meantime she could stay up there and sulk. I had other stuff that I needed to think about, like my kidney and whether to donate it to someone I didn't know.

"Why don't you call him?" Maya cupped her hands around her coffee mug and snuggled down into her dressing gown. "I'm sure you'll be able to find his number. Didn't you say he works for the franchise that bought Steven out?"

"Yeah, he does."

"So, it'll be easy to get his number." She gave me a gentle smile, which made me think everything would work out okay, whatever my decision. Because, I had to be honest, that was how she affected me. It was if as soon as we met, she'd put a spell on me, one that demanded that I forgot about my life before her, and that I saw only her as my anchor.

"It will, you're right." I blew out a cleansing breath, determined that I would contact my brother and speak to him directly before I made any other decision. "I'll call him after the weekend." Maya's brow rose. "Not because I'm putting it off, but because I want to dedicate time to you and Maddy this weekend, and as soon as I speak to Cameron I have a feeling the shit will hit the fan."

Maya nodded. "Okay. Good plan."

"Right," I said, clapping my hands together. "Do you feel up to going out for lunch. Food might just drag Maddy from her bedroom."

"Yes, sounds good. Maybe not too far, though."

"There's a great café in town that do loads of different things. Then we can come back, you can have a little nap, and then this evening I thought maybe I'd ask Maddy to get Zak round and we could play cards."

Maya's eyes lit up. "I am so good at Poker."

Chuckling I kissed her cheek. "I was thinking more like Hearts or Rummy."

She shrugged. "I'll still beat you."

"I'll go up and speak to Miss Grumpy." As I started for the door my phone began to ring in my pocket. "Shit, that better not be Steven again."

"Just send it to voicemail."

About to do as Maya suggested, I was surprised to see it was Mike, Ana's dad, calling me.

"Hey, Mike," I answered, frowning.

I hadn't spoken to him in ages, not even before he'd left Susan. We weren't exactly mates but exchanged the odd text or call about the girls. Instantly, I wondered if he'd heard about what Ana had done to Maddy and Emma.

"Will." His voice sounded hollow and distant, like he was distracted, or I was the last person he wanted to speak to.

"Is this about Ana?"

He drew in a shaky breath. "Y-yeah, how did you know?"

"Well, Maddy told me. I mean it wasn't like she could hide it from me, Zak had to hold her up and?—"

"I'm not sure… shit, I think we're talking about something different, Will."

Then it hit me. He didn't sound hollow or distant, he sounded broken, grief stricken, and my heart started thumping.

"Mike, what's happened? What's going on?"

There was silence on the other end of the line. At least I thought there was and then I heard a barely audible high-pitched squeal of agony. Gripping the phone tight, I sank onto the armchair and glanced over at Maya who was looking at me quizzically.

"Mike, tell me what's wrong? What's happened? Is Ana okay? Is she in some kind of trouble?"

There was a noise like he'd dropped the phone, and then I heard faint crying.

"Mike?"

Silence stretched out for what felt like ages until I heard a long drawn in breath. "It's Theo, Mr Newman, Ana's brother."

My stomach bottomed out as goose bumps broke out over my skin like I'd been doused in cold water. "Theo, what's happened?"

"She's dead, Mr Newman. My sister is dead."

"No." Maddy shook her head and stared at me with wild eyes. "You've got it wrong. She's not dead."

Maya and I were sat either side of her, Maya holding her hand while I had mine gently cupping her cheek. We'd just told her one of the worst things you could tell any kid: her best friend had died after taking a short cut across the railway track to get home. The times I'd drummed into Maddy not to do that, no matter how late she was. Everyone had taken the shortcut at some point, and we were lucky that there had been only one other fatality in fifty years. It was a recognised crossing point, but you still had to have your wits about you—your ears and eyes had to be sharp. It was not a safe place if either of those senses were impaired.

"I'm so sorry." My hand smoothed down her hair and then moved to rub small circles on her back. I offered my other hand to her. "Take my hand, sweetheart, please."

Taking it, Maddy's gaze lifted and met mine. "Why was she going that way? She knows not to Dad. We always say never go that way, no matter how late you are, never cut across the railway line. We?—"

Her words were coming out quick and fast, and I was afraid she was going to hyperventilate. Her shoulders and chest were rising and falling. Painful. Ragged.

"Maddy, sweetheart, please just calm down. Take a deep breath and?—"

"We always say, never go across the railway line. You've always told me." Maddy's grip tightened, and I saw Maya wince. I reached over and gently loosened her hand so Maya could free hers, but she didn't. She kept hold and hugged it to her chest. "I wanted to go with her. She was so mad, Dad. She was so nasty, and she left, and I told Zak we should go after her, but he said she'd be fine." She let out a sob. "But she wasn't. She went across the line and…" She turned to me. "What happened, Dad, did it…"

Her words trailed off into more sobs as she threw herself at me. Wrapping her arms around my chest, she clung on tight, her whole body shaking with grief. Sadness engulfed me, because apart from holding her, there was nothing that I could do to soothe her. I couldn't take the pain in her heart away. I wouldn't be able to stop the guilt she was bound to feel, or the sorrow that would always be there whenever she thought of her last year at school. And I would never, ever, salve that deep grief the mere mention of Ana's name would bring for the rest of her life.

As I held Maddy, Maya placed a warm comforting hand on my knee and gave it a gentle squeeze to gain my attention.

"I'll leave you both to it," she said

"Babe, it's fine."

Maddy then gave another heaving sob and gripped my jumper tighter. "She can't be dead, Dad, she can't be."

Maya chewed on her bottom lip, and her eyes filled with tears as she sat on the edge of the sofa. She looked like she didn't know what to do, or what her role was, but as far as I was concerned, she was exactly where I wanted her to be. Where I needed her to be. I understood her need to be able to do more, though. That had been exactly how I felt when I first moved in with Miriam and she was Maddy's primary carer until I got the hang of things. I'd hover around feeling useless and looking a lot like Maya did at that moment.

"Could you call Zak?" I asked her. I fished my phone from my jeans pocket. "I took his number when they went to London. Ask him if he can come round."

Maya nodded and as her bottom lip trembled, she gently cupped my face. "Of course I will."

It hurt to think that maybe Maddy needed him, but this wasn't about me and my heart. It was about my daughter and what she needed, and I believed that Zak was it.

Stroking a hand down her hair, I gently rocked her and made soothing noises that I knew wouldn't help one little bit, because this was the worst thing she'd ever been through. When Mrs P died, she'd been upset because she was like a grandmother to her, but this was another level. Ana had been her best friend since they were little girls, and no one expected to lose their best friend at just seventeen.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. So, so sorry."

"We argued Dad," Maddy gasped out. "We argued and she went home on her own. I knew I should have gone home with her. Zak and Liam went…"

"Mads, no one was to know what would happen. It was a horrible, horrible accident."

According to Theo, she'd been just a foot from safety, almost across the line, when the train hit her. The poor driver had tried to put the brakes on but hadn't been able to stop in time. He must have been in a real state, no one expects something so tragic to happen when they go off to work in the morning.

"You want a glass of water or something?" I asked when she finally calmed down.

"No," she said shaking her head. "I don't want anything."

"Do you want me to call Emma for you?" Theo said he was going to call Emma and Liv's parents. I didn't envy him one little bit. No brother, or parent should have to do that.

"Yes," she murmured, swiping her hand across face. "And Liv. I want to see them." She took a deep breath. "Zak, I need to call Zak."

"Maya's calling him for you."

She looked up at me with tears brimming at her lashes, and she looked just like she used to when she was upset as a little girl. All big eyes and snotty nose. I wanted so much to be everything she needed but I was aware that times were changing, and I was no longer her whole world.

"He'll be here soon, Mads."

She nodded against my chest and curled in closer and that's how we stayed until Zak turned up. The one thing that made me feel better was that she didn't let go of me immediately when he walked in. She hugged me tighter for another minute or so and then slipped onto his knee, so I left them alone as for the first time, Zak took my place.