Chapter 24

Taylan

Find em, feel, em, fuck em, forget em.

That was the motto that I have lived by for as long as I can remember, but somehow I feel like that doesn't apply to me anymore. It's been a month since I left Russia and yet I still don't feel whole. Something is missing. I have been trying for weeks to convince myself that it's because I lost my pride or ego or whatever the fuck you want to call it when I wasn't able to save her, but the piece of myself I am missing is her!

Knox and Lake both tried to convince me not to move out but their pleas fell on deaf ears. I need my space to think and try to regroup. Don't get me wrong, I like my new house, it's big enough for me and has ample enough space but it's… empty. Xander and Wave even flew over to spend a couple of days with me. Hanging out with them, Lake and Knox like the old times was great, but was bittersweet because River was missing… but it wasn't just that. Seeing them so in love and watching how the guys found any excuse to touch their girls, whether it was a simple brush of their fingers down their arms or running their fingers through their hair, it had a pang of longing hitting me in the chest.

Knox is worried that I will fuck up tomorrow at the meeting with the heads of the families, he's an idiot. He should know better than anyone that I am a master at compartmentalizing shit. My phone rings and I roll my eyes at the sight of the devil himself calling.

"Yes, darling, I packed those panties that you like," I say when I answer.

"Ha-ha fucker! We'll swing by and pick you up in an hour."

"Sweet. I'm packed," I say before I end the call. I'm about to toss my phone back onto the sofa when it rings again, but this time it's an unknown number. I debate letting it ring out but curiosity gets the better of me.

"Who dis?" I snap.

"So mature." I tense at the sound of Gage's voice.

"What can I do for you, Gage?" I clip out in a firm tone. I haven't spoken to any of them since I landed in Canada and left Anya on the plane.

"Just so we are both fucking clear, I wouldn't be making this call if I didn't have to."

"Then why are you?"

"Because my wife says you can help." This piqued my interest.

"Well, please carry on then."

"I don't like you!"

I snort. "And I won't lose sleep over how you feel about me, now either get to the point or I'm hanging up."

"I'll beat your fucking face in, you little punk!" he snarls.

I roll my eyes. "Kay, well nice chat?—"

"Train Destiny for the fight against Tiana and I won't snap your neck when I see you tomorrow."

I splutter. "Guy with all the threats, say what now?"

He growls and that gives me great satisfaction, knowing I'm working his last nerve. I enjoy pushing people's buttons. "She has three months to be ready."

"And?" I press.

"With how she is training, she wouldn't be ready in six months."

"Tell her mother to jump in the ring with her and not to hold back, break her and she will break down all her walls and then you will both see the real beast your daughter hides from the world. Catch ya on the flip side, Gage." I end the call and slouch back into the sofa scrubbing a hand down my face. "She's haunting me without actually haunting," I growl in frustration.

By the time Knox picks me up, I'm in a sour mood, I barely mutter two words to him on the flight to Switzerland. When we get to our hotel, I snatch my key from him and head straight for my room, needing to be alone. I decide to take a shower and try to calm myself before I go looking for a fight in the wrong place. Right now fighting is my only option because my cock seems to be broken. The fucker won't get hard unless I'm thinking about a certain blonde who is a huge pain in my fucking ass.

I step out of the shower and wrap the towel around my waist, before walking out only to slam to a halt at the sight before me. "Don't you fucking people have boundaries?" I snap. I'm fucking fuming right now and I don't give a fuck who she is or who she is married to.

"She's here, room 201. Go to her." I stop digging through my duffle bag for some clothes and look at her in shock.

"Crazy woman who broke into my room, say what now?"

Her face morphs into a pissed off look as she climbs to her feet and drops a gold room key on my bed. "201, say goodbye or agree to train her but either way, she needs to see you. She has no idea I am even here speaking to you."

I shake my head. "You are out of your fucking mind, Anya. The person who needs to help her is you?—"

"The minute we land back in the States, I will be in the ring with her. I may be the one who can break my daughter and force her to feel but you and I both know you are the only one she wants to put her pieces back together." I say nothing as she slips out of my room like a fucking ghost.

"Fuck my life!" I snarl into the empty room as I quickly change, then lean against the wall, staring at the stupid card like it might attack me if I get too close. I stand here tugging on the strands of my hair for the better part of an hour debating what the fuck I should do. I check the time on my watch and cringe, it's nearly one in the morning. "Fuck it," I snap before I swipe the card off the bed and stalk out of my room, making my way to her room. The entire way my heart beats rapidly, like it's trying to burst free of its cage. My palms are slick with sweat when I finally come to a halt outside her room.

Should I knock?

I shake my head. No, I don't want to wake her up if she's sleeping. Maybe I could just sneak in and stare at her for a bit? I nod like a mad man, slip the card into the slot and wait for the green light to flash, then quietly slip inside her room. I close the door softly and pad through her room, following the soft glow of light coming out of the bedroom. The room is set up the same as mine so it's easy to navigate. I creep forward and slip inside the room, the sight of her fast asleep with the covers tangled around her has me wanting to drop to my knees and thank God for creating such a masterpiece.

I silently move toward the chair in the corner that is shrouded in darkness, telling myself I'll just sit here for a while and stare at her until I get my fix, then I'll slip out before she even realizes I am here. If she sees me, that would be bad for the both of us. Just the sight of her has my cock growing hard. I look down at the traitor and glare at it. The fucker couldn't even get hard when I tried to rub one out to porn, but the mere thought of her has me rock hard.

Would it be creepy if I got myself off right here?

I push that thought away because yes, yes that would be fucking creepy!

I tense when she whimpers and begins to stir. Her tiny hands clench the sheets, her head swings side to side. "No, no, no, stop it. Don't touch me." A strong sense of protectiveness washes over me knowing she is having a nightmare about what she went through, what I witnessed her go through! "No!" she screams so loud I reel back into the chair as she bolts upright in the bed panting. She clutches her throat and then looks down at her lap. She sighs in relief when she realizes where she is.

I remain still and hold my breath, praying she will fall back asleep so I can slip out of her room but she suddenly stiffens like she feels my eyes on her. She closes her eyes for a second and swallows audibly then snaps them open and slowly turns toward me. Panic flares to life in her eyes, her mouth opens to scream but I lean forward the panic slowly fades as she drinks in the sight of me like she can't believe I'm here.

"Wake up," she says aloud, then smacks herself across the cheek. "Ouch!"

"You're not dreaming, Slayer," I say quietly so as to not spook her. She runs her gaze over me, taking in every inch of me. A deep groove forms between her brows that has me wanting to smooth out the lines with my fingers.

"You're really here?" she whispers. I nod.

"I am."

"Why?" That one word is laced with an immense amount of pain and confusion.

I open my mouth and close it a couple of times trying to find the right words. "I… I don't know."

"You have to leave, Taylan," she pleads.

Her words spark me to life. I slowly stand and look down at her, wishing more than anything that I could be what she needed me to be. I want to give her that security and make promises to always remain by her side but I can't…

"I never meant to hurt you, Destiny."

She rolls her lips over her teeth and inhales sharply through her nose before blowing it out slowly. "I never meant to feel anything for you. I never wanted more than a bit of fun but then…" She lets her sentence trail off.

"Shit changed. I get it," I say honestly.

"No, you don't get it." Anger drips from each word.

"Yes, I do!"

"You walked away so easily, you felt nothing when you drove away and left me there after... after what h-he did to me." When tears brim her eyes, I lose my self-control and eliminate the space between us and climb on the bed, pulling her to me. She climbs on my lap and wraps herself around me, burying her face in my neck. My hold on her is strong and protective. Her scent invades my senses, pulling memories from my mind that I tried to keep buried so the anguish of not being near didn't pull me under.

"I felt your pain like it was my own," I admit.

She pulls back and stares down at me. "You left me behind like I was nothing. You may not be able to say the words, but I know you feel something for me, Taylan. I can see it in your eyes."

I take a shuddering breath and try to turn away from her, but she grips my chin forcing my gaze back to hers. "I can't give you what you want, Slayer, I told you that from the start. I am not the guy you get a happily ever after with."

"Then don't give me after, give me now ."

I search her gaze, trying to decipher her meaning, but draw a blank. When she presses her lips to mine, then when I open for her, she takes control and plunges her tongue into my mouth, moaning. The taste of her has a haze of need washing over me and my cock leaping to attention. She rolls her hips, drawing a groan from me. My hands take on a mind of their own and begin touching her everywhere before finally landing on her ass and gripping her cheeks in a bruising hold.

She breaks the kiss, resting her head against mine as she holds my gaze. Lust and love swirl inside those gray-blue eyes. "I need you." Three words, that's all it takes for me to snap and flip us so she is pinned beneath me. Her blonde hair is fanned out around her, her lips swollen from my kiss and her chest rising and falling quickly as she waits for my response.

"Tonight, that is all I can give you."

"Then give me all of you while you can." She's never let me see this side of her before, vulnerable. She is letting me see everything she feels for me and it's breaking my chest open, my heart wanting to burst free and bury itself inside her because it knows the truth, she owns it. I hate the fear I harbor because of my past. I've never wanted a different life until now, and if I wasn't so fucked up and broken I could have this incredible woman, who has shown me she loves me without uttering those three words.

I shut off my inner voice and capture her lips, needing her to distract me before I self-combust. She wraps her arms around my neck and holds me close so she can deepen the kiss, her nipples pressing through her cotton shirt and rubbing against my chest. The soft whimpers that escape her drive me crazy with need, my hips move on their own accord and grind into her pussy. She breaks the kiss, crying out. I growl, needing to hear more of those sounds. I rip the shirt down the middle and salivate at the sight of her dusty-pink nipples. I bend down and capture one in my mouth, she cries out and arches her back off the bed.

"Yes, Tay." She moans when I bite down, I release it with a wet pop before latching onto the other one and paying it the same amount of attention. I love how responsive she is to my touch. She thrusts her hips up trying to gain some friction, if this is going to be the last time I get to have her like this then I want to savor every fucking moment. I trail kisses down her toned stomach. When she rests forward on her elbows to watch me, I flick my eyes to hers and keep them there as I slowly peel her sleep shorts down her legs. I toss them over my shoulder as she bends her legs at the knees and opens for me. I groan at the sight of her beautiful cunt, it's perfect.

"I need to taste you, baby, you good with that?" I ask, needing her consent. She nibbles her bottom lip and suddenly looks worried, that's when I remember. Koda. "Shit, I didn't think–"

"I need you to go slow and keep looking at me, I want you to take away that horrible memory and replace it with this one." The vulnerability in her voice pains me.

"Are you sure?"

She nods. I quirk a brow waiting for her to say the words. "Yes, I'm sure." I do as she asked and keep my eyes on her as I press forward between her legs. She darts her tongue out to moisten her lips. I press a kiss to her inner thigh and shoot her a smile.

"Keep those pretty eyes on me, baby. It's just me, he'll never touch you again, I made sure of that." Her face contorts in confusion, but before she can ask questions, I swipe my tongue through her folds, distracting her.