Chapter 23

Destiny

Two weeks later…

I'm drowning.

I am suffocating.

A gut-curdling scream tears out of me as I bolt upright in bed. A few seconds later my bedroom door bursts open to reveal my mom and dad, rushing toward me but I flinch away. Dad wraps his arm around my mom's shoulders, both looking worried and hurt—not for themselves but for me. When we first got back, I tried to return to my apartment but when we pulled up in front of it I couldn't get out of the car.

Knowing he was spying on me and saw everything that Taylan and I did makes me sick. He's still alive. Dad gave me a choice that night to end his life or keep him alive to suffer. I chose to let the cunt suffer. He's locked in the bunker out back of Uncle Bishop's where he is tortured daily by Uncle King and Aunt Allison. There have been days where I wanted to go see him, just so I could prove to myself that I am strong enough and that he doesn't have a hold over me. But every night I close my eyes, I see his face and relive every moment spent with him and how he violated me.

"Baby, we can't help if you don't speak to us," Mom pleads. I shake my head and lay back down, rolling over so I can face the window dismissing them. "Destiny, please."

"I'm fine, go back to bed," I say. They both sigh but do as I ask and leave me alone, wallowing in a hole of despair. How I could kill three guys and sleep like a baby is a mystery but having Koda's hands on me again reduced me to a crying mess who can't even sleep. I know why I can't sleep, and between knowing why and not being able to remedy that hurts more than my nightmares.

Taylan.

He's the reason I didn't have nightmares. Each night he held me as I slept I felt safe, protected and knew Koda couldn't get to me but he did. He was there the entire time and we had no fucking idea. I roll over and stare up at the ceiling, refusing to allow the tears that prick the backs of my eyes to fall. I've had no outlet for my anger. Dad won't let me train until I'm fully healed physically. But what he doesn't understand is that I will never be healed, the damage inside me is unrepairable. I thought I was strong after the first time, I put the pieces of myself back together and carried on with my life, but not this time.

This time, he won .

I don't know how long I lay here before I finally give up on sleep and change into some sweats, an oversized T-shirt and some sneakers, before tip-toeing out of the house so I don't wake my parents. I want to snort at myself, twenty-five and back home with dear old mom and dad because I'm too scared to stay in my own apartment. I'm pathetic, I know and I think they are starting to realize that as well. I'm not the strong, fearless daughter they thought I was. I'm a fraud.

The crisp morning air hits me as I exit the house and inhale a deep breath, relishing in the freshness. Before I can talk myself out of it, I take off and jog around the compound. I want this fight with Tiana more than ever now. Before I wanted it to prove that I was good enough and I could do it to prove Koda wrong but now, I want it because I want to show myself I can do it.

Every couple hundred feet I pass a guard manning the fence line. They each nod their heads and go back to standing like a statue. I feel ashamed that just the sight of them frightens me at the moment, that at any given moment they could say fuck it to human decency and drag me into a dark corner and rape me—they are twice my size and could overpower me if they wanted to.

I slam to a halt, gasping for air as I hunch over and rest my hands on my knees. Two weeks and already I'm beginning to lose my fitness.

"You're up early." I shriek and nearly fall to my ass. I turn around and realize then that I'm in Uncle Bishop's back yard. The man himself sits on one of the pool loungers with a cup of coffee and his tablet in his lap.

"You scared me," I breathe out as I make my way over to him and claim the seat beside him. I frown when he retrieves a fresh cup of coffee from the ground and hands it to me.

"I have cameras all around the compound, each time they catch movement an alarm goes off." My eyes widen.

"I woke you," I say guiltily.

He shrugs. "I barely sleep anyway. My men stand in the blind spots so they don't trip the alarms."

I cringe. "Sorry, Uncle B," I mutter as I grab the cup from him and allow its warmth to seep into me when I take a sip. "How did you know I would come here?" I ask.

He smiles lovingly. My uncle looks like a badass gangster and to his enemies he is but not to us. All we have ever seen is his soft side—well, everyone except Royal. He always gets to see his father's gangster side.

"I had a feeling you would find your way to that bunker," he says, flicking his gaze behind me to where the bunker is. My shoulders droop and I drop my gaze to the ground as I gnaw on my lip. "There is no time frame on when you will heal and be okay, Destiny." I lift my head and look up at him. "It's okay not to be okay, sweetheart."

My lip begins to tremble and my eyes fill with tears and his face falls. He places mine and his cups on the ground, then wraps his large arms around me holding me while I cry. It seems all I fucking do is cry these days! I can't seem to get a hold on my emotions, they are running rampant inside me and I am nothing but a passenger to them. He places a kiss to the top of my head. I clutch his shirt in a vice-like grip, not wanting him to let go.

Each and every one of our aunts and uncles helped raise each of us kids. We all love our parents but our family is so tight-knit because we were all raised by the same group of parents and that's why we are so close. Well, everyone except for Chanel, she is only close to Royal and the twins.

"I don't know how to be okay," I choke out.

Uncle B slowly pushes me back and places his hands on the tops of my shoulders as he stares into my eyes. "And that's okay, Dest. I wish I could take the pain away. I would give anything to have traded places with you so you wouldn't have had to suffer." The conviction in his tone is awe inspiring and I don't doubt for a second that he doesn't mean what he says. "I built this compound to keep all of you safe, I never wanted this life to touch any of you kids. I clearly fucked up with Royal since that little prick wants to live in my shadow." I crack a smile at that. "But you, Nytress, Unique and Amelia are the only ones who don't want to be a part of this life and that makes me so happy."

I reel back. "Really?"

"I granted Amelia's wish because you all deserve to live a life without the burden of being a Murdoch. Meelz has never wanted this and I'm proud of her for wanting something of her own. Nyt and Neeks are off touring the world and being young and free. I won't pretend to know what you went through but I can see it in your eyes that this life has taken your innocence from you." I immediately drop my gaze but he clucks me on the chin forcing my eyes back to him. "You want out, then get out. I'll help you like I am helping Amelia behind her father's back."

"Oh my God!" I breathe out.

He smiles and winks. "I may be the Don of this family and rule over thousands but make no mistake, my girl, the eight of you kids and your children but especially my granddaughter rule over me. Your happiness is the most important thing in the world to me and if I can help you achieve that, I will regardless of what my idiot brothers say." It warms my heart that he still includes Havoc when he thinks of all us kids.

"Thank you, Uncle B," I say, meaning it. Speaking to him has lightened the burden I have been carrying around me lately.

"You never have to thank me. Gage did a good job raising you."

I smile proudly. "Yeah, he did."

"But thank God you look like your mother because your father is fucking ugly." Laughter bursts out of me, I haven't laughed like this in weeks and it feels so good.

"God, I missed that sound." I jump to my feet immediately at the sound of my dad's voice. I expect him to look angry that I'm here talking to my uncle and not him but he just looks… happy to see me smiling.

"If it helps, hearing how ugly you are was what made her laugh," Uncle B says as he climbs to his feet and winks at me. "This conversation stays between us, I promise," he says low enough for only me to hear, then places a kiss to the top of my head and heads back inside, but not before shoving my dad first, bringing a smile to my face.

"You know he was a mistake, right?" Dad says as he comes over to me and claims the seat Uncle B just vacated. I reclaim mine and sip my coffee. Dad and I sit here and stare up at the slowly lightening sky, not saying a word but just enjoying being together.

"I want you to train me," I say, breaking the silence after so long.

I feel his gaze boring into the side of my head. "Are you sure?"

I take a deep breath and lull my head to the side meeting his gaze. "Yeah. I want this fight against Tiana and then…"

"Then what?" he pushes.

"I don't know, I think I want to try law school for real this time."

His eyes widen. "Don't let your mother sway you?—"

"She hasn't. I've been thinking about this for a long time now, I don't know if I want to fight for the rest of my life."

"If this is what you want, then you know I will support you." Hearing him say that means so fucking much to me. I jump up and shove him so he shifts over and climb in beside him. He wraps his arms around me and sighs in contentment.

"I missed this," I admit.

"So did I. It's been a hot minute since you wanted to hang out with your old man outside of the gym."

"Yeah, I guess I didn't realize what was really important to me until…" I clamp my mouth closed, unable to finish that sentence.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" I close my eyes and mentally facepalm myself, of course he would think that I was talking about Koda when in truth, I was talking about someone else. Someone else who hasn't even texted, called or sent a fucking email!

"No."

"Your mother and I just want to help." I sit up and throw my legs over the side giving him my back.

"You can't help me," I force out through gritted teeth. "This is my demon to kill."

"We can help if you let us," he begs.

"No, you can't!" I snap before I stalk off, ignoring him calling out to me, I round the front of Uncle Bishop's house and break out into a sprint. Maybe Taylan was onto something, if I keep running I might just be able to outrun the darkness of my past.