5. Karin

KARIN

When the alarm on my phone goes off, I'm already awake, staring out my bedroom window while I lie in bed. My mornings have all been like this since Ryan and I kissed. I keep waking up too early with a knot in my chest that refuses to go away.

I hear the squeak of my bedroom door, followed by the quiet pad of Amelia's footsteps as she sneaks over to my bed. I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep.

"Mom?" she whispers.

I let out a faux snore.

Amelia giggles. "I know you're awake."

I reach out and grab her, making her squeal with laughter as I pull her up onto the bed. "What do you want for breakfast, ladybug?"

"Jammy eggs."

"Sounds delicious. Are you going to make them for us?"

Amelia scoffs. "I can't make them myself!"

"I thought you were Chef Amelia now."

"I'm not really a chef, Mom," she says. "That's just what Ryan calls me."

I laugh. "I know. I'm only teasing you."

"Are we going to do something fun for his birthday?"

"His birthday?" I ask.

"Yes. His birthday." Amelia gives me a meaningful look. "It's tomorrow."

"It is? How do you know that?"

"Because I asked him when it was."

"Ah. Right. Well, I'm sure he would appreciate it if you made him a card."

"Can we throw him a party, too?"

"No, I don't think…"

"I don't mean a big party," she says, interrupting me. "It can just be the three of us. You know, with cake. And music. And hats. Definitely hats."

"It's sweet of you to want to celebrate his birthday, honey. But I don't know about throwing him a party."

"Why not? It would be so much fun."

I hesitate. I'm not sure what to tell her. The truth is that I need to be careful around Ryan. I already let myself get too swept up in him once. I can't let it happen again.

"Please, Mom?" Amelia begs.

"Honey…"

She makes a face. "I knew it. You don't like him."

"I didn't say that."

"So you do like him?"

The knot in my chest throbs. "Of course I like him."

"Are you sure?" she asks, squinting at me with suspicion. "What do you like about him?"

"Well…for starters, he's very good at looking after you."

"And?"

"He's a kind person."

"And?"

"And he's funny, and thoughtful, and respectful. Is that enough?"

"I guess." She continues to study me. "Mom, are you and Ryan friends?"

"Not exactly. We have a professional relationship."

"Oh." She looks disappointed. "So that means you can't be friends?"

"Not necessarily."

"Well, I think you should be friends. And I really, really think we should throw him a party. Even if it's the tiniest party there ever was. Even if it only lasts two seconds."

I laugh. Knowing my daughter, she's not going to give up until I give in. And even though I have my concerns about keeping things professional, I do want to do something nice for Ryan. He's done so much for us, after all.

"Okay," I say. "A tiny party it is."