Twelve

"I'm so glad we're sitting ice-side tonight," Ronnie says from her seat next to me before tossing a piece of popcorn into her mouth. Her orange-painted fingernails sparkle under the rink's bright lights.

"Me, too. Sometimes I get tired of sitting in the family suite."

"Right?" She turns to me with a sassy expression. "Sometimes it's invigorating to be down here where we can actually feel the plexiglass reverberate through our skulls when a player takes a hit."

I bark out an amused laugh as she passes me the bag of popcorn. "I appreciate you pretending like we're not just down here to scope out my ex." I send her a sidelong glance.

"Oh, please. I want to check out the players."

I bump her shoulder with mine. "Don't you mean player? As in singular?"

Pink tinges her cheeks, and she tries to hide a coy smile while she motions to her sidekick, Indy. "We've got little ears here, don't forget." Archer's adorable daughter is jumping up and down, shouting her dad's name through her tiny, cupped hands.

I pretend to zip my lips closed when she continues. "Anyway, back to you," she says with a laugh. "All I'm saying is that if Jones catches even the slightest glimpse of you tonight, he'll be begging you to take him back."

A familiar ache spreads through me, starting at my heart, then dropping into my stomach. "I don't want him to take me back, Ronnie."

Her brows pull tight, and she nods. "Right. Well, I just thought since you're wearing your hot girl jeans, you were trying to prove a point."

I pull my sleeves down over my hands and look toward our guys warming up. "I can't want to look good just for the sake of wanting him to eat his mistakes?"

Ronnie giggles. "Okay, you've made your point. Not taking Jones back, but also, we want him to regret his decision to let you go."

"Exactly."

Indy grabs Ronnie's arm and pulls her down to say something in her ear. When Ronnie straightens, she turns to me. "Indy's gotta use the bathroom. I'll be right back."

The pair disappears through the crowd, and I return my focus to the two teams out on the ice. My attention almost immediately goes to number 27 on the opposing team—Lex Jones. I hate how even now I find him attractive. I can't see his striking green eyes from this far away or the smirk that I know lives on his lips. But I don't need to see his features up close. They're already burned into my brain.

I wasn't lying when I told Ronnie I don't want Lex back. I don't. How could I want someone who didn't choose me? But she's also not wrong in assuming I wanted to look especially good for tonight's game. Maybe I still want Lex to miss what we had as much as I do.

Except I don't miss him as much as I miss having that person. The one who calls you after work just to hang out, the one who checks up on you to see if you need anything, the one you get to share secrets and special moments with. I haven't had that in so long that my heart wonders if I'll ever find it again.

Not likely now that my life revolves around writing and publishing. The only places I frequent anymore are home, Big Hair Books, and the rink. I spend so much time with my fictional boyfriends, I'd barely have time for a real-life one.

Unbidden, my crazy brain brings up my recent rendezvous with Jude.

Dragging my gaze away from the opposing team, I take in our players. As usual, Archer leads in stretches and warmups like a pro. Everyone seems pumped and ready to go. I let my eyes linger on each player until I get to Jude parading around as Joel. It still burns me up that he's out there fooling everyone. It's so obvious to me now that I've dissected his every gesture.

I can't believe Dad hasn't caught on—that no one on the team has second-guessed him. I don't know…maybe I wouldn't have noticed either if I wasn't a spectator from afar, able to see small discrepancies in his playing…

Stop pretending like you're normal, Chantelle, my inner voice says. You know why you're able to pick him apart. It's because you're crazy about details. You hyperfocus on the small, insignificant things most people overlook, and that's why you're weird, uptight, and can't relax, just like Lex always said.

I sigh and drag my gaze away. It's not going to help to hyperfocus on Jude and what he's doing. Sure, it's wrong, plain and simple. But I'm also deceiving those closest to me by not telling my parents or Ronnie about what I've done…what I do.

I'm just…not ready.

At least Jude's reasons for helping Joel are somewhat respectable, but mine? It's out of pure selfishness I haven't told them about my writing career.

Ronnie and Indy make it back to their seats just as the guys line up on the ice, ready to start the game. Seeing Jude in Joel's regular starting position has my nerves skyrocketing. It's irrational to be this worried for him, especially when he's already made it through two weeks of practices and a couple games, but I can't help it now that I've confirmed he is indeed not Joel. Now my stupid brain chooses to focus on all the ways he could screw this up not just for himself and Joel but also for the team.

"Does it make you nervous to watch Lex play?" Ronnie eyes me, likely picking up on my tense posture.

"Uh, yeah. Maybe. A little." I swallow, hoping she doesn't see through my cover up. It does sort of set me on edge to watch Lex play again, especially against the Dragons, but that's not why my spine is straighter than a hockey stick right now.

Still, my attention fixes on Lex, who, in a swift move, steals the puck and blows past Jude. He scores for the Scorchers and raises his arms high in victory. His teammates crowd around him, congratulating him, then his head snaps in my direction. I almost think I imagined it until he smiles wide and blows me a kiss. I look away, uncomfortable with such a blatant gesture.

Why would he do that? It's been over a year since we broke up. He can't just score a play on our home turf and then blow me a kiss like it's some funny joke.

"Did you see that or am I imaginings things?" Ronnie asks, getting my attention.

"No." That one word comes out with more force than necessary. "Unfortunately, you weren't. But that's how cocky Lex is."

"What a tool," she mutters under her breath, low enough that Indy won't overhear.

I ignore Lex's juvenile move and refocus on Jude. My stomach sinks when Archer approaches him and reams him out. Or at least, that's what it looks like from here. Suddenly, I wonder if he'll hear it from Joel later too. And then my stupid, sympathetic heart twists with compassion for Jude. He's genuinely trying to help his brother out and for what? To endure multiple lectures, not just from the captain and coach, but from his professional hockey player brother too? It can't be easy to fill shoes that big, even if he's super successful in his own right.

But Jude takes it like a champ, nodding and gliding toward the bench when Dad calls a timeout. I don't miss the way he glares in Lex's general direction, though. Something about the hardness of his jaw and piercing gaze makes my stomach tumble.

"He's got skills, I'll give him that," Ronnie says at my side.

"Hm?"

"Lex Jones," she clarifies. "He just schooled Forshtay."

Crossing my arms to ward off the weird feeling that invaded my stomach at seeing Jude glare daggers at my ex, I nod. "Yeah, he's good. Always has been. Which was why I tried to get him to sign with the Dragons."

"That had to be so hard." Ronnie unexpectedly wraps an arm around my waist. "But look at it this way. Now that you've sworn off all hockey players, you can live out your biker guy fantasy."

I laugh and shake her off. "Listen, I hang out with those guys too, and half the time, they act like goofy little kids." Little does she know I'm partly living out my fantasy by writing a biker romance book series. "I think I'm just in a guy slump or something. I haven't been really attracted to anyone in a while."

Liar,my inner voice croons. There's a certain pretend hockey player who you find addicting and attractive.

"Well, you've been busy with school and stuff, too," Ronnie says. "Maybe just focus on that for now. Your perfect guy will show up when you least expect him. That's how it happened for me."

I smile at her affirmation, even though I'm not so sure I believe it. I am happy for her, though, and what she and Archer have found in each other. I'm just not convinced it works that way for everyone.

Ronnie, Indy, and I stand in the hallway that leads to the locker room, waiting for Archer to finish up. Indy's prattling on about some TV show while Ronnie nods along and I zone out, thinking about the game. Sometimes I wait here for Dad to congratulate him on a win, but tonight, the guys lost. And it was not pretty. Surprisingly, Jude managed to score a few points. He didn't play like Joel, but he still did well with his own unique set of skills. Maybe I'm the only one who picked up on his differences but watching him skate is kind of mesmerizing.

He's fast and graceful—more graceful than I could ever hope to be in hockey pads—yet instead of being aggressive like the rest of the guys on the team, he spins out of his opponent's way and avoids contact. Not surprising, really, considering what he does, but it was still interesting to watch.

It's clear after tonight that he"s talented in his own right. They're just different from Joel's.

"Chantelle!" I whirl toward the masculine voice calling my name and freeze when I see who it is. Lex Jones holds up his hand in a single wave at the end of the hall.

Ronnie's low whisper hits my ears. "Um, do you see him standing there or am I hallucinating?"

I send Ronnie a frown, then mumble, "Don't wait for me. You and Indy go ahead."

She nods, and I bolster my inward resolve before heading toward Lex. His knowing smirk tilts high on one side, dimpling his cheek. The closer I get to him, the deeper that dimple becomes.

"Hey, short stuff," he says to me in greeting. "Man, you're a sight for sore eyes." He adjusts his grip on his bag as his green eyes rake over me. It's an unwanted perusal, that's for sure, but I'm not even going to address it. Or the stupid nickname he knows I hate.

I purse my lips and cock a hip, crossing my arms like they're some sort of emotional shield. "Thanks. It's good to see you too." Okay, not really true, but at least he's pretty to look at.

"Sorry your boys lost tonight," he says in that smooth voice of his. "Maybe it's time you switched loyalties to a winning team."

I paste on a pretend playful smile despite his dig at the Dragons. They're headed for playoffs, and he knows it. Instead, I say, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Then maybe you'd be able to justify everything that went down between us, right?"

He chuckles and moves closer, so close his citrus cologne nearly overwhelms me. "Don't be like that, babe. I told you my door was open if you wanted to move to Seaville with me."

I step back and bump into the wall behind me. "And I told you that I had already enrolled at DU." He opens his mouth to say more, but I cut him off. "Besides, the phrase my door is always open is not the same thing as will you please come with me? You see, one implies that you could take me or leave me; the other is a desperate plea to the woman you supposedly love. It's a declaration more than an invitation, even. It says you don't want to live without me. But it seems you're doing just fine."

His eyes narrow for a split second before he goes back to smirking. "That's always been your problem, hasn't it? Instead of being content and happy with the fun we were having, you needed some romantic declaration—a commitment."

I begin to shake my head, but he moves even closer, almost pinning me to the spot. I freeze as he lowers his voice. "As pretty as you are, short stuff, you wanted more than I was willing to give at eighteen years old. That sounds less like a me problem and more like a you problem. But if you ever decide to get out of that weird little head of yours and get tired of waiting around for your perfect man, I could think of a few fun ways we could pass the time."

"Hey!" another voice booms, startling us. I turn to see a frighteningly furious looking Jude striding toward us. "Wrong hallway, Jones."

Lex's smile grows as he takes a step back, angling to face Jude. "Sorry, hot shot. Must have gotten lost." With one last look at me, he says, "Remember what I said, babe. You got my number." With that, Lex stalks off, leaving me uncharacteristically unsettled.

I blink my eyes closed, and when I open them, Jude is standing in front of me. He looks so much like Joel right now, I almost imagine it's him. "You okay?" he asks.

I offer up a shaky nod and push away from the wall. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Jude stares in the direction Lex left before meeting my eyes again. "You know that guy?"

Again, I nod. "He's my ex."

Jude's eyebrows lift as understanding dawns. Before he can say anything else, Gwen comes around the corner and smiles at us.

"Hey, hun," she says to Jude, obviously playing like he's Joel. "You did so good out there." She wraps her arms around him, and he hugs her back. To anyone else, they'd probably look like the married couple they're pretending to be, but I pick up on the way Jude stiffens.

Gwen plants a kiss on his cheek, then turns to me. "Hey, Chantelle. We missed you in the suite tonight."

"Yeah," I say, tucking some hair behind my ears. "Just wanted to be up close and personal."

She laughs, keeping one arm planted firmly around Jude's waist. "I get it. Sometimes I enjoy that vantage point, too." Gazing up at Jude, she squeezes him. "Ready to go?"

He nods, then offers me a tight-lipped smile. "See you later, Chantelle."

I watch as they walk off, and no one else seems the wiser. I can't help but shake my head. It's unreal how easily they've been able to pull this off so far. For their sake, I hope they're able to continue to do so. Because I don't even want to know how furious Dad will be if he finds out.