Chapter 43

Chapter Forty-Three

I t was a week later when Kiera began to feel the sun shining through the dark cloud that had enveloped her. Lou, Chrissie and Clodagh had formed a rota, keeping her company and keeping her fed through the dark days since Lou had rescued her. She repeated the word to herself in her head. Rescue. She had rescued Chrissie, hadn’t she?

Clodagh hadn’t said a word about the angry accusations that had poisoned their last meeting. Instead, she simply offered practical help and sympathy.

The chink in the darkness had appeared during her daily episode of Pointless. There was something routine and non-threatening about the TV quiz, a fixed point when all else was adrift. Having regular mealtimes and cups of tea helped too, as well as friends sending little messages to say hello. Charlie would text her each morning, letting her know what daft thing had happened at work and how much he missed her.

It was mid-afternoon, and Kiera got her Turkish-coffee-making pan out. It looked like a tiny saucepan, but with the right coffee grounds and the appropriate set of actions, it created the strongest and most flavoursome coffee she’d ever drunk. It had been months since she’d made herself one. She was missing the tiny piece of Turkish delight that should have accompanied it, but settled for a jammy dodger. She smiled as she worked. The first genuine smile in days.

She was sitting down at the kitchen table and taking her first sip of the rocket fuel when the door opened. It was Chrissie. “Hey,” she said, smiling, “you made the special coffee, that’s amazing!”

Kiera smiled back, a decision forming in the back of her mind. “I’m feeling a little bit better,” she said.

“Oh, I’m so pleased,” said Chrissie. “I’ve been so worried. You have no idea. It’s been awful.”

Kiera took another sip of the thick black liquid. It galvanised her. “Look, I know this is partly my fault, with all the stuff with Lucian and the, well, that stuff,” Chrissie continued, unable to look at Kiera for a moment, and still unable to use the word ‘cult’. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“This isn’t about that,” said Kiera. “This is something that’s been coming for ages.” Chrissie sat down opposite Kiera at the table. She put her head to one side and looked at Kiera. “It’s about having my life turned upside down, and having to learn how to live again. And then about having it turned upside down all over again. This really is about me.”

“But I turned your life upside down first, though?”

“You did.”

“Can I put it back the right way up again?” Chrissie reached across the table and rested her hand on Kiera’s wrist.

“Yes,” said Kiera, “I think you can.” She waited for the anxiety to rise in her, the way it had been rising these last weeks. It didn’t come .

“Oh my God, please let me. I’ve been such a fool,” said Chrissie. “I love you, I’ve always loved you. I was manipulated and I was wrong to do what I did. I can make it up to you, I promise I can.”

Kiera looked at Chrissie before speaking slowly. “You need to move out.”

“You, er, you mean so we can get to know one another again?” Chrissie furrowed her brow and ran her hand along the edge of the table.

“No. I’m sorry, Chrissie. Perhaps there was a chance, once, for you to make things good again. But that time has gone. And if I want to put my life the right way up again, I need to do it for myself. Without you.”

Chrissie’s eyes filled up. “You’re right. Of course you are. I was stupid to think you might….” She trailed off and pulled a tissue from her pocket.

“You’re not stupid,” said Kiera, “but things have changed. I’m not your wife anymore. And you’re not mine. Promises were broken that can’t be mended. You need to make your own life too.”

Chrissie packed her things that afternoon, while Kiera slept. The effort it had taken to have that conversation was monumental. By the time Kiera woke, Chrissie was gone. She left a note on the kitchen table.

“You were right. I need to do this alone. I will pay back all the money I took. I’m sorry, and thank you. Chrissie xxx”