60. Luca

-wind beneath my wings-

My dad was dead. Without Paganini’s protection, he didn’t even last a week. I went to my mother’s apartment and Greta, the nurse, opened the door.

“Mr. Rossi,” she greeted warmly. “Come in, come in.”

“Is my mother awake?”

“Yes, she has just had her lunch and is listening to music in her room. Let me take you to her.”

“It’s okay. I know my way around.”

I walked down the hallway and knocked gently on the door before I opened it and went in. My mother was sitting by the window looking out. Her favorite piano music was tinkling softly in the background. A tiny bird was busy at the bird feeder. It looked peaceful. I was about to break it.

I sat next to her. “Hello, Mama.”

She blinked but didn’t turn to look at me.

I took her hand. “It’s me, Mama. I’m back, and soon I will be bringing Bianca to see you.”

Slowly, her hand gripped mine and tears pooled in her eyes and spilled down her face.

Without breaking her clasp on my hand, I moved so I was kneeling in front of her. “Mama, can you hear me?”

Her eyes moved over my face, slowly, but purposefully.

“Mama?” I called again.

But she transferred her gaze far away. She stared at the sky blankly. Disappointment crushed me. For a second there, I was sure she could see me. I was so sure there had been emotion there. She had missed me. Nobody could convince me that for those few seconds, my mother was not trapped in this unresponsive body and looking at me from inside.

I sighed. “I love you, Mama.”

I moved back to the chair next to her. For a while, I just sat quietly with her. I thought about how best to tell her, and finally, I just came out with it. By now she had probably forgotten he even existed.

“Dad’s dead,” I said.

The stiffening of her body was unmistakable. Instantly, I regretted telling her. Why did she need to know? All I had done was distressed her further. It didn’t matter to her either way and I should have just left it alone.

“He can never hurt you,” I whispered to try and console her.

Her mouth opened.

“It’s okay, Mama,” I comforted desperately.

She turned towards me, her eyes urgent. “Are you sure?”

I was so amazed I could only stare at her, speechless.

She took my wrist in a claw like grasp and shook it. “Are you sure?”

I nodded in shock. I couldn’t believe the change in her.

“Have you seen the body?”

I shook my head. What the fuck was going on? “Yes. At the morgue.”

She smiled then. A triumphant curve of her lips. It was bursting with irresistible, immeasurable, uncontainable joy. The smile of someone who finally wrestles victory from the jaws of her adversary after years of determination, effort, hardship, and terrible sacrifice. And suddenly I knew.

My God! It was the most unbelievable, crazy, insane thing, but there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. All these years she had been pretending to have dementia.

I marveled at her tenacity. For years and years, she had sat in a care home because that was the only way she knew to keep him away. She had waited until I left for College and then she had devised this method to get her away from him.

She reached out and touched my face, her fingers traced my cheekbones, my jaw, my throat. Almost as if she was blind and she was seeing with her fingers. “I’m sorry, Luca. I’m sorry. I cried many tears, but there was no other way.”

“But you threw away so many years.”

“It was worth it.”

I shook my head in wonder. “You never once dropped your act. It was so perfect. You even fooled all those famous specialists I took you to.”

“Hah,” she scoffed. “They were the easiest to fool. My grandmother always used to say, the more educated a man becomes, the more arrogant and foolish he becomes. They were looking for symptoms and I gave them a whole list of it.”

“How did you know what they were looking for?”

“I read the books they wrote,” she said simply.

I looked at her sadly. “You allowed yourself to be poisoned for years with drugs you didn’t need.”

Her eyes danced with merriment. “No, I didn’t. It was not so easy in the place your father sent me to because I had a harder time getting them to put my medication into my palm. They wanted to drop it straight into my mouth, but the one you upgraded me to was a high-trust home so it was much easier. Here, let me show you what I did.”

She reached out to a bottle of tablets, shook three into her palm, and then popped them into her mouth. She made a swallowing movement, then she opened her lips and showed me her empty mouth.

“Did I swallow them?”

I frowned. “It sure looked like it.”

She reached into her lap and produced the three tablets.

“I learned the trick from a sleight-of-hand card trick guy on YouTube. The important thing is to make some other movement with your other hand to distract.”

I stared at my mother in admiration and astonishment. Her ruse had been so elaborate, so meticulously planned and so flawlessly executed. I never once suspected.

“Oh, Mama, all these years, you suffered alone.”

“No, I didn’t. I made friends with a night cleaner called Mabel. She was very kind to me. She was the only one who knew I was not ill. She kept me sane. She smuggled forbidden food in for me. Greasy chips, hotdogs, fried chicken. The midnight feasts we used to have.”

She smiled at the memory.

“Then you moved me here, and I understand why you did it, but I had to leave her behind, the only person who knew my secret, and it hurt me. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed her so much. I’d like to see her again. I don’t know if she still works at the Care Home. She was old you see, and about to retire. Can you arrange for her to come here, Luca, my wonderful son?”

“Of course, Mama. I will find Mabel for you and bring her here.”

“Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done. You will never know the pain I suffered to sit like a statue and never respond to you or the little one. I died a little every time she hugged me and I didn’t hug her back. But I always knew, live by the sword, die by the sword. One day he would die and I would be free.”

“Mama, why were you so terrified of him?”

Her eyes clouded over. “Because he killed your sister.”

“What?” I barked in shock. “I had a sister?”

“You never met her. Her name was Rosella. You were only three months old when he murdered her. She was only a year old. He smothered her with a pillow. The doctors thought it was cot death. I did not see him do it, but I knew he did. An hour before he went into her room, she was alive and healthy.”

“Why?” I whispered in horror.

Her voice became hard. “He was obsessively particular about the way a bed must be made. The night before your sister had colic and she had cried all night. I was tired and I got careless. I did not make the bed exactly in the way he wanted. There must have been creases, or the ends were not perfectly folded over, I don’t know what I did wrong, but he was so furious his whole face changed. He looked evil. It was as if he was possessed by a demon. I’d never seen anything like it in my life before. I was terrified. When he turned away from me, I couldn’t move. My limbs wouldn’t move. By the time I could, it was too late. He had already killed her.

“In his mind, Rosella had kept me awake, had distracted me from my duties, so she had to be removed. And that would also serve as my punishment. He destroyed every trace of her, her clothes, her toys, any photos with her in them, her birth certificate, even the lock of hair I had kept hidden away. He threatened to kill you too if I told anyone or I tried to escape. He told me in that cold, quiet voice of his that there was nowhere on earth I could run to hide from him. He would always find me and kill you as he had done with our firstborn.”

“Christ, Mama! We could have gone to the police.”

“I had no proof, there were too many crooked policemen and he knew them all. I couldn’t take the risk. I love you, Luca. There is nothing I will not suffer to keep you safe.”

Tears of pity filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I never understood. I never knew. Her sacrifice was immense, unbelievable. I enveloped her inside my arms and held her thin body close to me.

“It’s okay, Mama. He will never be able to hurt you or me, ever again. He’s gone back to hell.”

She stroked my hair. “Shhh … my darling boy. Don’t cry, I am so proud of you. I couldn’t have dreamed of a better son than you. You make everything I’ve gone through worth it. I would do it all again for you. Don’t cry, darling. It’s over and you have come out of it with a pure heart.”

“I killed nine men, Mama.”

She froze inside my arms. Then, very slowly, she pushed me away from her so she could look into my eyes. Her eyes were shining with love.

“Those were not men you killed. They look human, but don’t be fooled. They are a species apart. They shouldn’t even be allowed to live amongst us humans. Your father was like them, an evil monster. Many times, I wanted to kill him, but I was not brave enough. I was afraid I would be caught and you would go into foster care. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did the world a favor. I’m so, so, so proud of you, Luca. Well done, my beautiful son. When you stand before your maker, you will see, that he will not condemn you.”

“I hope so, Mama. Like you, I did it to protect my child.”

She nodded. “Yes, there is nothing I would not have done for you too. When are you bringing Bianca to see me?”

“I will bring her tomorrow. I will also bring a woman I want you to meet.”

“Ah, is that horrible woman, Arianna gone?”

“Yes. She is gone.”

“Good. I hated her. Are you in love?”

I smiled. “Yes. I’m in love.”

She smiled back. “Then I will love her too.”

“When is your father’s funeral?”

“Next week. But you don’t have to go.”

“I must go,” she said instantly. “For years I prayed for the day I could see his dead body inside a coffin, and now God has answered my prayer. I’d love to see him, finally, cold and deceased.” Her eyes were twinkling.

I stared at her with fascination because I realized I’d never seen my mother so happy. This was the first time in my life I was seeing her truly happy.

* * *

After I left my mother I went to her old care home. It was evening and I sat on the stone wall outside and waited. Eventually, I saw her coming. Mabel was the quintessential black mama. She was a force to be reckoned with. She must have been in her seventies perhaps. I remembered my father telling my mother, ‘We are Italians. We don’t befriend blacks.’ I smiled. This was my mother giving my father the finger.

“Mrs. Mabel Jackson?” I called.

She stopped and frowned at me. “Is Hanna all right?”

I smiled and nodded. “She’s fine.”

She put her hand to her heart. “Oh, that’s good to know.”

“How did you know who I was?”

“Your photo was always by her bedside. You didn’t know, did you, that fine woman kissed it every night before she went to sleep.”

I shook my head. “No, I didn’t know.”

“I suppose your father is dead.”

“Yes.”

She snorted. “Good riddance.”

“Would you like to go visit my mother?”

She grinned. “Thought you’d never ask, child.”

“Thanks for taking care of my mother, Mabel.”

“No need for thanks. She is my friend.”

I held out a USB stick to her. “This is for you.”

She looked at it suspiciously. “What’s that?”

“Half a million dollars in bitcoin.”

“What?”

“Take it and keep it safe. Tomorrow, I’ll send someone over to your house who will teach you how to turn it into half a million American dollars.”

She pushed her head forward and stared at me. “Are you joking, young man?”

“No. It’s yours. You did a kind thing and I wanted to show my appreciation.”

She hooted with sudden laughter. “Who’d have thought? Hanna’s son giving me a half million dollars for a bit of fried chicken and some hot dogs. Ha, ha, ha.”

Her laughter was infectious. “Yeah,” I said and laughed with her.

“I never knew my fried chicken and chips was that good,” she gasped, her whole body jiggling with uncontrollable laughter.