59. Montana

-Felicita-

After my mother died, I hated hospitals in a way that I didn’t think I could put into words.

Every chance I got to avoid them, I took it, but here I was in one of them again as I sat by my father”s bedside.

Thankfully, he wasn’t dying.

They had brought him in just in time, and as Cole had said, it was a clean shot through his shoulder, so more or less a flesh wound. God, I had been so frightened when I saw him fall to the ground after they shot him. I wanted to kill those men. If Cole, I should stop thinking of him as Cole … if Luca hadn’t done it, I would have.

My father was going to be fine, but I didn’t know if I would be.

There was still so much to process. In so many ways, the last few hours felt like a surreal nightmare, and as I watched my father sleeping, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had dreamed it all. I was still waiting for someone to pinch me awake … until I looked down at the cuts and bruises all over my body. Then I couldn’t deny that all of it was real. Even the dead body with the axe in its face, totaling my beloved old Volvo, running through the woods like hunted animals while those monsters came after us, and watching my father fall, thinking he was dying or dead …

I felt so much love for my father that my heart hurt. I squeezed his hand, but softly. I didn’t want to wake him up.

Right now, everyone that mattered was okay, but I was very aware of how badly it could all have ended. I was so exhausted and so unhappy about my own situation, but I couldn’t sleep. There was one person I needed to speak to. I knew he was waiting outside. He’d refused to leave, even after the doctor had discharged Anya, oh well, Bianca, he still couldn’t go home. She was in the next room resting while he was outside waiting.

I rose to my feet, pressed a kiss on my father”s head, and walked out quietly.

Luca was sitting on a plastic chair with his eyes closed and his arms folded across his chest, as though in need of comfort. I wanted to go over to hug him. Even more than me, he had taken the biggest emotional tumble, but he was physically okay, and for that, I was incredibly relieved. But still, I needed an explanation, and I hoped he would finally give it to me.

I needed him to tell me the truth himself. I needed it so desperately I felt actual dread that he might try to lie to me again. Slowly, I headed over and took a seat by his side. His eyes came open then. He hadn’t been sleeping like I’d thought, but it took me a while to work up what I wanted to say.

”Who are you exactly?” I asked.

He smiled, but it was a sad smile. It made me want to reach out and touch his suffering face.

“I’m just a guy who is good with numbers and because of that, I got caught in a trap set by the Mafia boss my father worked for. I was forced to clean his dirty money for him or risk losing my unborn child.”

”That”s why you moved to our town?” I asked. ”To get away?”

”Yeah,” he replied. ”For Anya”s sake.”

“Her name is not Anya, is it?”

He shook his head in a defeated gesture. “No, her name is Bianca, Bianca Rossi … and I’m Luca Rossi.”

“Why did you have to suddenly run?”

”The deal the Don and I had was connected to my father’s stay in prison, and because his term was coming to an end, he decided to play dirty. He deliberately charmed Bianca’s mother with lies and drugs and enticed her away from Bianca and me even though he never wanted her. I accepted her decision to leave and I didn’t even blame her because ours was a loveless marriage and she didn’t understand what she had done. But I knew, as he did, that she would want to come back to us once his lies unraveled, and she realized he didn’t love her at all.

“And once she did try to come back, he could pretend that I, and not he was the one at fault. I had tried to take what was his, which by his code of honor was a mark of intolerable disrespect towards him. I knew he would then tell me I could keep my head and my family if I continued to work for him. The slippery snake wanted to tie me up for a life. I decided to run while I made my plans to bring his organization down. But I am too valuable to him. So he came after me.

”This time, he didn’t want me to work for him anymore. He just wanted me to teach his men everything I did for him and then he would have got rid of me and Bianca … and you. Do you understand now why I had to run, lie, fight back … and kill”

I stared at him in shock, but finally, I understood. “I would have done the same,” I whispered fiercely.

He swallowed hard with emotion. I thought he was going to cry, but he clenched his jaw and just gazed at me wretchedly.

”So, he”s dead now?” I asked.

”Yes,” he replied. ”I killed him. And his henchmen are scattered away, useless without their boss.”

I went quiet while I digested his statement, but before I could speak again, he did.

“This ... this risk to you was why I couldn’t open up. Why I needed to let you go. I couldn’t get you involved until my situation was resolved. I knew they were eventually coming for me, and it was somewhat manageable with just me and Bianca, but if you were involved, then things could have become even more uncontrollable and tragic. I couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt, so I had to let you go. Even now it kills me to see the bruises on your face. That’s my fault. That’s-”

“It’s not your fault,” I said, interrupting him. “If I had stayed at the ranch the way I was told to Bianca would never have come out of the panic room and you would have done what you were supposed to,” I said.

He shook his head. “No, Montana. You came because I didn’t make the situation clear to you. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.”

I nodded and rose to my feet, then, needing to leave, needing to process, but then he caught my hand and looked into my eyes.

“Thank you for protecting Bianca the way you did. Everything turned out well because of you. I was already taken with you, but your loyalty today just proved I was right all along.”

“Right about what?” I asked. My heart was racing so hard in my chest I could hardly swallow.

“Just how special you are, just how gorgeous, and smart, and wonderful. And just how fucking in love with you I am. The past few weeks, knowing I couldn’t go further, was pure torture. If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll go to the very ends of the earth for you. I know you probably want to think about what I said, but today I realized how easily everything could change, how precious life is, and … I didn’t want to let another minute go past without telling you this.”

I was too hyped up on adrenaline, anxiety, pain meds to make any decisions, but I looked out the window at the starry night and knew he was right. He had just reminded me once again of just how fragile life was, and I knew that like him, I didn’t want to wait for even one more minute to accept him into my life.

I turned away from the sky full of stars and looked at him. His eyes were full of pain and uncertainty. That was because of me. I could turn those pools of misery into beautiful twinkling stars with one sentence.

“I’m in love with you too,” I whispered.

For a second, the disbelief was so great, he could do nothing and I thought maybe he had not heard me. Then he jumped to his feet, pulled me to mine, and clamping his large hands around my waist, began to twirl me around. Round and round we went until I was laughing uncontrollably, just as he was, and then a nurse came running.

“Shh…” she scolded sternly. “Stop that. Patients are sleeping.”

“Sorry,” he said and put me down.

“Sorry,” I echoed, and she went away shaking her head, and tutting.

I saw then that his eyes were beautiful and twinkling. He leaned forward and kissed me. I didn’t want the nurse to come back and scold us again so I wanted to control myself, but it was impossible. Tears of happiness flowed down my cheeks.

I’d thought I”d never taste him again, never feel the warmth and fire and excitement of his smile, his laugh, his touch. But now that I knew the truth about him, and most of the dots were connected, it made me realize the picture I’d been too afraid to dream about was possible.

“I love you, Luca. I love you, I love you,” I said with all of my heart.

“I don’t even know if what I feel for you can be covered by a four-letter word like love. I love you so much that my heart feels as if it could burst. Now I understand what you meant when you said, you wake up every morning and give thanks for the gift of another day. Finally, for the first time in my life, I know why someone would wake up in the morning and give thanks for another day in heaven.”

I smiled with happiness. “I can see now that we’ll be fine. We’ll be just fine.” Luca, little Bianca, and me.